Green Room

Please Mr. Postman (ObamaCare Remix)

posted at 1:51 pm on August 12, 2009 by

“I, I recognize, though, you make a legitimate, you raise a legitimate concern. People say, ‘Well, how can a private company compete against the government?’ If you, if you think about it, uh… y’know, UPS and FedEx are doin’ just fine. Right? Th-the, uh… No, they are. I mean, it’s, it’s the Post Office that’s always havin’ problems.”

(With apologies to The Marvelettes (listen along here) and anyone who is currently experiencing a serious illness)

Please Mr. Postman (ObamaCare Remix)

Oh yes, wait a minute, Mr. Postman
Way-ay-ay-ait, Mr. Postman

Please, Mr. Postman, look and see
If I qualify for surgery
I’ve been waiting a mighty long time
Just to hear from that doctor of mine

There must be some word today
About my much-needed hospital stay
Please, Mr. Postman, look and see
What are my chances of mortality?

I’ve been standing here waiting, Mr. Postman
So-oh-oh unhealthy
For just a word from my physician
Saying he’ll be getting ’round to me

Please, Mr. Postman, look and see
If it’s a gurney or a hearse for me
I’d like to ask, if you really don’t mind
For just a minute of a specialist’s time

So many days you passed me by
If I don’t get help soon, I’ll probably die
You wouldn’t stop to make me feel better
I’ve got worse health care than an Irish Setter

Please, Mr. Postman, look and see
What are my chances, oh yeah, of recovery?
You know, it’s been so long
Yeah, since I heard ’bout those lab tests of mine

You better wait a minute, wait a minute
Whoa, you better wait a minute
Please, please, Mr. Postman
Please check it and see, am I a casualty?

You better wait, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute
Please, Mr. Postman
It’s not just a rumor, please look at this tumor

[slow fade while descending into the grave]

P.S. I’m starting a new group: Combating Republican Astroturfing Progressively. Getting nervous about my sales pitch to Axelrod & Soros.

(Crossposted to jimtreacher.com)

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Comments

Thanks for posting it here, Jim, it was hard to read on Twitter.

di butler on August 12, 2009 at 2:20 PM

Terrific.

This needs to be sung and on YouTube. Remember when Bryan and Michelle did Run Around Hsu?

INC on August 12, 2009 at 3:29 PM

HAHAHAHAHA

Thanks for the sensitivity to those who are ill, btw. But

HAHAHAHAHAHA

inviolet on August 12, 2009 at 3:37 PM

Brilliant! I can use this to clear my head when something like that “move it, move it” song from Ice Age gets stuck in there. It’s a perfect tune to accompany mowing the Astroturf and watering your town hall plants!

Doctor Zero on August 12, 2009 at 4:02 PM

Every now and again I receive a mutilated item of mail in a “Postal” outer wrapper with a note about how busy the USPS can become and once in a while an item gets FUBAR’d. Never once have I ever had a similar experience with healthcare.

Need I elaborate further?

ericdijon on August 12, 2009 at 7:31 PM

That’s how ObamaCare will handle botched vasectomies.

Jim Treacher on August 12, 2009 at 7:35 PM

P.S. I’m starting a new group: Combating Republican Astroturfing Progressively. Getting nervous about my sales pitch to Axelrod & Soros.

As part of your sales pitch point out that you plan to give new recruits plenty of Special High Intensive Training.

Highwayman on August 13, 2009 at 12:11 AM

This is a good one.

/Having had NWA blasting out my friend’s car speakers during my youth, I must say I thought “F*ck Da’ Police (Oval Office Remix)” was better.

//Though Paul Shanklin’s “Old People (Got No Reason to Live)” Limbaugh-parody is the champ so far.

Saltyron on August 13, 2009 at 10:52 AM

Here’s a related parody: Obama “Goes Postal” on Health Care Plan; Appoints “Strong-Willed” Former Mail Worker to Head Health Services Panel http://optoons.blogspot.com/2009/08/obama-goes-postal-on-health-care-plan.html

Mervis Winter on August 13, 2009 at 11:13 AM