Ex-Microsoft CEO gives Sterlings a $2 billion parachute out of the NBA

posted at 8:41 am on May 30, 2014 by Ed Morrissey

In the end, the Sterlings made history in quite a different fashion than they made it at the beginning of their public-relations crisis. Late yesterday, Shelley Sterling confirmed that she had completed the sale of the Los Angeles Clippers to former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer for a cool two billion dollars. That is almost four times the previous record for an NBA team, which was set just this year by the Milwaukee Bucks in their $550 million sale.

Shelly Sterling has confirmed the sale through a press release. In it is the statement she could do that as the sole trustee of the Sterling Family Trust, confirming that she had Donald [sic -- presumably "Serling's agreement" is missing]

“I am delighted that we are selling the team to Steve, who will be a terrific owner,” she said in a released statement. “We have worked for 33 years to build the Clippers into a premiere NBA franchise. I am confident Steve will take the team to new levels of success.”

Steve Ballmer also released a statement:

“I will be honored to have my name submitted to the NBA Board of Governors for approval as the next owner of the Los Angeles Clippers. I love basketball. And I intend to do everything in my power to ensure that the Clippers continue to win – and win big – in Los Angeles.”

According to NBS Sports, Ballmer had to agree not to move the Clippers to Seattle, where Ballmer lives. They have nine years on their lease in LA, plus the team and the league will get to negotiate a new TV deal next year. The NBA wants the team to stay in LA for that revenue. Not that they mind the sudden revaluation of all the league’s franchises, of course.

Still, $2 billion seems a little steep for an NBA franchise, even in LA. The two losing bids were almost as lucrative, with entertainment mogul David Geffen’s at $1.6 billion and a third at $1.2 billion. Bloomberg wonders whether Ballmer got a good deal or not:

Wait — you mean that the ex-Microsoft CEO may have overpaid for what is essentially vaporware in bright packaging, a product that has needed a lot of reboots over the years? Say it ain’t so. Twitter had a lot of fun with the Microsoft connection last night, but this was my favorite:

The LA Clippys does have a nice ring to it. Speaking of being clipped, Donald and Shelley Sterling will come out of this with the last laugh. They bought the team in 1981 for $12 million, and spent most of the years in between raking in cash while being the laughingstock of the league. They’re going to end up with a $1.988 billion capital gain, which means that they’re really not going to care much what anyone thinks about them now. That’s quite a punishment that the league imposed, no?

Update: The capital gain was $1.988 billion, not $1.88 billion.


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Late yesterday, Shelley Sterling confirmed that she had completed the sale of the Los Angeles Clippers to former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer

Ahahahahahahahaha! Steve Ballmer, of Windows 8 infamy! The man who said, “What, people don’t like the metro UI? SCREW ‘EM! FULL SPEED AHEAD!”

Stoic Patriot on May 30, 2014 at 8:44 AM

Speaking of being clipped, Donald and Shelley Sterling will come out of this with the last laugh. They bought the team in 1981 for $12 million, and spent most of the years in between raking in cash while being the laughingstock of the league. They’re going to end up with a $1.88 billion capital gain, which means that they’re really not going to care much what anyone thinks about them now.

On the subject of capital gains, I read in an article that the Sterlings will have to pay $662 million in capital gains taxes out of the $2 billion they’re getting for the team which is insane.

And regarding the $2 billion price tag, that’s gonna seriously screw up future franchise sales in the NBA and probably other professional sports. If the Clippers are worth that much, imagine what an actual good franchise like the Lakers will now be valued at.

Doughboy on May 30, 2014 at 8:46 AM

The L.A. Automatic Upgrades.

If there is one thing I detest about Win8 it’s the upgrades that you have no choice about, they’re downloading whether you like it or not, and the ONLY choice you have is to do it now or in 11 minutes.

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 8:47 AM

Microsoft went from #1 to like #15 under him. No business as you can tell with the price.

