Green Room

So I got this in the mail today …

posted at 7:07 pm on April 2, 2013 by

… apparently because tomorrow is my 50th birthday, which thanks to Facebook is hardly a secret.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, I popped this open a few minutes ago:

ed-aarp-3a

I’m not going to be taking advantage of this offer, thankyewverahmuch.  For one thing, I don’t particularly care for AARP’s politics, but for another, I don’t plan on retiring soon … if at all.

It’s one thing to know you’re turning 50. It’s another thing entirely to see your Official Old Fart Card arrive in the mail.  I’ll be at the bar drinking heavily for the rest of this evening if anyone needs me.

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Comment pages: 1 2

Cheer up Ed.
50 is the new 35.

NeoKong on April 2, 2013 at 7:13 PM

I rather enjoyed tearing mine up Ed. Wish I had thought to hit the bar though.

JusDreamin on April 2, 2013 at 7:20 PM

Just wait til all the “final resting” places start sending their special offers. :)

Jvette on April 2, 2013 at 7:28 PM

Enjoy your unsolicited AARP card, Ed. I’ve been throwing them out for 10 years now, and they just keep coming.

PS— Happy birthday.

jix on April 2, 2013 at 7:31 PM

“Old Man”

Old man look at my life,
I’m a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I’m a lot like you were.

Old man look at my life,
Twenty four
and there’s so much more
Live alone in a paradise
That makes me think of two.

Love lost, such a cost,
Give me things
that don’t get lost.
Like a coin that won’t get tossed
Rolling home to you.

Old man take a look at my life
I’m a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that’s true.

Lullabies, look in your eyes,
Run around the same old town.
Doesn’t mean that much to me
To mean that much to you.

I’ve been first and last
Look at how the time goes past.
But I’m all alone at last.
Rolling home to you.

Old man take a look at my life
I’m a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that’s true.

Old man look at my life,
I’m a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I’m a lot like you were.

NotCoach on April 2, 2013 at 7:32 PM

I send mine back in their postage-paid envelope, with a polite (sorta) “Thank-you, but because of your support for Obamacare, I will never join your association” note inside.

Alas, they still keep sending them.

Happy Birthday – a day early!!!!!

Hill60 on April 2, 2013 at 7:41 PM

I’ve been getting those things occasionally in the mail for a few years and I’m only 41.

Mark1971 on April 2, 2013 at 7:43 PM

I’ve been getting stuff from AARP since I was 34. I’ve got 7 1/2 years before I hit 50…
*Husband is turning 54 this year and might join one of the conservative ‘senior’ groups.*

annoyinglittletwerp on April 2, 2013 at 7:46 PM

What to do to Ed tomorrow..since he’s turning geriatric and all that. Hmmmm.
*Evil laugh*

annoyinglittletwerp on April 2, 2013 at 7:47 PM

Ed, is the “T” for Tiberius?

thuja on April 2, 2013 at 7:50 PM

Hill60 on April 2, 2013 at 7:41 PM

Me, too, but usually without the note. I sometimes stuff the envelopes with the torn-up direct mailing.

Attila (Pillage Idiot) on April 2, 2013 at 8:18 PM

I too, alas just made it on to their mailing list and am happy to use their return postage to send them all the other junk mail I can stuff in it.

seesalrun2 on April 2, 2013 at 8:20 PM

I used to get those all the time but I couldn’t see any real advantage to joining. Besides, I can’t think of a single thing they’ve done to make life better for the elderly. I think it’s just another organization that makes money off the backs of retirees. I did check their auto insurance rates, they weren’t even lower than what I had.

scalleywag on April 2, 2013 at 8:21 PM

Welcome to the team Ed.

BobMbx on April 2, 2013 at 8:22 PM

Ed, is the “T” for Tiberius?

thuja on April 2, 2013 at 7:50 PM

“Terrific”

:-)

trigon on April 2, 2013 at 8:24 PM

I’m 30 and they keep sending me a membership.

