Green Room

Why do guys badmouth their wives?

posted at 10:51 am on March 3, 2013 by

If you’ve watched Steven Crowder and I discuss marriage on my daily show, you’ll already know that this is actually a pet peeve of mine as well.  I like to tease my wife about her being the boss, and sometimes I’ll joke around about the “yes dear” survival instinct with others when she’s with me. Otherwise, any joking I do about our marriage outside of her presence is at my own expense, not hers, and I’ve even tried to curtail that.  Too many men do nothing but deride their spouses and complain about marriage, to the point where one has to wonder just who is the real problem.

Steven takes them on in his latest Fox News column about the need to project a positive image of the institution of marriage:

Here’s my challenge to the real men out there; it’s very simple. If you have a good marriage, talk about it. If you love your wife, say it. If some moron tells you that you’re merely a “newlywed” or that you’re still just “too young to understand,” correct them. Openhanded slaps to the face are preferable.

Unless those of us who love our wives (and thus, our lives) make a conscious change to the way we speak of them, unless we begin choosing to elevate and praise our spouses instead of denigrate, we will be letting an incredibly corrosive self-perpetuating societal meme destroy the very institution that defines our lives.

Are we willing to do that just to fit in with some gelatinous beer buddies?

Finally, to those men out there who genuinely think of their wives as a “pain in the ass…” grow up, and learn to make some better decisions.

Also, do some squats.

A few years ago, a friend called me to tell me he was getting engaged.  I congratulated him, and told him that he was going to be very happy with married life, and that while it was tough work, it would be the most rewarding effort he could possibly make.  The phone was silent for a moment, and then he told me that I was the only married man with whom he had spoken who had a single positive thing to say about marriage.  Quite frankly, he told me, he had begun to worry about the decision he had made until we talked about it.

As men, we should be taking steps to strengthen the family and the societal bonds that it creates, not denigrating its core institution.  Venting cynicism — especially insincerely — just to fit in with boors is never a good idea, and that holds true for pretty much every principle one values.  C.S. Lewis once wrote, “Courage is the form that every virtue takes at its testing point,” and this is just one example of that wisdom.

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Gee, powerpickle, I wasn’t trying to offer platitudes, but considering you said ‘repair isn’t worth it’ then I can’t imagine why people on this thread might be thinking you’re just as much a problem for your marriage as your wife is. And you’re certainly not helping your kids any raising them in a house where you can’t stand their mother. You seem to have a lot of anger and bitterness about your life choices and today you’re taking it out on happily married people. I feel sorry for you and your kids.
And I wasn’t saying the married for 25 years as sarcasm. I was saying I haven’t been married as long as some of the others who’ve said they’ve been married much longer. I was making the point that how long you’ve been married isnt really the point as some have been saying Crowder will ‘grow out of it’ when he’s been married longer. That’s a load of crap. If he and his wife decide to make their marriage work, they will. You’ve just decided yours isnt worth working for.

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 6:38 PM

Marriage is for chumps. Don’t buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

Your Mamma loves me on March 3, 2013 at 2:09 PM

But you aren’t getting the milk. Oh you may get to spend a night or two in bed with someone who might remember your name in a year, but you won’t have the full relationship that decades of marriage can bring. You won’t have the person that will truly know you and care about you; that will put up with your foibles because they love you; that will sacrifice for you and help you be a better, more successful person; that will hold you when your decades of parenting produce a happy, well adjusted adult getting their first job and will hold you when you have to bury a child.

You’re not getting milk; you’re getting tepid water out of the gutter and telling yourself it’s milk.

Over50 on March 3, 2013 at 6:43 PM

powerpickle, might I suggest that putting off a divorce for the kids sake might be detrimental? Suppose that the kids are young enough that a divorce at their young age won’t really shake them: what person can remember what was going on when they were 3 or 4? Time heals wounds. On the other hand, waiting to divorce when they are teenagers could potentially be really upsetting and disillusioning.

Daikokuco on March 3, 2013 at 6:43 PM

Good Solid B-Plus on March 3, 2013 at 6:04 PM

I suspect you figured it out long before they told you. My 6 yr old , the oldest , already knows that “mommy is really mean sometimes ” so I figure my talk with him is only a few years off. While I will do my best to reassure him, I have no doubt it will be hard on him. I’ll do my best to encourage normal relationships as much as possible, but his mom is not giving him much reason to see women in a positive light.

