Green Room

Report: Guy Fieri’s restaurant exactly as good as you’d expect it to be

posted at 1:46 pm on November 14, 2012 by

Not our usual fare but it’s too zesty not to share. I can’t take Fieri for more than two minutes at a time, and I say that as someone who’ll happily watch hours-long blocs of “Man vs. Food.” So part of the enjoyment here is schadenfreude.

But, in fairness to him, it’s a Times restaurant review. Are they really the target customer? If you’re planning on eating at Fieri’s tourist trap despite thousands upon thousands of superior alternatives nearby, it’s not because you’re intent on having a good meal. It’s because you like, or hate, Guy Fieri and you’re curious to see what sort of product he puts his name to. Mystery solved:

Did you notice that the menu was an unreliable predictor of what actually came to the table? Were the “bourbon butter crunch chips” missing from your Almond Joy cocktail, too? Was your deep-fried “boulder” of ice cream the size of a standard scoop?

What exactly about a small salad with four or five miniature croutons makes Guy’s Famous Big Bite Caesar (a) big (b) famous or (c) Guy’s, in any meaningful sense?

Were you struck by how very far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are? If you hadn’t come up with the recipe yourself, would you ever guess that the shiny tissue of breading that exudes grease onto the plate contains either pretzels or smoked almonds? Did you discern any buttermilk or brine in the white meat, or did you think it tasted like chewy air?…

Is this how you roll in Flavor Town?

Shot in the dark: Any New York readers been to Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar? It’s not that bad, is it?

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May the Internet never forget that his real name is Guy Ferry.

JohnTant on November 14, 2012 at 1:51 PM

If this means that Food Network will change its programming to have something besides DDD 24/7, sounds like a great trade

gatorboy on November 14, 2012 at 1:52 PM

I can’t take Fieri for more than two minutes at a time

But he’s the Chris Matthews of food. Big star. And he has a Camaro.

forest on November 14, 2012 at 1:53 PM

lol @ food critics.

DeathtotheSwiss on November 14, 2012 at 1:56 PM

LOL…I actually like his show though I don’t really know why.

The best part is when someone says a cliche or catchphrase that’s been around FOREVER and he says “Hey, you’re stealing my line!” as if he invented it.

JadeNYU on November 14, 2012 at 2:00 PM

Guy rocks! As for his place in NYC – I’ll put it on my list of places to visit next time I am in town and make my own judgement.

And I love DDD. Some fun places there but you know what you get – a diner, drive-in or dive. So set your expectations accordingly.

GoodAg77 on November 14, 2012 at 2:04 PM

Maybe Guy is trying to keep the New York Food Police’s “portion size” Gestapo off his back?

portlandon on November 14, 2012 at 2:11 PM

I don’t know about the food, but that review was unreadable.

rbj on November 14, 2012 at 2:11 PM

Any New York readers been to Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar? It’s not that bad, is it?

do you know a single new yorker who ever eats on times square?

sesquipedalian on November 14, 2012 at 2:11 PM

1) No restaurant in Time Square is going to be any good. See this book for a reason why. Basically, the better the location, the higher the rent, the lowest-common-denominator-ish the food will be.

2) I like the DDD show because he highlights a lot of awesome food that’s being done out there. I’ve been to some of the DDD locations and they are as good or better than they looked on the show.

3) NY Times? Really?

Nessuno on November 14, 2012 at 2:18 PM

I’ve never eaten anything outside of a pizza or a deli sandwich in Manhattan that wasn’t mediocre, overpriced or both.

Rocks on November 14, 2012 at 2:26 PM

Sucks when the “period” key gets broken and you have finish your sentences with only question marks…

Hat Trick on November 14, 2012 at 2:26 PM

2) I like the DDD show because he highlights a lot of awesome food that’s being done out there. I’ve been to some of the DDD locations and they are as good or better than they looked on the show.

Nessuno on November 14, 2012 at 2:18 PM

I’m with you. I don’t mind Fieri and he’s uncovered some great food and great places all over the country, even though I haven’t been to any of them. But I have picked up some cooking tips and ideas for new things to cook. I’d also bet that most of the food these places are serving has to make FLOTUS Mooch and Mayor Bloomie want to pass out.

stukinIL4now on November 14, 2012 at 2:26 PM

Meh, I used to like Johnny Garlic’s here in little Windsor, CA, because it was a moderately priced but somewhat innovative family-friendly restaurant. After Guy got big I’ve only been once – now it’s overpriced foo foo. So many better options.

