Green Room

Would You Let Your Son Be A Princess Boy?

posted at 6:58 pm on January 3, 2011 by

Originally posted at David Horowitz’s Newsreal:

In times past, if a person exhibited persistent delusions, doctors and scientists would try to cure the person of their delusions. A person who saw themselves as an animal or a different gender or a different person needed to be cured of their delusions and made to accept reality: that a human is not really a rabbit, that a boy is not really a girl, and that Joe Smith down the street is not really the president of the United States. In our more tolerant, enlightened world though, we choose to indulge delusions. After all, who are we to tell someone what their reality is? Transgendered people say that they are, in reality, not the gender they were born. This is their reality, and we choose to accept and tolerate their perversion of the truth. Of course, an adult can also choose to do whatever they want with their own life. But should we still look the other way when a parent encourages a child to cross-dress?

Dyson Kilodavis is a five-year-old boy. His favorite colors are pink and red, and he enjoys dressing up in dresses and skirts, and wearing pink lip gloss. His mother, Cheryl, initially resisted. But then, she decided she just wanted to make him happy, and let him be “a princess boy”.

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As author Ken Corbett, who wrote Boyhoods: Rethinking Masculinities, noted in the video, this is about parents reshaping the social world our children grow up in. Is it for the better?

Dyson apparently started showing a preference for girly things at the age of two. He’s been dressing up like this for three years now, because instead of stepping in and telling their son no, his parents just want to let him be happy. Obviously, this must be the new job of a parent: give your child whatever they want as long as it makes them happy, no matter how wrong it is. A child of two or three or four or five does not understand what transgender or cross-dressing is. A two-year-old certainly doesn’t have any deep feelings about it. Instead of refusing to indulge the phase Dyson went through at two, his parents chose to go along with it, letting their son become a princess boy and showcasing it for the world to see.

Do they ever think about the life they are setting their son up for? The teasing, the bullying? How about the confusion when Dyson wonders why no other little boys at school wear dresses and lip gloss? What kind of psychological effect will this have on Dyson in the long run? None of these things matter, apparently — the Kilodavis’s are making their son happy in the short-term, and that’s all that matters.

There have been cross-dressers for hundreds of years, but they have always been the minority. Gender roles have existed for centuries, and now in our more enlightened age we’re just going to toss them out of the window on the whim of a child. It’s one thing for an adult male to decide to live his life as a female. It’s quite another for a parent to let a child do the same — you don’t play social engineer with your children.

On top of all of this, what does it say about parenting today when we are expected to give in to whatever our children want, just because it will make them “happy”? As parents, the job is not to give our children whatever they want. Sometimes, we have to say no. Sometimes, we have to make a choice that will make our kids unhappy, simply because it is the right thing to do. In Dyson’s case, he’s been robbed of a normal childhood, and potentially a happy childhood at that, simply because his parents would not tell him no. As the adult in the family, it is your responsibility to say no when your child makes ridiculous demands. Just because your son or daughter says they want something doesn’t mean they should get it.

What’s sad is that this isn’t a decision Dyson is old enough to make for himself. At eighteen, he’s old enough to understand the implications of dressing like a girl. At five, he has no idea what any of this means, which is why actual parenting would be necessary, and why letting him go through with this kind of behavior is potentially dangerous. He doesn’t know what this could do to his childhood. His parents do, and they apparently do not care. That’s not exactly responsible parenting.

But then, parenting would mean not indulging little Dyson’s delusions, which could make him unhappy, even though it’s the right thing to do. And we can’t ever have an unhappy child, can we?

Follow Cassy on Twitter and read more of her work at CassyFiano.com and Hard Corps Wife.

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My son prefers organizing his sister’s doll house furniture, wearing high heels and asks regularly if he can be a princess over playing with every one of his more masculine toys. We dismiss it and steer him in typically male interests but the tendency is still there. If I could explain this, I would. I can’t. Coupled with his autism, it’s difficult.