Perhaps he’ll meet someone someday who will give him a reason to believe in marriage as a good institution (I see it, at best, a neutral proposition), but it won’t be me.

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 6:48 PM

At the end of the day my kids will be fine. Divorce will have to wait for a while to give them time to grow up enough emotionally to understand it.

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 6:01 PM

You are absolutely correct.

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.

85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)

80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)

Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.

75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average.

Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

sharrukin on March 3, 2013 at 6:49 PM

Steven Crowder is a disingenious buffoon. He’s the rightwing counterpart of Lena Dunham: he’s a poor spokesman for right-wingery in general and comes off more as an embarrasing awkward liability.

Why do guys badmouth their wives? You might as well be asking the “innocent” idiotic question “Why do guys badmouth their president?” Hey, let’s try it:

Unless those of us who love our president (and thus, our lives) make a conscious change to the way we speak of them, unless we begin choosing to elevate and praise our politicians instead of denigrate, we will be letting an incredibly corrosive self-perpetuating societal meme destroy the very institution that defines our lives.

Are we willing to do that just to fit in with some gelatinous beer buddies?

Finally, to those men out there who genuinely think of their president as a “pain in the ass…” grow up, and learn to make some better decisions.

Nope, that doesn’t look like the shallow self-satisfied ramblings of a braindead idealistic retard one bit.

Daikokuco on March 3, 2013 at 6:51 PM

Married 39 years, 40 in Aug and 68 years old. I ain’t no newlywed or spring chicken. But my wife is, literally, an old war buddy and ain’t no “feminist.”

The sad thing about our marriage is that when one of us dies, the survivor will have no one left to talk to. Life has been one very interesting ride. To the best of my knowledge, I’m the only Soldier to have “Soldier of Fortune Magazine” print an article about his wife.

Note, I can furnish the Blogmaster with a copy BCC

Linh_My on March 3, 2013 at 6:54 PM

Steven Crowder is a disingenious buffoon. He’s the rightwing counterpart of Lena Dunham: he’s a poor spokesman for right-wingery in general and comes off more as an embarrasing awkward liability.

….

Nope, that doesn’t look like the shallow self-satisfied ramblings of a braindead idealistic retard one bit.

Daikokuco on March 3, 2013 at 6:51 PM

Commas. They’re a good thing.

StevenCrowder on March 3, 2013 at 6:55 PM

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 6:38 PM

Wow!!! Where to even start?? You read one or two posts and you think you can diagnose me and make assumptions about me and cast blame on me??!! You wouldn’t last two seconds walking through the hell I live in everyday!

Well, you and Crowder seem to be cut from the same cloth – you think you know so much about the way the world works that your simplistic opinions, applied correctly, will make the world a rosier place. Good luck with that. I’ll remember that I watch the statistics on the US Divorce Rate climb year after year. The trend is upwards but I’m sure all of your sappy logic will bend that curve right back down.

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 6:57 PM

Dude, YOU said your marriage wasn’t worth saving not me.
I don’t care. I don’t know you.
Wow, you’re bitter.

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 7:00 PM

Commas. They’re a good thing.

StevenCrowder on March 3, 2013 at 6:55 PM

…When you are speaking to an audience that is too slow to keep up with more than one or two adjectives and adverbs at a time, like, say, morons. Duly noted.

Daikokuco on March 3, 2013 at 7:00 PM

The sad thing about our marriage is that when one of us dies, the survivor will have no one left to talk to. Life has been one very interesting ride. Linh_My on March 3, 2013 at 6:54 PM

Yeah, it is a Catch-22, ain’t it? When I hope I go before she does, because I couldn’t bear the loneliness if she goes first, I, then, feel selfish because I’m piling all the loneliness on her. I doubt either of us will last long after it starts. Just the way life is.

a capella on March 3, 2013 at 7:21 PM

Dude, YOU said your marriage wasn’t worth saving not me.
I don’t care. I don’t know you.
Wow, you’re bitter.
americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 7:00 PM

Precisely. You don’t know me or millions of others in similar circumstances so keep your idiotic opinions about “changing your attitude” to yourself. Do you know how deluded you sound ? About as delusional as Crowder who simplistically thinks that people make a sport of trash-talking a spouse because they simply “don’t care enough about the institution of marriage.” Sheesh, try to think a little deeper…..

