Should Obama blow the magical silver horn left by the Founders to summon them in times of need?

posted at 6:41 pm on May 13, 2014 by Allahpundit

To cleanse the palate, I’m going to say no. Reason one: Prudence dictates that, like the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, the magical horn should be used only in true emergencies. You blow that sucker the day after the debt crisis finally hits, not five or 10 years out. Although, now that I think about it, I don’t know what good it would do even then. Just because George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison are demanding that America reform its entitlements doesn’t mean Democrats are going to budge on Social Security. Bring Jesus back to make the case and maybe you’ve got a shot, although they’ll probably just call him a racist.

Reason two: Do you really think this guy, whose ego won’t allow him to so much as mention other presidents without somehow making their stories about him, is about to shove over and let Ben Franklin take the wheel? Please. By now that horn’s been hidden away in some dark nook of a top-secret U.S. military warehouse where no one will find it before 2017. Right next to the Ark.


Should Obama Blow The Silver Horn The Founding Fathers Left In Case The Country Ever Needed Them?


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No, he should keep his damn creepy purple lips off it.

Blake on May 13, 2014 at 6:42 PM

Huh?

crankyoldlady on May 13, 2014 at 6:43 PM

Nah, he’s too busy tooting his own horn…

sandee on May 13, 2014 at 6:43 PM

O’ don’t need no stinkin’ horn. He just blows…

vnvet on May 13, 2014 at 6:43 PM

The only horn Obama toots is his own.

birdwatcher on May 13, 2014 at 6:43 PM

Should Obama blow the magical silver horn left by the Founders to summon them in times of need?

I suspect Obama would simply burst into flame and be utterly consumed if he tried to touch it.

sharrukin on May 13, 2014 at 6:44 PM

Should Obama blow the magical silver horn left by the Founders to summon them in times of need?

Only an originalist would do that. Progressives are living constitutionalists. They don’t want to know what the original intent of the Founders was, so why would you want them around?

Besides…trigger warning. Progressives, if they’re honest, would consider many of them racist, misogynistic, deistic homophobes.

xNavigator on May 13, 2014 at 6:45 PM

Should Obama blow the magical silver horn left by the Founders to summon them in times of need?

ROTFLMAO… Not unless he want’s them to show up and kick his skinny little a$$ out of the Peoples house and then up and down Pennsylvania Ave.

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:45 PM

I think he should get one of those nice horns for his bike that has the rubber squeeze ball, he can wear his Mom jeans and toot the horn at Putin.

Sven on May 13, 2014 at 6:47 PM

ROTFLMAO… Not unless he want’s them to show up and kick his skinny little a$$ out of the Peoples house and then up and down Pennsylvania Ave.

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:45 PM

This,you stole the thought right out of my head.

The Founders as the LAST people Zero would call.

Allah, maybe, Soros, maybe…..but never the Founding Fathers.

Who is John Galt on May 13, 2014 at 6:48 PM

If Obama blew that horn he’d end up in Narnia with the White Witch.

Then we’d have Biden for President (sigh!)

Steve Z on May 13, 2014 at 6:49 PM

Oh… and I bet when we finally get Obama out of the Whitehouse that Horn goes missing (Kind of like how Lincolns desk went with Hillary) and Obama tried to claim he thought it was his Uncle Louis Armstrong’s horn that his grandma left him…

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:49 PM

There’s a silver horn that the Founders left to summon them in times of need?!?!?!?

You learn something new everyday.

Bitter Clinger on May 13, 2014 at 6:50 PM

Reason two: Do you really think this guy, whose ego won’t allow him to so much as mention other presidents without somehow making their stories about him…

 
Anybody seen the presidential poetry page? It’s hilarious. Be sure to look at the previous presidents’ entries.
 
http://www.loc.gov/rr/program/bib/prespoetry/bo.html

 

Although President Obama may not have written poetry since his college years, his fondness for poetry remains. Obama was seen carrying Derek Walcott’s Collected Poems, 1948-1984 shortly after his election;

 
Obama has himself mentioning what poetry book he was photographed with as a significant achievement.
 