Xasprtr on November 14, 2012 at 2:33 PM

I don’t know about the food, but that review was unreadable.

rbj on November 14, 2012 at 2:11 PM

Oh, I thought it was just me suffering from the after lunch sleepies. Who writes this stuff is a better question than who eats it.

For the record, I don’t mind Guy. I just don’t think of him as a chef. He’s a personality.

Fallon on November 14, 2012 at 2:35 PM

I’m with you. I don’t mind Fieri and he’s uncovered some great food and great places all over the country, even though I haven’t been to any of them. But I have picked up some cooking tips and ideas for new things to cook. I’d also bet that most of the food these places are serving has to make FLOTUS Mooch and Mayor Bloomie want to pass out.

stukinIL4now on November 14, 2012 at 2:26 PM

I wanted to make it to one of the places he visited, Avila’s Mexican Restaurant, on Maple Avenue in Dallas (old Little Mexico), and, unfortunately, I didn’t get there soon enough. Family squabbles and division between the Avilas almost ruined the place, with one of the sons stripping the equipment out, and a judge ordering him to return it:

http://www.dallasnews.com/business/headlines/20100219-Judge-orders-operator-of-Dallas-diner-1598.ece

Ward Cleaver on November 14, 2012 at 2:41 PM

All I can say is, the burgers on Carnival are much better now as Guy’s Burger Joint than they were before.

LoganSix on November 14, 2012 at 2:52 PM

Guy is not an intellectual elitist snob from New York. Worse, he is from California (via Ohio). When you start there as a baseline with the NYT, you can’t expect a glowing review.

Remind me again. Who reads the NYT?

Carnac on November 14, 2012 at 2:52 PM

Guy is an insufferable douche bag. Of course he fits in with others like Tyler Florence and Bobby Flay. Seriously, who wears their sunglasses on the back of his head?

I’ve been to most of the restaurants he’s been to in southeast Louisiana and I find it funny how some will make a dish just for him rather than their usual menu. Like most of those shows, lot of that is staged.

Lay-Z on November 14, 2012 at 2:52 PM

May the Internet never forget that his real name is Guy Ferry.

JohnTant on November 14, 2012 at 1:51 PM

It can be said his “real” name is Fieri. He changed it back to Fieri in honor of his immigrant grandfather, Giuseppe Fieri.

But you go ahead and keep on hatin’. It suits you.

Dominion on November 14, 2012 at 2:57 PM

Ward Cleaver on November 14, 2012 at 2:41 PM

One of the Avila boys opened Mextopia on lower lower Greenville. You could try that it’s not too bad.

Aggie85 on November 14, 2012 at 3:08 PM

These empanadas on Times Square were actually pretty amazing:
http://www.foodrepublic.com/2012/01/27/nuchas-empanadas-serving-times-square

Ronchris on November 14, 2012 at 3:09 PM

I like Guy Fieri because he is hated by all the right people, basically the faux-elitist smacked asses that voted in Obama again.

They’d accept him more if his list of buzzwords included “organic” and “sustainable” instead of “bananas,” “rockstar,” and “money.”

Nick_Angel on November 14, 2012 at 3:16 PM

I have actually had some very good pub food at the ESPN Zone and Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square. And some really crappy and overpriced food at the ultra-hip Club Iridium. There’s good and bad food all over the city.

rockmom on November 14, 2012 at 3:18 PM

I really didn’t expect to like Guy (shamefully admit to being turned off by the tatoos and freaky hair and rather loud personality on the NFNS) but my husband and I like him and love DDD. As a pilot, my husband goes to most of the cities with restaurants DDD has showcased and he’s been to a number of them, all with very good reports back. As far as Guy’s own food, I’ve never been to one of his places, but I did get his cookbook for Christmas last year (from husband) and everything I’ve tried has been tasty. Coincidentally, I’m making his cioppino tonight. I’ve been wanting to try it since I read the recipe, and Publix had crab on sale this week! So… I hope it is as good as it looks, cause it still ain’t cheap!

pannw on November 14, 2012 at 3:36 PM

Here in Sacramento, we have his Tex Wasabi, and I have been to the Johnny Garlic’s as well.

Nothing to write home about. Go to Claimjumpers or Cheesecake Factory for a similar food quality experience but without the stranger flavor combos..

Of note: Tex Wasabi usually has some impossible to find cult Chinese movie ala Crouching Dragon or a cool Japanese anime series playing on the big screen instead of sports. No, not worth the effort, just google it and watch it online with some decent chickenwings and Dim Sum.

Neither requires understanding what they are saying or what is going on. Just sit back and enjoy the crazy special effects.