RiverCocytus on April 2, 2013 at 8:28 PM

Turned 50 on feb 6th(Reagan’s bday). Got one too and sent back with a not so nice note. Can’t stand them. My 84 year old mother cancelled hers years ago.

Aggie85 on April 2, 2013 at 8:40 PM

Yes it is insulting to get these unsolicited reminders even though one is years away from retiring. I got my first one at 45 and the irony is you cannot use many of the supposed benefits until you are 62. What’s the point besides trolling for dollars.

By the way, 50 isn’t fatal……although turning 60 might be for me.

Happy birthday!

tru2tx on April 2, 2013 at 8:41 PM

have you not heard?
There is a conservative alternative:
http://amac.us
The Association of Mature American Citizens (AMAC)
I am a member..as are over 600,000 others.
oh..and Happy Birthday, Ed!

msmo on April 2, 2013 at 8:51 PM

Take EVERYTHING they sent, including the envelope it came in, and stuff it into the pre-paid envelope they sent with the package.

Write a polite note, to the effect of “I do not voluntarily associate with Anti-American organizations. Go Away.” and stuff that into the envelope, and mail it back.

They get to pay postage on all of it twice, so that you can tell them “No.”

Now, they will send something else in about three weeks. Do the same thing, with a slightly less nice note (“Go the He** AWAY, you simple S*Bs! I’m not interested!”)

You will have to play the game a few times. On Number 4, securely tape that postage-paid envelope to a concrete block. The USPS will GLADLY send it postage due (as info, it was 12 bucks from Fairfax, VA to their “E” street address in D.C. ;) )

They will eventually get the message.

WilGolden on April 2, 2013 at 8:58 PM

They used to send me those.

I use the postage paid return envelope to send them other junk mail.

I don’t get them any more. Kind of a pity.

cozmo on April 2, 2013 at 9:02 PM

Happy Birthday, Ed!

Tzetzes on April 2, 2013 at 9:02 PM

Oh, and Happy Birthday, young man!

WilGolden on April 2, 2013 at 9:04 PM

My therapist told me that unfortunately I have the sexual maturity of a fifteen-year-old, so from now on I’m going to learn from older women.

Seth Halpern on April 2, 2013 at 9:05 PM

Join AMAC instead.
Or join nothing at all and be a free agent.

Either way, happy birthday and best wishes for many more. :)

22044 on April 2, 2013 at 9:13 PM

C’mon, Ed, take heart. If I look as good as you do at 50….

I’ll be at the bar drinking heavily too.

CurtZHP on April 2, 2013 at 9:16 PM

Join AMAC….Jedidiah Bila is a spokesperson…one of Gods most beautiful creations

crosshugger on April 2, 2013 at 9:18 PM

…I got mine exactly on my birthday…and every month for the next few months on that exact same day…despite writing them each time I wasn’t interested…..finally…I sat on the Xerox machine sans the pants…and wrote them on that piece of paper…that if I had to write them again…the stationary would then consist of a frontal !

KOOLAID2 on April 2, 2013 at 9:25 PM

WilGolden on April 2, 2013 at 8:58 PM

Oh my stars that was funny.

TexasDan on April 2, 2013 at 9:40 PM

Happy Birthday Ed.
You don’t look 50.

But I can remember when you did.
Just kiddin.

countrybumpkin on April 2, 2013 at 10:17 PM

I was rather direct 5 years ago. My first return mail I just wrote “No thank you”. The second I said I would never join.

For the third mailing I suggested that I would hunt down the next AARP employee who sent me mail and force feed it to them.

I did not receive a fourth mailing.

sonof1073rd on April 2, 2013 at 10:24 PM

My wife called my 50th birthday party “The Half-Century Half-Wit Halftime Show.”

itsnotaboutme on April 2, 2013 at 10:25 PM

Happy 50 Mr. Morrisey
You don’t look a shade past 45 patriot.
I love ha
Keep it coming gentlemen

seesalrun2 on April 2, 2013 at 10:41 PM

They’ll start sending them yearly now….so there’s that to look forward to. Got installment 2 myself this week. Straight into the recycling bin.