Parenting, as Dobson wisely said, isn’t for cowards. :)

Bee on January 3, 2011 at 7:21 PM

They’re just grooming him for a career in the Air Force.

BKeyser on January 3, 2011 at 7:25 PM

Bee,

Hang in. The world is a complicated place and clinging to a simplistic view that requires one to exclude from consideration what’s sitting plainly in front of your eyes is a form of moral cowardice that Cassy probably didn’t really mean to express.

audiculous on January 3, 2011 at 7:27 PM

My younger son used to wear his sister’s dresses, he loved the feeling of the fabrics (usually something very soft or silky). He had a silk chemise of mine that he would wear around the house. He was 2-3 at the time, and developmentally delayed, and I find nothing wrong with it when boys are really young. It’s a phase.

Eventually, Cam stopped his dress-up days. If he asked to wear a dress today, I’d say “no.” It’s not that hard, especially if you start saying it when they’re young. I wonder if poor Dyson’s parents ever thought of that?

Anna on January 3, 2011 at 7:31 PM

Instead of refusing to indulge the phase Dyson went through at two, his parents chose to go along with it, letting their son become a princess boy and showcasing it for the world to see.

.
Yes, Dyson, you may be a princess boy.
But absolutely NO HAPPY MEALS!

mrt721 on January 3, 2011 at 8:24 PM

I applaud his parents’ tolerance, but making him into a showpiece isn’t the wisest move.

Regardless…it still takes great courage to go against long-ingrained cultural ideas of ‘normal’ no matter what they are. I can only imagine what gets said to the boy at school.

Dark-Star on January 3, 2011 at 8:29 PM

As far back as I can remember I knew I was gay. However, my reaction was a bit different from his. I wanted to hide (without any pressure from my parents) it. I don’t agree with the mother okaying this, though. He is a child afterall.

SouthernGent on January 3, 2011 at 8:47 PM

When I was little snotty nosed kid I used to clomp around in my Mom’s high heels. I use to think girls were yucky. I couldn’t figure out what God was doing with when he created them. Then something about “them” changed. They suddenly became very well cute, well most of them anyway.

Kjeil on January 3, 2011 at 9:07 PM

I applaud his parents’ tolerance, but making him into a showpiece isn’t the wisest move.

Regardless…it still takes great courage to go against long-ingrained cultural ideas of ‘normal’ no matter what they are. I can only imagine what gets said to the boy at school.

Dark-Star on January 3, 2011 at 8:29 PM

This. Kids do strange things, some of it’s a little outside the norm, but in general it’s far more damaging to make a big stink about it (positive or negative) than to let them go through their phase and get over it.

I really don’t think this is an issue of “parents have to learn to control their kids”, just one of parents not understanding that not everything is a “teachable moment” that has to be done on network TV.

In a few years, you’ll probably have some interesting stories of your own, Cassy. ;)

RachDubya on January 3, 2011 at 9:22 PM

They’re just grooming him for a career in the Air Force.

BKeyser on January 3, 2011 at 7:25 PM

Or the Vatican.

lexhamfox on January 3, 2011 at 9:58 PM

lexhamfox on January 3, 2011 at 9:58 PM

Ooof.

BKeyser on January 3, 2011 at 10:08 PM

They’re just grooming him for a career in the Air Force Marines.

BKeyser on January 3, 2011 at 7:25 PM

Which Cassy fully supports … or did. What’s with the flip-flop?

Jaibones on January 4, 2011 at 12:39 AM

I see a lot of references to “parents”(plural), in the article. But I read nothing about Dyson’s dad. Where is he in all this? My guess is, absent.
And Dyson is left with his mother as role model, who herself is a victim of the “tolerance” movement brought about when political correctness reared its ugly, and destructive, head. And with his brainwashed mother there to “guide” him(but never deny him), we are left with yet another, innocent, victim.

