Green Room

The ultimate stronghold against zombies: Ace Hardware?

posted at 3:01 pm on January 21, 2013 by

Ten minutes of strategy on the zompocalypse via one of the most popular shorts of the Sundance Film Festival. Stick around at least until the main guy describes the tactical advantages of setting up base near a retirement home.

Ace Hardware is reportedly mortified that its business was used for “a deplorable video encouraging violent behavior.” Little late for that now, guys.

Recently in the Green Room:

Blowback

Note from Hot Air management: This section is for comments from Hot Air's community of registered readers. Please don't assume that Hot Air management agrees with or otherwise endorses any particular comment just because we let it stand. A reminder: Anyone who fails to comply with our terms of use may lose their posting privilege.

Trackbacks/Pings

Trackback URL

Comments

hahaha. His license plate says Gwinnett County. That is my home country. Too funny.

Donald Draper on January 21, 2013 at 3:14 PM

county

Donald Draper on January 21, 2013 at 3:29 PM

I once read that Darwin came up with the germ of his ideas about evolution from Malthus’ treatise, An Essay on the Principle of Population, even though it was not part of Darwin’s “serious reading”. Let us hope that AP’s (and admittedly, many others’ in this age of dis-enlightenment) puerile fascination with zombies leads similarly to something more serious, in proportion with his stature vis-a-vis Darwin, of course. . .

Knott Buyinit on January 21, 2013 at 3:50 PM

Old people zombies. Heh.

Othniel on January 21, 2013 at 3:56 PM

The kid is a David Morrissey wannabe. If it is ultimately about survival, how are you going to do it without, as he said, “b*t*h*s”?

Blake on January 21, 2013 at 4:19 PM

Ace did miss an opportunity. In England, a village hardware was selling 50 Shades of Gray starter kits — rope, chains, plasticuffs, etc.

Blake on January 21, 2013 at 4:22 PM

Somebody in the posted links, said the main guy in the video got fired. That’s a shame. As silly as zombies are, it is still an excellent way of getting people to be prepared for many type of emergencies and selling them the tools and products they need. How small minded Ace Hardware is!

Blake on January 21, 2013 at 4:25 PM

Has Spike Lee figured out a way to be offended by this yet?

CrustyB on January 21, 2013 at 4:43 PM

… hope that AP’s (and admittedly, many others’ in this age of dis-enlightenment) puerile fascination with zombies leads similarly to something more serious …

Knott Buyinit on January 21, 2013 at 3:50 PM

Discussions of a posteriorily located piece of lumber aside, it may be noted that if one is prepared for the zombie apocalypse, one is appropriately prepared for the second term of Carter II as well.

M240H on January 21, 2013 at 5:11 PM

I’d go with something with a little more punch that that pellet gun.

Bruce MacMahon on January 21, 2013 at 5:29 PM

Oh good gawd that is my Ace Hardware. Was just in there on Saturday and that guy in the video helped my husband find some items.

Brat on January 21, 2013 at 5:33 PM

No. Costco. I’ve been planning it for years. It has no plate glass doors, metal fold-downs over the entrances, food, fuel, refrigeration, generators, and it’s right next door to Dick’s, Wal-Mart, Sam’s Club, and a mall.

Kids in retail aren’t the only ones who get bored. My middle-aged stay-at-home mom friend and I came up with this plan during our many shopping trips.

Costco is the ultimate zombie redoubt.

Meryl Yourish on January 21, 2013 at 6:06 PM

Meryl Yourish on January 21, 2013 at 6:06 PM

Oh Meryl, you are so right. Where on earth could you hide with a respectable amount of feminine protection other than Costco? No one calculates that into the apocalypse do they? I guess that’s why ACE was going to be “b!t@h” free.

And smokes. I figure all the survivors will become smokers to calm frazzled nerves and defeat the boredom. And to look cool too. Because you have to admit, looking cool IS part of successful survival.

I

mojowt on January 21, 2013 at 6:23 PM

That dude has too much time on his hands.

tommer74 on January 21, 2013 at 7:13 PM

Discussions of a posteriorily located piece of lumber aside, it may be noted that if one is prepared for the zombie apocalypse, one is appropriately prepared for the second term of Carter II as well.

M240H on January 21, 2013 at 5:11 PM

Yep. Prepare for Level III Zombies* and you’re almost set.

*Zeds that can use basic tools and firearms.

MelonCollie on January 21, 2013 at 8:16 PM

mojowt on January 21, 2013 at 6:23 PM

Wow, I forgot that I’d be able to smoke during the Zombie Apocalpyse. I mean, sure, it’ll be 15 years smoke-free in March, but having the world destroyed in a zombie plague has GOT to be a good reason to go back.

Meryl Yourish on January 21, 2013 at 10:46 PM

I thought it was S-Mart?

“Name’s Ash…housewares.”

jnelchef on January 21, 2013 at 10:51 PM

I thought it was S-Mart?

