I guess we need to talk about Joe Biden skinny dipping, huh?

posted at 6:01 pm on August 1, 2014 by Allahpundit

I don’t want to talk about it. I need to talk about it. And I’d rather not pay a therapist 200 bucks an hour for the privilege.

This is why Obama can’t be impeached, guys.

Secret Service agents dread being assigned to protect the vice president, in part because Biden’s a big fan of skinny dipping, according to a new tell-all book…

“Agents say that, whether at the vice president’s residence or at his home in Delaware, Biden has a habit of swimming in his pool nude,” Kessler writes.

“Female Secret Service agents find that offensive.”…

Between Biden’s “lack of consideration as evidenced by” his naked aquatics and his supposedly incessant last-minute schedule changes, “being assigned to his detail is considered the second worst assignment in the Secret Service,” Kessler writes.

True or false? On the one hand, it feels too close to the Onion’s “Diamond Joe” caricature to be real. Imagine him there on the diving board, a medallion around his neck but otherwise free to the breeze, grinning at one of the women in his Secret Service detail before chirping, “Room for one more.” That’s Diamond Joe. The vice president isn’t really Diamond Joe. Is he? On the other hand, the same book claims that Biden insists that his motorcade take a detour back home in Delaware to minimize the disruption to his neighbors, which causes him to be, er, temporarily separated from the nuclear football. That does seem plausible for a well-meaning doofus who’s ever eager to prove his average-joe cred. I don’t believe in Diamond Joe but I do sort of believe in Shemp Biden. Don’t we all?

I think maybe I’ll see that therapist after all, now that I’ve digested the thought of Joe Biden with the nuclear football. Exit quotation: “You guys know if any boxes arrived for a Robert Marley?”


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No, we don’t have to talk about this. Or even think about this.

Pass the mind bleach, please.

Alien on August 1, 2014 at 6:03 PM

With Michelle?

Oil Can on August 1, 2014 at 6:04 PM

I can`t stand his politics, but at least he`d be more fun to watch as POTUS. :

ThePrez on August 1, 2014 at 6:04 PM

oh no. the headlines thread was bad enough, but now there is this picture of his face. I WILL NEVER GET THAT FACE OUT OF MY NIGHTMARES.

Sachiko on August 1, 2014 at 6:05 PM

The face of lechery.

CurtZHP on August 1, 2014 at 6:05 PM

Biden: “I’m an idiot. I’m serious. I’m not joking. It’s the truth.”

So is Biden’s “package” (to quote the man) a “big f***ing deal”?

Also, can Biden trademark “S***-eating grin”, because he owns it?

LashRambo on August 1, 2014 at 6:07 PM

Does the carpet match the drapes? Plugs, really?
*Vomits*

HornetSting on August 1, 2014 at 6:07 PM

I guess we need to talk about Joe Biden skinny dipping, huh?

Nah, I need eye bleach every time that I see his blindingly-white dentures and hair plugs.

I can do without the mental image of Joe Biden’s wrinkly old bum.

Resist We Much on August 1, 2014 at 6:07 PM

Gives new meaning to “Stand-up Chuck!”

Robert_Paulson on August 1, 2014 at 6:12 PM

The Free Republic link for this Biden story included the warning “Horrific Mental Images.”

Now as I’ve got older I’ve started to consider warnings about disturbing or horrific video or images to be actual warnings to be heeded, not enticements … especially in this case. So I stayed far away from the linked article.

anotherJoe on August 1, 2014 at 6:12 PM

Nooo. No we don’t.

Skywise on August 1, 2014 at 6:12 PM

No.

CW on August 1, 2014 at 6:13 PM

Just some more of that Democratic Republican “War on Woman”.

GarandFan on August 1, 2014 at 6:13 PM

Biden to female secret service agents: “Wanna run that up my flag pole and salute it? heh…heh…heh”

albill on August 1, 2014 at 6:18 PM

No.

kcewa on August 1, 2014 at 6:23 PM

Gosh darn it, Allahpundit. I just finished dinner!

Turn MD Red on August 1, 2014 at 6:24 PM

oh no. the headlines thread was bad enough, but now there is this picture of his face. I WILL NEVER GET THAT FACE OUT OF MY NIGHTMARES.

Sachiko on August 1, 2014 at 6:05 PM

I take it you don’t like a lecherous looking gray chia pet?

arnold ziffel on August 1, 2014 at 6:24 PM

Skinny-dipping???

Hmmm…

Is this more embarrassing than his frequent racist comments?

