Green Room

Report: Guy Fieri’s restaurant exactly as good as you’d expect it to be

posted at 1:46 pm on November 14, 2012 by

Not our usual fare but it’s too zesty not to share. I can’t take Fieri for more than two minutes at a time, and I say that as someone who’ll happily watch hours-long blocs of “Man vs. Food.” So part of the enjoyment here is schadenfreude.

But, in fairness to him, it’s a Times restaurant review. Are they really the target customer? If you’re planning on eating at Fieri’s tourist trap despite thousands upon thousands of superior alternatives nearby, it’s not because you’re intent on having a good meal. It’s because you like, or hate, Guy Fieri and you’re curious to see what sort of product he puts his name to. Mystery solved:

Did you notice that the menu was an unreliable predictor of what actually came to the table? Were the “bourbon butter crunch chips” missing from your Almond Joy cocktail, too? Was your deep-fried “boulder” of ice cream the size of a standard scoop?

What exactly about a small salad with four or five miniature croutons makes Guy’s Famous Big Bite Caesar (a) big (b) famous or (c) Guy’s, in any meaningful sense?

Were you struck by how very far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are? If you hadn’t come up with the recipe yourself, would you ever guess that the shiny tissue of breading that exudes grease onto the plate contains either pretzels or smoked almonds? Did you discern any buttermilk or brine in the white meat, or did you think it tasted like chewy air?…

Is this how you roll in Flavor Town?

Shot in the dark: Any New York readers been to Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar? It’s not that bad, is it?

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