Having solved all other problems, the EPA will monitor how long you spend in the shower

posted at 9:01 am on March 18, 2015 by Jazz Shaw

It’s a good thing Uncle Sam is looking out for your best interests. If it weren’t for them, you might spend too long in the shower next time you stay at a hotel.

Wait… what?

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) wants hotels to monitor how much time its guests spend in the shower.

The agency is spending $15,000 to create a wireless system that will track how much water a hotel guest uses to get them to “modify their behavior.”

“Hotels consume a significant amount of water in the U.S. and around the world,” an EPA grant to the University of Tulsa reads. “Most hotels do not monitor individual guest water usage and as a result, millions of gallons of potable water are wasted every year by hotel guests.”

“The proposed work aims to develop a novel low cost wireless device for monitoring water use from hotel guest room showers,” it said. “This device will be designed to fit most new and existing hotel shower fixtures and will wirelessly transmit hotel guest water usage data to a central hotel accounting system.”

The grant language doesn’t specify exactly how the government would “modify your behavior” in terms of water usage, but it’s not hard to speculate. I imagine we’ll be seeing a warning at check-in saying that “x” number of gallons of water usage in the room per night is the standard covered by your reservation. Any more than that will result in a surcharge, with a portion of that going to the government and the remainder going to the hotel. (You need to do that in order to get the hotel owners’ associations to buy in and lobby on behalf of the EPA.)

The sad part of this discovery is that water conservation is actually a problem in some areas and it’s one which the EPA (were it properly run and focused) might be able to help with. Fresh water supplies are strained in a number of areas where population has outpaced reserves, with southern California being a prime example. The agency could provide guidance – not regulations – to states, with scientific and engineering data designed to help them be more efficient. Rather than trying to influence the shower behavior of tourists, it’s not difficult to imagine water recycling and retention technology which could be phased into the building codes, making cities more efficient in their usage.

Any approach such as I just described would be more palatable – or at least possible – than behavior modification. Speaking from experience, anyone who has ever served on board a Navy vessel at sea can tell you about “Navy showers versus Hollywood showers.” The former is the practice of turning on the water for ten seconds to wet yourself down, shutting it off while you lather up, and then turning it on for another fifteen or twenty seconds to rinse off. It’s not a particularly pleasant experience.

The nice part about getting to see the wording of this government grant is that we finally have an example of their coming clean (pardon the pun) and defining the business they wish to be in; behavior modification. In the view of Big Government specialists, you are usually the problem when they address any challenge. And since you are the nail and they are the hammer, it’s their job to correct your behavior. We can only wonder how many more grants such as this one are floating around out there.

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Eliminate the EPA!

anotherJoe on March 18, 2015 at 1:45 PM

Does the EPA own this water?

I thought the hotels did.

Let them worry about it.

They pay the bill.

Not the gov’t.

profitsbeard on March 18, 2015 at 2:44 PM

I wonder if they know I took all the flow restrictors out?

Qzsusy on March 18, 2015 at 2:49 PM

wireless jammers in my luggage in 3 … 2 …

WaldoTJ on March 18, 2015 at 3:20 PM

This is the sort of pants-wetting, world-is-ending enviro crap you expect out of Eurotrash. But, here’s something interesting. When I travel in Europe, I can always get a good shower, and the shower heads have enough flow I can get the soap off my body, and the shampoo out of my bushy beard easily. Not here. Not since low-flowrate nozzles were rammed down our throats.

CelebrateHomogeneity on March 18, 2015 at 3:47 PM

I would like a wireless monitor of EPA employees who defecate in the hallway or spend the day surfing porn & ebay on the taxpayers dime.

What a pathetic corruptocrat organization that should be abolished and the leaders prosecute for fraud and racketeering.

Robert Jensen on March 18, 2015 at 3:47 PM

Liberals are the kings of rationing.

The rest of us see a want/need to be filled, the leftists go directly to rationing.

RJL on March 18, 2015 at 1:30 PM

First and foremost….brain cells.

HonestLib on March 18, 2015 at 4:21 PM

Robert Jensen at 3:47 pm = can I paraphrase your comment and use it when I share this article to my FB page?

