Prosecutors come down hard on clerk who laced yogurt samples with semen

posted at 1:13 pm on February 2, 2012 by Howard Portnoy

The next time you are in a mall food court or supermarket where samples of food are being handed out, you might want to think twice about indulging. Otherwise you might run afoul of a “prevert” like Anthony Garcia of Albuquerque. Garcia has a history of sexual deviance that … er—“climaxed” in December of 2010 when he offered female shoppers in the supermarket where he worked samples of yogurt seasoned with a special flavoring agent: his own semen.

In January, Garcia pleaded guilty to adulterating the yogurt and making false statements to investigators, crimes which carry up to three and five years of jail time respectively. But, notes The Smoking Gun, last week federal prosecutors argued in U.S. District Court that Garcia, who is scheduled to be sentenced on March 1, would not be adequately punished if the judge followed federal sentencing guidelines, which call for significantly less than the statutory maximum sentences. As the lawyers explained:

Garcia, 32, has a ‘low criminal history’ score that puts him in the ‘same category as first time offenders who have never had a single encounter with law enforcement authorities,’ prosecutors reported.

Claiming that following these guidelines “does not fairly reflect the far more disturbing portrait” of Garcia, prosecutors asked in a motion for “upward departure”—legalese for more stringent punishment.

A copy of the motion, which can be read here, provides details of Garcia’s illustrious history as a sex offender, including his having “exposed himself at a Walmart, flashed a female jogger,” and been “spotted masturbating in a car.” As The Smoking Gun further notes, he also faces a state charge of having had criminal sexual contact with a child under age 13.

My recommendation would be to make him this guy’s “celly.” The two have oodles in common as well as the potential to save the prison a bundle on food costs.

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