Oil Can on May 30, 2014 at 8:50 AM

Almost 16.8% annualized return. Not bad. And their gain is $1.988 billion, Ed.

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 8:51 AM

I’ll stick with Windows 7 for as long as I can.

Steve Ballmer has nothing better to do with his billions then to spend them on a losing franchise? More power to him.

Mark Boabaca on May 30, 2014 at 8:52 AM

The Clippers aren’t worth $2 billion. Ballmer’s friend and fellow Microsoft billionaire Paul Allen owns the Portland Trailblazers. Steve is just helping him out by using his extra pocket change.

rbj on May 30, 2014 at 8:53 AM

$2 billion is insane. That means the Knicks and Lakers could probably fetch more than $3 billion apiece.

But, if he’s willing to wildly overpay, the Sterlings may as well take advantage.

changer1701 on May 30, 2014 at 8:54 AM

I’m more interested in how Shelly Sterling managed to have Donald Sterling declared “mentally incapacitated” so that she could sell the team over his obvious desire not to.

Terrifically gangster-ish.

Robert_Paulson on May 30, 2014 at 8:56 AM

“Start”
“Shutdown”
Bluescreen of death….

Electrongod on May 30, 2014 at 8:57 AM

The L.A. Automatic Upgrades.

If there is one thing I detest about Win8 it’s the upgrades that you have no choice about, they’re downloading whether you like it or not, and the ONLY choice you have is to do it now or in 11 minutes.

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 8:47 AM

You do know you can change that right?

I mean, learning how to use a computer isn’t very hard. My five year old can figure it out.

Lay-Z on May 30, 2014 at 8:57 AM

No doubt the league and the Sterlings knew this would be outcome of this whole “scandal”!that’s why the Sterlings went out quietly.

Vince on May 30, 2014 at 8:58 AM

The NBA and media got their wish. Sterling sold his team. The Unintended consequences is something those on the left will never understand though. I’m glad the Sterling’s made a huge profit. It still sickens me that private speech made this possible. It wasn’t racist speech either. Bigotry, possibly. All the same it was private speech. It never should have went down this way but at least the left did not tech the lesson they so desired.

Conservative4Ever on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

I’m surprised the race-hustlers are going to let the Sterlings get that $2 billion (less the confiscatory taxes, of course).

Steve Eggleston on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

On the upside, Magic and the Oprah got left holding an empty bag after their scheme to get Sterling banned worked so well. This whole story played out like an episode of Dallas.

Kissmygrits on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

“Basketballers, basketballers, basketballers, basketballers, basketballers. Basketballers, basketballers, basketballers! Yes!”

KingGold on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

Played.

Bmore on May 30, 2014 at 9:00 AM

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 8:47 AM

Don’t look now, but you just got compared to a five year old girl. Lolz!

Lay-Z on May 30, 2014 at 8:57 AM

Bmore on May 30, 2014 at 9:02 AM

Stand by. The woman who started this whole ball rolling (I’ve already forgotten her name) will be suing Sterling for something to get her piece of the pie.

NavyMustang on May 30, 2014 at 9:02 AM

According to NBS Sports,….

I’m sure that was a freudian typo, even though the “C” version of the last word fits equally well outside the confines of AoSHQ. ;-)

Steve Eggleston on May 30, 2014 at 9:04 AM

My mistake, might have been a five year old boy. Not nearly as funny. Played?

Bmore on May 30, 2014 at 9:04 AM

Hey, I will be pleased to be laughed outta any room for a paltry 2 mil!

vnvet on May 30, 2014 at 9:05 AM

Steve Eggleston on May 30, 2014 at 9:04 AM

Lol. Nice catch, reads truer that way.

Bmore on May 30, 2014 at 9:05 AM

Isn’t Steven B the Joe Biden of the tech world?

Oil Can on May 30, 2014 at 9:05 AM

I hate 8. Since almost all new computers have 8 already installed in them like a tick on a collie, I will delay buying one and am even willing to pay a little more to buy a computer that has a 7 option.