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 7:23 PM

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 7:23 PM

I doubt Crowder has favorably impressed that many people reading this thread. His first effort, shortly after his marriage, had a bit of the same tone.

a capella on March 3, 2013 at 7:33 PM

I always practiced being my husband’s biggest fan. I built him up, defended him and never talked badly about him to others. That’s why our separation and looming divorce are so shocking to friends and family. Everybody thought he was “such a great guy.” Maybe I should have been more honest, lol.

Jackalope on March 3, 2013 at 8:08 PM

Yes, I’m delusional to say marriage can work.
But you sound perfectly rational.
YOU were the one that came on here spouting off about your marriage. If you didn’t want responses perhaps you shoulda kept your personal stuff personal.
But, yeah, you go ahead and keep saying marriage doesn’t work. Meanwhile, millions of marriages do.
Again, you’re a bitter person. And I feel sorry for you.

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 8:11 PM

And, btw, my first comment on this thread wasn’t even directed toward you – or anyone else – it was a general observation.
You’re the one that quoted me as if I was talking to you. So I responded.

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 8:17 PM

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 8:11 PM

No, what I came here to do was push back on the doe-eyed and childish notions that simply “prayin for your spouse” and “being a better man” is magic pixie dust that will produce a marriage full if rainbow kisses and fairy tale dreams. And I especially bristle at some short-timer who hasn’t even been married a year spouting such nonsense. There are much deeper human forces at work and the young Mr Crowder might actually try buying some furniture or making a major purchase with his wife before telling everyone his super-secret formula for marital bliss.

Marriage, at best, works maybe 50% of the time and satisfactions is a downward slope with time. It’s a questionable gamble at best. Glad you won the marital jackpot…

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 8:29 PM

Interestingly enough, prayer and trying to be a better spouse works for our marriage as well. Still don’t see how those things equal pixie dust, since a majority or marriages that work would attribute those things to the success, in part, of their marriages.
I think the point is your anger and bitterness toward marriage isn’t any truer than his, but his marriage is working. The man is happily married. Your anger toward him for saying basic ideas that work for lots of marriages says more about you than him.
And again, I didn’t comment on the thread to engage you in particular. You spouted off at me.
And I wasn’t even defending specifically anything Crowder said. I was just observing how sad it was that there were so many people ending up trashing marriage on the thread.
And I didn’t win a marriage jackpot. I decided before I got married that when I got married, it was for life. When you approach it in that way and take divorce off the table, it changes the way you deal with things.
But that takes two. And if you hadn’t started out yelling at me and calling me idiotic, we could’ve had a reasonable conversation about how sad it is when one person will work on it but the other refuses.

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 9:02 PM

The sad thing about our marriage is that when one of us dies, the survivor will have no one left to talk to. Life has been one very interesting ride. Linh_My on March 3, 2013 at 6:54 PM

Yeah, it is a Catch-22, ain’t it? When I hope I go before she does, because I couldn’t bear the loneliness if she goes first, I, then, feel selfish because I’m piling all the loneliness on her. I doubt either of us will last long after it starts. Just the way life is.

a capella on March 3, 2013 at 7:21 PM

I hope we’ll all be here to discuss stuff .
Scares the crap out of me , losing spouse .
Or the other way around .

I get a lot more wisdom from HotAirens than
I deserve .

Lucano on March 3, 2013 at 9:35 PM

If I heard a loved one’s friend running down a loved one for complaining to them about me, I’d tear that “friend” a new one for betraying my loved one’s trust and for attacking my loved one.

Christien on March 3, 2013 at 9:43 PM

And I didn’t win a marriage jackpot. I decided before I got married that when I got married, it was for life.

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 9:02 PM

Ha! Yeah, me too. Till death do us part and all that nonsense. You can talk about how “prayer” etc helps oh so many in the abstract. But your only real data point is yourself. Come back me to me with some real evidence. And when you do, I’ll find one unhappy married guy for every doe-eyed blushing bride.

Marriage isn’t worth it and nothing speaks louder to that than the facts of divorce rates and the number of people getting married later and later in life. Unmarried women over 30 now exceed the number of 20-something married women. The institution obviously needs a major PR update as it can’t seem to sell itself on its own.

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 10:07 PM

Ah, yes. Marriage didn’t work for YOU so that makes it a completely useless institution.
You’re right. I’m the delusional one.

