Video: Vladimir Putin is awesome at hockey because no one will guard him

posted at 9:31 pm on May 12, 2014 by Mary Katharine Ham

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the skill set necessary to be a dictator coincides perfectly with the ability to master every single sport in the world to a degree not attained by one’s fellow countrymen and Olympians even though the time spent quashing dissent and jailing and murdering dissidents can really interfere with one’s training schedule.

There’s the late Kim Jong Il of the 11 holes-in-one and perfect 300.

There’s Idi Amin, who “defeated” his country’s national boxing coach in a suit and tie, surrounded by his own bodyguards. The coach later said he wisely chose to be TKO’ed instead of killed.

There’s, well, Vladimir Putin of hunting, archeological discovery, and tiger-taming prowess.

Now, Putin is at it again, scoring a remarkable six goals and five assists in an exhibition game against with hockey greats in Russia. One can perhaps gauge Putin’s inflated territorial aspirations by the gall of his fake hockey exploits. In 2012, Putin’s fake hockey box score was only two goals and one assist. He is emboldened!

Watch the tape, particularly the first goal, which requires a defenseman to turn away from the shooter to allow the leader his path to the goal.

SBNation has a different version of the video, here.

Heh, via Huffington Post:

While hockey is a notoriously physical sport, no one so much as laid a finger on the Russian president during the match, at least in the clips released online.

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I’d give up my 401k to see putin put a Scott Stevens hip check on Barry.

Murphy9 on May 12, 2014 at 9:34 PM

Hey, when Vlad rifles a shot at the goal from the blue line, it either goes in, or he rifles a shot from the blue line…

trubble on May 12, 2014 at 9:38 PM

Flash: Karl Rove: Hillary Clinton may have brain damage

faraway on May 12, 2014 at 9:38 PM

Video: Vladimir Putin is awesome at hockey because no one will guard him

…but can he play JugEars …one on one in basketball?

KOOLAID2 on May 12, 2014 at 9:39 PM

Putin plays well. Glad for him it was at least shot in slow motion.

Bmore on May 12, 2014 at 9:39 PM

Marxists Unite

Vladimir Putin Michael Sam is awesome at hockey football because no one will guard him

faraway on May 12, 2014 at 9:41 PM

It’s an exhibition game, so what? We have those here too. I bet Putin’s a better athlete than Obama. Can you imagine Obama doing something like that? No, neither can I.

Fenris on May 12, 2014 at 9:42 PM

Got a helluva slap shot. Has to be 35-40 mph. Not many checks that I could see. Probably a low penalty game.

butch on May 12, 2014 at 9:42 PM

Slo-mo hockey. I cant blame those guys for not rocking the boat though.

Southernblogger on May 12, 2014 at 9:43 PM

Um, yeah, I wouldn’t want to go to Siberia either. And that’s the good option.

rbj on May 12, 2014 at 9:43 PM

This guy would get smoked by any Canadian kindergarten team.

Greek Fire on May 12, 2014 at 9:44 PM

I’ve seem that video before…

ujorge on May 12, 2014 at 9:49 PM

Let him face Cooke mano a mano.

But hey, Dog Eater once swallowed an ice cube whole without chewing it.

Bishop on May 12, 2014 at 9:50 PM

Guard him? Mary Katharine; how do I get the impression your next hockey game will be your first?

bw222 on May 12, 2014 at 9:52 PM

Of course nobody touched him – the penalty box is in Siberia…

Bruno Strozek on May 12, 2014 at 9:52 PM

That video is funny on sooo many level. Even the goalie doesn’t even pretend he wants to stop the puck from going in.

coolrepublica on May 12, 2014 at 9:55 PM

Hopey is going to be jealous at the revelation that Puty
is using a bigger stick!!
(sarc)

canopfor on May 12, 2014 at 9:55 PM

Still. It’s not like he’s shootin’ skeet on the horizontal.

Cleombrotus on May 12, 2014 at 9:56 PM

Hopey is going to be jealous at the revelation that Puty
is using a bigger stick!!
(sarc)

canopfor on May 12, 2014 at 9:55 PM

I was wondering how long before someone made this about Obama. I am happy to report that it was before 10pm.

coolrepublica on May 12, 2014 at 9:58 PM

It is a truth universally acknowledged…

You had me at that, MKH, particularly since Mrs. DB and I are in the midst of rewatching for the umpteenth time the classic BBC production of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehles.

Drained Brain on May 12, 2014 at 9:58 PM

The GIF at the second link is more memorable.

Bmore on May 12, 2014 at 9:59 PM

Kind of reminded me of Obama throwing out the first pitch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOikQWAL8qc

except that the Secret Service wouldn’t shoot anyone who jeered when he hit the first base coach.

Awesome athletic talent.

NoPain on May 12, 2014 at 10:00 PM

From AP:

https://twitter.com/AP

The Associated Press @AP · 6h

VIDEO: Russian President Vladimir Putin shows off skills at amateur ice hockey match: http://apne.ws/1nAceuk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyRbv3Mfjqk&feature=youtu.be

canopfor on May 11, 2014 at 3:24 AM

canopfor on May 12, 2014 at 10:00 PM

Video: Vladimir Putin is awesome at hockey because no one will guard him

Meh! Kim Jung Il of North Korea got multiple holes-in-one the first time he played golf. Obama went 0 for 22 in free shots and he routinely engages in “competitive” basketball games. It’s good to be the dictator.

Happy Nomad on May 12, 2014 at 10:02 PM

Now, Putin is at it again, scoring a remarkable six goals and five assists

Was Tretiak the goaltender? Why didn’t Tikhonov pull him after the second goal?

The GIF at the second link is more memorable.