MaiDee on May 30, 2014 at 9:06 AM

Whew that was close! Well, I guess LeBron and his millionaire buddies can play them some roundball next year now.

pain train on May 30, 2014 at 9:06 AM

The NBA and media got their wish. Sterling sold his team. The Unintended consequences is something those on the left will never understand though. I’m glad the Sterling’s made a huge profit. It still sickens me that private speech made this possible. It wasn’t racist speech either. Bigotry, possibly. All the same it was private speech. It never should have went down this way but at least the left did not tech the lesson they so desired.

Conservative4Ever on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

Yeah. There’s been a lot of high-fiving over this, but the precedents being set with this and other recent actions are dangerous.

changer1701 on May 30, 2014 at 9:06 AM

In a shocking display of ‘WHITE PRIVILEGE’ ™, WHITE (and obviously RACIST! ™) ex-Microsoft CEO bails out WHITE (RACIST! ™) Sterlings to the tune of $2 BILLION.

I’ll bet even the papers they sign will be WHITE!

Come on MSNBC – JUMP ON THIS!

Pork-Chop on May 30, 2014 at 9:06 AM

Lol. Nice catch, reads truer that way.

Bmore on May 30, 2014 at 9:05 AM

Thanks. I still superscript the BS part of CBS where I can (I can’t in the comments here), and I dabble in AoSHQ commentary section, so I tend to catch little things like that.

Steve Eggleston on May 30, 2014 at 9:09 AM

The NBA and media got their wish. Sterling sold his team. The Unintended consequences is something those on the left will never understand though. I’m glad the Sterling’s made a huge profit. It still sickens me that private speech made this possible. It wasn’t racist speech either. Bigotry, possibly. All the same it was private speech. It never should have went down this way but at least the left did not tech the lesson they so desired.

Conservative4Ever on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

The Left understands perfectly well what it is doing. And they did get to teach the lesson they so desired even if it didn’t get to the final step before the sale was made. It’s a victory for the Left, no doubt about it.

DisneyFan on May 30, 2014 at 9:10 AM

The Clippers worth as much as the Dodgers? Sorry, I just don’t buy that (pun intended).

jwolf on May 30, 2014 at 9:16 AM

Hey, I will be pleased to be laughed outta any room for a paltry 2 mil!

vnvet on May 30, 2014 at 9:05 AM

Dude, it’s BILLIONS!!

He’s got the last laugh, that’s for sure.

Tard on May 30, 2014 at 9:17 AM

My mistake, might have been a five year old boy. Not nearly as funny. Played?

Bmore on May 30, 2014 at 9:04 AM

Yes, my son is five. My daughter, who’s going on three months, will probably figure out how to use a computer pretty early if I have anything to do with it.

Lay-Z on May 30, 2014 at 9:18 AM

On the upside, Magic and the Oprah got left holding an empty bag after their scheme to get Sterling banned worked so well.

Kissmygrits on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

That was my first thought too. Whether by design or preying on an opportunity, it was clear that they were looking for a bargain basement deal.

Happy Nomad on May 30, 2014 at 9:19 AM

So, a rich white guy buys a plantation from a jew.

#FreeOurSlaves

/lefty

gwelf on May 30, 2014 at 9:19 AM

You do know you can change that right?

I mean, learning how to use a computer isn’t very hard. My five year old can figure it out.

Lay-Z on May 30, 2014 at 8:57 AM

Man, bested by a 5 year old. Can the kid change fluids on a Bobcat too because my machine is due for an end-to-end and it’s pretty damn easy, I just don’t like doing it.

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 9:21 AM

“Note: Windows Update might update itself automatically first when checking for other updates.”

Seems…problematic, that whole “automatically” thingie. Any 5 year olds out there who can hack this for me?

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 9:28 AM

“Note: Windows Update might update itself automatically first when checking for other updates.”

Seems…problematic, that whole “automatically” thingie. Any 5 year olds out there who can hack this for me?

