Proposed House bill puts taxpayers on equal footing as IRS

posted at 6:01 pm on June 20, 2014 by Ed Morrissey

This nation was founded on the rule of law, and the equality of treatment under such. With that in mind, Rep. Steve Stockman will offer taxpayers access to the same set of excuses used by the IRS when dealing with inquiries into the tax records — and those of other politicians in scandals of their own. The new bill, titled “The Dog Ate My Tax Receipts Act,” would allow taxpayers to use any of the following ten reasons as a positive defense during an audit:

1.         The dog ate my tax receipts
2.         Convenient, unexplained, miscellaneous computer malfunction
3.         Traded documents for five terrorists
4.         Burned for warmth while lost in the Yukon
5.         Left on table in Hillary’s Book Room
6.         Received water damage in the trunk of Ted Kennedy’s car
7.         Forgot in gun case sold to Mexican drug lords
8.         Forced to recycle by municipal Green Czar
9.         Was short on toilet paper while camping
10.       At this point, what difference does it make?

Stockman issued a statement along with the text of his bill:

“The United States was founded on the belief government is subservient and accountable to the people.  Taxpayers shouldn’t be expected to follow laws the Obama administration refuses to follow themselves,” said Stockman.  “Taxpayers should be allowed to offer the same flimsy, obviously made-up excuses the Obama administration uses.”

Well, the Obama administration and a few others, too. Stockman takes a shot at the late Ted Kennedy and Chappaquiddick, and #9 might be best understood as a shot at the Maduro government’s rationing of toilet paper (among many other items) in Venezuela. Stockman’s willing to go outside the IRS scandal when dealing with Obama administration excuses too, with #3 aimed at the Taliban 5 trade and #7 a response to Operation Fast & Furious. Hillary Clinton gets two references, one on Benghazi during her time in the administration, and another on her disastrous book tour.

Of course, this is trolling of the highest order, as Baseball Crank noted on Twitter:

It still makes the point that the IRS enjoys a tremendous power imbalance when it comes to dealing with taxpayers. The only way they can legitimately maintain that is to have scrupulous ethics and refrain from any sort of political taint. Otherwise, what is good for the goose should be good for the gander.

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Well somebody needs to make me laugh. I can’t wait for the reaction.

Cindy Munford on June 20, 2014 at 6:08 PM

I will campaign against my congress critter if he does not support this bill. It’s one of the few pieces of legislation that has emerged that actually makes some sense.

NOMOBO on June 20, 2014 at 6:09 PM

If I agree that this is hilarious, will I be audited???

txmomof6 on June 20, 2014 at 6:09 PM

Why is this troll8ng? It should bd a constitutional right that the government and its agents cannot inflict upon us what they don’t abide. Just as a corrupt prosecutor jeopardizes previous wins, so should an agent’s wrongdoing absolve the victims and hold the agent liable for whatever gets wajved. But we have tbat notion that agents can’t be sued and tbat needs to be changed.

AH_C on June 20, 2014 at 6:12 PM

Actually #5, “Left on table in Hillary’s Book Room” could also be a reference to the missing Rose Law firm documents that mysteriously showed up after months of Hillary explaining that they were ‘missing.’

rlyle on June 20, 2014 at 6:12 PM

Public Servants are the new aristocracy and they will not be held to the same rules as the serfs.

gwelf on June 20, 2014 at 6:13 PM

In any case, IRS can see the NSA for a good, high quality copy

I laughed out loud when I read the above, the last line of the bill Rep. Stockman plans to proffer.

NOMOBO on June 20, 2014 at 6:13 PM

Love it.

rbj on June 20, 2014 at 6:13 PM

I just got a whiff, on Special Report video, of the arrogant and nose-in-the-air attitude of IRS Commissioner John Koskinen; I support this effort at trolling whole-heartedly. IRS Commissioner John Koskinen is smug to the max. I hope he gets blind-sided by the Øbama administration and gets to meet “Bubba” in a Federal Pen.
.
Bubba don’t care ’bout no IRS.