Or his gaffes?

Or his habit of plagiarism?

Or his flirty squeezing up against biker chicks?

I dunno.
Ask the President.

itsnotaboutme on August 1, 2014 at 6:24 PM

“being assigned to his detail is considered the second worst assignment in the Secret Service,” Kessler writes.

After all this, it’s only the second worse assignment. Watching the First Lady garden naked probably is worse.

Flange on August 1, 2014 at 6:25 PM

Been done before.
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/2010866/

Just saying.

Seth Halpern on August 1, 2014 at 6:28 PM

My eyes!

talkingpoints on August 1, 2014 at 6:28 PM

The trashiest administration evah.

vityas on August 1, 2014 at 6:28 PM

A commenter at Ace’s imagined this: SlowJoe swimming on his back, winking at the female agen–OMG, make it stop. Just. Stop. Get it out of my mind!

juliesa on August 1, 2014 at 6:29 PM

Hostile work environment. Kudos on the front page pic of JoeJoe Binks, btw, Allah. If your goal was to trigger an indelible image of ol’ Joltin’ Joe’s shrivelled old man parts wobbling in the breeze, you’ve succeeded beyond your wildest dreams. So, thanks for that. It’s good that we can still laugh in these last few days of our waning republic.

cynccook on August 1, 2014 at 6:30 PM

“being assigned to his detail is considered the second worst assignment in the Secret Service,” Kessler writes.

As bad as I imagine Moochelle is to the SS, I’m willing to bet the worst assignment is the Hildebeast.

TXUS on August 1, 2014 at 6:30 PM

Biden, if’n zero is impeached, wouldn’t be the first skinny-dipping POTUS…John Quincey Adams used to skinny-dip in the Potomac…

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:34 PM

How the libs think and talk about Joe Biden…..

portlandon on August 1, 2014 at 6:34 PM

I love Dana Perino’s only response to this on “The Five”: Ewww!

bernzright777 on August 1, 2014 at 6:35 PM

As bad as I imagine Moochelle is to the SS, I’m willing to bet the worst assignment is the Hildebeast.

TXUS on August 1, 2014 at 6:30 PM

All the accounts I’ve read indicate she treats the help like garbage. I’ve always considered that a real indicator of bad character, BTW. I don’t want someone like that back in the WH, for that and numerous other reasons. Her husband is reputed to be very nice to the staff, except for the young females he molests.

Democrats….

juliesa on August 1, 2014 at 6:36 PM

Joe has always had a high opinion of himself shared by no one else.

This tends to vindicate that.

formwiz on August 1, 2014 at 6:36 PM

[sets out Listerine and ear syringes for all...I would recommend starting off with the "Niagara Falls" flush, gradually decreasing to "Babbling Brook"...enters under "Emergency Mind Flush"...blames AllahPundit for the emergency...]

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:36 PM

Nah, I need eye bleach every time that I see his blindingly-white dentures and hair plugs.

I can do without the mental image of Joe Biden’s wrinkly old bum.

Resist We Much on August 1, 2014 at 6:07 PM

Just for future reference, the shade that Joe selected at his denturist is called “golf-ball white”.

slickwillie2001 on August 1, 2014 at 6:38 PM

I don’t believe in Diamond Joe but I do sort of believe in Shemp Biden.

Hey! Shemp was the THINKING Man’s Stooge… o_O

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:38 PM

NOPE. No thanks. I’m good.

Bee on August 1, 2014 at 6:39 PM

“being assigned to his detail is considered the second worst assignment in the Secret Service,”

Who’s first, Michelle or Hilary?

Kensington on August 1, 2014 at 6:39 PM

SHRINKAGE????

H/T Seinfeld

Dingbat63 on August 1, 2014 at 6:40 PM

“Biden has a habit of swimming in his pool nude. Female Secret Service agents find that offensive.”

Crazy Joe’s response: “It’s not my fault that they’re lesbians.”

Pork-Chop on August 1, 2014 at 6:40 PM

Two words:

Shrinkage.

Bruno Strozek on August 1, 2014 at 6:41 PM

After all this, it’s only the second worse assignment. Watching the First Lady garden naked probably is worse.

Flange on August 1, 2014 at 6:25 PM

rofl, why did you do me that way? Almost posted some bad things I don’t think would be appreciated on this high class site.

arnold ziffel on August 1, 2014 at 6:42 PM

All Bob Packwood did was hug a couple subordinates and the Liberal Media Whores went completely berserk.

viking01 on August 1, 2014 at 6:42 PM

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:36 PM

“Hey agent sweety, how’s about divin’ in and giving me and Little Joe here some … secret service.” *shit-eating grin*

TXUS on August 1, 2014 at 6:44 PM

The National Observatory now has a completely unintended extra
meaning.