Sterling Holobyte on January 4, 2011 at 12:40 AM

My son prefers organizing his sister’s doll house furniture, wearing high heels and asks regularly if he can be a princess over playing with every one of his more masculine toys. We dismiss it and steer him in typically male interests but the tendency is still there. If I could explain this, I would. I can’t. Coupled with his autism, it’s difficult.

Parenting, as Dobson wisely said, isn’t for cowards. :)

Bee on January 3, 2011 at 7:21 PM

Be strong, Bee. I have read that it is not uncommon for autistic kids to have these issues, after all, their hormones are all jacked up. My own Aspie-girl went through a boy phase, where all she wanted to do was wear cargo pants, never shower, and play D&D. I was in total despair over her future. Kids made fun of her, I tried to steer her towards more hygiene and feminine clothes, but to no avail. Suddenly, she grew out of it. Today she wore pretty earrings to school, and she has a really nice boyfriend. It could have gone either way, but I think you should not give up, there is hope.

Kristamatic on January 4, 2011 at 12:46 AM

At first I thought the picture was of Obama as a young boy.

jwolf on January 4, 2011 at 9:13 AM

Would You Let Your Son Be A Princess Boy?

The preferred term on this site, I believe, is “beta male.”

Kent18 on January 4, 2011 at 9:25 AM

Hmmmm. This is a tough one, and you really don’t get all the facts from a 5 min clip. As a parent you can’t always just “put your foot down”; sometimes being a wise parent means knowing when to pick your battles.

Would you let your girl be a tom boy? Suppose your daughter wants to wear boys’ clothes and play baseball? Do you think you can put your foot down and force her into a tutu and ballet classes?

That being said, the mother definitely seems to be going overboard on acceptance and falling short on setting limits; I wouldn’t let a girl wear sequins and tutus to school either. Playing dress up is okay at home, but at school, you wear school clothes. For this kid, khaki pants and a pastel polo, for example, might be a reasonable compromise. The biggest mistake I think this mom is making is being so public about this. It sounds like her real motivation is personal fame, not the well-being of the child.

bitsy on January 4, 2011 at 10:19 AM

Parents telling their children ‘No’ is considered neglect or abuse. After all, who is the parent to deny their child?

Bullying is bigoted. Everyone knows bullying only happens because the ones doing it are simply un-informed about new social norms.

This kid will grow up protected by ‘society’. He won’t pay any consequences for his behavior, at least not openly. Everyone will applaud his ‘differentness’. He’ll grow up a poster child of the Left and will, I’m spitballin here, end up dead from drugs or some illness he contracted early in life since mom hasn’t the guts to show her kid what is right and what is wrong.

They’re just grooming him for a career in the Air Force.

BKeyser on January 3, 2011 at 7:25 PM

Oh, and eff you.

catmman on January 4, 2011 at 11:23 AM

Which Cassy fully supports … or did. What’s with the flip-flop?

Jaibones on January 4, 2011 at 12:39 AM

She never said she supported DADT repeal. She in fact said the opposite.

Esthier on January 4, 2011 at 11:34 AM

Kristamatic on January 4, 2011 at 12:46 AM

As to children playing with gender appropriate toys, I’m a bit torn when we’re talking about girls. I was a huge tomboy growing up, and though I never thought I was a boy, I wished I was one. I couldn’t relate to the other girls, still barely can, and much preferred football to dolls even though I was always picked last and rarely got the ball.

But it didn’t turn me gay or anything. Once I got older, dating made the gender boundaries more obvious and more desirable. I like girlie things more now, not because I genuinely like them but because I like the way they make my husband look at me.

I don’t know if I’m applying a double standard though, because I’d probably feel differently if it were my son acting the same way. But then, when a girl dresses like a man, she isn’t necessarily wearing something drastically different. I have cargo pants, but they’re for women. There’s just no such thing in our culture as a dress for men outside of cross dressing.