ExpressoBold on June 20, 2014 at 6:13 PM

Maybe we need to go back to basics and pass Magna Carta.

gwelf on June 20, 2014 at 6:15 PM

will I be audited???

txmomof6 on June 20, 2014 at 6:09 PM

.
You’ll be audited anyway. You are registered to comment at a “conservative” politics, culture, and news blog. Enjoy the experience!

ExpressoBold on June 20, 2014 at 6:16 PM

That’s it. I’m moving to Houston just so I can vote for Stockman.

OneArmPaperHanger on June 20, 2014 at 6:17 PM

1. The dog ate my tax receipts

Why can’t a cat eat my tax receipts ? Or a bunny ?
This is discrimination ! I demand a hashtag war, Moochy put on a your scowl and a funny frock and pose for a camera , NOW !
:O

burrata on June 20, 2014 at 6:18 PM

AH_C on June 20, 2014 at 6:12 PM

.
Why so many misspelled words? I know it’s Friday afternoon but…

ExpressoBold on June 20, 2014 at 6:18 PM

1. The dog ate my tax receipts
2. Convenient, unexplained, miscellaneous computer malfunction
3. Traded documents for five terrorists
4. Burned for warmth while lost in the Yukon
5. Left on table in Hillary’s Book Room
6. Received water damage in the trunk of Ted Kennedy’s car
7. Forgot in gun case sold to Mexican drug lords
8. Forced to recycle by municipal Green Czar
9. Was short on toilet paper while camping
10. At this point, what difference does it make?

Pure genius. Let’s get that bill on the floor for a vote!!!

xNavigator on June 20, 2014 at 6:18 PM

The next bill needs to designate the IRS as a terrorist organization.

Cody1991 on June 20, 2014 at 6:20 PM

A more serious bill… to revoke Obamacare until the IRS finds Lois Lerner’s emails is really in order. The IRS is a national joke and can’t be trusted to enforce the individual mandate.

monalisa on June 20, 2014 at 6:21 PM

I’d give this one priority over Repeal of Obamacare.

Seriously, in my rosiest political fantasy scenario, I’m having a hard time deciding which the Republican President, and GOP House and Senate should do first:

1) Repeal Obamacare? or

2) Abolish the IRS?

de rigueur on June 20, 2014 at 6:28 PM

A better message to the irs and its mob of corrupt democrat slime bags is.

::: FIRED :::

TX-96 on June 20, 2014 at 6:28 PM

Camp sent Lerner a letter informing her that he knew some crap was going on 3 June 2011. Lerners’ computer crashed 13 June 2011. Lerner then said “some things just happen!”

tim c on June 20, 2014 at 6:31 PM

1) Repeal Obamacare? or

2) Abolish the IRS?

de rigueur on June 20, 2014 at 6:28 PM

Don’t see why you can’t have both, but if you abolish the IRS you abolish the ability to enforce obozocare.

Flange on June 20, 2014 at 6:33 PM

I love it!

Resist We Much on June 20, 2014 at 6:33 PM

11. My President ate the dog that ate my tax receipts.

Resist We Much on June 20, 2014 at 6:34 PM

de rigueur on June 20, 2014 at 6:28 PM

We seem to have the same political fantasies :}

If I had only one option, I would go with abolishing the IRS. Without the IRS O’Care is difficult to enforce. Without the ability to lean on and threaten every citizen (while garnering more information about their lives – violating privacy) O’Care should continue to stumble, no?

Cody1991 on June 20, 2014 at 6:37 PM

Why not just cut the IRS’s funding until they cough up the e-mails?

Oh, wait… The Repubs in the house would have to discover their spines first.

trigon on June 20, 2014 at 6:39 PM

I work in IS at a hospital lab. Can we stop having to make sure that things more than 6 months old are archived?

malclave on June 20, 2014 at 6:41 PM

Why can’t a cat eat my tax receipts ? Or a bunny ?

burrata on June 20, 2014 at 6:18 PM

(to IRS auditor) An elephant with some sort of stomach ailment ate my tax receipts. Here’s a garbage bag with the semisolid droppings for you to go through if you want them.

malclave on June 20, 2014 at 6:44 PM

I miss Stockman already. This is the guy that gave up his house seat to run against McCornyn.