Turn MD Red on March 18, 2015 at 4:50 PM

Not in my lifetime. I’m on a well. If they want to come monitor my water use they better be good at dodging bullets.

Andy__B on March 18, 2015 at 4:52 PM

So you intentionally released raw sewage into the ocean rather than using the restroom because they took conservation seriously?

Not to mention that the sewage from the toilet goes through a treatment plant prior to the clean(er) water being released on the back end.

You definitely need EPA running your life due to your obvious disregard for the environment.

airupthere on March 18, 2015 at 9:35 AM

I think the EPA needs to regulate fish and whales too – these unregulated critters thoughtlessly and recklessly discharge raw sewage into the ocean !

Reuben Hick on March 18, 2015 at 5:34 PM

Not in my lifetime. I’m on a well. If they want to come monitor my water use they better be good at dodging bullets.

Andy__B on March 18, 2015 at 4:52 PM

They seriously looked at doing that in Washington state a dozen years or so ago. Wanted to meter your usage so they could tax it. It seemed unfeasible then but then you never know with improvements in wireless technology, they’ll probably try again.

This shower sensor bullshit looks to be a clone of the TREAD Act that requires pressure sensors to light up your dashboard when your tires are “underinflated.” You know — it’s all for your own good since everyone before 2007 was driving a tire-popping mega-machine of carnage. The one in my truck hasn’t worked properly for many years, the light shines no matter how I inflate my tires. I’ll be damned if I’ll pay to have it fixed. I cover it with a piece of electrical tape.

Younggod on March 18, 2015 at 6:18 PM

lineholder on March 18, 2015 at 9:42 AM

And the only reason they ever admit to things like that is because they feel like they can’t be stopped and want to rub their opponents’ faces in it.

HikaruKitsune on March 18, 2015 at 7:12 PM

Galtian on March 18, 2015 at 9:05 AM
That’s what the 1 liter plastic cup is for on standby in our hone. Sometimes the toilet needs a little help.,
Did you know they have mandated toilets now only use 1.2 gpf? Pretty soon we will go back to digging a home and put a little wooden building around it!

Bakokitty on March 18, 2015 at 8:04 PM

Does the EPA own this water?

profitsbeard on March 18, 2015 at 2:44 PM

That’s the fundamental problem – they think they own and can control EVERYTHING.

dentarthurdent on March 18, 2015 at 8:05 PM

I am on a well. So I am off the grid. This will not be done in my lifetime.

SC.Charlie on March 18, 2015 at 8:55 PM

If things are so bad that we have to be concerned with how much water people use, then I don’t think anyone will have a reason or the money to travel anywhere and stay in a hotel-most of which will probably be closed down anyway.

Dr. ZhivBlago on March 18, 2015 at 11:39 PM

Step2: After 5 minutes in the shower the water will shut off, and will not turn on again for 10 minutes.

Dasher on March 19, 2015 at 12:30 AM

California, which suffers from drought on a cyclical basis, is to be the baseline for water usage by EVERYONE else in the country that is not in drought?

This isn’t about tracking, it’s about control. They gave us low flow toilets, which everyone knows about. What you may not know is that they quietly did it to your dishwasher AND your washing machine, too. You cannot buy either one with a water override switch in America. This is the reason why you pay 800 bucks for an appliance that doesn’t clean your dishes and doesn’t rinse your clothing well. That, and removing phosphates from all cleaning products. Together, a double whammy of dirty.

EPA? Clean water? Sure. Clean air standards? Yes. Telling me how much water that I can use to wash my clothing? Screw off.

I live in an area where we drown in water. Rarely do we have a season that is dry. The idiots in southern California insist on creating a megatropolis in an area where they have to send water from the Northern Sierras, south in a canal to an arid area. EPA wants to help southern CA conserve water, then rock on. The rest of the country doesn’t need it.

One size doesn’t fit all. I’m for a Rep administration that will get in there and put reasonable brakes on the environmental crazy train.

GeeWhiz on March 19, 2015 at 9:33 AM

Do they cut the time in half when my girlfriend is with me in the shower

rjoco1 on March 19, 2015 at 7:01 PM