College Insurrection has some very useful advice for any students thinking about going to Ohio State. You’ll want to make sure that you either stay locked in your dorm room or know the rules before you decide to kiss somebody.

At Ohio State University, to avoid being guilty of “sexual assault” or “sexual violence,” you and your partner now apparently have to agree on the reason WHY you are making out or having sex. It’s not enough to agree to DO it, you have to agree on WHY: there has to be agreement “regarding the who, what, where, when, why, and how this sexual activity will take place.”

There used to be a joke that women need a reason to have sex, while men only need a place. Does this policy reflect that juvenile mindset? Such a requirement baffles some women in the real world: a female member of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights told me, “I am still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of any two intimates in the world agreeing as to ‘why.’”

Clearly, with a subject this complex, you want to make sure you have all your definitions locked down before going to press, and apparently Ohio State is still working on the details. Incredibly, the Student Wellness Center has their own guidelines which they’d like to see in place. Read carefully, guys, because you’re going to need to bring some sort crib sheet with you on that first date.

Consent Is…

The act of knowingly, actively and voluntarily agreeing explicitly to engage in sexual activity. Consent must be freely given and can be withdrawn at any time.

Sober
Not coerced
Imaginative
Enthusiastic
Creative
Wanted
Informed
Mutual
Honest
Verbal
The absence of “no” does not mean “yes”
It must be asked every step of the way
It cannot be implied or assumed, even in the context of a relationship

So, to review, you can’t just both verbally say that you’re ready for a kiss at the curb outside the sorority house. You have to come to a meeting of the minds as to why you might be interested in swapping spit. (Sorry… you can take the boy out of the Navy, but…) And even once that rationale has been determined, make sure that your partner verbalizes that consent in a manner which is imaginative, creative and enthusiastic.

Oh, and since we wouldn’t want to miss out on this one, you also have to make sure that your prospective partner is old enough to provide such consent for sexual activity. How old must your date be at Ohio State before it’s no longer sexual assault?

Circumstances in which a person CANNOT legally give consent:
(No matter what he or she might verbalize):

The person is severely intoxicated or unconscious as a result of alcohol or drugs
The person is physically or developmentally disabled…

The victim is under the age 13 or is elderly

So as long as the girl is thirteen years old, she can give consent for sex, provided it’s creative and enthusiastic. Got it.