DanMan on June 20, 2014 at 6:44 PM

Actually #5, “Left on table in Hillary’s Book Room” could also be a reference to the missing Rose Law firm documents that mysteriously showed up after months of Hillary explaining that they were ‘missing.’

rlyle on June 20, 2014 at 6:12 PM

That’s exactly how I took it. And the Teddy Kennedy reference was hilarious. Trolling 101!

catsandbooks on June 20, 2014 at 6:46 PM

Don’t see why you can’t have both, but if you abolish the IRS you abolish the ability to enforce obozocare.

Flange on June 20, 2014 at 6:33 PM

If I had only one option, I would go with abolishing the IRS. Without the IRS O’Care is difficult to enforce.

Cody1991 on June 20, 2014 at 6:37 PM

You’re both right, of course. I was thinking symbolically, not practically.

Although the Left would argue about the “practicality” of taking out the IRS. Just give them back their sainted old Bobby Kennedy: “Some people see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say, why not?”

de rigueur on June 20, 2014 at 6:47 PM

LUV this bill. If I was a Dhimmicrap I’d vote for it six or seven times. I’ll still vote for it after I’m dead, which may be sooner than I’d like, as I get my healthcare through the VA. Hmmmm…..

vnvet on June 20, 2014 at 6:53 PM

AH_C on June 20, 2014 at 6:12 PM

.
Why so many misspelled words? I know it’s Friday afternoon but…

ExpressoBold on June 20, 2014 at 6:18 PM

Ever heard of auto correct? As Lois says” stuff happens” :)
By The Way my favorite excuse is ” at this point, what difference does it make.”//

Bakokitty on June 20, 2014 at 6:55 PM

It is against the laws of this land to launder monies through a criminal organization. That makes it illegal to pay federal taxes.

jpcpt03 on June 20, 2014 at 7:04 PM

We won’t be on equal footing until we can confiscate their property and put them in prison just because we want to, whatever we base our wants on, including politics.

Sounds completely fair to me.

Diluculo on June 20, 2014 at 7:04 PM

I wonder if any Congressman has ever submitted a bill that said nothing at all, meaning no words other than the title and purpose, and had it pass?

There has got to be at least one.

BobMbx on June 20, 2014 at 7:09 PM

Oh, and you all did see that the CPB gave itself the power to close a business with a stroke of a pen?

Warren and her cabal can simply walk in, lay down a Cease and Desist order on the counter, and you’re closed. You can appeal, but you stay closed until, and unless, you win.

BobMbx on June 20, 2014 at 7:11 PM

11. My President ate the dog that ate my tax receipts.

Resist We Much on June 20, 2014 at 6:34 PM

That was nothing less than a chunk of awesomeness. LOL

sage0925 on June 20, 2014 at 7:18 PM

I wonder if any Congressman has ever submitted a bill that said nothing at all, meaning no words other than the title and purpose, and had it pass?

BobMbx on June 20, 2014 at 7:09 PM

Maybe I’m delusional, but I thought that’s what happens when they want to pass something to be settled in conference. Pass a blank bill, then fill it up with amendments later.

malclave on June 20, 2014 at 7:19 PM

Why so many misspelled words? I know it’s Friday afternoon but…
ExpressoBold on June 20, 2014 at 6:18 PM

It’s what happens when one is in a hurry on a “dumb” phone.

AH_C on June 20, 2014 at 7:27 PM

Let me say again for the umpteenth time that nothing is going to come of this congressional investigation, it never does, unless you’re a retired professional baseball player. However, Stockman is showing you the correct way to present this matter to the American people. Mock it and the bureaucracy mercilessly. He get’s it right with this “bill”, but have no fears the GOP will be as inept as ever, so the IRS is in no real danger at all.

