Film review: Noah

posted at 8:01 am on March 31, 2014 by Ed Morrissey

Note: Spoilers.

Darren Aronofsky recently bragged that he had made “the least-biblical biblical film ever made” in Noah. Paramount responded to the derision that followed by issuing a release stating that the film was inspired by the Biblical story from Genesis, but that “artistic license had been taken.” After having seen the film, it’s clear that Paramount engaged in hyperbole, because there is very little about Noah that is either inspired or artistic — aside from a couple of good performances that almost make the film watchable. Almost.

In short, Noah is a mess from any perspective — in regard to its source material, to its interior logic, and even to any sense of narrative. The film isn’t a glorious mess like Moulin Rouge or an enjoyable mess like Basic, but a grim and joyless mess that no one needs to pay $10 to watch. Noah goes from his Biblical characterization, as the man God chooses to safeguard the best of humanity for a fresh start to creation, to a man obsessed with the idea of killing every human being possible — including his freshly-born twin granddaughters.

Even that might have made for an interesting evening at the movies if Aronofsky offered a fresh perspective and something close to coherence. Instead, we get an anti-technology, anti-carnivore lecture that recycles predictable clichés and overlays it on the Flood story. If Wizards entered into a polyamorous relationship with Road Warrior, The Day After Tomorrow, and Waterworld, and their child was midwifed by Michael Bay, it just might be Noah.  The rock monsters — actually trapped angels who made the mistake of sympathizing with Adam and Eve — best recall Galaxy Quest’s, or perhaps The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything.

Just how incoherent does Noah get? The entire second half of Noah revolves around the tension between serving God — excuse me, The Creator — while wiping out the human race. Noah alienates Ham by refusing to save a girl he rescues, only allows Shem to pair up with foundling Ila because Noah thinks she’s barren, and Japheth is far too young to be married at all. Noah’s vision of God’s plan is to save all the animals but make sure no human reproduces. It gets so ridiculous that Noah actually gets to the point of murdering his two unexpected twin granddaughters (after Ila gets the world’s first home-pregnancy test from Noah’s wife Naameh) in his Malthusian obsession, until “love” stops him.

All of this would be news to God, who in Genesis 6:18 specifically tells Noah to include his sons’ wives in the ark — as they are all of age and married in the actual Biblical text — which Noah obediently does in Genesis 7:13. The motivation for the latter half of the movie is totally contrived and nonsensical. And let’s not forget the redemption of the rock monsters/angels, who get beamed back to Paradise for their heroic efforts to stomp out human beings … or perhaps were just too stupid all along to try to peel back their rock covers until they were in the middle of a battle.

Those familiar with the Biblical text of Genesis could spend hours pointing out all of the obvious errors in Aronofsky’s script, but in large part that would be beside the point. He didn’t want to make a Biblical epic — he wanted to lecture everyone about environmentalism and the vegan lifestyle. That’s why Noah goes from a man who makes a massive sacrifice of burnt animal offerings in Genesis to one who violently attacks people who hunt for meat. The evil that produces the catastrophe in Noah is clear-cut lumber harvesting and “zohar” mining, rather than the standard kind of immorality that usually results in God’s non-vegan wrath in the Bible. Even flower-picking is verboten in Aronofsky’s creation. It’s Avatar, only with “the Creator” in place of Eywa, and with “zohar” in place of unobtanium.

With all of this nonsense going on, it’s easy to miss a few good performances, starting with Russell Crowe and especially Emma Watson as Ila, the wife of Shem — but that’s about it. Jennifer Connelly doesn’t get much to do as Naameh, but the same can’t be said for Anthony Hopkins as Methusaleh. Hopkins keeps muttering about berries while dosing Noah with drugged tea to facilitate another vision from The Creator, magically cures Ila’s barrenness, and apparently spikes her libido for good measure. Hopkins channels Avatar from Wizards with fewer wisecracks. Ray Winstone plays the main antagonist Tubal-Cain as the embodiment of Al Pacino’s rant at the end of The Devil’s Advocate but with a lot more subtlety than Aronofsky demonstrates or deserves, and provides a revenge subplot that could have come out of The Patriot or Braveheart. (Another biblical note: Noah’s father Lamech lived long enough to see Noah’s sons be born, and there is no indication at all that Lamech was murdered.)