Get a trench coat you old pervert!

viking01 on August 1, 2014 at 6:46 PM

[sets out Listerine and ear syringes for all...I would recommend starting off with the "Niagara Falls" flush, gradually decreasing to "Babbling Brook"...enters under "Emergency Mind Flush"...blames AllahPundit for the emergency...]

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:36 PM

Ya know I luv ya, right? : )
The things you come up with…. what a mind.

Regarding Uncle Joe:
I heard he tried out for the Joker part in Batman movies, they couldn’t take him seriously… ‘cuz you know, he’s a joker.

31giddyup on August 1, 2014 at 6:46 PM

So it’s an unfiltered yellow streak?

battalion on August 1, 2014 at 6:48 PM

Shrinkage

Hey, y’all knew SOMEONE had to do it… ;-)

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:48 PM

Two of the scariest words ever:
President Biden

Galtian on August 1, 2014 at 6:49 PM

“Hey agent sweety, how’s about divin’ in and giving me and Little Joe here some … secret service.” *shit-eating grin*
TXUS on August 1, 2014 at 6:44 PM

Did that come up too? o_O

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:49 PM

Ya know I luv ya, right? : )
The things you come up with…. what a mind.

31giddyup on August 1, 2014 at 6:46 PM

(((HUGS)))

;-)

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:50 PM

Shrinkage…

Hey, y’all knew SOMEONE had to do it… ;-)

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:48 PM

Beat you at 6:40 :-)

Dingbat63 on August 1, 2014 at 6:50 PM

A commenter at Ace’s imagined this: SlowJoe swimming on his back, winking at the female agen–OMG, make it stop. Just. Stop. Get it out of my mind!

juliesa on August 1, 2014 at 6:29 PM

With a golden fountain re-enactment of Brussels mannequin pis, probably.

viking01 on August 1, 2014 at 6:53 PM

Beat you at 6:40 :-)
Dingbat63 on August 1, 2014 at 6:50 PM

Why yes, yes you did, Dingbat!

Finding the proper video took time… ;-)

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:55 PM

A commenter at Ace’s imagined this: SlowJoe swimming on his back, winking at the female agen–OMG, make it stop. Just. Stop. Get it out of my mind!

juliesa on August 1, 2014 at 6:29 PM

“Hey agent sweetie, wanna come in and play submarine? UP PERISCOPE! *looks leeringly, giggles*

TXUS on August 1, 2014 at 6:58 PM

As he jumps on the diving board, his Beau-maker flops up and down, and Jill wonders “isn’t that for my eyes only?”

As a viewer of the movie “The Life of Pi” would know, the French word for swimming pool is “piscine”.

You gotta admit, Biden’s lack of Speedo’s makes it easier for him to “piscine” the pool.

Steve Z on August 1, 2014 at 6:59 PM

War on womens!

Schadenfreude on August 1, 2014 at 6:59 PM

Joe Biden, VP of the United States – Classless, clueless, creepy!

JAM on August 1, 2014 at 7:03 PM

oh no. the headlines thread was bad enough, but now there is this picture of his face. I WILL NEVER GET THAT FACE OUT OF MY NIGHTMARES.

Sachiko on August 1, 2014 at 6:05 PM

I take it you don’t like a lecherous looking gray chia pet?

arnold ziffel on August 1, 2014 at 6:24 PM

The one’s a winner.

HornetSting on August 1, 2014 at 7:05 PM

I’m sorry, Folks…

The Kracken’s Been Unleashed…

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 7:06 PM

Yes Joe give people nightmares…

sorrowen on August 1, 2014 at 7:07 PM

Joe Biden, VP of the United States – Classless, clueless, creepy!
JAM on August 1, 2014 at 7:03 PM

You forgot “shameless”…

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 7:08 PM

You forgot “shameless”…

Newtie and the Beauty

Of course! And FREAK!!

JAM on August 1, 2014 at 7:10 PM

Of course! And FREAK!!
JAM on August 1, 2014 at 7:10 PM

You’re good!

JAM’s good, y’all… ;-)

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 7:14 PM

Okay, the obligatory, “pictures or it didn’t happen” comment.