Read the link and let it sink in.

rogerb on May 13, 2014 at 6:51 PM

If Obama blew that horn he’d end up in Narnia with the White Witch.

Then we’d have Biden for President (sigh!)

Steve Z on May 13, 2014 at 6:49 PM

At this point, I don’t see how Biden could be any worse, like maybe he would sleep through the 3am phone call that an American Ambassador was being murdered?

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:51 PM

I hate to think what they’ve probably done to the White House since they have no respect for our institutions. Has anybody been in there besides their cronies?

crankyoldlady on May 13, 2014 at 6:51 PM

You learn something new everyday.

Bitter Clinger on May 13, 2014 at 6:50 PM

Yeah, damn near fished me in to….

BigWyo on May 13, 2014 at 6:53 PM

At this point, I don’t see how Biden could be any worse

At least Biden is an old school politician and has some idea how to run things.

crankyoldlady on May 13, 2014 at 6:54 PM

I think Obama should just bend over and blow.

BigGator5 on May 13, 2014 at 6:54 PM

I suspect that horn was meant to be used when our Founding Fathers were hanging around Washington and within earshot of s horn that small.

And they are now dead anyway, so I think the question is silly.

Walter L. Newton on May 13, 2014 at 6:54 PM

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:49 PM

That’s 2.

BigWyo on May 13, 2014 at 6:54 PM

Yeah, damn near fished me in to….

BigWyo on May 13, 2014 at 6:53 PM

Yep.

I didn’t catch that this was The Onion at first.

Bitter Clinger on May 13, 2014 at 6:55 PM

Obama Blows Horn.

Founding Fathers appear.

“Who let him in here?”

portlandon on May 13, 2014 at 6:55 PM

Bring Jesus back to make the case and maybe you’ve got a shot, although they’ll probably just call him a racist.

Hahahaha, that made me laugh out loud! And you’re right, everything…EVERYthing somehow turns into something about him. His wife does the same thing.

scalleywag on May 13, 2014 at 6:56 PM

Obama should go blow himself.

redguy on May 13, 2014 at 6:56 PM

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:49 PM

That’s 2.

BigWyo on May 13, 2014 at 6:54 PM

Do I win a prize???

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:57 PM

This is the kind of story I’d expect from CNN, right after they discuss some more Flight 370 theories involving aliens.

Rusty Nail on May 13, 2014 at 6:57 PM

If Obama blew that horn he’d end up in Narnia with the White Witch.

Then we’d have Biden for President (sigh!)

Steve Z on May 13, 2014 at 6:49 PM

At this point, I don’t see how Biden could be any worse, like maybe he would sleep through the 3am phone call that an American Ambassador was being murdered?

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:51 PM

My thoughts exactly. Biden couldn’t do much worse than the Worst President in History.

Bitter Clinger on May 13, 2014 at 6:57 PM

There’s a silver horn that the Founders left to summon them in times of need?!?!?!?

You learn something new everyday.

Bitter Clinger on May 13, 2014 at 6:50 PM

There is no Horn people. Do you not know what The Onion is?

RC2 on May 13, 2014 at 6:58 PM

There is no Horn people. Do you not know what The Onion is?

RC2 on May 13, 2014 at 6:58 PM

Shhhhhhhhhh…….

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:59 PM

How would we know it was the Onion?

crankyoldlady on May 13, 2014 at 7:00 PM

Pass. Could be scary what he’ll leave behind. You can’t tell for certain what diseases are crawling inside a Chicago Bath House.

reddevil on May 13, 2014 at 7:00 PM

Do I win a prize???

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:57 PM

No…I was well along posting something similar(sold on Ebay) but I clicked the video before I hit submit.

BigWyo on May 13, 2014 at 7:01 PM

rogerb on May 13, 2014 at 6:51 PM

Dude.