Those performances are nowhere near enough to rescue this mess. Audiences will have mentally checked out of the Gaia-fest long before the first raindrop falls, even though the cinematography is stunning enough to keep their eyes on the screen.  On the Hot Air scale, Noah gets a two:

  • 5 – Full price ticket
  • 4 – Matinee only
  • 3 – Wait for Blu-Ray/DVD/PPV rental or purchase
  • 2 – Watch it when it hits Netflix/cable
  • 1 – Avoid at all costs

Noah is rated PG-13, but it’s pretty violent and intense at times. I’d consider 13 a hard floor.

Note: I’m on vacation for the next couple of days, but we have some excellent guest bloggers joining us again!

Update: If you want a different take on Noah‘s relationship to the Bible, read Steven Greydanus’ essay at Catholic World Report. I will agree that the retelling of the story of creation was one of the high points in a film that didn’t have many.

Update: Matt Lewis thinks it’s flawed but still worth seeing by Christians.


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Note: I’m on vacation for the next couple of days, but we have some excellent guest bloggers joining us again!
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Have a good time,…er,….break ED!!

Enjoy:0

canopfor on March 31, 2014 at 8:04 AM

All of this would be news to God, who in Genesis 6:18 specifically tells Noah to include his sons’ wives in the ark — as they are all of age and married in the actual Biblical text — which Noah obediently does in Genesis 7:13.

Who knew that God was the first global warming denier?

Happy Nomad on March 31, 2014 at 8:08 AM

Have a good vacation Ed.

Think I’ll skip this cinematic mess.

workingclass artist on March 31, 2014 at 8:10 AM

Have a great vacation Ed!

Murphy9 on March 31, 2014 at 8:10 AM

Won’t give this money a dime.

gophergirl on March 31, 2014 at 8:10 AM

The obvious solution (according to Ed’s assessment) is to watch the movie with the sound turned off. Comments from the peanut gallery (audience) a la L.A. Fine Arts Squad are optional but likely unavoidable.

Now that’s family entertainment – letting the snark out!

platypus on March 31, 2014 at 8:11 AM

Yeah! Been waiting for this!
Thanks for watching bad movies so I don’t have to!
So bad you needed a vacation, huh?

22044 on March 31, 2014 at 8:13 AM

The obvious solution (according to Ed’s assessment) is to watch the movie with the sound turned off. Comments from the peanut gallery (audience) a la L.A. Fine Arts Squad are optional but likely unavoidable.

Now that’s family entertainment – letting the snark out!

platypus on March 31, 2014 at 8:11 AM

If someone tries to bootleg the movie, this is the way to do it.
Not that I condone bootlegging…yeah, that’s the ticket.

22044 on March 31, 2014 at 8:14 AM

The obvious solution (according to Ed’s assessment) is to watch the movie with the sound turned off.

It’s funny you should say that. The sound system malfunctioned during the trailers, and all we could hear of them was one channel of the music; all of the dialogue was silenced by the malfunction. I was the one who went to the lobby to let them know there was a problem. Had I known …. had I known … ;-)

Ed Morrissey on March 31, 2014 at 8:15 AM

Forgive me but my comment might mislead. I am not suggesting painting murals on the flat screen TV. There was a renegade branch of something that I mistakenly remembered as the Fine Arts Squad that catcalled over the dialogue in classic films.

Misfiring neurons.

platypus on March 31, 2014 at 8:16 AM

Sounds like agenda over story. Good thing I’ll never see this version. Have a nice time on vacation Ed. We’ll try to hold down the fort in your absence. Just leave the hammer where it will be easy to get to. ; )

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 8:17 AM

Very disappointed…I was looking forward to seeing it.

bazil9 on March 31, 2014 at 8:18 AM

Murphy9 on March 31, 2014 at 8:10 AM

Murph you know the biblical and scripture stuff fairly well. What does this mean?

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 8:19 AM

Those familiar with the Biblical text of Genesis could spend hours pointing out all of the obvious errors in Aronofsky’s script, but in large part that would be beside the point. He didn’t want to make a Biblical epic — he wanted to lecture everyone about environmentalism and the vegan lifestyle.

First go around to all the lions, tigers, wolves, and sharks and convince them to become vegans. Then get back to me.

rbj on March 31, 2014 at 8:21 AM

bazil9 on March 31, 2014 at 8:18 AM

Morning b! Yep. Its one I would have maybe gone to see. With today’s studio production abilities I figured the cinematography would have been delightful. Such an epic story.

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 8:23 AM

….thanks…I was tempted…but not now!…have a good time Ed!

