Green Room

Great news: DHS totally prepared for the zombie apocalypse

posted at 2:31 pm on December 5, 2012 by

Well, this is a load off of my mind:

Most believe zombies are relegated to the movies and video games, but Oklahoma Republican Sen. Tom Coburn has highlighted the Department of Homeland Security’s participation in a staged “zombie apocalypse.”

According to Coburn’s most recent oversight report “Safety at Any Price: Assessing the Impact of Homeland Security Spending in U.S. Cities,” first responders were approved grant funds for a $1,000 entry fee to a week-long HALO Counter-Terrorism Summit in San Diego where the “marquee” event was a demonstration of a “zombie apocalypse.”

“[Strategic Operations] performed two shows on Halloween, which featured 40 actors dressed as zombies getting gunned down by a military tactical unit. Conference attendees were invited to watch the shows as part of their education in emergency response training. [HALO president Brad] Barker explained that, ‘the idea is to challenge authorities as they respond to extreme medical situations where people become crazed and violent, creating widespread fear and disorder,’” the report reads.

We’ve spent $35 billion since 2003 on DHS grants, and we’re just now closing the gap on zombie-apocalypse preparation?  I’ll bet that China is way ahead of us in this area.

Nor is that the only silliness Coburn found:

Also highlighted in the report is an underwater robot purchased with a $98,000 grant to look for “sunken treasure,” surveillance at the Seattle Mariners and San Diego Padres spring training facilities at a price of $90,000, a Bearcat armored vehicles to protect a small town’s pumpkin festival, $41,000 for a Remote-Control Helicopter in Seattle and $6,200 in sno-cone machine purchases.

Sno-Cones – the last line of defense against zombies on the loose …

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Is this why they spent about a trillion dollars in FY 2012(in insurance)???

DeathtotheSwiss on December 5, 2012 at 2:35 PM

The Zombie Apocalypse already happened a few weeks ago.

CurtZHP on December 5, 2012 at 2:37 PM

That’s why they purchased all that .40 cal hollowpoint ammo.

Dugg41 on December 5, 2012 at 3:25 PM

Sno-Cones – the last line of defense against zombies on the loose …

Only if they’re brain flavored……

CurtZHP on December 5, 2012 at 2:37 PM

I tend to agree.

GWB on December 5, 2012 at 3:33 PM

$90,000, a Bearcat armored vehicles to protect a small town’s pumpkin festival,

Our county sheriff procured 10 brand new heavily armored custom trucks to the tune of $400,000 a piece.

It wasn’t for the pumpkins, it was to deter the North Koreans.

CorporatePiggy on December 5, 2012 at 3:54 PM

If the plan was to arm all of the citizenry (like the Swiss), I’d be cool with the idea

krome on December 5, 2012 at 5:03 PM

I wonder if they also bought up most of the Zombie Ammo I’ve seen on the shelves. It’s got special green painted tips, which I’m sure must kill zombies better. I’ve only seen it in very small boxes – so the feds must have most of it.

Is /sarc really necessary for this post?
I haven’t graduated from the Bishop school yet, so I don’t know….

dentarthurdent on December 5, 2012 at 5:36 PM

Also highlighted in the report is an underwater robot purchased with a $98,000 grant to look for “sunken treasure,”

Well, the democrats have to fund their spending habits somehow. It’s good to see they are looking ahead to after they tax people to death.

Sterling Holobyte on December 5, 2012 at 5:42 PM

I wonder if they also bought up most of the Zombie Ammo I’ve seen on the shelves. It’s got special green painted tips, which I’m sure must kill zombies better. I’ve only seen it in very small boxes – so the feds must have most of it.

Is /sarc really necessary for this post?
I haven’t graduated from the Bishop school yet, so I don’t know….

dentarthurdent on December 5, 2012 at 5:36 PM

I know, I know.

Funny, but its the SAME ammo as Critical Defense, simply with a different color plastic plug. Same spec and all. Too bad it got all that bad rep by now, people are afraid to buy/use it in self defense due to supposed legal issues.

I am actually tempted, see it in some places for 20-25% less than comparable CD boxes. Works for me…

riddick on December 5, 2012 at 6:35 PM