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 9:28 AM

Windows Update is the software that checks for updates. Turn it off if you don’t want automatic updates.

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 9:31 AM

The Left understands perfectly well what it is doing. And they did get to teach the lesson they so desired even if it didn’t get to the final step before the sale was made. It’s a victory for the Left, no doubt about it.

DisneyFan on May 30, 2014 at 9:10 AM

No the left expected a fire sale price. Nowhere near a $2 billion sale was expected. The left wanted them to hurt. This hurts the Sterling’s how? This is not a victory by the left by any stretch of the imagination. To think so is laughable.

Conservative4Ever on May 30, 2014 at 9:32 AM

gwelf on May 30, 2014 at 9:19 AM

The deal is obviously proof of white privilege. $1.988B profit for racism is unacceptable in our society. /libtard.

nobar on May 30, 2014 at 9:33 AM

Windows Update is the software that checks for updates. Turn it off if you don’t want automatic updates.

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 9:31 AM

Then it won’t update at all and my memory for this sort of thing hovers near non-existent. Any way you could visit a local kindergarten and see if there are any little tots who could figure this out for me? Tell them to bring donuts too.

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 9:35 AM

On the upside, Magic and the Oprah got left holding an empty bag after their scheme to get Sterling banned worked so well. This whole story played out like an episode of Dallas.

Kissmygrits on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

How could they not choose either Oprah or Magic? On the contrary, this just furthers the case that the NBA is racist.

//

Bitter Clinger on May 30, 2014 at 9:35 AM

IIRC, the worst NBA team this season, the Milwaukee Bucks, sold for $550 million. This may have inadvertantly (or advertantly?) set the Clippers price. Race-baiters and leftists got played on this one, and the Sterlings will laugh all the way to the bank.

fortcoins on May 30, 2014 at 9:36 AM

Derp – the post already mentions the Bucks sale – mea culpa.

fortcoins on May 30, 2014 at 9:37 AM

I think the numbers are smoke or contingent upon certain requirements to get Sterling out.

Thank God Geffen didn’t get it. League is LGB enough without his input.

budfox on May 30, 2014 at 9:38 AM

A very sad day for Seattle. They lost their last chance to ever have a team again. A least for a long time.

BroncosRock on May 30, 2014 at 9:38 AM

Then it won’t update at all and my memory for this sort of thing hovers near non-existent. Any way you could visit a local kindergarten and see if there are any little tots who could figure this out for me? Tell them to bring donuts too.

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 9:35 AM

Set it to check for updates during a time you aren’t using your machine.

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 9:38 AM

Let this be a lesson to the Brendan Eichs of the world. When the politically correct inquisitors and the Gay Mafia decide to fire you for something you said: don’t resign. Make them fire you, lawyer up, and fight them till they have to pay you off.

Brendan Eich got nothing despite being genuinely blameless and a good person; Donald Sterling got billions, despite being a creep. Not only because he was rich, but because he lawyered up early and fought.

David Blue on May 30, 2014 at 9:39 AM

On the subject of capital gains, I read in an article that the Sterlings will have to pay $662 million in capital gains taxes out of the $2 billion they’re getting for the team which is insane.

Doughboy on May 30, 2014 at 8:46 AM

Nah, that’s just the raw math – that’s what *you* would pay. By the time their tax lawyers, tax accountants and other folk get involved, and when they grease a few of the write politicians with a few million bucks, they’ll wind up paying considerably less than that.

Midas on May 30, 2014 at 9:40 AM

write = right

wtf

Midas on May 30, 2014 at 9:41 AM

Brendan Eich got nothing despite being genuinely blameless and a good person; Donald Sterling got billions, despite being a creep. Not only because he was rich, but because he lawyered up early and fought.

David Blue on May 30, 2014 at 9:39 AM

It also helped that the lynch mob couldn’t seize Sterling’s property. Eich didn’t own Mozilla.