“Name’s Ash…housewares.”

jnelchef on January 21, 2013 at 10:51 PM

Heh.

mchristian on January 21, 2013 at 11:13 PM

I thought it’d be a video about how no one shops at Ace Hardware; so the shelves will likely be full at the onset of a zombie apocalypse.

lorien1973 on January 21, 2013 at 11:19 PM

I figured John Madden must have developed some special powers after coaching the Oakland Raiders.

viking01 on January 22, 2013 at 12:56 AM

Dude….

Put down the air gun and noone gets hurt.

WryTrvllr on January 22, 2013 at 1:03 AM

Discussions of a posteriorily located piece of lumber aside, it may be noted that if one is prepared for the zombie apocalypse, one is appropriately prepared for the second term of Carter II as well.

M240H on January 21, 2013 at 5:11 PM

Coincidental? I think not. Zombies and Obama supporters both have a lot in common.

blindside on January 22, 2013 at 9:44 AM

Coincidental? I think not. Zombies and Obama supporters both have a lot in common.

blindside

Except zombies WANT brains. obama supporters? Not so much.

Hard Right on January 22, 2013 at 9:51 AM

Costco is the ultimate zombie redoubt.

Meryl Yourish on January 21, 2013 at 6:06 PM

Had the same thought about BJ’s Wholesale. Plenty of supplies, few entry points.

roy_batty on January 22, 2013 at 9:58 AM

Had the same thought about BJ’s Wholesale. Plenty of supplies, few entry points.

roy_batty on January 22, 2013 at 9:58 AM

Are there plate glass doors and windows? That’s one of the main reasons I favor Costco. Steel doors over the entrances, windows only in the roof, inaccessible to zombies. Never been to a BJ’s Wholesale, but if it’s the same, add it to the list!

Meryl Yourish on January 22, 2013 at 10:02 AM

You folks really think those sliding door covers will keep out a few hundred or few thousand zombies pushing on them at once? Good luck with that.
Costco coffin.

Hard Right on January 22, 2013 at 10:08 AM

Except zombies WANT brains. obama supporters? Not so much.

Hard Right on January 22, 2013 at 9:51 AM

Blindside was ‘more’ right.

Obama zombies do want to eat your brain and creat more of them.

Sir Napsalot on January 22, 2013 at 10:30 AM

You folks really think those sliding door covers will keep out a few hundred or few thousand zombies pushing on them at once? Good luck with that.
Costco coffin.

Hard Right on January 22, 2013 at 10:08 AM

Spray them with a little fuel of your choice & drop a match. That should clear them away.

Blake on January 22, 2013 at 10:36 AM

Hah hah love it! Makes me want to shop at Ace

DaMav on January 22, 2013 at 10:50 AM

Spray them with a little fuel of your choice & drop a match. That should clear them away.

Blake

Nope. They will stay there and roast. Then others will step up.
Plus, the smell will make you hungry for BBQ.

Hard Right on January 22, 2013 at 11:07 AM

He is forgetting about the BigGov engineered ZOMBIE…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI_RYFQXS7o

Otherwise… best plan I’ve heard for those who are stuck near an ACE when the SHTF.

RalphyBoy on January 22, 2013 at 11:12 AM

Nope. They will stay there and roast. Then others will step up.
Plus, the smell will make you hungry for BBQ.

Hard Right on January 22, 2013 at 11:07 AM

Exactly, you have to ‘cook’ Zeds until they’re literally crispy all the way through or their brain is totally roasted. That brings us to the other problem: having enough fuel to fry them with. Gasoline, propane, wood, whatever, you’re probably gonna want it for something else at some point.

A big solar mirror MIGHT solve this problem but of course it would only work when the sun was out.

MelonCollie on January 22, 2013 at 11:14 AM

You folks really think those sliding door covers will keep out a few hundred or few thousand zombies pushing on them at once?

There are pallets and pallets of heavy things and forklifts to push them against the doors. What, you think we need all of those sofas and dollhouses and toys and books?

I tell you, I’ve been analyzing Costco for years. :-)

Meryl Yourish on January 22, 2013 at 12:09 PM

There are pallets and pallets of heavy things and forklifts to push them against the doors. What, you think we need all of those sofas and dollhouses and toys and books?

I tell you, I’ve been analyzing Costco for years.

Meryl Yourish

Tens of thousands of zombies will find a way to push that out of the way or rip it off. Remember, they don’t feel pain. So a few cuts or torn off limbs won’t stop them.
Besides, you have to get all the zombies out first(or take them out) while keeping new ones from getting in.

My suggestion is to build an underground bunker and stock it full of supplies.

Hard Right on January 22, 2013 at 1:45 PM

Tens of thousands of zombies will find a way to push that out of the way or rip it off. Remember, they don’t feel pain. So a few cuts or torn off limbs won’t stop them.

Hard Right, I don’t want to be in your Zombie Apocalypse. Too hard. I’m going to stick with mine, where the zombies don’t swarm in the tens of thousands.

:-)

Meryl Yourish on January 22, 2013 at 5:55 PM