DFCtomm on June 20, 2014 at 7:47 PM

It’s a major troll, especially since it is a toothless resolution rather than a bill that would affect the United States Code in any manner.

Still, my favorite acceptable excuse is, “Forced to recycle by municipal Green Czar.”

Steve Eggleston on June 20, 2014 at 7:49 PM

We won’t be on equal footing until we can confiscate their property and put them in prison just because we want to, whatever we base our wants on, including politics.

Sounds completely fair to me.

Diluculo on June 20, 2014 at 7:04 PM

Which is why the IRS is perfectly safe from the GOP. They want to preserve that power for themselves.

DFCtomm on June 20, 2014 at 7:49 PM

11. My President ate the dog that ate my tax receipts.
Resist We Much on June 20, 2014 at 6:34 PM

SNORT. Giggle. Snicker

Thread winner. !!!!!!!!!

karenhasfreedom on June 20, 2014 at 7:49 PM

11. My President ate the dog that ate my tax receipts.

Resist We Much on June 20, 2014 at 6:34 PM

Comment Excuse of the (urp) Day™

Steve Eggleston on June 20, 2014 at 7:50 PM

… in a hurry on a “dumb” phone.

AH_C on June 20, 2014 at 7:27 PM

.
Sooooo…. alcohol consumption had no role in it, eh? Too bad…

ExpressoBold on June 20, 2014 at 7:57 PM

It is clearly time to abolish the IRS.

I like Stockman’s trolling, but I’d like to see him follow it up with a bill to defund the IRS.

Let’s make this an issue in the next election.

Do you stand with the IRS or with the people?

18-1 on June 20, 2014 at 8:04 PM

You’re both right, of course. I was thinking symbolically, not practically.

Although the Left would argue about the “practicality” of taking out the IRS. Just give them back their sainted old Bobby Kennedy: “Some people see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say, why not?”

de rigueur on June 20, 2014 at 6:47 PM

That line of RFK’s actually evolved from a discussion with JFK over why they should share Marilyn Monroe.

slickwillie2001 on June 20, 2014 at 8:17 PM

11. My President ate the dog that ate my tax receipts.

Resist We Much on June 20, 2014 at 6:34 PM

For the win!

Best comment ever?

talkingpoints on June 20, 2014 at 8:34 PM

Stockman’s humor shows just how unserious the Republicans are about this IRS scandal. The House voted close to 100 times to repeal ObamaCare with the full knowledge, and appreciation, that it would go nowhere in the Senate. Yet with all of their “outrage” (didn’t Paul Ryan put on a nice faux show today) they have passed no legislation, such as a national sales tax, that would preclude partisan intrusion in our lives by government employees. Both Republicans and Democrats know they wouldn’t be able to hold back the groundswell of public support that such legislation would engender.

FoulBill on June 20, 2014 at 8:38 PM

will I be audited???

txmomof6 on June 20, 2014 at 6:09 PM

.
You’ll be audited anyway. You are registered to comment at a “conservative” politics, culture, and news blog. Enjoy the experience!

ExpressoBold on June 20, 2014 at 6:16 PM

Hmmmm.. is that why I got an audit notice last week? Or could it be that email?? … or my political affiliation?? … No.. couldn’t be.. it’s small town local taxes..

vamp57mw on June 20, 2014 at 9:22 PM

Seriously, in my rosiest political fantasy scenario, I’m having a hard time deciding which the Republican President, and GOP House and Senate should do first:

1) Repeal Obamacare? or

2) Abolish the IRS?

de rigueur on June 20, 2014 at 6:28 PM

I say write ‘em up and put ‘em both out at the same time… libs and media will drown in the whirlpool trying to figure out which one to demonize first.. !!

vamp57mw on June 20, 2014 at 9:28 PM

Seriously, in my rosiest political fantasy scenario, I’m having a hard time deciding which the Republican President, and GOP House and Senate should do first:

1) Repeal Obamacare? or

2) Abolish the IRS?

de rigueur on June 20, 2014 at 6:28 PM

I’ll go with Amnesty for the win Alex. You think the GOP will part with the power of the IRS, or the fledgling bureaucracy of Obamacare that has given the government intrusive rights into your health information?

