Green Room

Good news: White House petition to build the Death Star passes 25,000 signatures

posted at 2:46 pm on December 13, 2012 by

Via BuzzFeed, they’re at 25,222 and counting as I write this. Which, per the rules of the White House’s silly petition gimmick site, means some poor intern on their communications team will now have to fart out an official administration response.

The estimated cost of building the Death Star, by the way, is $15.6 septillion, which is right in the butter zone for an Obama public works project. In an age of drone warfare, why not build the biggest drone of all?

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Saw people on Reddit treating this like the ‘official response’ would come from Obama himself. I pity the intern who has to respond to crap like this.

John_Locke on December 13, 2012 at 2:50 PM

Oh, come on. This should be the perfect public works project for Obama’s administration, and it should tickle Paul Krugman pink, what with his “alien invasion stimulus plan”. Bernanke would love to crank the printing presses up to full tilt to print the required $15.6 septillion, inflation be damned.

And let’s be honest, who here can’t easily picture Obama pinching his fingers together, choking the ever-loving snot out of a room full of business tycoons, while intoning in his best James Earl Jones voice, “I find your lack of faith… disturbing.”

gravityman on December 13, 2012 at 2:57 PM

He would build it if it were a “green” Death Star.

tommer74 on December 13, 2012 at 3:00 PM

Well, a Death Star would be the perfect tool for vaporizing any rogue planets on a collision course with Earth. But, we’d better get it built right quick, since Nibiru is supposed to be here in eight days, right? Chop, chop.

Hayabusa on December 13, 2012 at 3:11 PM

Nibiru is supposed to be here in eight days, right?
Hayabusa on December 13, 2012 at 3:11 PM

Wasn’t Niburu one of the kids on the Cosby Show?

CorporatePiggy on December 13, 2012 at 3:14 PM

Also, just in case the London gig doesn’t work out, Obama can always reward Anna Wintour for her campaign help by sending her to command the Death Star. She’d be perfect for the position, since she’s evil, vindictive, and already has her own helmet.

Hayabusa on December 13, 2012 at 3:16 PM

Hee… Conservatives can sometimes think outside the box. I wonder who came up with this amusing idea.

Illinidiva on December 13, 2012 at 3:19 PM

We can easily pay for this, just mint a single 16 septillion dollar platinum coin.

Ars Moriendi on December 13, 2012 at 3:37 PM

Yet the petition to pull Jerry Jones as GM of the Cowboys under reasons of human right violation was pulled after 5k votes. What gives?

hungrymongo on December 13, 2012 at 3:49 PM

septillion

Please no one tell Obama about this number.

agmartin on December 13, 2012 at 3:55 PM

Yet the petition to pull Jerry Jones as GM of the Cowboys under reasons of human right violation was pulled after 5k votes. What gives?

hungrymongo on December 13, 2012 at 3:49 PM

It got defeated by an alternate petition to keep Jerry Jones as the GM, which was signed by every Redskins, Giants, & Eagles fan. :)

22044 on December 13, 2012 at 3:55 PM

Well, after Texas’ seccession petition is accepted Texas will build it alone. We’ll call it Death Star Alamo. It will run on frijoles.

jl on December 13, 2012 at 3:59 PM

The administration has already built “The Debt Star”, so why not?

sandspur on December 13, 2012 at 4:01 PM

Well, this would solve the unemployment problem…

Nethicus on December 13, 2012 at 4:17 PM

But, we’d better get it built right quick, since Nibiru is supposed to be here in eight days, right? Chop, chop.

Hayabusa on December 13, 2012 at 3:11 PM

I don’t know much about it. Bat $hit crazy apocalyptic science is not my field but, I would think that we would see it by now? Is it really little?

Frank Enstine on December 13, 2012 at 4:22 PM

Well, this would solve the unemployment problem…

Nethicus on December 13, 2012 at 4:17 PM

And with BOcare we would get all the space sickness pills free. Yippee!

Frank Enstine on December 13, 2012 at 4:23 PM

Hmm, I wonder if they build the Death Star if it will have that tiny thermal exhaust port right to the main reactor?

Imrahil on December 13, 2012 at 5:03 PM

If you look at the names, you’ll see that men outnumber women at least 10 to 1. That really burns my hide. Women are always big on government spending, oh they just love it when the federal government spends money it doesn’t have, money for this, money for that, lunch programs, birth control, quantitative easing, but right on lefty cue, if that government spending can be used to create a small artificial moon with enough firepower to destroy a planet and smash a rebel alliance once and for all, then, all of sudden, they become small government fiscal conservatives.

We know whose side women are on.

keep the change on December 13, 2012 at 5:08 PM

I still believe Joe Biden started this petition.

ButterflyDragon on December 13, 2012 at 5:47 PM

Uh. Hello. Cheaper to build a single X-Wing.

Axe on December 13, 2012 at 6:43 PM

Darth Wintour

Drill and Fill on December 13, 2012 at 9:02 PM

Well, they DO already have the evil Emperor working to destroy the Republic!!!

dominigan on December 13, 2012 at 9:14 PM

“…Butter zone for an Obama public works project.”

ROTFLMAO!!

God save the Republic.

locomotivebreath1901 on December 14, 2012 at 12:00 AM

But will it go RIDICULOUS SPEED?

hillbillyjim on December 15, 2012 at 6:16 PM