Content warning, please.

Did you actually read any of Obama’s poetry?

Points out the same amber
Stain on his shorts that I’ve got on mine, and
Makes me smell his smell, coming

Dolce Far Niente on May 13, 2014 at 7:02 PM

Allah pulls a ‘Bishop’…

Ba$tard….

BigWyo on May 13, 2014 at 7:02 PM

I’d really love some obnoxiously large Facebook/Twitter links on this site. Can we get that, please?

lorien1973 on May 13, 2014 at 7:03 PM

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:57 PM

No…I was well along posting something similar(sold on Ebay) but I clicked the video before I hit submit.

BigWyo on May 13, 2014 at 7:01 PM

Oh… You’re not letting the fact that this is an Onion Article stop you from having fun with it are you?

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 7:03 PM

Content warning, please.

Did you actually read any of Obama’s poetry?

Points out the same amber
Stain on his shorts that I’ve got on mine, and
Makes me smell his smell, coming

Dolce Far Niente on May 13, 2014 at 7:02 PM

I can’t tell you how glad I didn’t. Can we put that out where his cult followers can see it.

crankyoldlady on May 13, 2014 at 7:03 PM

Bring Jesus back to make the case and maybe you’ve got a shot, although they’ll probably just call him a racist.

POSTED AT 6:41 PM ON MAY 13, 2014 BY ALLAHPUNDIT

You mean Mohammed… right?

NiteOwl on May 13, 2014 at 7:03 PM

The only horn Obama toots is his own.

birdwatcher on May 13, 2014 at 6:43 PM

Reggie Love would disagree…

Doomsday on May 13, 2014 at 7:04 PM

The only horn Obama toots is his own.

birdwatcher on May 13, 2014 at 6:43 PM

Reggie Love would disagree…

Doomsday on May 13, 2014 at 7:04 PM

So would former secret service agent Paul Horner.

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 7:06 PM

They would arrive and ask O’Barry to get them some coffee.

Sven on May 13, 2014 at 7:08 PM

Shhhhhhhhhh…….

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 6:59 PM

Sorrrrrrry…

RC2 on May 13, 2014 at 7:08 PM

Well, if it’s an Onion magical silver horn Obama should blow it out his

de rigueur on May 13, 2014 at 7:09 PM

like the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, the magical horn should be used only in true emergencies.

Somebody should, because if the Obama administration is anything, it’s a true emergency (to say nothing of being a disaster).

bgoldman on May 13, 2014 at 7:11 PM

I thought Moochelle pawned it?

viking01 on May 13, 2014 at 7:14 PM

If he had the talent and personality of Louis Armstrong, the answer would be “yes”. Since he has neither, the answer is “no” and definitely “no!”

VALman on May 13, 2014 at 7:15 PM

Question is,

will Hopey/Changey stop the Blowing at the Horn!!!!!!

canopfor on May 13, 2014 at 7:17 PM

If he had the talent and personality of Louis Armstrong, the answer would be “yes”. Since he has neither, the answer is “no” and definitely “no!”

VALman on May 13, 2014 at 7:15 PM

Louis Armstrong was a notorious scatologist, just saying…

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 7:18 PM

If that horn has the powers that I suspect it does, and 0b00ba ever blew it, he’d meet 72 Virginians who would kick his arse eight ways from Sunday.

Akzed on May 13, 2014 at 7:18 PM

What the h*LL,..IS THAT CRACK ABOUT “sUPERIOR iNTELLECT”!

canopfor on May 13, 2014 at 7:18 PM

“Because the SAIN system is not designed to create reports that display individual student data in a readable format, the parent was initially told that the requested reports do not exist and cannot be produced,” reads the sheet viewed by FoxNews.com “Upon continued insistence from the parent, [Nevada Department of Education] staff assessed how much programming time would be required to write new queries and develop a data table to create readable reports for the parent. Staff determined that it would take at least 3 weeks (120 hours) of dedicated programming time to fulfill the parent’s request. At the applicable wage rate of $84.95/hour, the requested work resulted in a $10,194 price tag.”

