Just consider the utter, complete, and traumatic heartbreak of snapping a KitKat bar in two and finding … nothing but chocolate. Yes, my friends, the Evil Corporate Chocolate Cabal has robbed one young woman of the emotional lift one expects when spending a fortune on the rare delicacy of a mass-produced American candy bar. Well, one young woman, or better described, one young lawyer-to-be with a penchant for both histrionics and publicity:

NBC reports that Saima Ahmad has demanded a lifetime supply of KitKats in order to act as “quality control” for other consumers:

Saima Ahmad, 20, a law student in London, is so upset about the missing wafers that she is demanding a lifetime of supply of Kit Kats from candymaker Nestle. She is threatening to sue the company if she doesn’t get it, according to British news outlets.

“The failure to take due care in the manufacturing process resulted in a product being defective. As a result I feel as though I have been misled to part with my money and purchase a product that is clearly different from what has been marketed by Nestle,” Ahmad wrote in a letter, according to British newspaper Metro.

The second-year law student at King’s College London went on to demand a “full refund of the defective pack” and a lifetime supply of Kit Kats so she could “act as a means of quality control.”

“It appears you need me more than I need you,” she wrote.

NBC News gets in the spirit of the matter. No, really:

NBC News was not able to independently verify the travesty of the alleged missing wafer.

It’s not just a travesty — it’s a candatrocity, man. How can consumers trust corporations when they occasionally cheat them out of their wafer and put nothing but chocolate in candy bars?

Nestlé will probably send a few bars her way with an apology, but I’d love to see them use the Michael Corleone counteroffer instead:

If Ahmad takes this to court, let’s hope that the judge in the case not only throws it out, but sanctions the law school where this future ambulance chaser now studies.