Dear John Progressive

posted at 11:14 am on December 7, 2010 by Jazz Shaw
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An open letter on behalf of the President to progressives, liberals, Democrats and all the rest of those #P2 people as they are known on that tweeting thingy.

Dear John,

I don’t know exactly how to say this, so perhaps it’s best to just come right out with it. It probably won’t come as any great surprise that things just haven’t been working out lately between you and the Big Guy up at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. It’s always sad when the bloom comes off the bright blossom of first love, but not all things are meant to be.

Look… I know you’re upset about that deal last night which will probably extend all of the current tax rates, (yes… even for those nasty rich people) but how much more do you want? I mean, look at everything you’ve already gotten out of this relationship! Gays are now allowed to get married all across the land and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is long since repealed. Gitmo is closed, we pulled the last of the troops out of Iraq way ahead of Bush’s schedule, and we have a firm date to get out of Afghanistan.

He repealed the Patriot act and put an end to all of those invasive wire taps that his predecessor was using. He kicked all the lobbyists out of Washington and is running the most transparent administration evah!

And still you complain.

Just this week I saw you running off to your friend Jane Hamsher and got her all in an uproar about that trade deal he arranged with South Korea. But let’s be honest here… that’s nothing like NAFTA or those other “free trade” deals that were being cut under Bush and Clinton. And besides, have you forgotten already about how he passed Card Check? I think at this point pretty much every working person in the country is required by law to be part of a union.

How much more do you want the man to give? Honestly, I just don’t see how this relationship can continue.

And please… don’t act all shocked. It’s not as if you weren’t already thinking about it yourself. It may surprise you to know that he saw you talking to Russ Feingold about running against him in a primary bid next year.

And before you ask, no. He’s not following you around. He was just down getting a couple of waffles at the diner. Pure coincidence, I assure you.

Look on the positive side. This may all be for the best. If you make a clean break now you’ll both have the chance to move on and find that special somebody who is the perfect fit for each of you. Say… I hear Anthony Weiner has been playing the field.

Now you can yell at Jazz for being a stupid, wrong-headed RINO even faster than by just leaving a comment! Follow him on Twitter. @JazzShaw

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