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 10:18 PM

Ah, yes. Marriage didn’t work for YOU so that makes it a completely useless institution.
You’re right. I’m the delusional one.

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 10:18 PM

Wrong, marriage didn’t just not work for me, it does not work for A LOT people. And what I cited were true statistics. The “institution” of marriage is failing all on its own without any help from me.

And yes, delusional is, by definition, a strongly held belief in the face of overwhelmingly contradictory evidence….

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 10:27 PM

30 years in 20 days. I still love her, and I think she still loves me. And, yes, we did argue over the furniture. She won.

As for the PR update powerpickle (the name says it all) thinks marriage needs, well, the data on academic achievement by children of single parents isn’t very encouraging — they indicate far worse performance than those children in a stable two-parent (married or not) house.

Marriage is the way to stability — an official contract designed to produce stability works far better than an open relationship.

Look at the poor blacks who’ve been convinced by the state that it’s more lucrative financially to remain single than to marry. How are their kids doing? Not well — not well at all, relative to those poor black children whose parents have chosen matrimony.

And if someone is bad-mouthing their spouse in front of strangers, there’s certainly the probability that they are doing it in front of family. The corollary to commiserating with your child over “mom is really mean sometimes” is something the father will never hear — for it’s being said to Mommy.

unclesmrgol on March 3, 2013 at 10:28 PM

And, now for Sippie Wallace‘s take:

Women Be Wise

Women be wise, keep your mouth shut
Don’t advertise your man
Don’t sit around gossiping
Explaining what he really can do

Some women now days
Lord they ain’t no good
They will laugh in your face
They’ll try to steal your man from you

Women be wise, keep your mouth shut
Don’t advertise your man

Your best girlfriend
Oh she might be a highbrow
Changes clothes three time a day
But what do you think she’s doing now
While you’re so far away?

You know she’s lovin your man
In your own damn bed…
You better call for the doctor
Try to investigate your head

Women be wise, keep your mouth shut
Don’t advertise your man

Women be wise, keep your mouth shut
Don’t advertise your man
Now don’t sit around girls
Telling all your secrets
Telling all those good things he really can do

Cause if you talk about your baby
Yeah you tell me he’s so fine
Honey I might just sneak up
And try to make him mine

Women be wise, keep your mouth shut
Don’t advertise your man –
Don’t be no fool!
Don’t advertise your man
Baby don’t do it

Fallon on March 3, 2013 at 10:39 PM

unclesmrgol on March 3, 2013 at 10:28 PM

Good for you….now try to wrap your mind around the simple notion that not everyone is as lucky as you.

And, no, I’m not advocating single parenthood at all. I would tell my boys that, if they really want kids, it should only be done in the context of a family. Outside of that, I have no advice to offer them about marriage other than do a lot of homework and make sure she’s worth it.

Marriage as a binding, legal contractional relationship – HAHAHAHA how’s that working out for society….

And as for the boys cuddling up with mommy and talking about what a meanie grouch dad is, don’t delude yourself (and please stop believing you have any insight whatsoever into any life beyond your own)! My wife cares nothing for her boys, I put them to bed every night, I am present in their lives and I AM the parent…believe me, those boys know exactly who it is that has their backs and who would ditch them with grandma and grandpa in a heartbeat….

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 10:41 PM

As someone currently having a pity party about the state of my own marriage, I’m wise enough to know that just because I’m sitting in a pile of painful crap, doesn’t mean that marriage is crap. Just that mine is.

I do get the point that Crowder is sitting in newlywed sunshine right now, and yes that glow can be a bit stinging for those of us not in the same happy place, but I instead will just wish him well, bless him and carry on in my own life.

I will say this as a veteran with plenty of earned stripes…when it comes to marriage, the old timers bring wisdom, but can sometimes be flippant about it. The newbies bring enthusiasm and reminder about what works. Yes, this couple will have their challenges, but if you’ve been through it, why wish it on anyone? Life’s issues will indeed find them but is it inevitable that things get terminally rocky? No. Not with those who remember what it means to love.

A happy marriage is a high bar to reach, but when it works, it’s a beautiful thing. I don’t wish away beauty, just because I wasn’t gifted with it.

