Answers to Questions at Next Year’s Miss USA Competition
posted at 6:43 am on May 16, 2009 by dougpowers
[ Entertainment ] regular view
Does anybody know who won the Miss USA competition a few weeks ago? A lot of people think that Miss California, Carrie Prejean, won. She didn’t. Carrie was the runner-up.
Prejean’s refusal to cave to pressure and apologize for her opinion on gay marriage may have set a dangerous precedent, and made the left regret the question was ever asked.
Because of all the exposure, Prejean’s going to make more money than she ever would have otherwise, especially now that she’s got a gig at Fox News.
Because of this example of how ticking off the PC bunch can translate to big exposure and bigger dollars, here are some responses that we might hear at next year’s Miss USA pageant:
Q: Miss Texas, if you were Miss USA and an attack on our nation occurred, what would you consider your role to be?
A: Well, first I’d pray to my lord and saviour George W. Bush for guidance.
*****
Q: Miss Vermont, what is your life’s dream?
A: To see the death penalty brought back to my state!
*****
Q: Miss Florida, if you’re elected Miss USA, what will you do to promote the cause of animal rights?
A: I’ve been offered a job on a Japanese whaling ship, so I might accept that so I can afford my favorite meal — Rhinovealuga — a beluga sturgeon stuffed in a calf stuffed in a black rhino. I’ll fight for their right… to be in my stomach!
*****
Q: Miss Alaska, where do you see yourself in five years?
A: I think I’d be really good as President Palin’s Chief of Staff. Fingers crossed!
*****
Q: Miss Wisconsin, what is your opinion on the state of health care in America?
A: Has anybody else noticed that this country started its downward spiral around the same time we took the lead out of the paint, the asbestos out of the schools, and wildly over-reacted to the threat of second-hand smoke?
*****
Q: Miss Arizona, should there be a fence along the entire border of the U.S. and Mexico?
A: Absolutely, and it should be constructed from the bodies of people who were shot trying to cross the border illegally.
*****
Q: Miss Montana, how will you give something back to the community if you’re elected Miss USA?
A: If I can raise enough capital, I want to start my own department store chain and use non-unionized labor just like my favorite store Wal-Mart — everybody knows that unions ruin any business. And my company will donate two-percent of all our sales to the effort to keep Gitmo open and to legalize concealed-carry in shopping malls.
*****
Q: Miss Nevada, what are the greatest injustices in this country that have yet to be corrected?
A: Social Security and Roe v. Wade.
*****
Q: Miss Indiana, is there anything that you as Miss USA would do to address the economic crisis?
A: Yes. I’d spend every waking hour trying to make it clear to Americans that Reaganomics is the only way out of this mess and that it was a big mistake to ever elect a black president. As an African-American myself it pains me to say that, but, no offense intended, it’s just how I feel.
*****
Q: Miss Tennessee, as you know, in the past we’ve had issues with contestents posing for racy pictures. If elected Miss USA, can you assure us you’ll maintain the integrety of the pageant?
A: You have my word that the only thing I’ll ever expose is the hoax of global warming. Quick shout-out to Carrie for her stance on gay marriage and for being an inspiration to us all! Go girl!
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Brilliant.
Pundette on May 16, 2009 at 7:40 AM
Heh. All kidding aside, anyone and I do mean anyone in broadcasting or journalism mainstream now has an easy ticket to fame…if they would simply just do their job of investigating the facts….who here is still not wondering who was on Air Force One when NY was terrorized? And thats just ONE story out of dozens left on the table…
javamartini on May 16, 2009 at 7:47 AM
With questions and answers like that I might actually watch!
Guardian on May 16, 2009 at 10:08 AM
dougpowers, thanks for giving me laughter. You are very funny. So funny that you couldn’t possibly get a job on any of the major broadcast networks. More power to you.
Loxodonta on May 16, 2009 at 10:08 AM
Had Sykes said Rush said this first, at that dinner the other night, I bet Barack would have been rolling on the floor.
Sergeant Tim on May 16, 2009 at 10:10 AM
A strong sign that you’ve been watching waaaaaaaaay too much “mainstream” media, you cringe at the answers!
Easydoesit on May 16, 2009 at 10:11 AM
I still love Miss Congeniality’s answer to the pageant emcee:
Wm Shatner: What is it that this world needs the most?
Sandra Bullock: (smiles prettily) Harsher penalties for parole violators, Stan. (awkward audience silence) And…World Peace! (crowd goes wild)
inviolet on May 16, 2009 at 10:25 AM
I wish those would be the answers, but unfortunately, I believe that although everything is turning out fine for Carrie Prejean now, the uproar over her answer will have a more chilling effect.
It is more likely that a contestant would answer; “I’m all for gay marriage, man/boy marriage, triads, whatever!”
Star20 on May 16, 2009 at 10:27 AM
Miss Arizona is the clear favorite to win.
AaronGuzman on May 16, 2009 at 10:30 AM
BTW, sm sure Miss Indiana meant electing a black president for the sole reason that he was black was the mistake, I’m sure. Doug, can we get the complete transcript of her answer? I know these pageant broadcasts go on forever, but….
inviolet on May 16, 2009 at 10:36 AM
That’s pretty funny stuff Doug. How about talent? Miss Texas showing how fast she can field dress and skin a buck.
conservnut on May 16, 2009 at 10:40 AM
Zzzzzzz… don’t quit your day job.
Daggett on May 16, 2009 at 10:40 AM
“Has anybody else noticed that this country started its downward spiral around the same time we took the lead out of the paint, the asbestos out of the schools, and wildly over-reacted to the threat of second-hand smoke?”
