Green Room

Advice column advice of the week

posted at 9:39 am on January 18, 2013 by

No, I’m not going to start a new feature, but I do have to admit that I like reading advice columns.  When I got a newspaper delivered to my door, I used to read them regularly (along with the comic strips, which were most of the reason I kept up my subscriptions), but over the last fifteen years I’ve read them only occasionally.  Sometimes they’re banal, sometimes infuriating, but today’s offering from Starshine Roshell made me laugh out loud, emphasis mine:

Dear Starshine,

My wife basically dresses me. I’m in my 40s, and she’s barely 30, so she has a completely different style than me. We mainly hang out with her friends, and they’re all what you’d consider hipsters. She’s taken to buying hipster clothing, and whenever I’ve deviated from wearing these things, I’ve caught hell, so I gave up. These clothes include skinny jeans, plaid shirts, cardigans, and thick-framed glasses. She even made me get a trendy haircut. The problem is, I’m my own man, and I don’t really like this look. Even more, I feel that given my age, I shouldn’t be trying to dress like someone half my age. What can I tell my wife to get “me” back?

I love this question, but let’s both acknowledge the huge fallacy in it: A guy who lets his wife dress him, gets in trouble for wearing his own clothes, and then “gives up” has no business typing the phrase “The problem is, I’m my own man.” The problem — I think we both know — is that you’re no such thing.

He does sound like a perfect hipster in that, though.

And by the way … RIP, Pauline Friedman “Dear Abby” Phillips.

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I love this question, but let’s both acknowledge the huge fallacy in it: A guy who lets his wife dress him, gets in trouble for wearing his own clothes, and then “gives up” has no business typing the phrase “The problem is, I’m my own man.”

I would add to that, if you’re writing to an advice column, then you’re not your own man either.

Flange on January 18, 2013 at 9:44 AM

Flange on January 18, 2013 at 9:44 AM

Nice.

Ed Morrissey on January 18, 2013 at 10:03 AM

I would add to that, if you’re writing to an advice column, then you’re not your own man either.

Flange on January 18, 2013 at 9:44 AM

It makes me wonder if it was supposed to be a joke.

The Rogue Tomato on January 18, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Ed Morrissey on January 18, 2013 at 10:03 AM

Thank you guys for providing a place to vent. This is cheaper than renting a room and breaking everything.

Flange on January 18, 2013 at 10:07 AM

I think making him wear skinny jeans was the tipoff — anatomically speaking. No wonder he’s depressed.

Seth Halpern on January 18, 2013 at 10:30 AM

Ha ha ha

gwelf on January 18, 2013 at 10:40 AM

Hey Ed, It did me good to see another who goes to the comics first. It is good ‘lighten the mood’ a bit before delving into the day’s reality doncha think? People who know me call that crazy. I prefer to think it helps retain some small tidbit of sanity.

manyears on January 18, 2013 at 11:27 AM

Guys who no longer dress themselves is nothing new.

Old (late 80′s/early 90′s) standup routine: Guy talks about shopping for clothes when his wife is around. He motions holding up something. “‘Honey, do I like this? No? OK, just checking.’ Used to be I could dress in a manner that initially atracted my wife. Or maybe she just saw me back then and said, “Wow, now there’s a fixer-upper!”

apostic on January 18, 2013 at 11:34 AM

That guy needs some guy friends so he doesn’t have to resort to being humiliated in print.

I value female advice when purchasing clothes but I have to like it first before seeking that advice and it is easy to turn down suggestions I don’t like. Being afflicted with color blindness mandates a sanity check before heading out to meet clients.

lexhamfox on January 18, 2013 at 11:51 AM

Someone needs to knock this guy over the head, stuff him in the trunk of a muscle car, and drive him to the nearest hardware store. Make him spend no less than $500 on power tools.

Strip the mom jeans from his backside with a deer skinning knife and put him in some BDU’s. Send his ass into the forest and don’t let him come out until he’s killed something for dinner with his bare hands.

STAT!!!

CurtZHP on January 18, 2013 at 12:27 PM

I’m with you, Ed. I get regional papers for the lifestyle/comics/crosswords and rarely read the stories or editorials because they are all so predictably Left. Which is synonymous with boring. Reagle is my favorite crossword craftsman.

John the Libertarian on January 18, 2013 at 1:14 PM

I think making him wear skinny jeans was the tipoff — anatomically speaking. No wonder he’s depressed.

Seth Halpern on January 18, 2013 at 10:30 AM

Meaning there’s no room for his “junk” inside?

Steve Z on January 18, 2013 at 1:31 PM

He’s going to go along with everything she wants and then be confused when she loses interest in him.

TexasDan on January 18, 2013 at 2:29 PM

I think making him wear skinny jeans was the tipoff — anatomically speaking. No wonder he’s depressed.

Seth Halpern on January 18, 2013 at 10:30 AM

Meaning there’s no room for his “junk” inside?

Steve Z on January 18, 2013 at 1:31 PM

We already know he doesn’t have any balls, so whats the problem?

woodNfish on January 18, 2013 at 2:34 PM

I’m surprised no one has commented on the obvious problem with this guy other than the fact he’s a beta male like AP and that is “what the hell did he expect when he married someone almost half his age!”

Seriously, I don’t feel for the guy at all! If he didn’t want to be transformed into a “hipster” and wanted to be “his own man” why in the hell did he marry a young hipster half his age! Didn’t it occur to him when they were dating that they were from two different eras?

Stupid is as stupid does…bet the farm this marriage ends in the not too distant future…

Liberty or Death on January 18, 2013 at 2:43 PM

@Liberty or Death: Sartorially speaking, she’s already pushing the age limit for hipsterdom and approaching doofus territory. So maybe she’s the one who needs the lecture.

That said, I don’t see what’s wrong with plaid shirts, cardigans and thick-framed glasses. My father used to wear them all the time on woodsy trails with chinos, a leisure jacket, a crushable hat, warm socks, sturdy lace-up shoes and a hefty branch qua walking stick.

Seth Halpern on January 18, 2013 at 3:35 PM

This is a pretty common hazard of marrying your daughter’s friend.

BobMbx on January 19, 2013 at 1:24 PM