Green Room

If you want to live long, prosper, and have lots more sex …

posted at 2:22 pm on January 27, 2013 by

get married, says Steven Crowder.  In his latest column for Fox News, the newlywed reminds readers why the institution of marriage matters to adults, children, and society as a whole:

1. You’ll be richer – Yes. Not only do married couples make more, save more, have a higher net worth and qualify for more benefits/financial incentives than lonely, single folk… but your kids will be richer too. Which brings me to my next point

2. Would somebody please think of the children!! – The single biggest indicator of child poverty is whether both original parents are still together. Not only that, but children in married households get better grades, are less disruptive in class and less likely to develop behavioral disorders than children from non-married households. So be married long and prosper. Your kids will too.

3. You’ll have more sex… A LOT MORE SEX – Okay so you may not want kids. You may despise them. I get it. Sticky hands. Let’s say you’re just another selfish, narcissistic bachelor (or bachelorette) who quite frankly, isn’t deserving of the unconditional love you may oh-so-luckily find. You just want the sex. Statistically, not only do married people have more sex, they have better, more satisfying sex. If the two of you should hold off on sex until marriage, those statistics become even more promising. Here’s a perfect example of where Hollywood gets it wrong. In the real world, while Alfie fruitlessly toiled away at picking up harlots from the bar, suffering a mean case of whiskey-wiener, Mr. Cleaver was getting busy on the regular. Them’s the real breaks.

4. You won’t be such a pathetic sloth – Married people are more productive. Married men in particular, have higher employment rates, work longer hours and receive better wages. It’s time to stop wading through puddles of your own filth as you reach for the hotpockets and have a dame whip you into shape. You’re welcome..

I’ve always thought marriage was an incredibly good deal for both men and women.  Be sure to read it all.

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I hate Crowder more and more every day. What a pompous, ignorant twit

Zetterson on January 28, 2013 at 9:59 AM

changer1701 on January 28, 2013 at 9:53 AM

There are a lot of gullible idiots in the country, but not as many as it may seem imo. There are the true-believers and then there are the uninformed and manipulated. These are two separate situations. The true-believers are hardcore ideologues. The uninformed are just that..uninformed. The media and educational system bear almost the entire blame for this situation imo.
Trying to play the game of the gullible hardcore, is not a means of informing the uninformed.

The means of informing the media manipulated, requires, not only standing on principle, but doing it intelligently..not in the model of Akin or Murdock, etc.

Mimzey on January 28, 2013 at 10:02 AM

I hate Crowder more and more every day. What a pompous, ignorant twit

Zetterson on January 28, 2013 at 9:59 AM

How odd.
Before this last article, what did you find that drove you to “hate”?
Can you provide some examples?
Thanks.

Mimzey on January 28, 2013 at 10:05 AM

You know, I can’t believe there are comparisons between Crowder and the Akin/Mourdock contingency here now. Akin and Mourdock spouted inanity. Very few people, if any, argued that they should be taken seriously; what they said simply wasn’t true.

On the other hand, no one here is arguing that what Crowder said is untrue. Hell, Crowder isn’t even running for office! I find the comparison to be reaching at best, a disingenuous expression of massive butthurt at worst.

gryphon202 on January 28, 2013 at 10:07 AM

How odd.
Before this last article, what did you find that drove you to “hate”?
Can you provide some examples?
Thanks.

Mimzey on January 28, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Fine, hate is a strong word. For the sake of narrowing my gut feeling about this article down further, I get vicerally annoyed by anything that does irreprable harm to the conservative movement. I promise you, despite Steven’s obvious intent, this will drive far more people away from our political message than it will attract. The objective in producing a persuasive political/cultural message and then disseminating it will be to persuade no? Watch and see what the reaction to this article will be amongst those we would hope to convert. Thank Crowder for sending even more people running to pull the lever for the Marxist who tells them that he doesn’t want them to be “punished with a baby.”

Zetterson on January 28, 2013 at 10:17 AM

Did you hear that, Crowder? You’re damaging the conservative movement! Knock it off, douchebag!/

/LoLoLoLoLzzzzzzz

gryphon202 on January 28, 2013 at 10:25 AM

Good idea. Let’s dumb down all our principles to the lowest common Marxist lever puller.