BillyWilly on April 2, 2013 at 10:47 PM

Oh jeebuz Ed, I got my AARP in the mail and I was 40! LOL I have no idea how that happened, but it did. Made me laugh…

So when my then 50 year old husband got his in the mail and his face dropped, I just laughed. I told him ‘don’t freak because you’re old, laugh because now you’re eligible for discounts!’

It’s all good, Ed. Unless you’re attached to the idea that life is good only for wet behind the ears, 25 year olds. You’re older, wiser and as Kathy Bates said in Fried Green Tomatoes ‘you have more insurance’.

You have a good life, and great family. What’s not to love?

Turning 50 is exactly like turning 18. You’re life is completely and utterly the same. But don’t let me stop you from getting drunk.

:)

GeeWhiz on April 2, 2013 at 10:48 PM

For one thing, I don’t particularly care for AARP’s politics

Seriously? Your politics don’t seem all that much different from theirs rhino Ed.

woodNfish on April 2, 2013 at 11:40 PM

The Association of Annoying wRinkly Parasites has spent approximately $50,000 sending me invitations, mock membership cards, and all sorts of stuff. I let ‘em keep sending it. That’s just so much less money they have to spend lobbying the government to tyrannize the rest of the country on their behalf.

RegularJoe on April 3, 2013 at 12:33 AM

Anyone can join. It’s 50+ that gets full benefits.

Christien on April 3, 2013 at 1:33 AM

Join AMAC… and happy birthday!!

Khun Joe on April 3, 2013 at 7:05 AM

Happy Jubilee year birthday, Ed! Leviticus 25:10-12

Know It All on April 3, 2013 at 7:40 AM

Happy B-Day Capt!

Just think…now you have carte blanche to do all sorts of things…drive around with your blinker on while traveling at 20 mph on the highway, shake your fist at the rowdy kids in your neighborhood, dinner at 4 pm, discount days at a whole plethora of stores, and you can finally find out what the deal is with prune juice.

JetBoy on April 3, 2013 at 7:54 AM

I get those AARP things in the mail and toss them. I’m not joining them, supporting their left-wing agenda. Better to listen to Mark Levin and join AMAC.

rickv404 on April 3, 2013 at 8:05 AM

I got one too. I also found out that my shredder can take care of those things just as well as it takes care of my old credit cards. (The maker, Fellows, must be a right-winger or arms manufacturer.)

ktrelski on April 3, 2013 at 8:13 AM

Happy B-Day Capt!

Just think…now you have carte blanche to do all sorts of things…drive around with your blinker on while traveling at 20 mph on the highway, shake your fist at the rowdy kids in your neighborhood, dinner at 4 pm, discount days at a whole plethora of stores, and you can finally find out what the deal is with prune juice.

JetBoy on April 3, 2013 at 7:54 AM

Wow! How, er, uh … exciting.

Ed Morrissey on April 3, 2013 at 8:17 AM

Hah, Ed. You just got that today? They sent me the first mailing 6 months ahead of my 50th. I had no intention of joining, but had great fun showing it to my friends and making them feel old.

Happy birthday. You’ll have many more, despite AARP.

ironked on April 3, 2013 at 8:26 AM

Seriously? Your politics don’t seem all that much different from theirs rhino Ed.

woodNfish on April 2, 2013 at 11:40 PM

Go eff yourself, Troll!
*Rushes to Ed’s defense!*

annoyinglittletwerp on April 3, 2013 at 8:29 AM

You should have gone with this being a wildly implausible mistake, they send stuff to my daughter and she’s in her early thirties.

Cindy Munford on April 3, 2013 at 8:45 AM

JetBoy on April 3, 2013 at 7:54 AM

What’s a blinker?

Cindy Munford on April 3, 2013 at 8:46 AM

What’s a blinker?

Cindy Munford on April 3, 2013 at 8:46 AM

lol THIS is a blinker

JetBoy on April 3, 2013 at 8:50 AM

JetBoy on April 3, 2013 at 8:50 AM

The joke in the South is if the blinker is on, it happened at the dealership.

Cindy Munford on April 3, 2013 at 8:53 AM

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