I’m sure there’s some fairly simplistic sociology at play here, with women being relatively new competitors in a “man’s” world.

Esthier on January 4, 2011 at 11:43 AM

Gender identification and sexual orientation are hard-wired in the brain from before birth. Cassy, I pray you never have a gay or transgendered child.

Pervygrin on January 4, 2011 at 1:03 PM

They’re just grooming him for a career in the Air Force.

BKeyser on January 3, 2011 at 7:25 PM

LOLOL!

Indeed! Effeminate can still serve … at the air force!

Just kidding.

TheAlamos on January 4, 2011 at 1:20 PM

Maybe he’s in training to be the new, PC-approved Commanding Officer of USS Enterprise?

OhioCoastie on January 4, 2011 at 1:37 PM

I knew a little boy who liked to wear his mother’s high heels. He liked the teetering and balancing and up and down motion when he only wore one shoe. Eventually, he got bored with it.

I do think parents should set limits though. Just because your kid may be different doesn’t mean you don’t say no. There was a young teen boy in Ventura who wore girls clothes and makeup all the time and the school permitted it. He also spread stories about dating another boy at the school. He ended up getting shot and killed at school. All the school officials were only concerned about the kid being allowed to dress like a girl while ignoring the affect it had on the other boys and their difficulties dealing with him.

Blake on January 4, 2011 at 2:28 PM

Cassy –

Sorry, but if you’re truly concerned about the child being subjected to bullying, you might reconsider the tone of this post. I’ve noticed that you have a particular obsession with transgendered persons. Having known several such persons in my life, I can tell you that their feelings are quite persistent and all-encompassing, from a very early age. The best thing you can do for them is to accept them.

SWLiP on January 4, 2011 at 3:05 PM

Cassy –

I forgot to add: God Bless you on raising your new child. I’m sure that you will make all the right choices. You will find the instruction manual attached upon delivery.

SWLiP on January 4, 2011 at 3:23 PM

As a USMC veteran and adamantly against the repeal of DADT, I think some of you may have failed to see the sarcasm in my comment.

And some of you are just angry.

BKeyser on January 4, 2011 at 8:57 PM

BKeyser on January 3, 2011 at 7:25 PM
catmman on January 4, 2011 at 11:23 AM
OhioCoastie on January 4, 2011 at 1:37 PM
BKeyser on January 4, 2011 at 8:57 PM

The Navy, a Force for Good Times. Who knew the Village People are the new Navy Band?
Let him wear SWOveralls. He’ll be set for life. /s

On a serious note, I think that finding a cellular developmental pathway (not a gene) that leads to gender issues is an area that science may explore in the next few years.

NaCly dog on January 4, 2011 at 10:21 PM

Do they ever think about the life they are setting their son up for? The teasing, the bullying? How about the confusion when Dyson wonders why no other little boys at school wear dresses and lip gloss? What kind of psychological effect will this have on Dyson in the long run?

It’s for the children eh? Yikes.

What’s sad is that this isn’t a decision Dyson is old enough to make for himself. At eighteen, he’s old enough to understand the implications of dressing like a girl. At five, he has no idea what any of this means, which is why actual parenting would be necessary, and why letting him go through with this kind of behavior is potentially dangerous.

I’ve liked some of your other posts, but this is just drivel.

But then, parenting would mean not indulging little Dyson’s delusions, which could make him unhappy, even though it’s the right thing to do. And we can’t ever have an unhappy child, can we?

There was this thing called the 80′s. The dudes that looked and dressed liked chicks got the most, erm, love.

Little kid likes to dress up and you start throwing around words like “dangerous” and blaming his parents for the fact he might get bullied? Good God.

Aquateen Hungerforce on January 4, 2011 at 10:49 PM

As a USMC veteran and adamantly against the repeal of DADT, I think some of you may have failed to see the sarcasm in my comment.

And some of you are just angry.