GeeWhiz on March 3, 2013 at 10:58 PM

I always practiced being my husband’s biggest fan. I built him up, defended him and never talked badly about him to others. That’s why our separation and looming divorce are so shocking to friends and family. Everybody thought he was “such a great guy.” Maybe I should have been more honest, lol.
Jackalope on March 3, 2013 at 8:08 PM

Hahaha. Love this comment.

bluegill on March 3, 2013 at 10:59 PM

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 10:41 PM

I stand by my words. We’ve seen the results of non-marriage.

Now, the mere fact that you are here trash talking your wife and your marriage in a secret forum (one she knows nothing about) says far more about you than it will ever say about her. She may well be as you say, but, even so, you are like her as to peas in a pod.

If you truly love your children, you will quit badmouthing their mother to them. You may win a battle, but, in the end, you will lose the war, for the logical question any child will have as they approach adulthood and begin questioning all of their social connections will be — gee, if he said that stuff about Mom, what’s he been saying about ME?

unclesmrgol on March 3, 2013 at 11:02 PM

Thank you, GeeWhiz.

americanmama on March 3, 2013 at 11:19 PM

The worst thing is when you trust a friend enough to bellyache about something personal and they go and throw it back in your face or run your down about it on a blog. Nobody needs friends like that.

Christien on March 3, 2013 at 11:26 PM

unclesmrgol on March 3, 2013 at 11:02 PM

Now, the mere fact that you are here trash talking your wife and your marriage in a secret forum (one she knows nothing about) says far more about you than it will ever say about her. She may well be as you say, but, even so, you are like her as to peas in a pod.

WOW! Judge much….all right Mr. Know-It-All, go for it, just like Crowder tell us all your super-duper-top-secret formula for a successful marriage and how we can turn this culture around with your fabulous “12 Steps to a Better You”? And how all of us out there struggling are just one step away from “good to GREAT!”?? You obviously have it all figured out? So come on, let’s hear it so we can post it on the main feed….

I’m all ears (eyes, really) cuz I’m up all night, so go for it….

powerpickle on March 4, 2013 at 12:19 AM

I’m all ears (eyes, really) cuz I’m up all night, so go for it….

powerpickle on March 4, 2013 at 12:19 AM

I’ve already given you step 1, but you aren’t buying it — stop bad-mouthing your wife to everyone who will listen. We are all strangers, and it’s obvious you no longer respect your wife, and from what you’ve written, she no longer respects you. I’m perfectly willing to judge you by what you’ve written, and you are not an angel by any means.

You’ve tried desperately to turn your children against your wife, and it looks like it’s working. But what you reap may be something other than what you’ve sown.

If you’ve paid attention to Ed, he’s a “marriage encounter” kind of person — one who believes that it takes work to keep a marriage intact. I’m with him in this.

A mustard seed.

unclesmrgol on March 4, 2013 at 1:10 AM

unclesmrgol on March 4, 2013 at 1:10 AM

There you go again assuming you know me or my circumstance. I NEVER bad mouth my wife, not once. She pisses her relationship with her kids down the rat hole by her own behavior with no need for me to utter even a single unkind word. When my 6 yr old made those comments, they were totally unsolicited. I let him speak his mind so he doesn’t bottle his emotions up inside but I have absolutely no intention of rationalizing or defending her bad behavior.

I have not turned my children against my wife, she has done that perfectly well all on her own.

Oh, and I get your “mustard seed” reference padre….you can keep it. Let me guess, they teach you that if you just close your eyes and squeeze your lids hard enough, the good Lord himself will come down and make all the boo-boos better? Sorry, been there, done that and got the tee-shirt. 18 months of marriage counselling only confirmed to me what I already knew, she has no intention of making it work and would leave in a heartbeat if she knew she could squeeze a better alimony settlement out of the deal.

But please, feel free to have another spin at the wheel…maybe you’ll hit on something I haven’t already heard a thousand times before….

powerpickle on March 4, 2013 at 1:26 AM

Hey you guys. Don’t feed the troll! It is so depressing when one person can take over a thread. Especially when he has nothing to say that is worth listening to.

Meadhbh on March 4, 2013 at 1:48 AM

Meadhbh on March 4, 2013 at 1:48 AM

OK Genius, your turn. What would you like to tell us all about your fantabulous insights into marriage??