KOOLAID2 on March 31, 2014 at 8:23 AM

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 8:23 AM

Mornin’ B.
Yep, I thought it would be pretty awesome too.

bazil9 on March 31, 2014 at 8:25 AM

Murph you know the biblical and scripture stuff fairly well. What does this mean?
Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 8:19 AM

Proverbs 18:6. A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.

Murphy9 on March 31, 2014 at 8:27 AM

Just this morning I was reading about the same guy in Hebrews 11. He made the hall of fame!

Galtian on March 31, 2014 at 8:28 AM

At least Noah doesn’t seem to be provoking the same sort of knee-jerk overreaction in the Christian community that The Da Vinci Code did a few years ago. That was embarrassing.

Spannerhead on March 31, 2014 at 8:29 AM

Murphy9 on March 31, 2014 at 8:27 AM

Ahh….I kinda thought it might be something like that. Odd. Out of the blue with no apparent continuity to what was being said on the thread. Thanks Murph. ; )

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 8:31 AM

Murph you know the biblical and scripture stuff fairly well. What does this mean?

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 8:19 AM

It’s referencing a quote–”there are none so blind as those who will not see”–that references a passage of Scripture:

Jeremiah 5:21: “Listen, you foolish and senseless people, with eyes that do not see and ears that do not hear.”

I have no idea what the joker referencing a “white” Jesus is referring to.

theotherone on March 31, 2014 at 8:33 AM

All over FB people are saying “Save your money, don’t go.” I’ll head everyone’s advice and skip it.

Update on the crowd funding Gosnell Movie. They are over $100,000 now.

Please, if you have the means, contribute what you can.

Hey Ed, you got a shout-out:

The next 48 hours are huge for this movie. We will be on these radio shows talking about this history-making movie project:

Bill Bennett’s Morning in America

94.3 FM The Talker

The Dennis Prager Show

The Mike Gallagher Show

770 KTTH The David Boze Show

The Dana Show

The Michael Medved Show

and The Blaze TV

On Sunday, Hotair.com ran an article on the film. Hotair is one of the highest traffic conservative sites: http://hotair.com/archives/2014/03/30/video-phelim-mcaleer-and-the-gosnell-tv-movie/

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 8:35 AM

LOL head s/b heed.

Where’s my coffee? Oops, I better go make some.

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 8:35 AM

theotherone on March 31, 2014 at 8:33 AM

Yeah. Ed and Murph clued me in. In the interim I did some research on the nom that made the comment. I get the cut of his jib now.

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 8:36 AM

I will agree that the retelling of the story of creation was one of the high points in a film that didn’t have many.

Actually, no, they messed that up, too.

itsnotaboutme on March 31, 2014 at 8:37 AM

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 8:35 AM

Morning Fallon! Coffee good. ; ) Do you think it a worthy and trust worthy place to contribute to? Cause if you do I will.

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 8:38 AM

I’m glad the acting thing is working out for Emma Watson. That wasn’t a given from Harry Potter 1. Ray Winstone is a terrific, edgy actor so good on him for finding something worth doing in this “epic”. This movie is not on my to-do list in this lifetime.

vityas on March 31, 2014 at 8:38 AM

At least Noah doesn’t seem to be provoking the same sort of knee-jerk overreaction in the Christian community that The Da Vinci Code did a few years ago. That was embarrassing.

Spannerhead on March 31, 2014 at 8:29 AM

Yes, we should have allowed ridiculous conspiracy theories to be told about the origin of the Scriptures without disagreeing.

itsnotaboutme on March 31, 2014 at 8:41 AM

God will not be mocked nor does He care for those that change His word or benefit. Add nothing or subtract.

crosshugger on March 31, 2014 at 8:41 AM

A 2.5 hour movie isnt an accurate telling of a 6000+ year old story that covers 3 chapters in the old testament? who knew. its a joke people are getting angry over Noah

bball3212 on March 31, 2014 at 8:50 AM

So the director takes what was already a ridiculous fairy tale from the infancy of human intelligence as source material and weaves an equally stupid fairy tale about vegans and environmentalism. At least they kept the good parts about the slaughter of every man, woman, and innocent child in there, because that’s the most important part!

Pass.

Good Lt on March 31, 2014 at 8:55 AM

Cause if you do I will.

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 8:38 AM

I don’t want to spend anyone else’s money for them, but I do think it is a good cause. I really liked their documentary, FrackNation, that exposed the anti-frac’ing movie’s lies.

I think I am making penance for having been a liberal sheep in my youth parroting the Women’s Lib talking points on abortion (and everything else). After I had my first child, I saw how they manipulated and abused women and destroyed lives with their philosophy.