I’ll go throw up now…

Fallon on August 1, 2014 at 7:15 PM

Jesus, what a photo.

“Wendy, I am not going to hurt you. I’m just going to….”

Name that line!

vlad martel on August 1, 2014 at 7:15 PM

Please, I beg you to throw away that photo of Biden.

You just know he is pointing at his crotch with both hands as his eyebrows yo-yo up and down over that… grin.

Dolce Far Niente on August 1, 2014 at 7:16 PM

“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward…well, never mind.”

tenore on August 1, 2014 at 7:16 PM

This is why Obama can’t be impeached, guys.

Unless, we go for a twofer…And, would he be any worse that JFK and LBJ (with regard to creepiness around women)?

JRB, in da house.

Fallon on August 1, 2014 at 7:17 PM

Follow the bounc…well, you know… ;-)

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 7:20 PM

“Wendy, I am not going to hurt you. I’m just going to….”

Name that line!

vlad martel on August 1, 2014 at 7:15 PM

“bash your f’ing brains in.” And when do you think, maybe, we should take Danny to the hospital?

Flange on August 1, 2014 at 7:21 PM

Does it count as skinny dipping if you’re wearing water wings?

Flange on August 1, 2014 at 7:25 PM

Joe Biden…skinny dipping….

*flash*

I just turned straight!

JetBoy on August 1, 2014 at 7:26 PM

if thats the second worst I wonder what the worst is.
bet its jarrett.

dmacleo on August 1, 2014 at 7:27 PM

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Emperor Norton on August 1, 2014 at 7:33 PM

I don’t want to talk about it. I need to talk about it. And I’d rather not pay a therapist 200 bucks an hour for the privilege.

This is why Obama can’t be impeached, guys.

People drown all the time…

workingclass artist on August 1, 2014 at 7:36 PM

Just what is the worst detail to be assigned to in the Secret Service?
Inquiring minds want to know.

Another Drew on August 1, 2014 at 7:40 PM

[sets out Listerine and ear syringes for all...I would recommend starting off with the "Niagara Falls" flush, gradually decreasing to "Babbling Brook"...enters under "Emergency Mind Flush"...blames AllahPundit for the emergency...]

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 6:36 PM

Listerine my ass….I’m getting my sandblaster from the garage. That monster will eliminate anything that offends.

Renee on August 1, 2014 at 7:44 PM

It was said up above, but I’ll say it again:
1) WHO CARES?
2) It’s his house, his pool & if he wants to swim nude, WHO CARES?
3) If you didn’t want the prestigious job of Protective Detail, you could’ve stayed in Peoria look for Gucci & Dolce & Gabana knock-offs….. your job is protect the VEEP. Don’t like it, get back to Peoria.

And this from a man who loathes this Administration.

JFKY on August 1, 2014 at 7:44 PM

if thats the second worst I wonder what the worst is.
bet its jarrett.

dmacleo on August 1, 2014 at 7:27 PM

Yeah I’m thinking Jarrett or Hillary. They are two of a kind, maybe that’s why they hate each other. I can see them both calling them pigs and treating them like Mexican pool-boys.

slickwillie2001 on August 1, 2014 at 7:48 PM

Joe Biden…skinny dipping….

*flash*

I just turned straight!

JetBoy on August 1, 2014 at 7:26 PM

Two-edged sword (no pun intended). The very thought of it might’ve turned a number of straight, hot babes … lesbian.

Anyway, welcome aboard, JB.

TXUS on August 1, 2014 at 7:51 PM

Yeah I’m thinking Jarrett or Hillary. They are two of a kind, maybe that’s why they hate each other. I can see them both calling them pigs and treating them like Mexican pool-boys.

slickwillie2001 on August 1, 2014 at 7:48 PM

As I said earlier, I’m thinking the worst SS assignment is the Hildebeast, but I wouldn’t count out Moochelle either, or for that matter the part-time preezy.

TXUS on August 1, 2014 at 7:54 PM

Listerine my ass….I’m getting my sandblaster from the garage. That monster will eliminate anything that offends.
Renee on August 1, 2014 at 7:44 PM

That’ll work…no minty freshness, though… ;-)

Newtie and the Beauty on August 1, 2014 at 7:54 PM

JFKY: of course you are right that Dumbass Joe should be able to expose his junk if he wants to, sort of. Do you/have you had folks working for you? If yes, I hope you did not put them in such a situation. In the case of Joe, these folks are protecting his life. I cannot imagine putting them it that environment. Talk about a war on women? Yet another what if Buuuuush/Cheney had done this?