Go on, I’d love to hear it….

powerpickle on March 4, 2013 at 1:50 AM

But please, feel free to have another spin at the wheel…maybe you’ll hit on something I haven’t already heard a thousand times before….

powerpickle on March 4, 2013 at 1:26 AM

You’re a pathetic excuse for a human being. Somehow, I could believe you’ve heard that a thousand times before. I bet you don’t believe it either, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

gryphon202 on March 4, 2013 at 5:39 AM

Sorry Crowder, you’re wrong. CDC statistics for 2010 show the marriage rate to be 6.8 per 1000 and the divorce rate to be 3.6 per 1000. So there are more divorces happening than marriage. Plus I’m glad I provoked such a defensive and sniveling response from you, shows an underlying fear about your own marriage that statistically is heading for divorce court.

Have fun kid and talk to me again in 18 years when you get a little more hair on your chin.

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 1:35 PM

Shall I get into this? Yes, I shall.

People take this stat and mangle it as they don’t understand the statistical methods being used; therefore, they misuse/misinterpret the info.

The marriage rate vs the divorce rate cannot be compared accurately, simply because the marriage rate per year is static (a fixed rate per year……one either gets married or not in a year), while the divorce rate is cumulative (counted since Adam & Eve *joke*)

The math that figure is based on is too simple to take multiple variables in to account. Most divorce rate figures are based on the number of marriages and divorces in a given year. The totals might be correct, but the comparison doesn’t really work because the people getting married are not the same people getting divorced in the same year. It is a bit like comparing apples and oranges, and because they are so different, the comparison doesn’t work.

Some researchers say the overall divorce rate in the United States has never really reached 50% and probably never will. The 50% figure for some age groups may be accurate for some years, but other studies have indicated that the overall divorce rate has actually been declining ever so slightly since 1980.

Here’s a link: http://divorce.com/divorce-rate/

avagreen on March 4, 2013 at 7:32 AM

……one either gets married or not in a year), while the divorce rate is cumulative (counted since Adam & Eve *joke*)

Correction: …while the divorce rate is cumulative (based upon marriages since Adam & Eve)

avagreen on March 4, 2013 at 8:16 AM

When you are wrong admit it. When you are right, shut up.

mixplix on March 4, 2013 at 8:41 AM

My Marriage is a sham

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 12:13 PM

Listen. I’ve have been married 3 times. This is my last.
Bcs I finally pulled my head out of my a$$ & picked the right one.
The other 2 were all my fault bcs their faults were obvious to see.
But I was settling bcs I thought I couldn’t get anything else & I didn’t want to be alone.
You made a mistake. But you know you can work on it if you both want to.
It’s like the choice you make every morning to wake up happy or pi$$ed off at the world.
I’ve been through the wronger, marriage wise, but I put myself through it.
I will commend you for staying together for your kids’ sakes. My parents didn’t divorce til I was 25. And I guess I’m glad for that, such as my upbringing was.
But your kids do know what is going on & it is your marriage they are going to think of when they grow up & look at finding their own partner. You’re their role model.

Marriage is for chumps. Don’t buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

Your Mamma loves me on March 3, 2013 at 2:09 PM

And get those STD’s, too.
Who’s the chump? The guy that sticks his d!ck into anything that moves? Or the guy who makes the effort to find a woman who is worth settling down with?
And you need to remember one thing as well. You actually have to be a guy who is worth settling down with.
Sounds like you’re the chump if all you think about is getting your rocks off.

Badger40 on March 4, 2013 at 8:56 AM

wronger=wringer
:P

Badger40 on March 4, 2013 at 8:57 AM

Daikokuco on March 3, 2013 at 6:51 PM

Name calling is what you do when you can’t debate on content.

And I’m not wedded to our President. I didn’t follow through on a marriage covenant with him before God. But then maybe you think you did… which is incredibly creepy…

dominigan on March 4, 2013 at 9:01 AM

Marriage isn’t worth it and nothing speaks louder to that than the facts of divorce rates and the number of people getting married later and later in life. Unmarried women over 30 now exceed the number of 20-something married women. The institution obviously needs a major PR update as it can’t seem to sell itself on its own.

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 10:07 PM

Wrong, marriage didn’t just not work for me, it does not work for A LOT people. And what I cited were true statistics. The “institution” of marriage is failing all on its own without any help from me.

And yes, delusional is, by definition, a strongly held belief in the face of overwhelmingly contradictory evidence….

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 10:27 PM

Sounds like you do think all marriages are worthless.