Putz.

miles on January 28, 2013 at 10:25 AM

I promise you, despite Steven’s obvious intent, this will drive far more people away from our political message than it will attract. The objective in producing a persuasive political/cultural message and then disseminating it will be to persuade no? Watch and see what the reaction to this article will be amongst those we would hope to convert. Thank Crowder for sending even more people running to pull the lever for the Marxist who tells them that he doesn’t want them to be “punished with a baby.”

Zetterson on January 28, 2013 at 10:17 AM

What are you basing that claim on? It seems ridiculous imo.
Conservatives are going to be driven away by an article in favor of marriage?? Seriously?
Again..what are you basing that on?

The rest of your comment is tied to that claim, which I find to be not believable….at least until I can see the basis of why you believe it to be true.

Mimzey on January 28, 2013 at 10:26 AM

Good idea. Let’s dumb down all our principles to the lowest common Marxist lever puller.

Putz.

miles on January 28, 2013 at 10:25 AM

What do you mean?

Mimzey on January 28, 2013 at 10:29 AM

What are you basing that claim on? It seems ridiculous imo.
Conservatives are going to be driven away by an article in favor of marriage?? Seriously?
Again..what are you basing that on?

The rest of your comment is tied to that claim, which I find to be not believable….at least until I can see the basis of why you believe it to be true.

Mimzey on January 28, 2013 at 10:26 AM

Not conservatives, I mean the people we want to convert to conservatism. This article is not the way to do it. Its the conservative equivalent of Toure saying “Thank god for abortion.” Its completely counter-productive. Need proof? Send this article to 10 people who are either “moderate” or liberal. Watch and see how they react to it compared to the way they would react to a well delivered article by someone like VDH, Krauthammer, Dr Sowell, Steyn, etc. Even liberals will end up admitting that writers like them make good, fair, well argued points but when they read Crowder they will run, not walk to pull the lever for someone like Obama. If thats what you want then continue applauding pieces like this.

Zetterson on January 28, 2013 at 11:05 AM

Getting married is life in prison.

Having kids is a death sentence.

These are undeniable truths.

You’re welcome.

JackM on January 28, 2013 at 11:06 AM

Having kids is a death sentence.

JackM on January 28, 2013 at 11:06 AM

Toure has a solution for ya.

thebrokenrattle on January 28, 2013 at 11:08 AM

3. You’ll have more sex… A LOT MORE SEX

===================

I’m going to show this to my married friends. They will all laugh, unless of course, they start crying.

JackM on January 28, 2013 at 11:10 AM

1. You’ll be richer

==============================

Perhaps. Just try spending it on what you want to spend it on.

haha…

JackM on January 28, 2013 at 11:11 AM

I live for myself, and I answer to nobody.

– Steve McQueen

JackM on January 28, 2013 at 11:15 AM

You may not like me. Fine. You may even trying to pull the whole hipster “I liked him way back when…” shtick.

StevenCrowder on January 28, 2013 at 9:23 AM

Sorry, bud. I work in Hollywood, and every other script of mine is shat upon for god knows why, so I don’t have a lot of sympathy for thin skin. I’ve also been married, twice, so this article does absolutely nothing for me but tells me someone is cheerleading a bit too loudly.

John the Libertarian on January 28, 2013 at 11:19 AM

Want to know what marriage gets you in the long run? It gets you an old, wrinkley and nasty broad, who got sick and tired of all your crap the day after you retired, and who follows you around everywhere, telling you what to do.

Hey, go for it, dopes.

JackM on January 28, 2013 at 11:33 AM

The Hannity/Miller/O’Reilly in tennis shoes attitude has always been there. You just noticed because the biological imperative is a touchy and deeply personal subject.

S. D. on January 28, 2013 at 11:38 AM

You know, I can’t believe there are comparisons between Crowder and the Akin/Mourdock contingency here now. Akin and Mourdock spouted inanity. Very few people, if any, argued that they should be taken seriously; what they said simply wasn’t true.

On the other hand, no one here is arguing that what Crowder said is untrue. Hell, Crowder isn’t even running for office! I find the comparison to be reaching at best, a disingenuous expression of massive butthurt at worst.

gryphon202 on January 28, 2013 at 10:07 AM

Who mentioned Akin? Yes, HE spouted inanity and wasn’t taken seriously by very many, but Mourdock was different. He simply said that pregnancy from rape was what God intended. He stood on principle, and lots of folks believe what he said to be true. It was how he said it that caused the uproar.