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 9:42 AM

The deal is obviously proof of white privilege. $1.988B profit for racism is unacceptable in our society. /libtard.

nobar on May 30, 2014 at 9:33 AM

Don’t laugh yet – the NBA hasn’t approved the sale yet. I suspect there’s a small possibility this won’t go through, but there’s undoubtedly a move afoot to have non-white person wind up owning the team.

Midas on May 30, 2014 at 9:44 AM

I’m with Midas.

Someone’s gonna be pissed.

Ben Hur on May 30, 2014 at 9:48 AM

Set it to check for updates during a time you aren’t using your machine.

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 9:38 AM

That option doesn’t seem to exist as I’m looking at my Win8 slate.

Let me know when you turn 5 and have more knowledge about this.

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 9:49 AM

Nah, that’s just the raw math – that’s what *you* would pay. By the time their tax lawyers, tax accountants and other folk get involved, and when they grease a few of the write politicians with a few million bucks, they’ll wind up paying considerably less than that.

Midas on May 30, 2014 at 9:40 AM

That figure does seem high. The highest long term capital gains rate is 23.8% (the 3.8% is thanks to ObamaCare, YAY!), which is $476 million of $2 billion. And the rates are based on taxable income. What if the Sterlings had no income? 0% capital gains tax paid.

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 9:50 AM

That’ll teach the Sterlings . . . give them $2 billion. This is a complete farce.

rplat on May 30, 2014 at 9:51 AM

gwelf on May 30, 2014 at 9:19 AM

Reverend Al, is that you??!!

VelvetElvis on May 30, 2014 at 9:53 AM

That option doesn’t seem to exist as I’m looking at my Win8 slate.

Let me know when you turn 5 and have more knowledge about this.

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 9:49 AM

I’m 5 and a half, you dummy head!

I’m also currently on a Windows 7 machine, but even in Wondows 8 the drop down for setting whether it checks automatically or not should have an option for setting the maintenance time is set on automatic update.

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 9:54 AM

Well, there you have it. Settled science. The scent of “Bigotry” is now apparently legally-binding de-facto proof of deep insanity, and you don’t have to do much to prove the bigotry. Some loose words that offend the wrong grievance group or a national culture-hero will do. Of course, in building a whites-only basketball team, Sterling obviously deprived non-whites of good-paying jobs that they might have held. Wait. What?

Frankly, I’m surprised that they didn’t institutionalize him somewhere to end the embarrassment. I guess that’s coming soon.

bofh on May 30, 2014 at 9:55 AM

This hurts the Sterling’s how? This is not a victory by the left by any stretch of the imagination. To think so is laughable.

Conservative4Ever on May 30, 2014 at 9:32 AM

It’s a victory for the left. The progressives have gotten progress in the direction of tyranny.

It doesn’t matter at all if the Sterling’s don’t get hurt by it. It might even be preferable. “See, tyranny isn’t so bad!” They have established the principle. Now leftist judges can use it to justify squelching unpopular speech in other ways. They love expanding precedents.

fadetogray on May 30, 2014 at 9:57 AM

Ballmer had to agree not to move the Clippers to Seattle

There’s always an out clause

ConservativePartyNow on May 30, 2014 at 9:58 AM

On top of that, who is going to stop from doing an Irsay

ConservativePartyNow on May 30, 2014 at 9:58 AM

It also helped that the lynch mob couldn’t seize Sterling’s property. Eich didn’t own Mozilla.

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 9:42 AM

You’re right.

Even so I think people targeted for purging should lawyer up. Make them fire you, and get some kind penalty or at least payoff.

I hate people resigning for nothing “for the good of the team” or some other formulation like that. There is no “good of the team”. There is a witch hunt against racism (which is usually just “being uppity and white”), “homophobia” (as if the gay mafia wasn’t something to be afraid of) and other forms of political incorrectness.

It’s something that can be fought and should be fought – sometimes very profitably.

