Green Room

Man Tells Kids Santa Isn’t Real, Gets Arrested

posted at 3:15 pm on November 26, 2012 by

The actual charges stemmed from violations other than sand-bagging unsuspecting children with the ultimate spoiler, but still:

A real-life Grinch was arrested after he spoiled the holiday cheer at a parade, telling children that Santa isn’t real. The unidentified 24-year-old man, who had his hair gelled to look as though devil horns were protruding from his head, was arrested by police in the Canadian town of Kingston last week during the annual Santa Claus parade, authorities said in statement. The St. Nicholas naysayer faces criminal charges of causing a disturbance by being drunk and breach of probation.

This guy sounds like a real prince.  Pro-tip: If you’re on probation, don’t get hammered and rob little kids of one of the unique joys of early childhood.  For whatever reason, I’m always interested to hear how friends of mine eventually discovered (ahem) the truth about ‘Ole St. Nick.  Perhaps this fascination is borne out of my woefully underdeveloped theory that this picayune developmental milestone may offer some insight into one’s broader outlook on life.  Getting accosted by a drunk twenty-something wearing fake devil horns at a Christmas-themed parade might just scrape the bottom of the Santa revelation barrel, no?   As for yours truly, I confronted my mother at age five — demanding the truth after quite a lot of ruminating and skepticism over the basic logistics of Santa’s supposed delivery methods.  Caught off guard and unsure about how to proceed, she leveled with me.  Fire away, armchair psychologists.

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I asked Santa for a new President last year.

Obviously, Santa is either dead or in a jail some where.

LoganSix on November 26, 2012 at 3:30 PM

Older sisters. But I had my doubts anyway.

rbj on November 26, 2012 at 3:34 PM

Of course Santa’s real. 51% of the country voted for him.

Duane Patterson on November 26, 2012 at 3:40 PM

What is the difference between most Obama voters and little children regarding Santa Clause? No too much… Children believe that Santa Clause give them gifts and not knowing that these gifts are paid for by their parents… Most Obama voters, the parasite class, believe that the government is their Santa Clause who is bringing them gifts and they either do not know or do not give a f*** that these gifts are paid for by taxpayers money…

Have you seen the huge number of parasites shopping in the last few days? I have seen the videos of shopping and I am certain that a large number of these shoppers are parasites who are shopping using the taxpayers money given to them by the government…

mnjg on November 26, 2012 at 3:42 PM

When I was about eight or nine I ended the dream for a younger kid, about five or six. I was scolded harshly for it, and that moment remains one of my greatest regrets to this day, the one action I feel most badly about. It is certainly one of the first things I would change if I could go back and do it all over again.

vegconservative on November 26, 2012 at 3:43 PM

Of course Santa’s real. 51% of the country voted for him.

Duane Patterson on November 26, 2012 at 3:40 PM

Yeah and most of them are expecting gift from Santa Clause… And as little children who do not know that the gifts given to them by Santa are paid by their parents, in the same manner most of the Obama voters, the parasite class, believe that the government is their Santa Clause who is bringing them gifts and they either do not know or do not give a f*** that these gifts are paid for by taxpayers money…

mnjg on November 26, 2012 at 3:44 PM

As for yours truly, I confronted my mother at age five — demanding the truth after quite a lot of ruminating and skepticism over the basic logistics of Santa’s supposed delivery methods.

Obviously, the correct answer is that Santa has many many helpers.

Blake on November 26, 2012 at 3:46 PM

I’m more shocked to learn that there was a Santa parade in Canada. I would expect that there would be a high probability for someone to be offended by such an event, necessitating its cancellation.

rw on November 26, 2012 at 3:49 PM

The actual charges stemmed from violations other than sand-bagging unsuspecting children with the ultimate spoiler….

I’m not sure that’s quite the ultimate spoiler, AP!

Marsili.us on November 26, 2012 at 3:51 PM

devil horns were protruding from his head,

You Republicans are always haters. I guess you’re against devil marriage also, huh?

faraway on November 26, 2012 at 4:00 PM

I can’t remember how I learned “the truth,” but I definitely remember my little sister declaring to my parents one day that she was going to stop giving them Christmas presents because they never gave her any.

At that moment, they decided to tell her where all those Christmas gifts were really coming from.

If only we could get the message across to all those 0bama voters…..

and they either do not know or do not give a f*** that these gifts are paid for by taxpayers money…

mnjg on November 26, 2012 at 3:44 PM

As it was recently put by (I believe) Mark Steyn, those “gifts” are not just paid for with current taxpayers’ money, but by taxing wages that have yet to be earned by wage earners who have yet to be born.

UltimateBob on November 26, 2012 at 4:04 PM

As for yours truly, I confronted my mother at age five — demanding the truth after quite a lot of ruminating and skepticism over the basic logistics of Santa’s supposed delivery methods.

