Green Room

London firefighters beg men: Stop putting privates in machinery

posted at 7:15 am on October 12, 2013 by

Thankfully, this isn’t a major cause of ambulance dispatches, but EMS and firefighter officials are frustrated enough with it in London to start an ad campaign.  The message? Don’t put your tools in the wrong toolbox, or something:

The London Fire Brigade has launched a public campaign dubbed “Fifty Shades of Red,” theorizing that an increase in such randy rescue calls in that city is perhaps propelled by the popularity of the erotic romance novel “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

The campaign simply urges people in London — especially guys — to exercise more common sense before inserting their manhood into gadgets made for cooking or cleaning. The brigade reports that it responded to 416 stuck-body-part calls in 2010-11, another 441 in 2011-12 and 453 in 2012-13. Among those emergency requests for assistance, 79 people were wearing handcuffs they could not remove.

To help fuel the agency’s gentle request to just stop doing these things, the brigade has added a dose of public shaming, often taking to Twitter to share some of these ambulance requests from people who have become oddly entangled.

That’s not a bluff:

David Letterman found this so amusing that he dedicated a Top Ten list to it:

 

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Chances of this Conservative clicking a link to that humungous tool that can be found stuck in a television, i.e. David Letterman: ZERO.

M240H on October 12, 2013 at 7:47 AM

And oh yeah,.almost forgot … BISHOP!

or does it not count on a green room post?

M240H on October 12, 2013 at 7:50 AM

…they have to be liberals!

KOOLAID2 on October 12, 2013 at 8:39 AM

People need to be reminded of this?

rbj on October 12, 2013 at 8:59 AM

This is the conundrum within a conundrum: why would a guy stick his stuff into something mechanical or electrical that could really be life-changing in a bad way and why does Ed Morrissey keep promoting the lefty likes of Dave Lecherman?
.
Lecherman has been off my TV for years and I’m sure not inviting into my computer.

ExpressoBold on October 12, 2013 at 9:15 AM

Some of you folks obviously woke up without getting any from *your* appliances this morning. Lighten up, Francis!

People need to be reminded of this?

rbj on October 12, 2013 at 8:59 AM

Sadly, yes. Though this is mostly an urban problem. The rural equivalent involves more gorings and stampedes.

GWB on October 12, 2013 at 9:27 AM

I’ve been told, er,”read”, that vacuum cleaners
can be deadly,

jus say’n!
(sarc)

canopfor on October 12, 2013 at 9:53 AM

There’s a photo you see on brit comedy shows that I can’t find. The guy is wearing a red teddy and garters and is kneeling behind a car with his pipe stuck in the pipe.

Blake on October 12, 2013 at 10:23 AM

This means you, Carlos Danger.

22044 on October 12, 2013 at 12:11 PM

And here I thought the problem was with the things that certain men stick inside themselves.

Count to 10 on October 12, 2013 at 12:27 PM

“Butts, Not Blenders!”

Jeddite on October 12, 2013 at 12:28 PM

Sadly, yes. Though this is mostly an urban problem. The rural equivalent involves more gorings and stampedes.

GWB on October 12, 2013 at 9:27 AM

I’ve never heard of a sheep or goat goring or stampeding anyone.

Count to 10 on October 12, 2013 at 12:29 PM

They emptied the churches in England.

Murphy9 on October 12, 2013 at 12:36 PM

All in all, they’re just another brick in the wall.

Shy Guy on October 12, 2013 at 12:45 PM

This means you, Carlos Danger.

22044 on October 12, 2013 at 12:11 PM


You were nearly liable for a choking hazard with that one! Luckily, I recovered!

ExpressoBold on October 12, 2013 at 1:02 PM

I’ve never heard of a sheep or goat goring or stampeding anyone.

Count to 10 on October 12, 2013 at 12:29 PM

Certain people evidently aren’t happy with that arrangement.

GWB on October 12, 2013 at 1:53 PM

How bad must the women be if a toaster is looking attractive?

Just sayin’.

trigon on October 12, 2013 at 2:40 PM

Keep your rocket out of sockets.

RadClown on October 12, 2013 at 3:13 PM

Well if your waffle iron is mad at you and the Dirt Devil left you for the blender what choice does a guy have!

The good news is that it’s covered under Obamacare, as long as toaster is union made.

Bubba Redneck on October 12, 2013 at 3:39 PM

This means you, Carlos Danger.

22044 on October 12, 2013 at 12:11 PM

Thread Winner!!!

Bubba Redneck on October 12, 2013 at 3:40 PM

Who doesn’t like to put on a little Barry White, and get your groove going with your CrockPot?

faraway on October 12, 2013 at 4:58 PM

David Letterman found this so amusing that he dedicated a Top Ten list to it:

Number eleven: don’t put your penis in your assistant.

Darth Executor on October 12, 2013 at 6:28 PM

This means you, Carlos Danger.