Dingbat63 on August 1, 2014 at 7:57 PM

Dingbat63….again they VOLUNTEERED for the job….I don’t care if it’s Clinton, Bush or Biden….. they can chase counterfeiters, instead if Joe Biden is too much for them.

I can have sympathy/empathy for my staff & still say this is my life… deal with it.

IF he’s asking the womyn to join him, well that’s different….

JFKY on August 1, 2014 at 8:02 PM

Fun reminder: Biden, as head of the Senate Judiciary Committee, chaired the Thomas/Hill sexual harrassment hearings back in the day.

Apparently joking about your dong to a female colleague is less offensive than actually showing it off.

DubiousD on August 1, 2014 at 8:08 PM

JFKY on August 1, 2014 at 8:02 PM

Doesn’t that work both ways though? Joe didn’t have to be VP, he choose to run. Part of the job includes having that service detail. And it’s really only an issue because the dimocrats made such a big deal about things like Clarence Thomas making a joke about pubic hair on a Coke can and called it a hostile work environment.

Flange on August 1, 2014 at 8:11 PM

Hey Sweetheart, want to play a game? I’ll be Bill, you be Monica…

xblade on August 1, 2014 at 8:14 PM

the second worst assignment in the Secret Service,”

The worst being … Obozo or Moochelle?

IrishEyes on August 1, 2014 at 8:17 PM

I can have sympathy/empathy for my staff & still say this is my life… deal with it.

IF he’s asking the womyn to join him, well that’s different….

JFKY on August 1, 2014 at 8:02 PM

Whatever. Your call. Its a free country. I’m more respectful and appreciative of folks that work for me.

Dingbat63 on August 1, 2014 at 8:27 PM

Crazy Joe’s response: “It’s not my fault that they’re lesbians.”

Pork-Chop on August 1, 2014 at 6:40 PM

They weren’t before this assignment! ☺️

IrishEyes on August 1, 2014 at 8:35 PM

Getting Joe on the ticket was a stroke of brilliance and a huge insurance policy for Barry: hit me and you get Joe. Damn…that’s something to consider. Which is worse, Barry or Joe? And, remember, in the first term Moonbat Pelosi was #3. Alas, Crying Johny B is now #3. Is this the best this nation can do?

Dingbat63 on August 1, 2014 at 9:53 PM

Textbook WoW micro-aggression.

forest on August 1, 2014 at 10:17 PM

Apparently joking about your dong to a female colleague is less offensive than actually showing it off.

Sorry… I meant to say that joking about your dong to a female colleague is more offensive than actually showing it off.

I’ll shut up now.

DubiousD on August 1, 2014 at 10:46 PM

Joe Biden…skinny dipping….

*flash*

I just turned straight!

JetBoy on August 1, 2014 at 7:26 PM

That’s totally up to you.
God is always there to help, but you have to be willing.

A word for all former homosexuals who are following Jesus:

Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

itsnotaboutme on August 2, 2014 at 1:13 AM

…from Paul the apostle’s first letter to the church in Corinth, chapter six, in the Bible.

itsnotaboutme on August 2, 2014 at 1:14 AM

Fun reminder: Biden, as head of the Senate Judiciary Committee, chaired the Thomas/Hill sexual harrassment hearings back in the day.

Apparently joking about your dong to a female colleague is less offensive than actually showing it off.

DubiousD on August 1, 2014 at 8:08 PM

Where is the media on this????

Well…

They’re polishing Mr Biden’s boots, car, dentures, forehead…

itsnotaboutme on August 2, 2014 at 1:17 AM

Only one question for you AP. WHY?

Boats48 on August 2, 2014 at 6:28 AM

Actually i must confess, at this rate about how Obama`s presidency going downhill, the thought of President Joe Biden is becoming more and more reasonable. Then, at least the Republic gets a Commander- In- Chief who has entertainment value, instead of a President who seems to be the improbable lovechild of the ALIEN Xenomorph and the Predator.

Let the good times roll ! ( sarcasm ! )

Swedish Patriot on August 2, 2014 at 8:16 AM

Yeah, but now imagine Barney Frank doing the same thing to male SS agents.

Yer welcome.

Tard on August 2, 2014 at 8:18 AM

What a narcissistic boob. I guess he wants to show off his short comings.

kemojr on August 2, 2014 at 8:58 AM

Just think what the dweebs in the mainstream media would have done if V.P Cheney had done this.

kemojr on August 2, 2014 at 9:01 AM

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