Your top five “Weiner Resignation” list

posted at 8:52 am on June 8, 2011 by Jazz Shaw
[ Congress ]   

Even as the story is dragged kicking and screaming toward a close, there remains at least one more act in the theatrical production of Anthony Weiner’s saga. Resignation… will he or won’t he? Only his hairdresser knows for sure. While many self professed experts seem to feel it’s only a matter of time, I’ve been asked the question in too many radio hits this week and I’m honestly not so sure. Don’t get me wrong… my crystal ball has gone dark on this one and the chicken entrails and tea leaves look like nothing more than a badly prepared meal in a third world country. For all I know, he’ll submit his resignation before the virtual ink dries on this column.

But then again, he seems to be defiant thus far. With that in mind, let’s take a look at the top five reasons currently being run up the flag pole in favor of a quick exit stage left, and why Congressman Weiner may choose to ignore them.

1. High profile Republicans are demanding you step down.

So? This is Mr. Weiner we’re talking about. Republicans have been wanting him to step down ever since he became the de facto fill-in host for Willie Geist on Joe Scarborough’s MSNBC show. He’s not exactly known as a “reach across the aisle” kind of guy and probably doesn’t much care what the GOP thinks.

2. Your own party wants to you leave and even Harry Reid threw you under the bus.

Not to be repetitive here, but… so? It’s not like the Democrats in Congress have run up an extensive track record of being influential, nor have they paid anything more than lip service to “draining the swamp.” They’ll say what they need to say to look good on camera, but the Vegas line will be giving long odds that they’d even try for a censure, say nothing of removal.

3. You need to get clear of this and make things right with your wife.

Let me get this straight. You’re in deep Dutch with the wife because she found out that you’re a creepy, oversexed internet perv, right? And you hope to renew her attraction to you by becoming an unemployed, creepy, oversexed internet perv? Let me know how that works out for ya.

4. The voters of New York City will never stand for it.

This is perhaps the most troubling item on the list. While there is no legal provision for recalling him from his congressional seat, he still needs to look to his future and being rejected by his own constituents next fall would be a huge blow to his prospects, slinking off the scene in defeat. And he’s probably watching this closely after the way the voters in the neighboring 15th district booted out Charlie Rangel following his censure for ripping off the nation by not paying his taxes.

Oh, wait… that’s right. Charlie Rangel is still in office and, in fact, won his reelection bid with 80% of the vote after that censure. Somehow I don’t think Anthony Weiner is losing a lot of sleep over that one.

5. You’re a public servant and it’s just the right thing to do, preserving the integrity and moral high ground of the office, if not the specific person holding it.

I’m sorry… did you just say… ughh.. sirueoisourejjjkl*&(#$ hjksh

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We regret to inform you that the author was found slumped over at his keyboard in the midst of some sort of fit or seizure, drooling, hacking and giggling uncontrollably while demanding tequila. We know you all join us in extending good wishes for his speedy and full recovery.]

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