You’re continuing to miss the point, which is that it does matter how something is expressed even though we both agree that, in an ideal world, it shouldn’t trump the substance of what was said.

changer1701 on January 28, 2013 at 11:39 AM

Who mentioned Akin? Yes, HE spouted inanity and wasn’t taken seriously by very many, but Mourdock was different. He simply said that pregnancy from rape was what God intended. He stood on principle, and lots of folks believe what he said to be true. It was how he said it that caused the uproar.

You’re continuing to miss the point, which is that it does matter how something is expressed even though we both agree that, in an ideal world, it shouldn’t trump the substance of what was said.

changer1701 on January 28, 2013 at 11:39 AM

That was my point earlier (my criticism was intended to be mild), but some people who would disagree with it would call me a RINO.

That’s OK, they’re entitled to their opinion.

If you agree with someone 100% of the time, something is off there.

I did support Crowder completely when he was attacked by union thugs last month.

22044 on January 28, 2013 at 12:07 PM

John the Libertarian on January 28, 2013 at 11:19 AM

You’re in a hard profession. You know this; the actually percentage of scripts that becomes a movie is very, very low. I think ace of spades does the same thing as you. Your best shot is an action or horror flick.

IR-MN on January 28, 2013 at 1:00 PM

Sorry, bud. I work in Hollywood, and every other script of mine is shat upon for god knows why, so I don’t have a lot of sympathy for thin skin. I’ve also been married, twice, so this article does absolutely nothing for me but tells me someone is cheerleading a bit too loudly.

John the Libertarian on January 28, 2013 at 11:19 AM

lol, thin skin? I take no offense to anything you said. Just pointed out why you’re wrong.

I can only imagine why your scripts get “shat upon” though. It’s okay. A thick-skinned, long-time professional like you can handle it. I just know you can!

Godspeed.

StevenCrowder on January 28, 2013 at 1:20 PM

Fine, hate is a strong word. For the sake of narrowing my gut feeling about this article down further, I get vicerally annoyed by anything that does irreprable harm to the conservative movement. I promise you, despite Steven’s obvious intent, this will drive far more people away from our political message than it will attract. The objective in producing a persuasive political/cultural message and then disseminating it will be to persuade no? Watch and see what the reaction to this article will be amongst those we would hope to convert. Thank Crowder for sending even more people running to pull the lever for the Marxist who tells them that he doesn’t want them to be “punished with a baby.”

Zetterson on January 28, 2013 at 10:17 AM

People generally get annoyed or uncomfortable when confronted with the truth.

rollthedice on January 28, 2013 at 2:33 PM

He’s not as funny or entertaining or daring as he used to be. He’s gotten bland to me. I guess that’s what I mean.

John the Libertarian on January 27, 2013 at 11:11 PM

Gee that’s funny… he got you and a few others all riled up. Sounds pretty daring to me… going against your ideological flow and all…

dominigan on January 28, 2013 at 2:34 PM

Want to know what marriage gets you in the long run? It gets you an old, wrinkley and nasty broad, who got sick and tired of all your crap the day after you retired, and who follows you around everywhere, telling you what to do.

Hey, go for it, dopes.

JackM on January 28, 2013 at 11:33 AM

LOL! And now we know why you are single…

dominigan on January 28, 2013 at 2:36 PM

Mr. Crowder,

You really need to stop reading the comments section, and even moreso stop engaging it. Comments tend to be a gutter because everyone is anonymous.

However, if you are going to read comments, you should take some of the criticism to heart and not argue with it. I think a lot of the criticism is coming from the attitude of your piece, as if you are looking down on others. If you are “not seeing it”, you aren’t very self-aware.

Marriage is not for everyone. Some people just aren’t good partners. The idea that a person should go out and hunt down a wife for sex, money, and success is ridiculous. Rushing into marriage with the wrong person just leads to divorce.

Marriage is, as a general rule, a good thing, and it isn’t easy to praise it in a manner that turns off conservatives. You manage to do this by making a lot of negative, judgmental comments about people who have different, but perfectly valid opinions.

