EPA employees warned to stop defecating in the hallways

posted at 4:41 pm on June 25, 2014 by Noah Rothman

In a development that attorney, Ace of Spades blogger, and TEMS regular Gabriel Malor might find lamentably familiar, employees with the Environmental Protection Agency were recently warned to keep their bathroom habits in the bathroom.

According to communications obtained by Government Executive, employees of a Denver, Colorado office of the EPA were admonished for what the publication described as “inappropriate bathroom behavior.”

* In the email, obtained by Government Executive, Deputy Regional Administrator Howard Cantor mentioned “several incidents” in the building, including clogging the toilets with paper towels and “an individual placing feces in the hallway” outside the restroom.

Apparently, this EPA office needed to “consult” with a workplace violence expert on the matter in order to ascertain that leaving human feces in office hallways was “very dangerous.”

When asked for a statement, EPA spokesman Richard Mylott refused to comment on what he called “ongoing personnel matters” at the Denver office.


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Comment pages: 1 2

Soon, flush toilets will be outlawed and we will all be crapping in the hallways.

On the plus side, once they forbid using any energy to warm your house, you will be able to burn the dried turds, like peat.

Maddie on June 25, 2014 at 6:13 PM

As long as you don’t hyperventilate or fart, than it’s still OK. That whole building is full of absolute shyts.

WryTrvllr on June 25, 2014 at 6:17 PM

If the EPA were to find a poop in your offices/buildings it would be tens of thousands of dollars in fines.

jukin3 on June 25, 2014 at 6:19 PM

OT: You’ll thank me.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

kcewa on June 25, 2014 at 4:59 PM

Effin’ hilarious, dude… LOL

PointnClick on June 25, 2014 at 6:22 PM

If they’re crapping in the hallway, you have to wonder where they’re pissing!

I’d stay away from that ‘office coffee pot’!

GarandFan on June 25, 2014 at 6:33 PM

On the plus side, once they forbid using any energy to warm your house, you will be able to burn the dried turds, like peat.

Maddie on June 25, 2014 at 6:13 PM

…in the old days pioneers gathered ‘Buffalo Chips’…soon… we can gather ‘EPA chips’ to warm your house.

JugEarsButtHurt on June 25, 2014 at 6:34 PM

So these imbeciles had to call in an “EXPERT” to tell them that someone shatting in the HALLWAY is a health risk? REALLY?!?!

Meople on June 25, 2014 at 4:59 PM

I’m more impressed that they had an Expert in Hall Defecation in their Rolodex.

Apparently this must be enough of a matter that certificates in Hall Defecation had to be made, complete with a check-list of knowledge needed. Makes me wonder what sort of req. was posted and what qualifications and experience was required.

The HR manager probably needed lots of alcohol after filling that slot in the roster.

Reuben Hick on June 25, 2014 at 6:38 PM

“The adults are in charge…?”

anuts on June 25, 2014 at 6:39 PM

Since they are US Government employees, what happens to them if they get caught? Let me guess, 2 weeks suspension (with Pay), several mandatory counseling sessions, during regular working hours and a little frowny face in their employee records.

Wallythedog on June 25, 2014 at 4:52 PM

You forgot the bonus.

kcewa on June 25, 2014 at 4:54 PM

Of course, nothing stops the bonuses from going out. In fact you might check the EPA’s greedy-union contract, -unless pooping in the hallway is specifically forbidden, the employee can’t be disciplined in any way.

slickwillie2001 on June 25, 2014 at 6:44 PM

Does everybody poop?

libfreeordie on June 11, 2014 at 9:23 AM

Girl, bye.

slickwillie2001 on June 25, 2014 at 7:09 PM

maybe, jst maybe…if they crapped all over themselves and their own quarters..they MIGHT do it less ON US. maybe we should rethink this whole thing. i say: let them crap on each other, actually lets have obama executive order it. they SHALL crap in the hallways. in their podmates desk chairs. ontop of their computers. maybe that weird dude from msnbc with the english accent that got fired has some ideas…..

t8stlikchkn on June 25, 2014 at 7:11 PM

What the hell kind of sixth-century barbarians do we have staffing the EPA anyway?

Aitch748 on June 25, 2014 at 7:12 PM

wait. we should make sure we DONT order them to crap on their email servers. assuming any still exist.

t8stlikchkn on June 25, 2014 at 7:15 PM

Thus completing our government’s transition to third world status.

rjh on June 25, 2014 at 7:15 PM

Hilarious cover photo on this story! Caption contest. . .

Chuckles3 on June 25, 2014 at 7:15 PM

hey somebody took a sh@# in my inbox! havent you gotten the memo? its mandatory now. on wednesday anyway. the memo is in my inbox…..

t8stlikchkn on June 25, 2014 at 7:17 PM

HOW APPROPRIATE!

Deacon on June 25, 2014 at 7:19 PM

DNA testing.

