Green Room

Sesame Street: EXPOSED

posted at 3:35 pm on October 13, 2012 by

Well, politics has a way of ruining things.  It’s latest victim is Sesame Street.  During last week’s presidential debate, Republican nominee Mitt Romney said that PBS and Big Bird didn’t need government funding. Little kids went ballistic. The Obama campaign actually released an addepicting Bid Bird as the head of a massive corporate criminal conspiracy.

That sad fact is that it’s true. Big Bird had ruled Sesame Street since the late 1990s after he was able to knock off his rival, Cookie Monster, during the ’99 War. Allegedly, Bird’s two main hit men, Bert and Ernie, laced one of Monster’s cookies with cyanide leading to a cessation of hostilities.

In the aftermath, Bird became the undisputed Boss on Sesame Street.  According to Norah O’Donnell at CBS News, once Bird took over, his underboss, Aloysius Snuffleupagus, made sure that he dealt with what was left of Cookie’s crime family.

Oscar the Grouch, Cookie’s consigliere, was found dead inside his garbage can riddled almost 45 times with 50. caliber bullets.

Count Von Count, underboss to Monster, vanished without a trace, but was last seen leaving P.S. 118 after giving a “numbers lesson” to sixth graders.  It’s a well known fact that the school system served as the life’s blood for Cookie’s illegal Ritalin trade.

Elmo, Grover, and Kermit, who were all of Cookie’s capos, were killed in a car bomb planted, according to most news sources, by Bert.

Since then, Big Bird, a lovable sociopath, has kept Sesame Street under his domain and no one has dared challenge him since then.

Originally posted at Misfit Politics.

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I always thought that Kermit was the real criminal mastermind behind the Sesame Street operation. I mean, really, how can you trust a guy who eats flies?

Mary in LA on October 13, 2012 at 10:19 PM

I think I know who the real mastermind is.

SagebrushPuppet on October 13, 2012 at 11:23 PM

Cute. Just shows what you can accomplish with a good mouth piece and you lawyering up early.
You know I’m tired of being forced to pay tribute to this liberal facism fed to our children. How ’bout we fight back.
Barry takes over GM? Hires and fires as he sees fit? Why not put John Bolton in charge of PBS. Have Jonal Goldberg over reviewing all material for liberal bias and immediately call them out for what it really is, hate.
Demand honesty and integrity instead of their elite, pompousprogressive, liberalmarxism hurled at the people of this once great nation.
These are sick tyrannical haters poisoning the mines of our children, turning them into puppets, with muppets. There’s little difference between them and those that use kids shows to encourage suicide and murder. They’re just much more subtle, and I’m sick of them.
On a lighter ending note I do like the nature programs… oh the hell I do, Nova and that’s it! And a good portion of it is crap now give me back my tax money!!!

onomo on October 14, 2012 at 12:10 PM

Sesame Street is BIG BUSINESS!!! Doesn’t that make them EVIL??? Should they even be allowed to TALK to kids????


landlines on October 14, 2012 at 3:30 PM