I have consulted the orb and bring you glad tidings. It hath been ordained that she shall run again in 2020.

You know why? Because the orb hates Democrats, that’s why.

Speechwriting 101: When you’re addressing a crowd, your first job is to know your audience. Whoever wrote this knew exactly what to say to a crowd of college-aged Massachusetts liberals to get them on their feet. You would think, though, that Clinton would want to pay less attention to Trump rhetorically now that her political identity has been mostly reduced to “lost a gimme election to a boorish celebrity newbie.” Granted, she couldn’t avoid the subject entirely today since national news lately is 98 percent Trump-related, but watch the second clip and you’ll find her revisiting campaign slights from last year, like when a certain unnamed “troll” once dismissed her as a “nasty woman,” wink wink. If she wants to rebuild bridges to the left, she should have done 30 seconds of Trump jokes at the beginning and then spent the rest of the speech pounding the table about single-payer. Instead she wasted time on sentiments like this:

“Everything else he’s done (in office) has been a complete disaster… He’s still learning how to be president.”

Wait, sorry, that wasn’t Hillary. That was John Boehner.

Anyway. Because this was a Clinton speech, it did indeed include at least one major coughing fit. A rock star on tour has gotta play the hits. Exit quotation from Hillary: “I couldn’t think of any place I’d rather be this year than right here.” Really? Nowhere?