Horror: Young Ted Cruz plots world domination strategy … and “sweat on my butt”

posted at 6:01 pm on January 25, 2016 by Ed Morrissey

This silly and inconsequential look back at fancy-free youth has gone viral for some reason. While the media reminds us questions about the colossal failure in Benghazi on Hillary Clinton’s watch are old news, The Hill and other outlets seem fascinated with the track record of Ted Cruz when it comes to …. WORLD DOMINATIONAnd butt sweat too, apparently:

“Aspirations – is that like sweat on my butt?” Cruz, then a high school student in Houston in 1988, says while sitting in front of a water fountain, according to the video, which was posted online over the weekend.

“No, no. Oh, I see, what I want to do in life. Well my aspiration is to, uh, oh I don’t know, be in a teen kid film,” a lanky Cruz continues, mentioning someone off screen.

“Well, other than that, uh, take over the world – world domination. You know, rule everything, rich, powerful, that sorta stuff,” the 18-year-old Cruz adds.

1988? Heck, I was twenty-five at that time and still probably would have laughed at Cruz’ pun on “aspirations.” (At 52 … I have no comment.) Not only is this just a look at awkward teen years, it’s clearly also awkward teen humor. Goodness gracious, if these are the worst jokes Cruz told in his teen years, I’d be disappointed. This predates the MTV series Beavis and Butthead by about five years, so perhaps Cruz can even say he was ahead of his time, and more intellectual to boot.

Last week I gave the Washington Post’s Callum Borchers a hard time for falling into a media trap on a “journalist registration” bill in South Carolina, but he gets this one right. This viral video is contagious only for the yawn it will produce:

“Prepare to be disappointed.” That should be the mandatory disclaimer on all teenage Ted Cruz video stories.

Don’t get us wrong: There are so many good ingredients that you would think you were in for something delicious. Instead, you get something akin to Funyuns and cream cheese, which — no matter what BuzzFeed tells you — really isn’t very good. At all. …

So why even share the video in the first place? Well, as I said, there are some ingredients here that often produce tasty results. This is never-before-seen footage, which permits the media to use words like “unearthed.” For something to be “unearthed,” it must first be buried, and why are things in politicians’ pasts buried? Because they are potentially embarrassing or harmful, right? The fact that this tape comes from an anonymous former classmate further suggests that Cruz wouldn’t want voters to see its content. Why else would the source refuse to reveal his or her identity?

Plus, we’re all inherently curious to find out what a public figure was like before he learned to control his image. Watching a three-decade-old video of Ted Cruz in an unguarded moment seems like a good way to learn a bit about what he is really like.

Too bad the darn thing turned out to be so generic. And too bad the reason why the footage was buried for so long is likely because it was on a dusty VHS in someone’s attic — a VHS that no one bothered to convert to a digital format until now because it’s just not that interesting.

Yes, politician acted like a teenage boy when he was a teenage boy isn’t very compelling. However, that didn’t stop the national media from clutching at their pearls when accusations of prep-school hazing came out against Mitt Romney in 2012, as though that meant anything about a man 50 years down the road. Meanwhile, no one bothered to make much of an issue about the whereabouts and activities of Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton on the night of September 11, 2012 when four Americans lost their lives in Benghazi waiting for an American response that never came. And our intrepid media still doesn’t seem terribly interested in that part of the story, even though Hillary’s now running to be Commander in Chief.

Maybe we could use a little more world domination after all.


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Comment pages: 1 2 3

So back when Cruz was a teenager, he joked and acted like a teenager.

Trump acts like a petulant adolescent today when he is 69 yrs old.

(I haven’t read all the comments, so forgive me if I am repeating what is obvious.)

This was in 1988. Here is a video a year later of Trump in his 40’s rudely telling Larry King he had bad breath. (and it wasn’t a joke.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCnTGhZD4ds

Trump: “Do you mind if I sit back a little bit, because your breath is very bad. It really is.” “Has this ever been told to you before?”

Ughhhh! I used to think Trump was a nice enough guy. What the heck was I thinking? He is a loathsome human being. And at times borders on creepy.

Elisa on January 26, 2016 at 12:48 AM

It’s like Assburgers. Ow my balz.

Kenosha Kid on January 26, 2016 at 12:57 AM

So when is Trump going to stop being 18?

TBSchemer on January 26, 2016 at 1:20 AM

Elisa at 12:48pm

Young Cruz sounds like a spoiled jerk, quite frankly.

I suppose we should talk about Trump in a Cruz thread, amiright?

cimbri on January 26, 2016 at 1:41 AM

Conservative Treehouse ought to be ashamed for spreading such conspiracy theory false rumors that way.

Rational Db8 on January 26, 2016 at 12:19 AM

Oh put a sock in it. Hot Air does the same or worse. Several times in the last few days and peddling politico’s BS too a couple of months ago.

NWConservative on January 26, 2016 at 1:49 AM

Ass-pirations. Get it?

Ed uses a bad word?

Dr. Z blushes and fans himself furiously. “Well, I do declare!”

