Green Room

Video: How long could you survive being handcuffed to your spouse?

posted at 3:31 pm on August 5, 2013 by

Give ABC credit here. They went almost the entire segment without calling this a metaphor for marriage in general. You have to wait until the final ten seconds before hearing a reference to the old ball and chain:

The remarkable thing about this is what the narration thinks is remarkable. Or is it so strange for a husband and wife to brush their teeth together?

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A test to see who loves you more.

Lock both your wife and dog in the trunk of your car. After an hour, open the trunk and see who is most happy to see you.

pain train on August 5, 2013 at 3:50 PM

Video: How long could you survive being handcuffed to your spouse? — Until someone has to poop. Then I’m out. Uncuff me, let me go. Life expectancy precludes my living long enough to get over that being a private experience.

deepdiver on August 5, 2013 at 3:50 PM

That depends. Is she armed?

myiq2xu on August 5, 2013 at 3:52 PM

I dunno. Depends on the wife. I once spent nine straight months inside some woman’s uterus.

Seth Halpern on August 5, 2013 at 3:52 PM

Not nearly long enough, I’m sure. Vid no worky.

Bmore on August 5, 2013 at 3:52 PM

I dunno. Depends on the wife. I once spent nine straight months inside some woman’s uterus.

Seth Halpern on August 5, 2013 at 3:52 PM

*rimshot*

Seth will be here all week, folks!

Try the veal!

turfmann on August 5, 2013 at 4:01 PM

They couldn’t completely take off their shirts all weekend. That’s no fun.

ChamomileTea on August 5, 2013 at 4:02 PM

I could take maybe five minutes, tops, handcuffed to my spouse. That said, we’ve had nearly 45 years of marriage. The secret is NOT being handcuffed to your spouse.

RebeccaH on August 5, 2013 at 4:11 PM

I’m not sure I understand the point of the exercise. The strength of the team lies in the fact that there’s two of you who can do things at the same time in two different places to support the team. You can also get together and make more teammates.

jdpaz on August 5, 2013 at 4:22 PM

I dunno. Depends on the wife. I once spent nine straight months inside some woman’s uterus.

Seth Halpern on August 5, 2013 at 3:52 PM

*rimshot*

Seth will be here all week, folks!

Try the veal!

turfmann on August 5, 2013 at 4:01 PM

And tip your waitresses (unless you’re handcuffed to your wife).

Steve Eggleston on August 5, 2013 at 5:16 PM

It sure would make dating other people awkward.

Tom Servo on August 5, 2013 at 5:32 PM

I’d like to see that “Sister Wives” guy do this.

jdpaz on August 5, 2013 at 5:35 PM

My wife or some other guy’s hot wife?

Dack Thrombosis on August 5, 2013 at 5:44 PM

As a wife that works at home with her husband… I think we could survive it for longer than most. We got over “spending too much time together” years ago – we’ve been working together for 12 years now.

It would make it hard for us to work on our own computers or to enjoy our own hobbies at the same time, but we could survive for a while. Bathroom wouldn’t be the worst thing. We could happily watch TV, read books/magazines or surf on our phones/pads for a couple of days until one of us went nuts.

HilliardPatriot on August 5, 2013 at 6:04 PM

Which one?

DarkCurrent on August 5, 2013 at 6:40 PM

Sounds like couple’s therapy for the Weiners….

E L Frederick (Sniper One) on August 5, 2013 at 6:51 PM

We both work from home, too. We are rarely more than thirty feet away from each other, 24/7/365. But handcuffed together, he better damn well learn to scratch his ass with the OTHER hand.

S. Weasel on August 5, 2013 at 7:06 PM

Video: How long could you survive being handcuffed to your spouse? — Until someone has to poop. Then I’m out. Uncuff me, let me go. Life expectancy precludes my living long enough to get over that being a private experience.

deepdiver on August 5, 2013 at 3:50 PM

Whatever. I had to wipe my wife’s but when she was 9 months pregnant, and to actively dig the stuff out of her constipated grandmother.
What I’m wondering is how you get dressed.

Count to 10 on August 5, 2013 at 7:19 PM

Video: How long could you survive being handcuffed to your spouse?

How long would it take to gnaw my hand off? 15 minutes tops.

Laura in Maryland on August 5, 2013 at 8:04 PM

I’m married to the woman – not welded!

OldEnglish on August 5, 2013 at 8:16 PM

How long could you survive being handcuffed to your spouse?

Depends. Can she cook with one hand?

Splashman on August 5, 2013 at 9:50 PM

Sounds like couple’s therapy for the Weiners….

E L Frederick (Sniper One) on August 5, 2013 at 6:51 PM

Special therapy needed: Handcuff both his hands so he can’t take pictures of his junk.

22044 on August 5, 2013 at 9:59 PM

I had to be my hubby’s chauffeur for two months when he had a broken arm. He was a very trying passenger, to say the least. Sharing the cabin of a car had about the same effect as being physically handcuffed. Was I ever glad when his doc gave him clearance to drive again!

PatriotGal2257 on August 5, 2013 at 10:33 PM

Rebecca H above: “The secret to a long marriage is NOT being handcuffed to you spouse.”

True.

I met a couple who had agreed to NEVER do anything apart. (Ah, so romantic sounding!) If he went somewhere, she’d have to go. If she went somewhere, he’d have to go. What it really worked out to mean was each party could completely veto the others activities. Eventually they never went anywhere.

They were the most mousy and miserable couple I’d ever met and they hadn’t a clue what was wrong.

The deal sound nice, but it shows no understand that the sexes are different and were NOT meant to be together 24/7.

Limpet6 on August 5, 2013 at 11:28 PM

How long could you survive being handcuffed to your spouse?

…almost 30 years…so far!

KOOLAID2 on August 6, 2013 at 10:42 AM

Oddly enough, this is how my parents got together in the first place.

My dad was shy and my mom was a rebel. She plotted with a mutual friend and, when my dad came over to pick up his motorcycle helmet from that friend, my mom was hiding behind a door (pre-cuffed) as he reached for the helmet.

*click*

Apparently, he looked like he just learned the fate of bambi’s mother when he saw what had happened.

The friend with the key was long gone and he was stuck with her for the rest of the day (she dragged him to a concert in Sedalia, MO).

She said it was great until he needed to go to the bathroom. She hadn’t thought that part through.

JadeNYU on August 6, 2013 at 11:02 AM

I have never once been handcuffed to another person.

A bedframe isn’t a person right? Right…

I’m good then, that statement is 100% accurate.

gekkobear on August 6, 2013 at 11:09 AM

I could most definitely survive, my husband would be in real danger, however.

Jackalope on August 6, 2013 at 11:34 AM

Don’t need no steenkeen handcuffs with my wife. the Pzzang leash works JUST fine thank you.

44Magnum on August 6, 2013 at 12:10 PM

I once spent nine straight months inside some woman’s uterus.

Seth Halpern on August 5, 2013 at 3:52 PM

But you never went back, did you?

James on August 6, 2013 at 12:24 PM

I dunno. Depends on the wife. I once spent nine straight months inside some woman’s uterus.

Seth Halpern on August 5, 2013 at 3:52 PM

Ok, I admit I’ve done that too, but I didn’t marry her afterwards, sicko!

RINO in Name Only on August 6, 2013 at 12:25 PM

..if I had the re-e-e-e-a-l-l-y big bottle of JD Black, then, oh, perhaps an hour and a half or so.

The War Planner on August 6, 2013 at 1:33 PM