Bmore on May 12, 2014 at 9:59 PM

That’s hilarious!

rukiddingme on May 12, 2014 at 10:14 PM

No one dare crosses comrade Putin or they will be put into permanent vacation in Siberia.
Another little tyrant who will end like all those before him.

weedisgood on May 12, 2014 at 10:20 PM

Glad for him it was at least shot in slow motion.

Bmore on May 12, 2014 at 9:39 PM

That was my first thought also, but do you think Obama could even skate around the ice? ( I probably couldn’t)

talkingpoints on May 12, 2014 at 10:26 PM

Hopey is going to be jealous at the revelation that Puty
is using a bigger stick!!
(sarc)

canopfor on May 12, 2014 at 9:55 PM

I was wondering how long before someone made this about Obama. I am happy to report that it was before 10pm.

coolrepublica on May 12, 2014 at 9:58 PM

coolrepublica:

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/08/picture-of-the-day-obama-literally-speaks-softly-carries-big-stick/260613/

canopfor on May 12, 2014 at 10:42 PM

I bet that Obama could get at least 9 NBA stars to let him make them look foolish on the court, and he wouldn’t even have to coerce them. Coming soon, Soetero dunking over Lebron James, shooting a three over Kevin Durant(nothing but net), and rejecting a Kobe Bryant jumper into the stands… Or maybe the White House will just re-issue the video where Obama killed a fly.

fitzsweetpea on May 13, 2014 at 12:16 AM

If goalie stop Putin shot, it’s one way cattle car trip to the Siberian Gulag Hockey League.
What if Kim Jong Un faced Valdimir Putin on the ice?

Krupnikas on May 13, 2014 at 12:41 AM

Nobody checks the KGB hard, Comrades!

But it does mirror the world situation in a weird way. If rough, tough hockey players are afraid to get in Putin’s way, how does it make sense to send a girly-man like Obama with bike shorts under his mom jeans to oppose him?

The West should have sent Merkel, she’s tougher.

Come to think of it, Putin would probably fear Elizabeth II more than he does Obama.

Adjoran on May 13, 2014 at 1:37 AM

I had go back to the post again to confirm it did not mention Obama. Why not keep criticisms of Obama to policies.The way he has been brought into this here tend to to suggest it is all about an irrational hatred for him, and this is quite ungodly. Really? Do you really prefer the Rusian leader to you own president? What can hatred not do?

ChildOfGod on May 13, 2014 at 3:53 AM

So while Dear Leader golfs the country into oblivion, the rightosphere thoroughly fact-checks Putin’s hockey moves.

Well done, “alternative” media. Well done indeed.

Masih ad-Dajjal on May 13, 2014 at 5:14 AM

Yeah, exhibition game and all that.

Back in the day if you could have gotten Gordie Howe back on the ice, he would have blind-sided Putin with a hip check and put his teeth on the ice. He did that with any guy who thought he was hot stuff on the ice, even as an old man… that was Old School hockey at its best, watching guys with multi-million dollar contracts being dumped unceremoniously by someone they discounted.

Where are those sorts of players who don’t care what your title is, but are there to play the game as it must be played?

ajacksonian on May 13, 2014 at 5:45 AM

So, the point of this story is that Putin, the leader of a large foreign nation, participated in an exhibition hickey game and people are pissed no one cross checked him in the face? And who sincerely expected anything different? Does Obama in a pick up game take hard fouls, or an elbow to the face in the post?

guido911 on May 13, 2014 at 7:22 AM

Commrade Cherry Pick…. credit to the goalie… he had to try hard to get out of the pucks way

momof2 on May 13, 2014 at 8:34 AM

It was an exhibition game…we see that in tennis all of the time, the top players and a celebrity in doubles and the top team just keeps hitting it back to the celebrity until the celeb makes a “great” shot.

It’s all fun, it is when it is taken seriously like “11 holes in one” or becoming the championship boxer.

Cool that Putin is active and “mixes” it up with the people.

Obama tries that with basketball, but only invites the elites of the elites and elicits foolish remarks like Kobe saying he could play in the NBA.

right2bright on May 13, 2014 at 8:38 AM

Another little tyrant who will end like all those before him.

weedisgood on May 12, 2014 at 10:20 PM

On the invite list to Beyonce’s next party? Sweet!

dreadnought62 on May 13, 2014 at 8:58 AM

So, the point of this story is that Putin, the leader of a large foreign nation, participated in an exhibition hickey game and people are pissed no one cross checked him in the face? And who sincerely expected anything different? Does Obama in a pick up game take hard fouls, or an elbow to the face in the post?

guido911 on May 13, 2014 at 7:22 AM

There was a Secret Service agent that elbowed Barry in the mouth during pickup basketball. Never heard if he was reassigned.

slickwillie2001 on May 13, 2014 at 9:28 AM

Ouch – that was some pathetic hockey. No wonder they didn’t medal in hockey this year.

Please tell me the Russians aren’t falling for this kind of putin-propaganda – I hope they were [secretly] cracking up at the spectacle.

batter on May 13, 2014 at 10:07 AM

Cue John F. Kerry tossing a football around.

David Blue on May 13, 2014 at 11:30 AM

What were the Russians thinking when they left Putin off their Olympic roster? With him in the line up they might’ve had a chance against T.J. Oshie.

Northside on May 13, 2014 at 12:38 PM

One of those plays in the film was a 4-on-1 break–four players for the red team passing the puck around for 10 seconds vs. one defenseman and a goalie on the white team. If that wasn’t staged, other players on the white team would be racing back to try to break up the play.

Even on the other plays, nobody on the defense ever tried to check Putin or his teammates.

All hail Pucky Putin for his hokey hockey!

Steve Z on May 13, 2014 at 2:30 PM

Putin can barely even skate. He almost wipes out in the introductory line.

JeremiahJohnson on May 13, 2014 at 6:16 PM