Instead of spending all your time on the computer b!tching about how awful your life is, your wife is, & marriage in general, why can’t you put that passion to some good use & try & save your marriage?
And I have seen it all believe me. With my own marriages & friends who divorced.
Marriage works when you’re both serious about the vow & institution.
My Bro-in-law has a wife that sounds like yours.
He is pu$$ywhipped to the nth degree. She cheats on him & when he tries to put his foot down, she threatens to leave him.
Your kids are going to use this model of marriage in their own lives & might turn out as miserable as you.
I have a farmer friend whose wife is bi-polar & after years of trying, all he does is drink & smoke dope.
You actually have to do something to help change things or nothing will happen.
Someday you’ll see this.
I have been there & done that & all I can say is you have to be the one to do something.
Sounds like you’re far more comfortable in your misery right now to do anything to change it.
But one day, you’ll get tired of that & make a decision.
Good luck.

Badger40 on March 4, 2013 at 9:07 AM

Good for you….now try to wrap your mind around the simple notion that not everyone is as lucky as you.

powerpickle on March 3, 2013 at 10:41 PM

Luck would imply that you took a blind spin on a roulette wheel and landed on the bride you have now. Luck has very little to do with marriage. Marriage requires vows from two people. Half of the situation is your responsibility… either through the selection of your wife, or with lack of maintenance in the marriage. Something went wrong, and we don’t deny that. But you seem to be shirking any involvement, like you were an innocent bystander on the road of life watching an accident in slow motion… instead of being one of the two drivers involved. While some may joke about being lucky in finding their wife, the truth is that luck is not really involved… we searched (and if neccessary, waited) for the right person that completed us.

dominigan on March 4, 2013 at 9:11 AM

Go on, I’d love to hear it….

powerpickle on March 4, 2013 at 1:50 AM

You are in survival mode. Hang in there. I hope for your and your children’s eventual happiness. I have a friend who was in a similar situation and he has since remarried a wonderful woman who loves and helps take care of his two boys who are now in high school. The bio mom has mostly disappeared out of their lives and it is for the best.

Crowder’s rant allows him to feel valiant and self-righteous while Pickle is now under attack for using this comment section to vent his own feelings of frustration and pain with marriage. See this is why it is silly to paint with a broad brush about anything (pun intended).

Whenever I feel a bit too smug about something, I think of this Proverb: Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Kinda the flipside of the glib, It ain’t braggin’ if you can do it. So, here we are, two philosophies at a crossroad.

I’ve been married thirty years, and I’m going to defend Pickle’s contrary view of marriage. Just like going to college, it isn’t for everyone, but some people don’t find that out until they are already there. Again, hang in there Pickle, best of luck to you and your boys for the future.

Fallon on March 4, 2013 at 9:16 AM

Instead of spending all your time on the computer b!tching about how awful your life is, your wife is, & marriage in general, why can’t you put that passion to some good use & try & save your marriage?
Badger40 on March 4, 2013 at 9:07 AM

Takes two to tango kid. If you bothered to read anything I previously wrote you’d know that marriage counseling and all that was tried. My wife was not interested. Even after 18 months of trying with about 6 months of weekly sessions, the counsellor basically recommended a divorce after we both agreed the kids were old enough yo handle it.

What makes me so mad? My boys are good sweet kids but the divorce laws in my state all but assure that they will end up with their mother. And she will take them just to spite me and to be able to collect the child support. I’ve talked to social workers about my fears and all they tell me is that unless there is demonstrable physical abuse to the children, the state won’t act.

But yup, you all are all right, I’m the a–hole!

powerpickle on March 4, 2013 at 9:21 AM

Fallon on March 4, 2013 at 9:16 AM

Thank you! You are among the few posting here who recognize that not everyone’s situation can be remedied with simplistic Hallmark Card bromides about “just hang in there and work harder at it”.

I realize all those happily married people out there don’t want to hear someone bring up a counter-point to their worldview because they’d rather live unchallenged in their happy little cocoons then recognize that the world is full of people not like them.

Aside from child-rearing, there is nothing inherently necessary about marriage. One can find meaning and fulfillment in life without it and making some ridiculous claim that you’ll live 2.34 years longer being married than unmarried and have a few less cold’s & flu’s is laughable at best.

powerpickle on March 4, 2013 at 9:31 AM

Fallon on March 4, 2013 at 9:16 AM

Thanks for being a peacemaker.

22044 on March 4, 2013 at 9:36 AM

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