For example, the way you talk about people who don’t want kids comes across as judgmental and insulting.

When you add to this the fact that you are young and a newlywed, a lot of older people are going to think “who does this guy think he is trying to lecture people about marriage?” or an unmarried person who might otherwise be inclined to agree with you might see you as bragging about your marriage and rubbing it in everyone’s faces.

Other than the urban liberal “hipster” types, I don’t see too many people choosing to enter into long term relationships with no intention of ever getting married. Maybe that’s who you were thinking of when you wrote it, but that wasn’t your audience.

kaltes on January 28, 2013 at 2:39 PM

Other than the urban liberal “hipster” types, I don’t see too many people choosing to enter into long term relationships with no intention of ever getting married. Maybe that’s who you were thinking of when you wrote it, but that wasn’t your audience.

kaltes on January 28, 2013 at 2:39 PM

I’m around crowders age, and I’ve been living with my girlfriend for 2 + years and have no plans on getting married.

Why would I? I see my friends getting divorced and losing half of their assets and answering very personal questions to a judge, etc. One of my friend’s wives cheated on him then left him, and yet somehow she has his house and his car and he’s working twice as hard to live in a crappy apartment while some other dude is sleeping in his bed at his house that he’s still paying for.

Oh, and Steven, congrats on being married for like 6 months, but still… shut up. No one cares about your personal life (or shouldn’t) and, frankly, its hard to take advice about love and relationships from a guy who was a virgin until like 6 months ago. Your thoughts on the subject are probably around what mine were when I was 16 and in love with my first girlfriend.

Timin203 on January 28, 2013 at 3:25 PM

I did not find Mr. Crowder preachy, but if he was, I say preach away, sir! It is too bad that folks don’t realize you are just trying to share your joy. I have been having the 24/7 sleepover for going on 20 years now, and it just keeps getting better. I salute your efforts to teach the truth, and apparently you are doing it right, because you are getting their attention.

Kristamatic on January 28, 2013 at 3:48 PM

Well then I guess I’m gonna have a short life, be poor, and rarely get laid because I’ll never be able to afford marriage.

Is there anywhere hiring for live crash-test dummies?

MelonCollie on January 28, 2013 at 3:53 PM

This article was not especially pompous, or even horribly inaccurate. It was a bit simplistic, but whatever.

Now his article on celibacy before marriage, in which he refers to women who have sex outside of marriage as “floozies”… yeesh. That’ll win converts. /s

athenanyc on January 28, 2013 at 4:04 PM

Oh and for a Christian, he definitely forgets about that whole, “Judge not lest ye be judged” thing. Horribly inconvenient when you want to go around condemning other people’s life choices and glorifying your own.

athenanyc on January 28, 2013 at 4:07 PM

Now his article on celibacy before marriage, in which he refers to women who have sex outside of marriage as “floozies”… yeesh. That’ll win converts. /s

athenanyc on January 28, 2013 at 4:04 PM

Truth hurts.

MelonCollie on January 28, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Oh and for a Christian, he definitely forgets about that whole, “Judge not lest ye be judged” thing. Horribly inconvenient when you want to go around condemning other people’s life choices and glorifying your own.

athenanyc on January 28, 2013 at 4:07 PM

… ye be judged.

StevenCrowder on January 28, 2013 at 4:14 PM

Truth hurts.

MelonCollie on January 28, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Except that it’s not the truth, any more than it’s the truth that every person who waits for marriage is an insufferable prude.

athenanyc on January 28, 2013 at 4:17 PM

… ye be judged.

StevenCrowder on January 28, 2013 at 4:14 PM

That’s a shame for you. I don’t judge you personally, although I think you’re writing does the conservative movement a tremendous disservice.

athenanyc on January 28, 2013 at 4:18 PM

This article was not especially pompous, or even horribly inaccurate. It was a bit simplistic, but whatever.

Now his article on celibacy before marriage, in which he refers to women who have sex outside of marriage as “floozies”… yeesh. That’ll win converts. /s

athenanyc on January 28, 2013 at 4:04 PM

Because people who have sex outside of marriage, especially when they are doing so with those whom they believe wouldn’t make good parents, tend to be operating cerebrally, right? :roll:

Anti-Control on January 28, 2013 at 4:28 PM

My husband and I also waited until we were married and have been married for 30 years. We have four kids and still have a great marriage. I don’t doubt that Steven and his wife will also have success. It’s all about attitude and a common love for Christ and his commandments.