David Blue on May 30, 2014 at 9:58 AM

Don’t laugh yet – the NBA hasn’t approved the sale yet. I suspect there’s a small possibility this won’t go through, but there’s undoubtedly a move afoot to have non-white person wind up owning the team.
Midas on May 30, 2014 at 9:44 AM

What I would pay to see:

NBA blocks sale to rich white guy.
Sterling sues for damages.
NBA forced to admit in court they did it to try to force team to be sold to minority owner.
NBA pays out the wazoo for THEIR racism.

VelvetElvis on May 30, 2014 at 9:59 AM

I hate 8. Since almost all new computers have 8 already installed in them like a tick on a collie, I will delay buying one and am even willing to pay a little more to buy a computer that has a 7 option.
MaiDee on May 30, 2014 at 9:06 AM

Just wait for 9. Every other it’s typically the alternating generation that’s better. Millennium, Vista and 8 is crap while 98se, xp2003 and 7 were good, so 9 should be good too.

As for sterling, he’s laughing all the way to the bank. Did the libtards actually think he would lose it in a fire sale?

AH_C on May 30, 2014 at 10:00 AM

It’s a victory for the left. The progressives have gotten progress in the direction of tyranny.

fadetogray on May 30, 2014 at 9:57 AM

It will be a Phyrric victory if people learn from it that when the politically correct witch hunters decide to oust you, you should lawyer up and at least get a gold parachute rather than going quietly.

The politically correct have won too many cheap and free victories. I want to see that stop.

Say what you want; this wasn’t free and it wasn’t cheap (by any sane, normal, human standard of “cheap”).

David Blue on May 30, 2014 at 10:04 AM

Two billion – boy the NBA sure showed them Sterlings, didn’t they.

Shay on May 30, 2014 at 10:04 AM

I’m also currently on a Windows 7 machine, but even in Wondows 8 the drop down for setting whether it checks automatically or not should have an option for setting the maintenance time is set on automatic update.

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 9:54 AM

No, child, only:

Install update

Download but choose whether to install

Check but let me choose whether to download and install

Never check

Those are the options, what are you, 4 years old?

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 10:06 AM

The Sterlings totally played the liberal PC’d MSM, the NBA including its clownish commissioner, the bantering, blathering, wailing chattering sports talkers !!

And that’s how it’s done folks !!

STERLING NET RETURN: Over expenses.. close to 1.5 Billon $$ PROFIT !! (and the rest of the world can kiss their rich white a$$!! :D

You gotta love it !! BigSven does !!
Cha-Ching !

BigSven on May 30, 2014 at 10:07 AM

Those are the options, what are you, 4 years old?

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 10:06 AM

*holds breath*

NotCoach on May 30, 2014 at 10:11 AM

At least Earvin Johnson, Oprah, or the rest of the Hollywood cast who thought they would make the best owner is going to end up with the Clippers.

Tater Salad on May 30, 2014 at 10:12 AM

It will be a Phyrric victory if people learn from it that when the politically correct witch hunters decide to oust you, you should lawyer up and at least get a gold parachute rather than going quietly.

The politically correct have won too many cheap and free victories. I want to see that stop.

Say what you want; this wasn’t free and it wasn’t cheap (by any sane, normal, human standard of “cheap”).

David Blue on May 30, 2014 at 10:04 AM

Not even then. They establish the principle with a rich, unsympathetic guy who has the wealth to fight back and doesn’t get hurt by it at all.

Then they go after, say, lawyers who ‘besmirch the Bar’ with their ‘bigoted’ talk. Or real estate brokers. And so on. Anyone who belongs to a group with that kind of language in its bylaws, and anyone who has a contract with that kind of wording is now fully exposed and better watch what they say even in private to their girlfriend. And forget about ever getting a government contract.

The left is very happy right now. Progress!

fadetogray on May 30, 2014 at 10:24 AM

This brought a smile to my face. What a big fu to the pc victim class. What owners are going to block this? The deal only improves the value of their own teams.

Ellis on May 30, 2014 at 10:28 AM

I’m surprised the race-hustlers are going to let the Sterlings get that $2 billion (less the confiscatory taxes, of course).