Obviously, the correct answer is that Santa has many many helpers.

Blake on November 26, 2012 at 3:46 PM

I remember one year, my kids came to me in an absolute panic, wondering how Santa was going to get in since our house does not have a chimney. I simply explained to them that, since I tend to stay up late anyway, I just let him in the front door. He parks the sleigh in the driveway, and I go out and feed the reindeer while he unloads the loot.

They took to preparing a jar of reindeer feed every year (small mason jar filled with Quaker Oats), and leaving it for Santa, next to the cookies and can of Coke. (I told them Santa prefers Coke. Why else would his picture be on the can?)

On Christmas Eve one year, they insisted on spreading the oats in the driveway. Before they got up the next morning, I ran out and swept up the oats so they’d think the deer had eaten them.

CurtZHP on November 26, 2012 at 4:06 PM

My kids are grown and have professional careers and still believe in Santa Claus…they learned real early, if you don’t believe, he won’t come.
Now they believe in the “gift” of giving, that Santa represents the purity of gift…and that when you give it’s of pure heart.

right2bright on November 26, 2012 at 4:18 PM

Maybe I myself am just a grinch too, but I can never understand why lying to our children, only to tell them the truth later in life and realize we’d been deceiving them the whole time is a “unique joy”. Doesn’t anyone remember the utter disappointment they felt when they found out the truth? Or maybe how stupid you felt for not figuring it out on your own? Or how about the trust you felt in your parents for lying to you year after year?

I think the way I’ll handle this with my own kids is to give them gifts from Santa, but only the gifts they aren’t that excited about, like clothes, or books. The toys and the cool stuff will come from my wife and I.

conservativeinthecity on November 26, 2012 at 4:27 PM

On Christmas Eve one year, they insisted on spreading the oats in the driveway. Before they got up the next morning, I ran out and swept up the oats so they’d think the deer had eaten them.

CurtZHP on November 26, 2012 at 4:06 PM

You should have put some rabbit poop out there and told the kids it was reindeer crap!

But seriously, that’s a cute story.

UltimateBob on November 26, 2012 at 4:28 PM

You should have put some rabbit poop out there and told the kids it was reindeer crap!

UltimateBob on November 26, 2012 at 4:28 PM

I told them I shovel that up and throw it in the neighbor’s yard.

CurtZHP on November 26, 2012 at 4:33 PM

Doesn’t anyone remember the utter disappointment they felt when they found out the truth? Or maybe how stupid you felt for not figuring it out on your own? Or how about the trust you felt in your parents for lying to you year after year?

No.

CurtZHP on November 26, 2012 at 4:34 PM

Maybe I myself am just a grinch too,

Yep.

Doesn’t anyone remember the utter disappointment they felt when they found out the truth? Or maybe how stupid you felt for not figuring it out on your own? Or how about the trust you felt in your parents for lying to you year after year?

conservativeinthecity on November 26, 2012 at 4:27 PM

Nope.

besser tot als rot on November 26, 2012 at 4:38 PM

I found out the truth about Santa when I found a bunch of my presents hidden in my mom’s closet. When I opened those presents on Christmas day I confronted them and they leveled with me LOL

NerwenAldarion on November 26, 2012 at 4:47 PM

My parents never lied to me about Santa. My dad is a pastor, so our Christmas celebrations were always about Jesus, and how his gifts to us aren’t earned by being “nice” instead of “naughty”, but they come solely from his limitless, abounding love. We knew about the idea of him from Christmas TV specials and from other kids, but all of my presents were marked “To John from Mom and Dad” or “To John from Grandma and Grandpa” or whatever. They did make sure to tell me not to ruin other kids’ Christmas by telling them that Santa wasn’t real.

My sister raised her kids the same way… they knew about the concept of Santa from pop culture and their friends, but never “believed” in him as someone who actually existed and gave them gifts. Caused a bit of friction with her in-laws, if I remember correctly. Unfortunately, my sister-in-law convinced my brother to have gifts from “Santa” under the tree for their kids. That’s one tearful future Christmas that didn’t need to happen that way.

TSUGambler on November 26, 2012 at 4:52 PM

On Christmas Eve one year, they insisted on spreading the oats in the driveway. Before they got up the next morning, I ran out and swept up the oats so they’d think the deer had eaten them.

CurtZHP on November 26, 2012 at 4:06 PM

That made me smile. Thanks.

sharrukin on November 26, 2012 at 5:14 PM

My parents never lied to me about Santa. My dad is a pastor, so our Christmas celebrations were always about Jesus, and how his gifts to us aren’t earned by being “nice” instead of “naughty”, but they come solely from his limitless, abounding love. We knew about the idea of him from Christmas TV specials and from other kids, but all of my presents were marked “To John from Mom and Dad” or “To John from Grandma and Grandpa” or whatever. They did make sure to tell me not to ruin other kids’ Christmas by telling them that Santa wasn’t real.

