Green Room

Campaign headlines of the future

posted at 7:47 pm on May 11, 2012 by

U.S. Senatorial candidate Jeb Bush III Stole Milk Money in Kindergarten

by Jedidiah Horowitz, Jr.

ORLANDO, Fl. — Jeb Bush III entered kindergarten in 2019 to begin his education at the prestigious Snobby Evil Rich Kids Only Private School. Arriving on the handsome campus, studded with gold-leaf-encrusted buildings and diamond-decorated shrubs, he spotted something he thought did not belong at a school where the boys wore ties and carried smart phones while firing people in their fathers’ employ. Jessica Smith, a chubby five-year-old with a knockoff Vera Wang lunchbox in one hand and her milk money in the other, skipped joyfully to the classroom, unaware of the malicious intent of the young Republican candidate-in-training….

 

 

Presidential Candidate Jeannette Boehner Tripped Toddler in Play Group

by Roberta Woodward

CLEVELAND, Oh – Jeanette Boehner entered a toddler play group in 2024 eager to interact with fellow residents of the Ultra Rich Exclusive Gated Community Enclave where servants were as plentiful as dandelions in spring and parents refused to allow their children to use plebian laptops instead of exclusive Macs. But she spotted someone who didn’t seem to belong—a dark-haired, dark-complected child who frowned as the young Jeanette came through the door. The plot was hatched, say anonymous friends who have been haunted by the incident ever since, when young Jeannette saw the other girl take two cookies instead of one from the gilt-edged tray offered by the immigrant maid….

 

Supreme Court Justice Nominee Samuel Alito IV Stuck Out Tongue In Vitro

by Carlita Bernstein

FALLS CHURCH, VA – Samuel Alito IV was a smirking fetus in his designer-clad mother’s pampered womb when a handicapped sonographer of mixed parentage saw the youngster stick out his tongue at her during a routine sonogram…

Libby Sternberg is a novelist who occasionally writes romantic comedy.

 

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LOL! Good ones. We ought to have a contest to see who can come up with the silliest parody.

I feel you missed an opportunity with the toddler-tripping incident. Wasn’t Jeannette Boehner’s little victim a gay toddler?

J.E. Dyer on May 12, 2012 at 11:43 AM

PHOENIX, AZ – Senate candidate Tripp Palin was raised by a mother who opposed choice and was a lousy dancer. This may have caused him to become overly aggressive and insensitive toward moms on their own.

WhatNot on May 12, 2012 at 12:16 PM

Another story can tell how Julia’s first daughter, Jennifer, laid on the hospital tray following her partial birth abortion thinking how grateful that, with her small sacrifice, her mother could continue to pursue her career.

Ir Romney was president, she couldn’t have been aborted and her mother would have to shop at Target and walk up four flights of stairs.

pedestrian on May 12, 2012 at 5:42 PM