22044 on October 12, 2013 at 12:11 PM

No worries.
He only inserts an image of his member.

itsnotaboutme on October 12, 2013 at 6:30 PM

As funny & strange as this thread is, we’re not talking isolated incident here:

The brigade reports that it responded to 416 stuck-body-part calls in 2010-11, another 441 in 2011-12 and 453 in 2012-13.

It’s a growing cultural phenomenon: sexual attraction to things.
Inanimate objects.
It’s the 21st century, baby.
We’ve allowed homosexuals to marry. It’s high time to allow men to legally marry their toasters. It’s all about love, right?

Seriously, homosexual marriage has opened Pandora’s box.
No jokes about members & that box, please.

itsnotaboutme on October 12, 2013 at 6:37 PM

The London Fire Brigade has launched a public campaign dubbed “Fifty Shades of Red,” theorizing that an increase in such randy rescue calls in that city is perhaps propelled by the popularity of the erotic romance novel “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

This makes me very sad.

bmmg39 on October 12, 2013 at 6:37 PM

The campaign simply urges people in London — especially guys — to exercise more common sense before inserting their manhood into gadgets made for cooking or cleaning. The brigade reports that it responded to 416 stuck-body-part calls in 2010-11, another 441 in 2011-12 and 453 in 2012-13. Among those emergency requests for assistance, 79 people were wearing handcuffs they could not remove.

I know very few officers who haven’t answered a call for someone stuck in cuffs, in bed, at least once.

Some of the more coherent ones came from the cuffed one’s significant other, who wasn’t ball-gagged.

We generally told them afterward to always keep a spare set of keys where either participant could reach them.

And in future, to keep the phone number of a good locksmith handy, too.

One reason TV cop shows are unrealistic is that most of the more…interesting… incidents are very definitely NSFTV.

cheers

eon

eon on October 12, 2013 at 9:20 PM

“The London Fire Brigade has launched a public campaign”

They misspelled “pubic.”

Attila (Pillage Idiot) on October 12, 2013 at 9:59 PM

M240H on October 12, 2013 at 7:47 AM

I’m not so sure this was the real Late Night Show since they didn’t show Paul Shafer every other shot. I haven’t watched this show in a while so I guess they took stopped that.

The Nerve on October 12, 2013 at 11:18 PM

Don’t put your tools in the wrong toolbox

A life lesson, right there.

John the Libertarian on October 12, 2013 at 11:23 PM

Don’t put your tools in the wrong toolbox

A life lesson, right there.

John the Libertarian on October 12, 2013 at 11:23 PM

Sometimes the wrong woman can be the wrong toolbox. Amiright, guys?

gryphon202 on October 13, 2013 at 4:52 AM

Huh? No mention of 0′s head stuck in his ass. Just covering for him like all the rest of the media I guess.

Bmore on October 13, 2013 at 10:24 AM

Now we know why RWM really left London.

Axe on October 13, 2013 at 10:27 AM

Huh? No mention of 0′s head stuck in his ass. Just covering for him like all the rest of the media I guess.

Bmore on October 13, 2013 at 10:24 AM

Obama’s ass is not “a gadget made for cooling or cleaning.” :) –Or if it is, I don’t want to know about it.

Axe on October 13, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Sometimes the wrong woman can be is the wrong toolbox.

gryphon202 on October 13, 2013 at 4:52 AM

Count to 10 on October 13, 2013 at 10:44 AM

Who doesn’t like to put on a little Barry White, and get your groove going with your CrockPot?

faraway on October 12, 2013 at 4:58 PM

I’m trying to figure it out. :) I mean — have they seen a woman naked? I’m not getting it . . .

So, I’m in the kitchen, and there’s the George Foreman grill. And as I’m munching my completely dried out cheeseburger and sipping my Dr. Pepper — what? We catch each other’s eyes across a crowded room? No, look away, look away — but she’s so hot? Smile, smile back? Hi, I couldn’t help noticing your plastic cover — you’ve got really nice plastic?

– No, we mustn’t, we mustn’t?!

Axe on October 13, 2013 at 11:22 AM

Wow , how low we’ve sunk .

Lucano on October 13, 2013 at 8:21 PM

London Fire Brigade
Top tip from us today: don’t put your penis in a toaster.

Shouldn’t that be hot tip?

Marcola on October 13, 2013 at 10:47 PM

There’s a gay marriage wedding gift joke in there somewhere.

TexasDan on October 13, 2013 at 11:12 PM

Seriously, homosexual marriage has opened Pandora’s box.
No jokes about members & that box, please.

itsnotaboutme on October 12, 2013 at 6:37 PM

What, like.. Since Bill left Pandora to date Steve, Pandora’s box is now open?

*rimshot*

Although clearly this is not the case, since Bill seems to be putting his member in some inanimate boxes. Perhaps Pandora’s box is busy being opened by Lara, thus leaving Bill to contemplate the toaster?

wearyman on October 14, 2013 at 8:59 AM

Also, do they not sell Fleshlights in England?

Seriously guys, if you are that hard up for some action, just go buy a toy like the ladies do. Not only will it work better, there’s pretty much no chance of injury OR of ruining a perfectly good home appliance.

wearyman on October 14, 2013 at 9:01 AM