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/05/13/price-for-nevada-dad-to-see-state-school-files-on-children-10g/

davidk on May 13, 2014 at 7:18 PM

LOTR: The Two Towers – Horn of Helm Hammerhand

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UayQi2tdJTw

canopfor on May 13, 2014 at 7:23 PM

Of course he should.

kcewa on May 13, 2014 at 7:25 PM

davidk on May 13, 2014 at 7:18 PM

Unbelievable David. Are the laws different in different states. I know I got my records from the school I went to in PA. They had to give them to me…for free.

crankyoldlady on May 13, 2014 at 7:28 PM

Maybes if Hopey blows the horn,..all
Progressives/Libs/Dems/FarLeftWingers
will be disposed to the Ether!
(snark)

canopfor on May 13, 2014 at 7:29 PM

If that horn has the powers that I suspect it does, and 0b00ba ever blew it, he’d meet 72 Virginians who would kick his arse eight ways from Sunday.

Akzed on May 13, 2014 at 7:18 PM

Akzed: Me likey,..may I suggest a WH Petition!(sarc):0

canopfor on May 13, 2014 at 7:31 PM

I had no idea this was an Onion article, but I’m pretty sure comparing Obama to Prince Caspian, a Telmarine, is racist. Not as racist as comparing him to a Calormene, but still racist.

malclave on May 13, 2014 at 7:33 PM

The answer here is obvious, if one suspended their disbelief and assumed this were real:

1. Obama would never use it, because he believes his intelligence and abilities are above God, much less the Founders.

2. If the Founders COULD be brought forward in time, to this day and age, ready to serve as they were during the Revolution their first act would be to raise a Revolution to OVERTHROW OBAMA…

ConstantineXI on May 13, 2014 at 7:35 PM

Somebody should, because if the Obama administration is anything, it’s a true emergency (to say nothing of being a disaster).

bgoldman on May 13, 2014 at 7:11 PM

The Obama Regime is the world ending cataclysm combining the eruption of Yellowstone, the meteor strike in the Yucatan that did in the dinosaurs, and the Sun going Supernova (which is, of course impossible, but I’m rolling) ALL HAPPENING AT ONCE!

ConstantineXI on May 13, 2014 at 7:39 PM

Wow

The LAST thing Obama would want is to have General Washington catch him in the Whitehouse. Buggy whips come to mind.

HotAirian on May 13, 2014 at 7:42 PM

Wow

The LAST thing Obama would want is to have General Washington catch him in the Whitehouse. Buggy whips come to mind.

HotAirian on May 13, 2014 at 7:42 PM

Hmmm, can you say… Pay-per-View event?

oscarwilde on May 13, 2014 at 7:44 PM

The only horn Obama toots is his own.

birdwatcher on May 13, 2014 at 6:43 PM

Uhhhhh…. it’s not really called tooting

Willys on May 13, 2014 at 7:50 PM

Well, sure…if he wants to get his ass kicked from here to sundown…

ProfShadow on May 13, 2014 at 7:53 PM

I remember when The Onion was funny.

Jack Squat Bupkis on May 13, 2014 at 7:55 PM

The only reason Obama would summon them back is to blame them for something he’s responsible for.

vcferlita on May 13, 2014 at 7:58 PM

Should Obama blow the magical silver horn left by the Founders to summon them in times of need?

Don’t get my hopes up like this.

Blow that horn!

Would I ever love to see the Founders come back.

They’ll teach that “Constitutional scholar” what the Constitution says, just before they drive him out of town.

Then they’ll go down Pennsylvania Avenue to the Capitol Building, sort Congress out and send most of them after Obama, and then they’ll drop in on SCOTUS.

Clean those Augean stables.