Steve Eggleston on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

Of course it is a capital gain will be taxed as a long term cap gain @ 15%.

Dasher on May 30, 2014 at 10:43 AM

On the upside, Magic and the Oprah got left holding an empty bag after their scheme to get Sterling banned worked so well. This whole story played out like an episode of Dallas.

Kissmygrits on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

My first thought.

cptacek on May 30, 2014 at 10:58 AM

Too bad all this didn’t happen a couple of years earlier. Sterling could have taken all that money and bought the Dodgers.

Of course, with 2 billion, he could start his own basketball league.

trigon on May 30, 2014 at 11:02 AM

Man, bested by a 5 year old. Can the kid change fluids on a Bobcat too because my machine is due for an end-to-end and it’s pretty damn easy, I just don’t like doing it.

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 9:21 AM

Heh, you mad bro?

That option doesn’t seem to exist as I’m looking at my Win8 slate.

Let me know when you turn 5 and have more knowledge about this.

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 9:49 AM

Wow, I guess I touched a nerve.

Yeah, on the RT tablets but not on regular Windows 8 tablets or PCs, which you didn’t specify in your original post. No, lets start running your mouth “WAAA WIN 8 SUCKS BECAUSE I CAN’T COMPUTER, DURRRR”.

Typical PEBCAK error.

Lay-Z on May 30, 2014 at 11:12 AM

How long until the retroactive 100% Capital Gains Penalty Contribution For Sales of Sports Franchises In Excess of $1 Billion Reparations Executive Order?

Where is the petition to change the team name to the Clippewas? Give Clippy a headdress and a tomahawk.

MrKleenexMuscles on May 30, 2014 at 11:23 AM

I like Windows 8.

Some people just have to whine about something.

Meanwhile, the joke here is on the PC Mafia. They just put $2B in that guy’s pocket, or $1B after he splits it with his wife. Sweet either way.

And he already told the NBA they can forget about him paying any fine.

Also, their hero Magic Johnson doesn’t get to own the team. I still think he had something to do with setting Sterling up in the first place. That’s why the media have not been interested in who did that. They are afraid of what they will find out.

Moesart on May 30, 2014 at 11:31 AM

Well, yeah, the taxes. duh

It’s still a lot of money into their pocket.

Moesart on May 30, 2014 at 11:31 AM

Tell me again, who gets the last laugh.

The L.A. Automatic Upgrades.

If there is one thing I detest about Win8 it’s the upgrades that you have no choice about, they’re downloading whether you like it or not, and the ONLY choice you have is to do it now or in 11 minutes.

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 8:47 AM

They’re doing them like Android apps.

formwiz on May 30, 2014 at 11:32 AM

As former Fed chairman Greenspan would say…

Irrational exuberance

txdoc on May 30, 2014 at 11:44 AM

It’s not a foul it’s a bug feature patch…

viking01 on May 30, 2014 at 11:47 AM

Rats. Forgot to say “technical foul.”

viking01 on May 30, 2014 at 11:47 AM

And regarding the $2 billion price tag, that’s gonna seriously screw up future franchise sales in the NBA and probably other professional sports. If the Clippers are worth that much, imagine what an actual good franchise like the Lakers will now be valued at.

Doughboy on May 30, 2014 at 8:46 AM

Imagine Steve Ballmer signing the last page of the sales agreement and sees LA Clippers.

“What, I thought this was for the LA Lakers!! Sonuva!”

Effay5 on May 30, 2014 at 11:54 AM

I am happy that the Sterlings are making all this money. It serves right all the hypocritical idiots who attacked Sterling over a private phone call.

bluegill on May 30, 2014 at 11:55 AM

Losers? Magic and the Oprah, who were supposed to turn the Clips into the BET Clippers, or something. And, the PC Mafia would cheer.

Then the Microsoft guy comes along and kicks them out of the way. Hilarious.

Moesart on May 30, 2014 at 11:56 AM

We need to vet Steve Ballmer’s private thought life to make sure he’s not a closet racist, no?