Actually a good point.
el gordo on May 16, 2009 at 10:41 AM
Winner, Miss Arizona, no doubt.
TheSitRep on May 16, 2009 at 10:43 AM
LOL “Rhinovealuga” thats great, thank you.
Mord on May 16, 2009 at 10:49 AM
Perhaps beauty pageants are the solution to keep taxpayers from having to provide Welfare for WEE-gers, the 17 terrorists at Gitmo who just happen to be ethnically Uighur that are maybe coming to America’s neighborhoods. It would be another jobs program Obama forces on a private enterprise.
Pageants, say statewide Miss Teen and up, would have to employ a former Gitmo Uighur. They’d be in big plastic cages at the side of each stage and serve as the Muslim world’s outrage meter. So that no Uighurs are hurt during the making of the TV broadcasts, the cages would have air holes and colorful nerf TV sets inside to toss around. During bikini segments, those cages should look a bit like the close up during the televised Power Ball drawings.
Sergeant Tim on May 16, 2009 at 10:50 AM
Q: Miss California, what would you do to make this country more accommodating to illegal immigrants?
A: Que?
AaronGuzman on May 16, 2009 at 10:51 AM
It used to be that a notoriety-seeking starlet had to get drunk, high, kiss up on other girls or stage orgies, and “inadvertently” display their shaved crotch to photographers. I can see that in the future it’s going to be a LOT easier to gin up controversy.
I wish it had been this easy to engage in youthful rebellion when I was young. It would have saved me from serious hangovers, among other bad choices.
Consanescerion on May 16, 2009 at 10:52 AM
What is it a sign of when you cheer so loudly at some of the answers that you scare the cat?
(Personal fav answers: Miss Vermont, Miss Montana, and Miss Nevada, not strictly in that order.)
wearyman on May 16, 2009 at 10:53 AM
… and, of course, the grip of my “concealed” carry .38 that protrudes from the waist of my bikini bottom. And whoever said “happiness is a warm gun” knew what they were talkin’ about, honey (winks)!
drunyan8315 on May 16, 2009 at 10:55 AM
My pedantry for the day:
Veal is a calf. Mutton is a lamb.
Wingo on May 16, 2009 at 11:08 AM
Q: Miss Hawaii, to what theme or project would you devote your energies while holding the title?
A: I would push very strongly for the publication of the 44th President’s birth certificate.
ss396 on May 16, 2009 at 11:21 AM
I think Miss Indiana meant to say:
Yes. I’d spend every waking hour trying to make it clear to Americans that Reaganomics is the only way out of this mess and that it was a big mistake to ever elect Barack Obama president. As an African-American myself it pains me to say that, but, no offense intended, it’s just how I feel.
fgh on May 16, 2009 at 11:21 AM
Umm, mutton is from mature sheep – 2 or more years old. Lamb is from babies… it’s tender – mutton, not so much. In some places they serve hogget, chronologically in between lamb and mutton.
…and as the t-shirt says…. “Baaaa! Means No”
darkpixel on May 16, 2009 at 11:31 AM
Q: Miss New York, you’re from a progressive state; where do you think is the place of today’s woman?
A: That’s obvious, right by her man
Q: Miss California, surely you’re for an all green beautiful state of CA.
A: Of course, like Ayn Rand said, the only green that matters is the green of the dollar.
Schadenfreude on May 16, 2009 at 11:44 AM
Why do we even make a joke about this? Because “In a time of universal deceit – telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
George Orwell”.
GunRunner on May 16, 2009 at 11:44 AM
…because you were not PC – remember the bleeding lefties ask the questions.
Schadenfreude on May 16, 2009 at 11:47 AM
A: Que, Senor Senator Reid?
Sergeant Tim on May 16, 2009 at 12:12 PM
Thanks for catching the veal thing, Wingo! Fixed.
dougpowers on May 16, 2009 at 1:09 PM
I found the whole thing highly amusing. Thanks for sharing.
itzWicks on May 16, 2009 at 2:04 PM
Pee my pants funny.
matthew26 on May 16, 2009 at 2:12 PM
Beat me to it. Right on.
Christian Conservative on May 16, 2009 at 2:16 PM
Q: Miss Maine, do you enjoy hunting?
A: Yes. We have to runaway rinos in Maine who need to be captured and sent to Utah.
SouthernGent on May 16, 2009 at 2:29 PM
I suppose it could go the other way…
Q: Miss Illinois, how would you address unprecedented budget deficits?
A: I would require that 20% of all kickbacks and bribes paid to politicians, government bureaucrats and union leadership be applied directly to the deficit. We should reach a surplus by fall.
or maybe…
Q: Miss Oregon, how would you encourage more fuel efficiency in automobiles?
A: I would increase the taxes on gasoline and offer subsidies for buying alternative fuel vehicles. We must discourage the use of fossil fuels by increasing taxes, just as we must discourage financial success by increasing taxes on income. If we can promote alternative fuel vehicles by subsidizing them, then we can also promote poverty and dependence by subsidizing the poor. wait, um… could you repeat the question?
trubble on May 16, 2009 at 2:35 PM
WINNER!
Kini on May 16, 2009 at 2:45 PM
Q: Miss Nebraska, how will you promote world peace?
A: I would spread the ideals taught to me by my mentor Ann Coulter: invade tyrannical nations, kill their leaders, and convert the populace to Christianity.
AaronGuzman on May 16, 2009 at 2:50 PM
Q: Miss Idaho: What is best in life?
A: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.
AaronGuzman on May 16, 2009 at 3:00 PM