What I really object to is the popularization of once fun local spots where we did not have to wait for a table or deal with suits/visitors from out of town. Usually craps out the food quality as they cannot relieved in the sudden quantities required.

Golden Bear and Gatsby’s have suffered from quality issues, imho.
Jamie’s used to be a place where you could go have a cold beer and a meal with no one crowding your table or spot at the bar. A kind of “hell with everything, I am gonna have me a sammich” place where you can clock out from the world and find your bearings.

Squeeze Inn went bigtime, with 4 locations now and the small spot they were in overwhelmed by the new influx.
It was a refuge after my other secret spot in a 50′s corrugated steel Quonset hut that made sandwiches from homecured salami and other tasty meats. Complete with Olympia Beer signs, old guys in overalls, steeltoe boots and flannel shirts even in 100 degree weather and lovely wood paneled walls with cigarette smoked stained ceiling tiles.

Snowblind on November 14, 2012 at 3:48 PM

May the Internet never forget that his real name is Guy Ferry.

JohnTant on November 14, 2012 at 1:51 PM

Actually the gays kinda don’t like Guy. A gay producer sprung a segment on Guy that he didn’t appreciate and said producer got axed.
I’m not sure but Ithink Guy is the highest rated show on the dumbest
network on cable. What’s fun to do is go back and watch the transformation of their “stars” from earlier tracks especially Giada. The overproducing is a horror. Giada went from a somewhat shy and charming waif to the disgusting phony with the worst TV smile ever. I guess Ina Garten is more Allah’s speed. Another phony.

rik on November 14, 2012 at 3:48 PM

I try to limit my exposure to shows that lack content to the point where they are forced to run peppy music in the background at all time to keep the audience awake.

Fieri’s screaming is getting old and he recycles his jokes. Besides, his face is getting redder and redder, his blood pressure must be “out of bounds”.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 3:53 PM

I have actually had some very good pub food at the ESPN Zone and Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square.

rockmom on November 14, 2012 at 3:18 PM

I had the nachos at ESPN Zone in Baltimore. Almost made me puke.

It was just chips with Cheez-Wiz poured on them, with crumbled bacon on top. I mean, I love bacon just as much as the next guy, but on nachos? Really?

UltimateBob on November 14, 2012 at 3:55 PM

Ina Garten is never, or very rarely, shown from the waist down on her show. It looks like she could fit FLOTUS in her a$$ and has probably demanded that the camera is never lowered.

Not that I would want to see it anyway.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 3:59 PM

One of the Avila boys opened Mextopia on lower lower Greenville. You could try that it’s not too bad.

Aggie85 on November 14, 2012 at 3:08 PM

I was born and raised in Dallas. Went back about 5 years ago and lower greenville had been totally ruined from the 80′s when it was a no holds party strip. Dallas has really changed not for the good.
Luckily I got to live there when it was wide open. I own rental property in the design district and have it handled by an agent because it’s so painful to see such a sorry change.

rik on November 14, 2012 at 4:00 PM

What’s fun to do is go back and watch the transformation of their “stars” from earlier tracks especially Giada. The overproducing is a horror. Giada went from a somewhat shy and charming waif to the disgusting phony with the worst TV smile ever. I guess Ina Garten is more Allah’s speed. Another phony.

rik on November 14, 2012 at 3:48 PM

But don’t you just love her Italian pronunciation?

Nick_Angel on November 14, 2012 at 4:01 PM

Ina Garten is never, or very rarely, shown from the waist down on her show. It looks like she could fit FLOTUS in her a$$ and has probably demanded that the camera is never lowered.

Not that I would want to see it anyway.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 3:59 PM

Instead of finding her waist , do something easy like solving our debt problem.

rik on November 14, 2012 at 4:03 PM

Ina Garten is never, or very rarely, shown from the waist down on her show. It looks like she could fit FLOTUS in her a$$ and has probably demanded that the camera is never lowered.

Not that I would want to see it anyway.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 3:59 PM

Come one. She’s fabulous. And make sure you use a “good” olive oil.

Why do I know so much about Food Network personalities? It’s because the wife always has it on…yeah, that’s it.

Nick_Angel on November 14, 2012 at 4:03 PM

There is a bigger douche than Fieri, Alton Brown.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 4:03 PM

But don’t you just love her Italian pronunciation?

Nick_Angel on November 14, 2012 at 4:01 PM

She’s like all the clowns with famous last names, barrymore,manciwietz??,etc. Where would they be without that??

rik on November 14, 2012 at 4:06 PM

I have actually had some very good pub food at the ESPN Zone and Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square.

rockmom on November 14, 2012 at 3:18 PM

“Right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. I’m going to go get me a New York slice!” Michael Scott, walking into a Sbarro

Hat Trick on November 14, 2012 at 4:10 PM

But don’t you just love her Italian pronunciation?