Rose on January 28, 2013 at 4:52 PM

This is still going!?..
This is unsettling…maybe we are the stupid party. Some people are fitting the narrow minded mold that the left accuses republicans of being stuck in. Good Grief!..this is bordering on barroom jackasses territory.
This is why we lose.

Mimzey on January 28, 2013 at 5:03 PM

Because people who have sex outside of marriage, especially when they are doing so with those whom they believe wouldn’t make good parents, tend to be operating cerebrally, right?

Anti-Control on January 28, 2013 at 4:28 PM

I think there is probably a great deal of variation in how people who choose to have sex before marriage are “operating”. Some of them are being careless, no doubt. Some of them, I’m sure, are in love or have very strong feelings for each other. They just choose a different way of expressing it than people who choose to stay celibate. Just because one way is better for one person does not mean that that way is better for all people.

athenanyc on January 28, 2013 at 5:41 PM

He’s not as funny or entertaining or daring as he used to be. He’s gotten bland to me. I guess that’s what I mean.

John the Libertarian on January 27, 2013 at 11:11 PM

Gee that’s funny… he got you and a few others all riled up. Sounds pretty daring to me… going against your ideological flow and all…

dominigan on January 28, 2013 at 2:34 PM

Ding ding ding!!! We have a winnnnnahhhhh!

:)

AJsDaddie on January 28, 2013 at 8:30 PM

Oh and for a Christian, he definitely forgets about that whole, “Judge not lest ye be judged” thing. Horribly inconvenient when you want to go around condemning other people’s life choices and glorifying your own.

athenanyc on January 28, 2013 at 4:07 PM
.

… ye be judged.

StevenCrowder on January 28, 2013 at 4:14 PM

.
That’s a shame for you. I don’t judge you personally, although I think you’re writing does the conservative movement a tremendous disservice.

athenanyc on January 28, 2013 at 4:18 PM

.
Awright, that’ll be enough of that, you two.

The ministry of Judgement is no laughing matter.

The Almighty Heavenly Father doesn’t annoint “just anybody” with that ministry.
But I thank God everyday, that I’m “one of them.”

HEY … athenanyc ! . . . . . YOU ARE SOOO JUDGED !

listens2glenn on January 29, 2013 at 12:16 AM

Zetterson on January 28, 2013 at 10:17 AM

.
Hey . . . . . . Zetterson ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You’re judged.

listens2glenn on January 29, 2013 at 12:24 AM

Getting married is life in prison.

Having kids is a death sentence.

These are undeniable truths.

You’re welcome.

JackM on January 28, 2013 at 11:06 AM

.
Your parents were “punished with a baby”, and you were IT ?
.
.
Oh … boy . . . . . are you ever judged !

listens2glenn on January 29, 2013 at 12:30 AM

Oh, and Steven, congrats on being married for like 6 months, but still… shut up. No one cares about your personal life (or shouldn’t) and, frankly, its hard to take advice about love and relationships from a guy who was a virgin until like 6 months ago. Your thoughts on the subject are probably around what mine were when I was 16 and in love with my first girlfriend.

Timin203 on January 28, 2013 at 3:25 PM

.
Yooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu’rrrrrrrrrreJUDGED !

listens2glenn on January 29, 2013 at 12:34 AM

The further back through the comments I go, the more apparent it is that it’s worse than I thought.
.
EVERYBODY HERE IS JUDGED,

listens2glenn on January 29, 2013 at 12:42 AM

EVERYBODY HERE IS JUDGED,

listens2glenn on January 29, 2013 at 12:42 AM

.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . except me: )

listens2glenn on January 29, 2013 at 12:43 AM

Steven, please bear in mind that many people are unmarried for reasons out of their control. Some have never found romantic love or have never been able to date or court, and many people who are unmarried aren’t out “playing the field.”

In fact, “more sex” isn’t a selling point for me, personally. I’ve always defied the male stereotype that all we want is to get l— every opportunity we can get, when really I’ve never been interested in sex, whether that within a committed relationship or not.

bmmg39 on January 30, 2013 at 10:43 AM

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