My sister raised her kids the same way… they knew about the concept of Santa from pop culture and their friends, but never “believed” in him as someone who actually existed and gave them gifts. Caused a bit of friction with her in-laws, if I remember correctly. Unfortunately, my sister-in-law convinced my brother to have gifts from “Santa” under the tree for their kids. That’s one tearful future Christmas that didn’t need to happen that way.

TSUGambler on November 26, 2012 at 4:52 PM

Oh, please.

Growing up believing in Santa Claus has not impacted on my faith in Jesus Christ and his “limitless, abounding love”. Nor did it result in even one “tearful” Christmas for me. And I suspect the same is true for most other kids.

Shump on November 26, 2012 at 5:19 PM

What? No video?

Because I’m kinda with horns guy on this one. He’d have to be Bill Murray to pull it off right, though.

The parents of some of our kids friends got up in the middle of us one time before anything had happened when they became aware that our kids knew Santa was not real. And their kids still did, which is fine, but you have to let nature take it’s course.

On the plus side, they way they handled that situation told me everything I needed to know about them.

TexasDan on November 26, 2012 at 5:24 PM

conservativeinthecity on November 26, 2012 at 4:27 PM

After a great deal of demanding from my daughter, I explained that St. Nicholas was a real man who lived a long time ago. He used to give gifts to those in need without ever letting any know who gave them. I explained that we continue the tradition of giving in his name so that we can see the joy of our children without expecting anything in return.

Of course, she knows about the gifts from the three wise men to Jesus that started the whole thing.

Laura in Maryland on November 26, 2012 at 5:24 PM

My parents never lied to me about Santa. My dad is a pastor, so our Christmas celebrations were always about Jesus, and how his gifts to us aren’t earned by being “nice” instead of “naughty”, but they come solely from his limitless, abounding love. We knew about the idea of him from Christmas TV specials and from other kids, but all of my presents were marked “To John from Mom and Dad” or “To John from Grandma and Grandpa” or whatever. They did make sure to tell me not to ruin other kids’ Christmas by telling them that Santa wasn’t real.

My sister raised her kids the same way… they knew about the concept of Santa from pop culture and their friends, but never “believed” in him as someone who actually existed and gave them gifts. Caused a bit of friction with her in-laws, if I remember correctly. Unfortunately, my sister-in-law convinced my brother to have gifts from “Santa” under the tree for their kids. That’s one tearful future Christmas that didn’t need to happen that way.

TSUGambler on November 26, 2012 at 4:52 PM

As a Christian-loving atheist, the irony of this post blows me away.

ClassicCon on November 26, 2012 at 5:43 PM

My Mom told the “big” kids that it was fun for the little ones to believe in Santa. Everybody figured it out eventually-no hard feelings. And we never had a problem at midnight Mass wondering who was the reason for the season.

2L8 on November 26, 2012 at 6:19 PM

I cannot ever think of a time in which I believed in Santa Clause. I can remember back to about age 3. My stance then was much much like it is today. If you want to give someone something, you should do it at the first opportunity. Christmas is about Jesus, not about feeding capitalism. Needless to say, people who love these celebrations and the perverted types that they are, will find me a heartless cold person. I do not celebrate Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any of the lesser celebrations.

Sure, we eat turkey and we will probably even paint eggs and we love to go see the fireworks and the lights other people put up. But I do not celebrate the day. I love Jesus every day. I remember that he had to die to wipe away the sins I admit to him every day. I appreciate my wife every day. I appreciate my daughter every day. Making it around the sun one more time just does not seem like a great accomplishment to me. As for the nation, every day since TARP I have pretty much liked it less and less. 2010 gave me hope that things were going to change, but 2011 restarted the slide downward.

astonerii on November 26, 2012 at 6:29 PM

TSUGambler on November 26, 2012 at 4:52 PM

On this side of the coin, we (my wife and kids, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law) went to a Christmas eve service at the Air Force Academy Cadet Chapel a few years ago, and the minister turned his sermon into a Santa Claus and Darwin bashing session. My kids were old enough that it didn’t bother them much, but we’ve never been back.

dentarthurdent on November 26, 2012 at 6:58 PM

I remember growing a bit skeptical one year, but not really wanting to know for sure, so I never asked and no one ever sat me down and gave me the news…I kind of figured it out myself at some point. Though I was raised with a father who rooted for the Grinch and told me every year during the annual airing of The Wizard of Oz that *this* year, Toto died at the hands of the witch…great, fun, wonderful memories and I wouldn’t have had it any other way (and my kids were raised the same way and so far don’t seem to need therapy!).

ellifint on November 26, 2012 at 8:50 PM

Of course Santa’s real. 51% of the country voted for him.

Duane Patterson on November 26, 2012 at 3:40 PM

Winner!

HiJack on November 26, 2012 at 10:24 PM