INC on May 13, 2014 at 7:58 PM

If obama wants to stay alive he wont blow that horn. The first thing the founders would do is stick him in the stocks in preparation for the quickie trial and quartering, hanging, firing squad, whatever is the most painful.

Can I blow the horn?

Please?

Diluculo on May 13, 2014 at 8:29 PM

I get the feeling that any horn Obama blows would only play taps. Or maybe the Benny Hill theme.

JetBoy on May 13, 2014 at 8:33 PM

Akzed: Me likey,..may I suggest a WH Petition!(sarc):0
canopfor on May 13, 2014 at 7:31 PM

Don’t know how to do that. Get one started!

Akzed on May 13, 2014 at 8:42 PM

They did leave a horn but it goes bang, and has a trigger.

I like to it as the 2nd Amendement.

wolly4321 on May 13, 2014 at 9:07 PM

*refer to it*

Fingers aren’t working yet.

wolly4321 on May 13, 2014 at 9:09 PM

Better yet, RESIGN and call for national elections.

GarandFan on May 13, 2014 at 9:25 PM

Uhhhhh…. it’s not really called tooting

Willys on May 13, 2014 at 7:50 PM

The Andrews Sisters would melodically disagree.

OldEnglish on May 13, 2014 at 9:29 PM

Obama sold the horn on ebay…this is a replica

workingclass artist on May 13, 2014 at 9:31 PM

Should Obama blow the magical silver horn left by the Founders to summon them in times of need?

Why not, he’s already blown the presidency.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh on May 13, 2014 at 9:31 PM

Should Obama blow the magical silver horn left by the Founders to summon them in times of need?

The way things have gone for Obama, Monica Lewinsky would undoubtably appear.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh on May 13, 2014 at 9:35 PM

Should Obama blow the magical silver horn left by the Founders to summon them in times of need?

Johnny Tremain, pick up the Silver Courtesy Line please…will Johnny Tremain…

Some days you WISH there was a solution as easy as just tooting a note on a instrument…methinks after 2016 we’re gonna need the whole band back together to unfcuk this mess.

BlaxPac on May 13, 2014 at 10:09 PM

I imagine that Reggie Love probably has something Obitler would blow.

bbinfl on May 13, 2014 at 10:33 PM

…stayed away from this thread. (:->)

KOOLAID2 on May 13, 2014 at 11:13 PM

The horn was returned to Great Britain along with the bust of Sir Winston Churchill.

kjl291 on May 14, 2014 at 12:09 AM

Only an originalist would do that. Progressives are living constitutionalists. They don’t want to know what the original intent of the Founders was, so why would you want them around?
xNavigator on May 13, 2014 at 6:45 PM

In line with the Living Constitution, they’ll be perfectly happy to swap your Silver Trumpet with their 60% Post-Consumer Recycled Cardboard Vuvuzela.

RblDiver on May 14, 2014 at 2:54 AM

If he blew the horn and the Founding Fathers DID magically come back, they would kick the cr@p out of him for ruining this country and endangering it in so many ways!

easyt65 on May 14, 2014 at 7:23 AM

Who needs the founders’ magical horn when you have two sticking out of your temples?

brentspolemics on May 14, 2014 at 8:15 AM

I never heard of this magical horn before, but I doubt that dear leader would want advice from old dead white guys who put all those restrictions on what he wants to do to the country.

Kissmygrits on May 14, 2014 at 8:56 AM

And this is why I love the Onion.

The Schaef on May 14, 2014 at 9:51 AM

“Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin.” ~ “The grave is no bar to my call”

Motto engraved on the Horn of Valere, crafted to call the heroes of the Ages back from the dead in times of dire need, to face The Dark One. (from The Eye of the World, first volume of The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan)

If anyone blew that horn, the first enemy the Founders would discover would be the current Resident.

Freelancer on May 14, 2014 at 10:00 AM

Social Security should not be brought up when discussing entitlements. Social Security was paid for by the recipient unlike many other programs that are paid for by tax payers.

SGinNC on May 14, 2014 at 10:40 AM