Just as sinister, I believe NOW and other radical women’s groups see abortion as a way to insure keeping women voting Democrat for years to come out of guilt, defiance and the need to affirm the “rightness” of their decision. It’s ultimately all about money and power.

Maybe, this movie will open more women’s eyes, but I’m a bit of a dreamer. It’s your decision whether to donate but, if they don’t reach their target amount, the money will be returned to you.

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 8:59 AM

It’s Avatar, only with “the Creator” in place of Eywa, and with “zohar” in place of unobtanium.

that’s all I need to know, Ed…. TYVM

have fun on vacaycay!

ted c on March 31, 2014 at 8:59 AM

“Basic” is one of the silliest and worst movies I’ve ever seen. Far cry from an enjoyable mess.

Pale Rider on March 31, 2014 at 9:00 AM

The director should be criticized as an unoriginal buffoon. He wants to take a great biblical story and pervert it to push his ideology. Shameful

ted c on March 31, 2014 at 9:02 AM

Aronofsky was right, it’s not biblical at all. Sounds like garbage to me.

Kissmygrits on March 31, 2014 at 9:05 AM

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 8:59 AM

Thanks. ; )

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 9:09 AM

Good Lt on March 31, 2014 at 8:55 AM

+1

All that death and destruction was the “moral” lesson of the fable anyway so what was lost in the retelling?

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:14 AM

I think Steven D. Greydanus goes out of his way to reinsert into the movie what’s it’s clear the Director intended to cut out. I think Greydanus spent more time gazing at his navel then watching the screen if he actually saw such deep things in this movie.

The one thing I kept thinking is “Why is everyone in this movie, including the women, wearing pants?”

Rocks on March 31, 2014 at 9:16 AM

“Basic” is one of the silliest and worst movies I’ve ever seen. Far cry from an enjoyable mess.

Pale Rider on March 31, 2014 at 9:00 AM

Connie Nielsen looked good in that bus driver’s uniform though. :-)

Oldnuke on March 31, 2014 at 9:17 AM

So in some earlier threads I eschewed discussions with those Pacific island Cargo Cult Scientists who say that the fable was actually history. The notion is wildly ridiculous on an infinite number of levels.

Here is just one. To those, I ask this simple question:

How do we have Saguaro Cacti in the Sonoran desert? They could not have survived a flood. They could not have been gathered by Noah and planted in their Sonoran soil later. They could not have survive a saline voyage and if they could they could not have made their own way to the desert from the sea. So, how did they survive and how were they returned to their native soil?

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:21 AM

…as I’m sure someone’s here’s already said, or will say…I’d REALLY like to see one of these Hollywood sermonizers do a “reimagined” “take” on a story from the Koran.

They are, of course, free to through whatever they want into a blender and serve it up…and the movie-going public is free to stay away from their putrid offerings. That they’re not is testament that things once sacred are no longer sacred….

It’s “just a movie”…but, don’t we just obsess over movies…and their denizens…especially as the grosses of these films are often reported as hard news.

Puritan1648 on March 31, 2014 at 9:27 AM

My favorite review of this movie came from my favorite non-Hotair blogger and webcomic author extraordinaire (of Schlock Mercenary fame) Howard Tayler:

“I went into Noah with low expectations, which were not met.”

Madcap_Magician on March 31, 2014 at 9:27 AM

Paramount should’ve fought harder to rein Aronofsky in, because they need audiences of faith in order to just break even on this thing. You don’t let a director best known for stuff like Black Swan do this type of movie unless they’re going to adhere to the source material. Shouldn’t be about his “vision”, or agenda.

changer1701 on March 31, 2014 at 9:27 AM

So, how did they survive and how were they returned to their native soil?

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:21 AM

Bird poop.

While cactus seeds may be dispersed by the elements — wind and rain — most are spread by animals that eat the fruit, seeds included. In a desert, succulent cactus fruits are irresistible to birds and mammals, which consume them within weeks of their production. The seeds are impervious to digestion, and pass through the animal’s digestive tract intact before being deposited on the ground, complete with a bit of natural fertilizer in the form of feces.

;-}

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 9:30 AM

How do we have Saguaro Cacti in the Sonoran desert? They could not have survived a flood. They could not have been gathered by Noah and planted in their Sonoran soil later. They could not have survive a saline voyage and if they could they could not have made their own way to the desert from the sea. So, how did they survive and how were they returned to their native soil?