0_0

Dr. ZhivBlago on January 26, 2016 at 2:42 AM

So when is Trump going to stop being 18?

TBSchemer on January 26, 2016 at 1:20 AM

When you stop being 5

Athos on January 26, 2016 at 3:06 AM

Now I know why Cruz’ old roommate hated him so much.

For contrast, here was Donald Trump in 1988 at the Republican convention.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=acpmInqcuH4

ezspirit on January 25, 2016 at 7:30 PM

Comparing a 42 year old to an 18 year old makes sense HOW??

Hum, if that’s the way you want to play it…

Trump 1990, aged 44: “I would never buy Ivana any decent jewels or pictures. Why give her negotiable assets?”

Trump, 1991, aged 45 (Cruz’s current age): “You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of a$$.” He went on to say that the piece of a$$ doesn’t matter, either; any will do, so long as they are young. I guess that’s why whenever his wife hits about 40, he trades her in for a younger model. Because he’s such a refined gentleman and all.

Trump: “I don’t think my daughter Ivanka would pose for Playboy, although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

Trump on “Last Week Tonight” to female reporter: “I mean, we could say politically correct that look doesn’t matter, but the look obviously matters,” …” “Like you wouldn’t have your job if you weren’t beautiful.”

Trump 1997, aged 51: “The most difficult aspect of the prenuptial agreement is informing your future wife (or husband): I love you very much, but just in case things don’t work out, this is what you will get in the divorce. There are basically three types of women and reactions. One is the good woman who very much loves her future husband, solely for himself, but refuses to sign the agreement on principle. I fully understand this, but the man should take a pass anyway and find someone else. The other is the calculating woman who refuses to sign the prenuptial agreement because she is expecting to take advantage of the poor, unsuspecting sucker she’s got in her grasp. There is also the woman who will openly and quickly sign a prenuptial agreement in order to make a quick hit and take the money given to her.” The Art of the Comeback

Trump 1997, aged 51: “Women have one of the great acts of all time. The smart ones act very feminine and needy, but inside they are real killers. The person who came up with the expression ‘the weaker sex’ was either very naive or had to be kidding. I have seen women manipulate men with just a twitch of their eye — or perhaps another body part.” The Art of the Comeback

Trump 2004, aged 58: “It’s certainly not groundbreaking news that the early victories by the women on ‘The Apprentice’ were, to a very large extent, dependent on their sex appeal.” — How To Get Rich, 2004

Trump 2004, aged 58: “All of the women on ‘The Apprentice’ flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” — How To Get Rich

Trump 2005, aged 59: “My favorite part [of ‘Pulp Fiction’] is when Sam has his gun out in the diner and he tells the guy to tell his girlfriend to shut up. Tell that bitch to be cool. Say: ‘Bitch be cool.’ I love those lines.” — TrumpNation: The Art of Being The Donald

Trump 20006, aged 60: “[Angelina Jolie’s] been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby… And, I just don’t even find her attractive,” [she must have turned him down, and his petty thin skinned vindictiveness is shining through]

Trump 2011, aged 65: When a lawyer asked for a break to pump breast milk for her baby, “He got up, his face got red, he shook his finger at me and he screamed, ‘You’re disgusting, you’re disgusting,’ and he ran out of there,”

Trump 2012, aged 66, tweet: “While @BetteMidler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct.” [Mr. I’m not politically correct claiming just a few years ago that he’s always politically correct]

Trump 2012, aged 66: “Cher is an average talent who’s out of touch with reality,” …. “Cher is somewhat of a loser. She’s lonely. She’s unhappy. She’s very miserable.”

Trump 2012, aged 66 tweet: “@cher should spend more time focusing on her family and dying career!”

Trump 2013, age 67: Tweets that when you put men and women together, sexual assaults are the result: “26,000 unreported sexual assaults in the military-only 238 convictions. What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?”

Trump reported in 2014 article”, speaking about himself in third person: “Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred,” …. “Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money.”

Trump 2015, aged 69: tweet: “If Hillary can’t satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?”

And of course there are too many nasty Trump quotes about Rosie O’Donnell for me to even try to list ’em.

Rational Db8 on January 26, 2016 at 3:29 AM

I normally wouldn’t pick on a kid, but it’s a continuation of a theme. He’s always alienated people; been self-aggrandizing and unlikable. From high school, to college to the senate.

And he comes across that way, unless your a rigid ideological acolyte.

Just not presidential material. Teach Con Law.

swamp_yankee on January 25, 2016 at 7:32 PM

You’ve got to be joking. There’s no “continuation of a theme” there. It’s a KID, likely being egged on by another boy taking the video, both of them being silly. There’s nothing the least bit “self aggrandizing” about it. What kid WOULDN’T want to be in the movies and be rich and powerful when they grow up? Just love how you try to fend off anyone taking issue with your exaggerating too, by up front trying to label them something nasty. That’s a FAIL, on all counts.

Rational Db8 on January 26, 2016 at 3:33 AM

That was great! Thanks for that!

Mimzey on January 25, 2016 at 11:09 PM

You’re sure welcome. It gave me a laugh when I first ran across it – it’s just so apropos for Trump!

