Green Room

Your Future Could Hinge on Congress’ Appetite for Frozen Treats

posted at 12:43 pm on June 26, 2009 by

The Cap & Trade (Crap & Raid) boondoggle will probably be voted on this afternoon, and to sway “undecideds,” Nancy Pelosi’s bringing out the big guns:

Pelosi plied undecided members with chocolate-covered Dove bars in a series of small group meetings.

That’s right — the entire future of America could hinge on some fat, pasty fence-sitter’s hankerin’ for a f*#@$*g ice cream bar! Ain’t politics grand?

Oh well… no time for fury about this. Get on the phone now and, if your Rep. is one of the “undecided” snakes, see Pelosi’s Dove bar and up the ante a half dozen Three Musketeers, a gallon of ice cream (specify Ben & Jerry’s if your Rep. is a lib), ten packages of Laffy Taffy and a Sara Lee cheesecake. Slaves to instant gratification can be easily swayed.

Even more frightening, insiders tell me that Pelosi and Reid are only about three pizzas and a candy-gram short of securing enough votes to pass National Health Care.

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