Nick_Angel on November 14, 2012 at 4:01 PM

As far as European hotness, nothing beats Nigella Lawson.

Those lips, that full figure….. Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmmm…….

UltimateBob on November 14, 2012 at 4:10 PM

There is a bigger douche than Fieri, Alton Brown.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 4:03 PM

Alton is cool. Anyone who rides around on a BMW motorcycle in search of good eats (Dining on Asphalt) is OK by me.

UltimateBob on November 14, 2012 at 4:12 PM

There is a bigger douche than Fieri, Alton Brown.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 4:03 PM

You’re giving him too much credit. His combover comes at you from all directions.

rik on November 14, 2012 at 4:17 PM

Alton is cool. Anyone who rides around on a BMW motorcycle in search of good eats (Dining on Asphalt) is OK by me.

UltimateBob on November 14, 2012 at 4:12 PM

Alton used to be cool, in a quirky, nerdy kind of way. Later on in his carreer he developed into a humongous douche.

Besides, he can’t even ride, the dumbass crashed his bike and broke his collar bone on the show.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 4:21 PM

You’re giving him too much credit. His combover comes at you from all directions.

rik on November 14, 2012 at 4:17 PM

He looks like Stephen Hawkins’ and Orville Redenbacher’s love child.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 4:23 PM

Besides, he can’t even ride, the dumbass crashed his bike and broke his collar bone on the show.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 4:21 PM

Oh, man… I missed that. Probably one reason they cancelled the show.

UltimateBob on November 14, 2012 at 4:28 PM

Oh, man… I missed that. Probably one reason they cancelled the show.

UltimateBob on November 14, 2012 at 4:28 PM

Happened during filming, hence the pun title “Dining on Asphalt”. Knievel got a mouthful of road when he went down.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 4:31 PM

One of the Avila boys opened Mextopia on lower lower Greenville. You could try that it’s not too bad.

Aggie85 on November 14, 2012 at 3:08 PM

Thanks for the tip. And how ’bout that Johnny Football?

Ward Cleaver on November 14, 2012 at 4:40 PM

Besides, he can’t even ride, the dumbass crashed his bike and broke his collar bone on the show.

NapaConservative on November 14, 2012 at 4:21 PM

I got a kick out of his OSHA-friendly turkey frying episode (on “Good Eats”).

Ward Cleaver on November 14, 2012 at 4:44 PM

Nigella Lawson. Lord have mercy, I love her.

Anti-Statist on November 14, 2012 at 5:17 PM

I was born and raised in Dallas. Went back about 5 years ago and lower greenville had been totally ruined from the 80′s when it was a no holds party strip. Dallas has really changed not for the good.
Luckily I got to live there when it was wide open. I own rental property in the design district and have it handled by an agent because it’s so painful to see such a sorry change.

rik on November 14, 2012 at 4:00 PM
Yeah, Dallas has definitely gone down the tubes since the 80′s. My family used to own Lower Greenville Antique Mall but we had a fire and the owners wanted to replace us with a restaurant. We also own antique stores in the Design District. In fact, if you ever tire of being an absentee landlord we are trying to buy a building there! :)

We can do HotAir’s first online real estate deal!

mrsmwp on November 14, 2012 at 5:37 PM

I was born and raised in Dallas. Went back about 5 years ago and lower greenville had been totally ruined from the 80′s when it was a no holds party strip. Dallas has really changed not for the good.
Luckily I got to live there when it was wide open. I own rental property in the design district and have it handled by an agent because it’s so painful to see such a sorry change.

rik on November 14, 2012 at 4:00 PM

Yeah, Dallas has definitely gone down the tubes since the 80′s. My family used to own Lower Greenville Antique Mall but we had a fire and the owners wanted to replace us with a restaurant. We also own antique stores in the Design District. In fact, if you ever tire of being an absentee landlord we are trying to buy a building there! :)

We can do HotAir’s first online real estate deal!

mrsmwp on November 14, 2012 at 5:38 PM

Yeah, Dallas has definitely gone down the tubes since the 80′s. My family used to own Lower Greenville Antique Mall but we had a fire and the owners wanted to replace us with a restaurant. We also own antique stores in the Design District. In fact, if you ever tire of being an absentee landlord we are trying to buy a building there!

We can do HotAir’s first online real estate deal!

you’re not the brothers who used to have that mall across from the arcadia??

rik on November 14, 2012 at 6:20 PM