Herod on May 30, 2014 at 12:04 PM

Horrible deal for Ballmer, great deal for Sterling and the NBA look like chumps. On a side note i see some complaints about Windows 8 and i agree, but, i actually like 8.1 which you can update to for free through the Windows Store if you’re still on 8. You can change the settings to all but ignore the Start Page and App Page and use netplwiz to bypass the lock screen, plus you can pin apps to the taskbar in 8.1 if you really want to use them, it’s actually pretty good.

clearbluesky on May 30, 2014 at 12:10 PM

Oh, and the next version of Windows is apparently going to bring back the old style Start menu with added function of Live Apps, which should be pretty neat.

clearbluesky on May 30, 2014 at 12:12 PM

Will they still have to call New Delhi for tech support when the Jumbotron goes BOSD?

sewer urchin on May 30, 2014 at 12:22 PM

This was not the ending the Marxists were hoping for. Sterling’s wife turns out to be the spoiler.

Sponsors were supposed to bail on the team, the NBA was supposed to strip Sterling of ownership,leaving the franchise essentially worthless. Then Oprah ( or Magic ) steps in and buys at a bargain basement price. Presto! A black owned team transferred in a Mugabe style coup.

Nobody is madder than Obama. He had his sky box picked out already. Moochelle now has 10,000 lbs of crab legs rotting in L.A.

Sigh, I wish MCconnell and Boehner were as cunning as the Sterlings.

Exninja on May 30, 2014 at 12:41 PM

I’m bummed this isn’t going to go to court.

The discovery phase would have been highly entertaining.

GEAH on May 30, 2014 at 1:15 PM

Donald [sic — presumably “Serling’s agreement” is missing]

meta [sic].

mind blown.

jaxisaneurophysicist on May 30, 2014 at 1:22 PM

I think the NBA realized that to keep all the public goodwill they got for “standing up to the meanie racist Sterling,” they had to let him sell at top dollar.

Had they used some of the NBA’s byzantine bylaws to force Sterling to sell at a bargain price, they might have been exposed for the bullies they really are. In the end, it’s a Phyrric victory for free speech, but Sterling probably won’t mind being America’s new most hated man now that he’s a couple billion dollars richer.

Good Solid B-Plus on May 30, 2014 at 2:47 PM

I’m surprised the race-hustlers are going to let the Sterlings get that $2 billion (less the confiscatory taxes, of course).

Steve Eggleston on May 30, 2014 at 8:59 AM

I’d like to say I told you so as the moment this story broke (sterling being stripped, etc) you said they wouldn’t get to keep the capital profit and i told you the sterlings would get the economic windfall. Should’ve bet you 10k – just learning from mittens.

:)

uatu1878 on May 30, 2014 at 5:04 PM

Some of that $2B may be in stocks or other securities, if that makes any diff in terms of cap gains.

Moron Labe on May 30, 2014 at 7:28 PM

I’m more interested in how Shelly Sterling managed to have Donald Sterling declared “mentally incapacitated” so that she could sell the team over his obvious desire not to.

Terrifically gangster-ish.

Robert_Paulson on May 30, 2014 at 8:56 AM
Yes, this is not a done-deal, since Sterling is suing the NBA for $1B and is challenging the incompetence issue (a stretch, IMO). And if he were incompetent … why were his private, incompetent remarks worthy of action? We don’t take legal action every time Bob Costas explodes into leftist bigotry, do we?

virgo on May 31, 2014 at 11:38 AM

“Note: Windows Update might update itself automatically first when checking for other updates.”

Seems…problematic, that whole “automatically” thingie. Any 5 year olds out there who can hack this for me?

Bishop on May 30, 2014 at 9:28 AM

I talked to a local 5-year-old. They said to switch to Linux.

I was gonna smack ‘em, but at least they didn’t say to go spend 3x as much for a Mac.

JadeNYU on June 5, 2014 at 5:25 AM