Green Room

The Top Ten Reasons Hillary Must Be the Next President

posted at 6:49 pm on February 1, 2013 by

From the home office, in Wabasaba, Pennsyltucky.

The Top Ten Reasons Hillary Must Be the Next President

10.) Worked herself to exhaustion at State Department and clearly deserves a job where she can do nothing.

9.) Will play golf from the red tees, so Boehner won’t even have to pretend to talk to her.

8.) Not only shoots skeet, but according to Bill, has multiple recipes for cooking them.

7.) Chelsea not yet old enough to run.

6.) Guaranteed to double current office holder’s bowling score.

5.) Will reduce annual budget by never ordering pizza deliveries to West Wing.

4.) Proven tarmac dodging skills. ‘Nuff said.

3.) Will pick Biden for running mate again, just to see the look on his face.

2.) Nobody thought she’d reach the 500,000 frequent flyer miles threshold on the State Dept. rewards plan, but we’re locked in now.

1.) A quick survey has revealed that Hillary Clinton is actually the last woman left in the country. If we don’t do it now…

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11. If it saves even just one life, it’s worth doing.

Tied for number 1….What difference does it make?

xblade on February 1, 2013 at 7:01 PM

1.) A quick survey has revealed that Hillary Clinton is actually the last woman left in the country. If we don’t do it now…

If this is true, then our country is already locked into a biologically-mandated extinction anyway!!!

landlines on February 1, 2013 at 7:04 PM

‘Cause she’s so smart, that she doesn’t even need that lil’ old chunk of brain that the clot squished…

bofh on February 1, 2013 at 7:14 PM

Plus she’s paid her dues to the boys club many times./heh

RalphyBoy on February 1, 2013 at 7:27 PM

Heh.

Because if she runs, Sheila Jackson Lee won’t.

rbj on February 1, 2013 at 7:34 PM

3.) Will pick Biden for running mate again, just to see the look on his face.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Dopenstrange on February 1, 2013 at 7:50 PM

RBI might have a point, because a President Sheila Jackson Lee is probably where we’re headed next.

SAMinVA on February 1, 2013 at 7:51 PM

Don’t forget that her and Slick’s enemies tend to have their automobiles hurtle off cliff roads in rural Arkansas…

viking01 on February 1, 2013 at 8:22 PM

Because… really?… what does it matter?

JohnGalt23 on February 1, 2013 at 8:25 PM

Her lady parts are bigger than Obama’s whatever parts.

lperello on February 1, 2013 at 8:44 PM

Scratch #7. Chelsea will turn 36 on February 27, 2016. But her married name could be a problem. Mezvinsky. Voters don’t like politicians with funny sounding names. Oh wait, never mind!

rmel80 on February 1, 2013 at 8:53 PM

0) It would help to guarantee that a GOOD Republican candidate might have a chance at getting elected.

ProfShadow on February 1, 2013 at 9:16 PM

Cuz she’ll provide cover for any horndog male Democrats to do what they want with the interns and secretaries.

juliesa on February 1, 2013 at 9:30 PM

Jazz, how could you forget the most important reason of all: It’s her turn now.

nobar on February 1, 2013 at 9:57 PM

# 13) A few wise investments in cattle futures will settle the debt.

FOWG1 on February 1, 2013 at 10:45 PM

Because she always wanted to be a marine–commander?

Because she always was a Washington Senators fan?

Because that old bible-centered oath needs to be changed to “I don’t recall” sometimes soon anyway?

Don L on February 2, 2013 at 5:22 AM

Looks like taxpayers will be on the hook in 2006 to paint the White House beige.

Too many comparisons to Whitewater, don’t ya know . . .

BigAlSouth on February 2, 2013 at 7:55 AM

Because that old bible-centered oath needs to be changed to “I don’t recall” sometimes soon anyway?

Don L on February 2, 2013 at 5:22 AM

Or “what does it matter.”

Either one will do.

fadetogray on February 2, 2013 at 8:19 AM

Or “what does it matter.”

Drat. That should have been “what difference does it make.”

However, in my defense, what difference, at this point, does it make?

fadetogray on February 2, 2013 at 8:57 AM

11) Being drunk at work will be cool again.

Rational Thought on February 2, 2013 at 9:05 AM

‘Cause the unknown guys who pull Baron Rothschild’s string says so.

S. D. on February 2, 2013 at 10:41 AM

That extra s in my comment is just your imagination.; )

S. D. on February 2, 2013 at 10:44 AM

0) It would help to guarantee that a GOOD Republican candidate might have a chance at getting elected.

ProfShadow on February 1, 2013 at 9:16 PM

…like a Ham Sandwich could have won a few months ago?

KOOLAID2 on February 2, 2013 at 11:09 AM

Because she eventually decided to NOT whack Susan McDougall.

CorporatePiggy on February 2, 2013 at 11:21 AM

bros so now ‘hos?

mittens on February 2, 2013 at 11:40 AM

Because the condoms decorating the Cllinton default Christmas tree will be free–thanks to Obamacare

Don L on February 2, 2013 at 12:37 PM

And of course the biggest reason, the tradition of lying, laughably incompetent, created and protected by the media trash has to be maintained. As long as they despise America of course.

arand on February 2, 2013 at 2:02 PM

Please, no more Clintons, or Bushes.

Difficultas_Est_Imperium on February 2, 2013 at 3:21 PM

We can say ‘what difference does it make?’ every time she opens her mouth.

RadClown on February 2, 2013 at 6:23 PM

As much as it pains me to say, she would have been better than Obama.

nazo311 on February 2, 2013 at 11:31 PM

Because the Isle of Lesbos needs a new king.

trl on February 3, 2013 at 5:04 AM

No, no, no, Jazz. *sigh* …you’ve got to PUNCH IT writing these.

Top Ten Reasons Hillary Must Be President

10.Never got to use that last roll of Hammer And Sickle wallpaper
9. Only way to get veto power over Lewinsky Wing of Clinton Museum funding
8. Has last remaining set of keys after Lincoln Bedroom locks changed
7. Still has 54 more regimes to go on Jihadi Bucket List
6. Can’t bear to throw out that From The Desk Of President Clinton stationery
5. Has plan in a drawer there to transform 1/7 of …now what was that again?
4. Took best 41 out of 50 against Jeb in Rock-Paper-Oval-Office Scissors
3. Watched “Groundhog Day” Special Edition right before that faceplant
2. Freed up now that Susan Rice took her spot at Communist Party Twister Night

And the Number One Reason Hillary Must Be President is…

(*drumroll*)

1. Two Words: Pantsuit Recovery

BemusedMalkinite on February 3, 2013 at 5:34 PM

2. So she can, finally and once-and-for-all, crush the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. (That kept her and her co-POTUS in the White House for eight years.)

Annd the number one reason Hillary must be the next President;

1. In 2022, Chelsea will be done with her term in Mom’s old NY Senate seat and be ready to succeed her.

clear ether

eon

eon on February 3, 2013 at 9:14 PM

yucking it up…….. not.

This despicable woman will be the First Woman POTUS.

If she wants it.

And why wouldn’t she ?

FlaMurph on February 4, 2013 at 2:25 PM