Rational Db8 on January 26, 2016 at 4:02 AM

Oh put a sock in it. Hot Air does the same or worse. Several times in the last few days and peddling politico’s BS too a couple of months ago.

NWConservative on January 26, 2016 at 1:49 AM

I see, so people should just ignore it, because it happens here too. Sheesh. If I see an article here that’s doing the same, I’d say the same about it too. Maybe if more people spoke up, there’d be less garbage floating around.

Rational Db8 on January 26, 2016 at 4:12 AM

We did a video project parodying “a Clockwork Orange” in junior year. Somehow, in the video, I ended up in Speedos mock-raping a classmate with a pool cue. It seemed like a good call. Kubrick did worse, right?

No f’ing way I’m ever running for public office. That VHS is out there somewhere. Let it remain forever “earthed.”

Arnold Yabenson on January 26, 2016 at 6:02 AM

Maybe Young Cruz was the inspiration for Pinky and the Brain?

hillbillyjim on January 26, 2016 at 6:27 AM

The opponents of a Cruz victory are desperately searching a opening to alinsky Cruz. That must mean his chances are increasing.

Viator on January 26, 2016 at 6:49 AM

Do we have any video footage of Obama from even before 2007?

crrr6 on January 26, 2016 at 7:17 AM

there are too many nasty Trump quotes about Rosie O’Donnell for me to even try to list ’em.

Rational Db8 on January 26, 2016 at 3:29 AM

I’m hoping someone will, I need a good laugh.

Younggod on January 26, 2016 at 7:51 AM

Young Cruz sounds like a spoiled jerk, quite frankly.

cimbri on January 26, 2016 at 1:41 AM

In the video he was a bright 18 year-old.

It increased my respect for him.

Younggod on January 26, 2016 at 7:53 AM

Do we have any video footage of Obama from even before 2007?

crrr6 on January 26, 2016 at 7:17 AM

Yes.

hillbillyjim on January 26, 2016 at 8:00 AM

Oh wait…

hillbillyjim on January 26, 2016 at 8:01 AM

I just want to see Jesus face to face….come Lord Jesus, come back and rescue us from this

crosshugger on January 26, 2016 at 9:48 AM

“Well my aspiration is to, uh, oh I don’t know, be in a teen kid film,” a lanky Cruz continues, mentioning someone off screen.”
– Ed (mis-quoting Cruz).

Maybe this has been pointed out – but Cruz actually says “Well my aspiration is to, uh, oh I don’t know, be in a teen tit film.”.
A distinction with a difference, no?
But that was then. The new Ted closes his eyes tight and prays at the dinner table. I know this because he makes videos of it and shares them with the world. Though, he does seem a little more his genuine self in that older vid…

verbaluce on January 26, 2016 at 10:07 AM

I see, so people should just ignore it, because it happens here too. Sheesh. If I see an article here that’s doing the same, I’d say the same about it too. Maybe if more people spoke up, there’d be less garbage floating around.

Rational Db8 on January 26, 2016 at 4:12 AM

I don’t and haven’t seen you whining about the crap that goes on here at all.

So quit whining about other sites.

NWConservative on January 26, 2016 at 10:12 AM

Though, he does seem a little more his genuine self in that older vid…

verbaluce on January 26, 2016 at 10:07 AM

Yeah, right. Cuz he was being totally serious.

Please.

hillbillyjim on January 26, 2016 at 10:31 AM

verbaluce on January 26, 2016 at 10:07 AM

Ever the sanctimonious hypocrite.

Neitherleftorright on January 26, 2016 at 11:36 AM

I don’t and haven’t seen you whining about the crap that goes on here at all.

So quit whining about other sites.

NWConservative on January 26, 2016 at 10:12 AM

I see. Because you personally haven’t seen everything I’ve ever posted here, I must never have made those posts. Makes perfect sense. What’s more, if I didn’t happen to see every post here that was in some way blatantly false, and comment on that, I ought never dare to comment here about a reference that someone else uses from another site that’s blatantly false when I do see it. Also makes perfect sense.

Do I really need to add the “/massive sarc” tag?

Rational Db8 on January 26, 2016 at 1:52 PM

In the video he was a bright 18 year-old.

It increased my respect for him.

Younggod on January 26, 2016 at 7:53 AM

HAHAHAHAHA

Talking about a$$ sweat, t!tty films, and world domination? A bright 18-yo? You don’t know many 18-yos, then, I guess.

I mean, I’ll concede that this is kind of weak sauce to use against him (except I think it shows him to be the toolbag I’ve always thought he was)—but bright? HAHAHAHA

CivilDiscourse on January 26, 2016 at 4:10 PM

CivilDiscourse on January 26, 2016 at 4:10 PM

Hmmm let’s see… Cruz is running for President of the United States of America and has been elected a US Senator and you are trolling the pages of Hot Air, but you believe yourself to be brighter?

Neitherleftorright on January 26, 2016 at 6:02 PM

For the record, he did not say “kid film.” Are you trying to cover for him?

Colony14 on January 26, 2016 at 6:32 PM

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