Green Room

Get Your STORC On

posted at 6:26 am on April 29, 2009 by

Everybody remembers the late John Belushi’s classic role as Bluto in Animal House, and his inspiring speech to the Deltas in their darkest hour. Here’s part of it, if you haven’t seen it in a while (NSFW):

People always focus on Bluto there. On his never-say-die spirit in spite of all odds. His unwillingness to submit to the will of his foes. His righteous kick to the ‘nads of oppression, conformity, and — frankly — sanity.

But what about Stork?

You know Stork. He’s the one who delivered that classic line: “Well, what the hell we s’posed ta do, ya moe-ron?” Stork was the guy who knew when he was beaten and cared enough to speak up about it. Stork gave in when things didn’t go his way, and he knew it was an idea worth sharing.

There could be no Bluto without a Stork.

In that spirit, I’d like to propose a new organization for all Republicans and conservatives who never pass up a chance to throw in the towel. I’m calling it the:

Super
Tired &
Overmatched
Republican
Caucus

STORC! And of course, our rallying cry is Stork’s immortal (and only) line. It can be used for pretty much any occasion:

  • “Arlen Specter finally jumped to the Democrats. Well, what the hell we s’posed ta do, ya moe-ron?”
  • “Millionaire news anchors are making oral-sex jokes about hundreds of thousands of ordinary people exercising their First Amendment right to speak out against massive government expansion. Well, what the hell we s’posed ta do, ya moe-ron?”
  • “Obama won the election, and he and the Dems see it as their license to lie and cheat and grab power like never before. Well, what the hell we s’posed ta do, ya moe-ron?”

Say it. Say it out loud. See? Doesn’t that feel good? There’s no problem you can’t avoid solving with a few choice words, slurred out in a tone of sullen, bitter fatalism.

And by doing so, you can make a difference. Your sluggardly, world-weary defeatism can inspire those with the energy and passion to do what you can’t or won’t. You can disgust them into action. How can they decide it ain’t over till it’s over unless you keep reminding them it’s over?

So do your part and wave the white flag today. Never give up givin’ up. If conservatism is to be reborn, it must be delivered by a STORC!

(Crossposted to my blog that is on the Internet)

P.S. If somebody with Photoshop skills wants to design a STORC button or something, that would be awesome. I’ve always meant to learn how to do that kind of stuff, but what the hell am I s’posed ta do, ya moe-ron?

P.P.S. Ask and ye shall…

Thanks, Aaron S!

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Comments

Aaron, ya forgot the wrap of white tape around the bridge ya moe-ron.

OkieDoc on April 29, 2009 at 10:46 AM

The only problem with this analogy is that Doug Kenney (“Stork”) ended up falling/jumping off a cliff in Hawaii a few years later.

But he co-wrote Caddyshack first.

So we’ve got that going for us.

Karl on April 29, 2009 at 10:57 AM

Hilarious!

Excellent piece! Loved it!

freeus on April 29, 2009 at 11:36 AM

Extremely funny, Sir. I’ve never been a fan of the retreat crowd & it’s a good thing those kind of voices didn’t triumph during the darkest days of Iraq. The following is part of something i wrote after November 4th

Those of us who dissent can choose to call it a day and stop trying, or we can say NO. We can decide to never let this happen again. We can decide to make the day the Dem’s are celebrating, the day we are preparing. We can focus on the elections in two years that will determine who runs Congress. We can decide to repeat the revolution of 1994, only this time we will learn from our mistakes. We will live up to our word and not spend like Democrats. We will not allow THE ONE to use Congress to get re-elected. We will prevent THE ONE from destroying this country from within and protect our Constitution from perversion.

In the face of a horrible loss, we can choose to be like our founders, stand up for principle and refuse to let what they fought so hard for, be destroyed for the sake of political convenience. We are Americans. We can do great things. Let’s decide to prove that tonight by not letting defeat fill our hearts. Instead, let’s allow our resolve to be further strengthened for the fight that will come in 2010.

Tonight is not a night to celebrate, but it is a night to join together for a common cause and realize that, while we have taken a hit, this is far from the end. There is a quote that states, “Everyone has a plan until they’ve been hit.” Well my friends, we have just been hit. It’s our time to stand up, dust ourselves off, and prove that we will not be defeated so easily. As a great man once said, “The future doesn’t belong to the fainthearted, it belongs to the brave.” Let’s prove him right.

I think it holds true today.

Stickeehands on April 29, 2009 at 12:43 PM

The only problem with this analogy is that Doug Kenney (”Stork”) ended up falling/jumping off a cliff in Hawaii a few years later.

Karl on April 29, 2009 at 10:57 AM

Suicidal ideation isn’t a problem for a STORC. It’s a job skill!

Jim Treacher on April 29, 2009 at 12:45 PM

A normally decent quiet people when pushed to their limits…

I think you have hit on something here.

As for

Suicidal ideation isn’t a problem for a STORC. It’s a job skill!

My response

Tell it to the Spartans!

coldwarrior on April 29, 2009 at 11:48 PM

The president making fun of tea party attendees is going to hurt your recruitment effort. At least I hope it does.

Cindy Munford on April 30, 2009 at 1:59 PM

No, because, see, that’s proof of how politically crafty he is! I think. Don’t ask me, AP is the expert on this kind of stuff.

Jim Treacher on April 30, 2009 at 5:06 PM

Then count me confused, but then what’s new.

Cindy Munford on April 30, 2009 at 6:36 PM