Green Room

Video: The Nanny of the Year is …

posted at 11:53 am on December 26, 2013 by

Reason TV’s Ted Balaker hosts the Fifth Annual Nanny of the Year Awards, which takes less time to conduct than most Oscar acceptance speeches. This year’s competition was especially hot, and I’m not just referring to Halle Berry as a nominee — which she is. Before we get to the winner, though, Mayor Mike Bloomberg gets a lifetime achievement award … we hope:

Why stop at banning smoking in public places? Let’s criminalize the dirty deed and throw smokers behind bars, says Oregon State Rep. Mitch Greenlick. (Greenlick also champions prison reform, declaring that we need a “more rational way to decide who gets imprisoned.”)

Why stop at cracking down on traditional fast food joints like McDonald’s? Let’s kick it up a notch and outlaw “fast casual” restaurants like Chipotle, says Eastchester, New York Supervisor Anthony Colavita. (Eastchester is “a very upscale community,” Colavita explains. “You can go get your sandwich in Larchmont. We aren’t going to cheapen the town with fast food or these formula fast-quick casual places.”)

While we’re at it, let’s make photography a crime! After all, celebrities deserve to be protected from the annoying aspects of their life choices, like dealing with the paparazzi, and anyhow we’d really be doing it (all together now!) for the children (well, for the children of celebrities and politicians, at least), says our first bonafide A-list nominee–actor, humanitarian, and lobbyist Halle Berry.

All our nominees recognize that they stand on the shoulders of giants, giants like the recently termed out New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, whom we salute for with a (sort of) lifetime achievement award.

Balaker and the voters have chosen … wisely. Sorry, Halle.

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Happy New Year to one and all.

LeftCoastRight on December 26, 2013 at 12:01 PM

I was born in the United States of America, but I’m afraid I’m going to die in some other country I don’t recognize, but somehow still has the same latitude and longitude.

Deano1952 on December 26, 2013 at 12:13 PM

Meh. Not as funny as many of their Nanny videos.

Deano1952 on December 26, 2013 at 12:13 PM


GWB on December 26, 2013 at 4:42 PM

Good concept, but the doofus emcee detracted from the message.

KS Rex on December 27, 2013 at 4:32 PM

I have no problem with Halle Barry’s law. In fact, given how the paparazzi act around here, I’d like shooting them (with guns) to be legalized.

unclesmrgol on December 28, 2013 at 2:43 AM

Holy bajebus. what a hottie.

SparkPlug on December 29, 2013 at 5:54 PM

Halle Berry should not have been nominated. Whether you think her proposed law is a good or bad idea, it is not a “nanny law.” It wouldn’t tell people they can’t have their children photographed, it would regulate what photos third parties can take of other people’s children. Not a nanny law.

woocane on December 30, 2013 at 11:13 AM