Green Room

Bro-choice gets destroyed in epic fashion

posted at 12:38 pm on July 12, 2013 by

Allah already gave you all the details about what exactly “bro-choice” is, so I’m here to give you the complete destruction of bro-choice all thanks to Emily Zanotti over at NakedDC.

When one argument fails to convince legions of Americans that allowing late-term abortions to be performed on fetuses capable of living outside the womb, another more ridiculous one manages to take it’s place. So where “Hail Satan” could not get the point across, you have Ben Sherman warning the male residents of Texas that they will not get laid if women can’t get a late-term abortion at six months of pregnancy.

That’s right, gentlemen. Abortion is the only thing standing between you and your next piece of ass.

(Ben Sherman) “Your sex life is at stake. Can you think of anything that kills the vibe faster than a woman fearing a back-alley abortion? Making abortion essentially inaccessible in Texas will add an anxiety to sex that will drastically undercut its joys. And don’t be surprised if casual sex outside of relationships becomes far more difficult to come by.

You want to decide when and if to have kids. This bill will force thousands of Texas men into unplanned fatherhood by making it impossible for women to access an abortion in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. Even if you want to have kids, you probably don’t want an accident to make you a father before you’re psychologically ready and able to care for a child. If you don’t want kids, you don’t want the narrow, personal views of politicians in the state government to force you to have them.”

Before I get into the meat of this, let me just point out that the article is entitled “Bro-Choice,” which, dear God. This man can’t possibly get laid on a regular basis to begin with, except perhaps at pro-choice rallies when he shows up wearing a “This is What a Feminist Looks Like” tee shirt, and even then I’m sure he cries after its over and makes her breakfast at 3am, which he serves alongside a copy of a Betty Friedan tome, because he can’t handle the guilt associated with betraying his male instincts.

But back to the point. Nothing says “I love you” like suggesting that your partner have a late-term abortion, especially if you don’t realize within five months that she’s pregnant. Which, being a dude, isn’t entirely improbable, just particularly hard to explain. Although, I have to say, I’m sorry if the concept of pregnancy hampers Ben’s sex life. He could always do the gentlemanly thing and carry a few more condoms, but this is Bro-Choice, so let’s assume he’s never had to use them. Otherwise, we’ll have to assume he’s has no concept of basic biology. So, we’ll just saddle him with being a virgin and not with failing 8th grade science, and leave him with this piece of advice: if having a family terrifies you, keep it in your pants, wrap it up, or figure out how to broach the subject to your partner before she hits that all-important sixth month.

The entire thing is worth reading, here.

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Comments

Let’s be honest, this won’t hurt Ben at all, ever.

Hey Ben… if she’s drunk enough for an unprotected one-night stand with you; she’s far too drunk to be working out the details of legislative changes… or walking without falling over.

gekkobear on July 12, 2013 at 12:46 PM

*blows whistle*

“abuse of the word epic”

*throws yellow card on field*

nothing got “destroyed” and nothing was “epic”, this was just people arguing on the internet. the pro-choice crowd is liberal, and liberals are ends-justify-the-means, so of course any argument they can use to get more support is fair game for them. that’s how it is with all their policies, stop acting fake-outraged over it.

kaltes on July 12, 2013 at 12:47 PM

…And don’t be surprised if casual sex outside of relationships becomes far more difficult to come by…

Call me old fashioned, but yeah? So? What’s the problem?

Mitoch55 on July 12, 2013 at 1:00 PM

…And don’t be surprised if casual sex outside of relationships becomes far more difficult to come by…

No more produce aisle sex?

No more taxi cab sex?

Akzed on July 12, 2013 at 1:04 PM

As Professor Reynolds would say…

OUCH.

Chris of Rights on July 12, 2013 at 1:12 PM

No more produce aisle sex?

No more taxi cab sex?

Akzed on July 12, 2013 at 1:04 PM

Aww man…those are the best kinds!

I have to admit I was laughing at his description of Ben picking up ladies at a Pro-Choice rally…and anyone who utilizes the word “Bro” or “Brah” in a non-mocking tone should never be taken seriously.

nextgen_repub on July 12, 2013 at 1:14 PM

…And don’t be surprised if casual sex outside of relationships becomes far more difficult to come by…

Blue jeans no longer allowed?

Dirty Creature on July 12, 2013 at 1:21 PM

Let’s be honest, this won’t hurt Ben at all, ever.

Hey Ben… if she’s drunk enough for an unprotected one-night stand with you; she’s far too drunk to be working out the details of legislative changes… or walking without falling over.

gekkobear on July 12, 2013 at 12:46 PM

And let’s be frank. If she’s that drunk, you’ve skedaddled right past a one night stand and right into date rape.

CurtZHP on July 12, 2013 at 1:22 PM

@nextgen_repub: You’d be depressed by how many middle aged white people in New Mexico “bro” me.

Seth Halpern on July 12, 2013 at 1:28 PM

@nextgen_repub: You’d be depressed by how many middle aged white people in New Mexico “bro” me.

Seth Halpern on July 12, 2013 at 1:28 PM

Next time they do it, punch them in the face.

Please.

Maddie on July 12, 2013 at 2:45 PM

Let’s be honest. Getting pregnant has always been seen as a hazard for women having casual, promiscuous sex. Even a lot of married couples were inhibited by the need for birth control. And abortion became a way for women to claim the same right as men to enjoy sex freely without the consequences. Of course, that’s a short-sighted argument based on fallacy, but since when did Feminism ever really depend on logic

Getting pregnant is not something women want from every encounter, abortion or not, since abortion, being a medical procedure, is still a nuisance and a risk. What they really want is the ability to by-pass nature and indulge themselves the way men supposedly get away with.

Following this “bro-choice” argument ignores the fact that any time one engages in sex, there are concerns that can “kill the mood,” if one lets it. Is your partner STD-free? Is she “protected” from getting pregnant? Is she telling you the truth, or hoping to snag you into a paternity suit?

The only way to have an unworried mind about it is to be open to getting pregnant and welcoming to a child as in a loyal and committed marriage. There are still worries such as birth defects and costs, but the time to address all these is before you become sexually active. Then you can carefully evaluate a potential mate, protect yourself from STDs, address whether you are ready to assume the responsibilities that come with sexual activity. One’s sex life, isn’t the primary issue, even if you feel driven that way by your urges. Celibacy isn’t a natural state but neither is behaving like bonobos, who copulate frequently and casually, unless you are one.

Contrary to what too many people think, you can’t have everything you want. That’s not what liberty means. We were endowed by our creator with the ability to make choices, but not to choose the consequences. We declared independence, not the kind of liberty that a lot of us seem to believe is our right. Nobody is guaranteed a free lunch or the other necessities of life. There aren’t nearly as many rights as some of us seem to think there are. What we have is a right to pursue the things that we think will make us happy. But there are lots of false ideas out there about what will really lead to long term happiness.

flataffect on July 12, 2013 at 3:40 PM

@nextgen_repub: You’d be depressed by how many middle aged white people in New Mexico “bro” me.

Seth Halpern on July 12, 2013 at 1:28 PM

Haha, thanks to my friends from Albq I know exactly what you mean…

nextgen_repub on July 12, 2013 at 4:28 PM

That’s very well stated, flataffect.

mrsknightley on July 13, 2013 at 11:59 AM