BKeyser on January 4, 2011 at 8:57 PM

I know… It’s just some Mom with a stupid kid going through a weird phase they won’t remember later and it’s game to say all sorts of things about rival services and yep… organized religion too!

Have a laugh and be glad it isn’t your kid. Also, disregard the temptation to take something as anecdotal as this and make some larger claim about politics or society. We have no idea what church this kid will end up working for :)

There are far worse things kids can be into these days and the outrage over this is laughable.

lexhamfox on January 5, 2011 at 12:18 AM

There are far worse things kids can be into these days and the outrage over this is laughable.

lexhamfox on January 5, 2011 at 12:18 AM

+infinity. Children not much older than he is are being hauled into juvenile court, all across America, every day of the week.

His parents should be grateful this is the worst of their worries.

Dark-Star on January 5, 2011 at 3:42 AM

I think it’s more about the Mom and less about the kid. I’ve seen hovering mothers overreact to something their kid said or did. It’s like the parents of a 4-year old who explain sex and procreation is lurid, clinical detail when the kid asks where babies come from.
This mother “resisted at first” . . . I’ll bet. That kid’ll be in a beauty contest in short order, and likely be found hanging in a closet at 16 after a lifetime of misery and shame that he doesn’t understand. When the kid showed a little interest in “girly” things, let him mess around a little, then steer him to playing with his male friends. Maybe the kid will end up a cross-dresser, but you don’t have to “out” him before he hits kindergarten.

tpitman on January 5, 2011 at 10:19 AM

This is a big deal. Wasn’t there a recent story about a six year old seeking a sex change operation? That’s sick.

Blake on January 5, 2011 at 12:38 PM

Transgendered people say that they are, in reality, not the gender they were born. This is their reality, and we choose to accept and tolerate their perversion of the truth.

Uh, maybe you choose to accept it, but I don’t. They are psychotic perverts. You want to be PC that’s your business, but don’t include me in your delusion.

woodNfish on January 5, 2011 at 2:32 PM

-I believe there is a biological component to homosexuality, it isn’t just a choice.
-There might be a biological component to being transgendered. Because of this I am not willing to call it a perversion.
-This mother is a fool for letting her son parade around as a girl.

Bill C on January 5, 2011 at 4:22 PM

And now for some fisking.

There have been cross-dressers for hundreds of years, but they have always been the minority.

So what. If certain men and women have an innate biological attraction to the same sex and/or the accoutrement of then let them be.

Gender roles have existed for centuries, and now in our more enlightened age we’re just going to toss them out of the window on the whim of a child.

Centuries? Gender roles have existed as long as there have been genders. And I am guessing homosexuality has existed just as long. We don’t know why some people are homosexual but it can’t be dismissed as a perversion because you find it distasteful.

It’s one thing for an adult male to decide to live his life as a female. It’s quite another for a parent to let a child do the same — you don’t play social engineer with your children.

When did you know that you were attracted to the opposite sex? I remember thinking about girls as early as age 8. What I don’t agree with is letting your child act out their childhood on a public stage.

At five, he has no idea what any of this means, which is why actual parenting would be necessary, and why letting him go through with this kind of behavior is potentially dangerous. He doesn’t know what this could do to his childhood. His parents do, and they apparently do not care. That’s not exactly responsible parenting.

Unless you are talking about going public with his cross dressing, where is the danger? Kids play at different things all the time. Let them. You can explain limits like no wearing a dress outside or you might be ridiculed but if the kid wants to where it at home then let them.

I must be getting soft in my old age but human life is so varied that I can’t imagine telling someone how to live it and feeling comfortable. Let kids explore safely and love them for who they are.

Bill C on January 5, 2011 at 4:37 PM

As usual, an excellent report, Cassy, but I wondered why you seemed to belabor your points. I mean, isn’t what you wrote self-evident? Well…After reading the comments, I can see that there a lot of strange misguided people out there who need a little bit more convincing.

itsnotaboutme on January 5, 2011 at 9:46 PM