DFCtomm on June 20, 2014 at 9:45 PM

Yes, this is cute, but it’s nothing more. If he wants to really troll… well, here’s what I put in the headline thread:

I would love to see him introduce a serious bill, though, that would say:

Until the IRS can account for every dollar it spends from its budget, with adequate documentation (meeting the IRS’ own standard of documentation), they may not hold any taxpayer accountable for a failure to document their transactions for amounts less than $25,000. Furthermore, until such time as the IRS meets federal records retention requirements, no record can be required of any claim made in a filing to the IRS.

GWB on June 20, 2014 at 3:14 PM

GWB on June 20, 2014 at 9:53 PM

Let’s at least banish all federal public unions. The IRS employs one of the largest in the nation.

Ruckus_Tom on June 20, 2014 at 9:56 PM

Hillary Clinton gets two references, one on Benghazi during her time in the administration, and another on her disastrous book tour.


5. Left on table in Hillary’s Book Room
10. At this point, what difference does it make?

Number 5 isn’t about her book tour. It’s about the subpoenaed records that were “lost” for a few years and then “found” on the desk right outside her White House office, back in BJ’s administration.

Fred 2 on June 20, 2014 at 10:17 PM

There also needs to be an addendum that allows me to claim the five undocumented minor terrorists whom I received in exchange for my tax forms as dependents. The Fifth Amendment will also prohibit me from disclosing their identification and social security numbers when I declare them on my revised 1040.

Madcap_Magician on June 20, 2014 at 10:29 PM

Number 5 isn’t about her book tour. It’s about the subpoenaed records that were “lost” for a few years and then “found” on the desk right outside her White House office, back in BJ’s administration.

Fred 2 on June 20, 2014 at 10:17 PM

Check. The Rose Law Firm billing records from Arkansas.

slickwillie2001 on June 20, 2014 at 10:57 PM

I was expecting spectacular idiocy. Instead, I find spectacular humor. Well played, Congressman. You’d have my vote if I lived in your district!

Among the commentators, though, we have idiocy such as this:

Furthermore, until such time as the IRS meets federal records retention requirements, no record can be required of any claim made in a filing to the IRS.
GWB on June 20, 2014 at 3:14 PM

Sweet! Let’s ship hundreds of billions in ID theft fraud to Mexico, Russia, and NorK/China! Hop on the gravy train, buddy! Choo choo! /s

Asurea on June 20, 2014 at 11:51 PM

[Stockman said] “Taxpayers should be allowed to offer the same flimsy, obviously made-up excuses the Obama administration uses.”

No! No! No! That is so wrong! Where does a sitting member of Congress get off recommending subversion of the rule of law??!

What you do, Rep. Stockman, is that you in Congress hold the Obama Administration accountable. That is your job – DO YOUR JOB!

I am not impressed with cutesy antics that are as meaningless as they are insulting. If that’s all the better solution that you have, if the only effort that you are going to make is some lame symbolism, then resign your office. You are not worthy of it.

ss396 on June 21, 2014 at 12:33 AM

Oh for Pete’s sake – don’t you recognize the good congressman is turning the tables on the left using sail ski tactics? Isolate it and ridicule it. Very effective.

karenhasfreedom on June 21, 2014 at 1:57 AM

Goshdarn iPhone autocorrect. The above comment should have said Salinski tactics or however you spell that lefty’s name.

karenhasfreedom on June 21, 2014 at 1:59 AM

the IRS enjoys a tremendous power imbalance when it comes to dealing with taxpayers

And evidently when it comes to dealing with Congress, too, I’d say.

yaedon on June 21, 2014 at 7:15 AM

11. Sandy Burglar hid them in his pants

12. They’re in William Jefferson’s freezer

pain train on June 21, 2014 at 11:25 AM