Like they do to dogs of negligent owners that refuse to pick up their droppings.

ooonaughtykitty on June 25, 2014 at 7:21 PM

if they are crapping on themselves at EPA i wonder what they are doing at commerce or interior…where they REALLY dont have anything to do…..

t8stlikchkn on June 25, 2014 at 7:27 PM

With Obama as President everything turns to sh#t.

albill on June 25, 2014 at 7:29 PM

hey what did you get for the office secret santa this year?? looks like it had corn in it…thats all i can say.

t8stlikchkn on June 25, 2014 at 7:33 PM

gekkobear on June 25, 2014 at 5:34 PM

Thanks. I don’t undress in stores so I wouldn’t know.

kcewa on June 25, 2014 at 7:46 PM

Thank God they weren’t…smooooking!

Ew!

Dr. ZhivBlago on June 25, 2014 at 7:59 PM

Are you shitting me!?!?!

KMC1 on June 25, 2014 at 8:42 PM

Sounds like salesman from the Office who was always making Michael look stupid. There was some episode about the guy leaving a “gift” in Michael’s office.

Sherman1864 on June 25, 2014 at 9:35 PM

Animals.

I have nothing but respect for people like JFK and Jimmy Carter, but today’s democrats are nothing but animals.

Brazen, stupid, bovine-headed animals.

thejackal on June 25, 2014 at 10:13 PM

I hate it when they do that. Did they place the appropriate warning label in place, and call in a hazmat team?

claudius on June 25, 2014 at 11:35 PM

So these imbeciles had to call in an “EXPERT” to tell them that someone shatting in the HALLWAY is a health risk? REALLY?!?!

Meople on June 25, 2014 at 4:59 PM

they probably convinced themselves that it’s organic, so it must be good :)… Until it wasn’t :)

jimver on June 26, 2014 at 12:36 AM

Animals.

I have nothing but respect for people like JFK and Jimmy Carter, but today’s democrats are nothing but animals.

Brazen, stupid, bovine-headed animals.

thejackal on June 25, 2014 at 10:13 PM

Very true, especially that it’s not the first for these type of losers, OWS-ers come to mind, same habits, only difference being hallways not cars :(…

jimver on June 26, 2014 at 12:38 AM

Support the right of government workers to crap in federal office bldg hallways.
The more crap they dump in the hall, the less there is available to dump on the citizens.

thelastminstrel on June 26, 2014 at 1:06 AM

They were unable to prosecute because the feces were recycled, according to EPA procedure.

virgo on June 26, 2014 at 1:38 AM

More evidence, as if we needed it giver the VA and other front page news, of the types of people the federal government hires.

Nomas on June 26, 2014 at 7:25 AM

They are so use to sh*tting on our rights, they forgot they where they were. May be part of the “occupy” crowd in training for their next event.

RUReady2RNR on June 26, 2014 at 11:14 AM

EPA – personel so stupid they can’t take a crap without a guide book.

papertiger on June 26, 2014 at 11:45 AM

EPA employees warned to stop defecating in the hallways

And while they brought it up, stop defecating on the country!!!

landlines on June 26, 2014 at 12:03 PM

More ‘class acts’ by Obama administration personnel….

The EPA defacators are just doing in the halls what Obama is doing on the Constitution…

easyt65 on June 26, 2014 at 12:23 PM

More evidence, as if we needed it giver the VA and other front page news, of the types of people the federal government hires.

Nomas on June 26, 2014 at 7:25 AM

Back in the 1980′s thru 1990′s I used to install network equipment in commercial, state government and Federal government offices, in AR, LA, TX, and NM. The contrast between employees was remarkable, Corporate offices were staffed by what I classify as normal everyday people, state offices by beaurocratic half robot humans and the Federal offices were staffed mentally damaged sub humans, with the most damaged always holding a position of authority. I can only remember meeting two competent Federal employees and they were both blind men that worked in the Dallas IRS office, they were the only ones that had a clue.

Wallythedog on June 26, 2014 at 1:09 PM

I thought the Shiites were in Iraq??

acetylene420 on June 26, 2014 at 4:00 PM

EPA employees warned to stop defecating in the hallways

..right, OFFICIAL OBOZO Regime policy: do that ONLY on taxpayers, conservatives, Christians, the military and other patriots!

MicahStone on June 26, 2014 at 4:55 PM

This brings an entirely new meaning to the term “government waste.”

Colony14 on June 26, 2014 at 5:57 PM

At least those of us in the US Air Force didn’t need to be told not to.

HBowmanMD on June 26, 2014 at 8:46 PM

The Founding Fathers took the Christian faith seriously and thus warned that this kind of societal suicide was the inevitable ruinous course we would take if we turned our backs on the God Who Alone saves us. Isaiah 43:11 I, even I, am the LORD; and beside me there is no saviour.

russedav on June 27, 2014 at 12:44 PM

Comment pages: 1 2