The Onion: New, improved Obamacare program released on 35 floppy disks
posted at 5:26 pm on October 21, 2013 by Guy Benson
Sometimes The Onion just nails it:
Responding to widespread criticism regarding its health care website, the federal government today unveiled its new, improved Obamacare program, which allows Americans to purchase health insurance after installing a software bundle contained on 35 floppy disks. “I have heard the complaints about the existing website, and I can assure you that with this revised system, finding the right health care option for you and your family is as easy as loading 35 floppy disks sequentially into your disk drive and following the onscreen prompts,” President Obama told reporters this morning, explaining that the nearly three dozen 3.5-inch diskettes contain all the data needed for individuals to enroll in the Health Insurance Marketplace, while noting that the updated Obamacare software is mouse-compatible and requires a 386 Pentium processor with at least 8 MB of system RAM to function properly.
This is a biting play on both this story and the Obamacare trainwreck in general. (Half) serious question: In light of today’s surreal parade of failure, doesn’t a tedious-but-functioning floppy disk system sound refreshingly efficient, compared to what Team O has actually wrought? I’ll leave you with my own Onion-style headline. “Area Man ‘Frustrated’ by Failures of Healthcare Law He Championed, Signed.” At last, our presidential bystander — Barack “Popiel” Obama, as AP hilariously dubbed him earlier — is reaping the whirlwind of his insouciant approach to governance, which comes in two easy steps. Step 1: Give speeches promoting big government solutions. Step 2: Expect your words to magically become reality. It’s pretty simple:
“Set it and forget it!”
Until, that is, you’re forced to “unilaterally delay it!” which isn’t as fun to chant.