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:21 AM

Isn’t this a rather pedantic question to ask someone who has already gotten past the idea the entire planet was covered with water? The clear intent of the story is that God did not intend to wipe out anything. He even saves mankind via Noah’s family. A being capable of creating a Saguaro Cacti should be able to protect it from some water if he chooses to, right?

Rocks on March 31, 2014 at 9:32 AM

I think there is evidence that there actually was a flood but it wasn’t all over the world, just in the Mediterranian which was the extent of the world at that time. Most ancient religions have a story about it.

I haven’t seen the movie so I’m not sure what was said but it looks to me like an excuse for lots of special effects.

My question is if they don’t mention God how do they explain how Noah found out about the flood and that he had to build an ark?

crankyoldlady on March 31, 2014 at 9:34 AM

Yep – we’ll be skipping this one. Eventually they’ll be selling the blurays for $2.00, so MAYBE I’ll catch it then.

Free Indeed on March 31, 2014 at 9:38 AM

There are idiots aplenty who think that Oliver Stone’s JFK is the truth about what happened to Kennedy.
Same thing here. Idiots (liberals…but I repeat myself) who have no concept of the bible besides the fact they fear/hate it, will buy into this foolishness.
Sadly, Jack Ruby died in prison and now we’ll never know why God flooded the earth.

Sugar Land on March 31, 2014 at 9:39 AM

Rocks on March 31, 2014 at 9:32 AM

Sure. If one believes in magic then magic can explain everything.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:40 AM

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 9:30 AM

And what bird could fly across the oceans to make such deposits in the desert? Assuming he could fly (without food even) for 40 days and nights did this magical avian not poop during its flight or did he hold it?

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:43 AM

Sure. If one believes in magic then magic can explain everything.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:40 AM

What a sad, pathetic piece of shit you are.

HumpBot Salvation on March 31, 2014 at 9:44 AM

Sugar Land on March 31, 2014 at 9:39 AM

Even so called conservatives, MaryJaneBrutus and Good Lt (OK, pretend conservatives), love to demonstrate their ignorance of the Bible and God.

NotCoach on March 31, 2014 at 9:44 AM

My goodness. Intentionally obtuse it would seem.

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 9:45 AM

HumpBot Salvation on March 31, 2014 at 9:44 AM

Oh dear.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:46 AM

Sure. If one believes in magic then magic can explain everything.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:40 AM

Meet

Love me some white Jesus.

mazer9 on March 30, 2014 at 10:31 PM

You two should get on well together.

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 9:47 AM

Sure. If one believes in magic then magic can explain everything.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:40 AM

It’s kind of hard to make you look worse than you make yourself look.

God is outside of everything, and capable of all things. You accept that, or you don’t. But attempting to bring everything to your juvenile level does not serve you well. And you don’t win because people refuse to accept your rules.

NotCoach on March 31, 2014 at 9:47 AM

Good Lt on March 31, 2014 at 8:55 AM

+1

All that death and destruction was the “moral” lesson of the fable anyway so what was lost in the retelling?

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:14 AM

Then he shouldn’t have called his tale Noah. He should have completely redid in his own original “fable” instead of taking “artistic license” from one of the most recognizable stories out there. Even if you think the Bible is a fable, the director did what most bad directors do; they ruined a movie by not doing justice to the written version.

melle1228 on March 31, 2014 at 9:47 AM

God is outside of everything, and capable of all things.

NotCoach on March 31, 2014 at 9:47 AM

Yes, she is magical. I got that.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:48 AM

Oh dear.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:46 AM

Ah, poor widdle libtard troll seeking attention who drops a duece on a thread gets sad when attention given.

Serious, ahole. GFY.

HumpBot Salvation on March 31, 2014 at 9:50 AM

melle1228 on March 31, 2014 at 9:47 AM

Yeah, the movie does look like an awful train wreck. However, I have seen adaptions of some Shakespeare plays which, while taking liberties with the original, did hold together rather well. So I wouldn’t say it can’t be done.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:50 AM

HumpBot Salvation on March 31, 2014 at 9:50 AM

Oh my.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:51 AM

Yes, she is magical. I got that.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:48 AM

I don’t think there is much of anything you’ve “got” in life. But please continue to ignorantly pontificate, we all love it so.

All that death and destruction was the “moral” lesson of the fable anyway so what was lost in the retelling?

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:14 AM

NotCoach on March 31, 2014 at 9:51 AM

Oh my.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:51 AM

Weak.

HumpBot Salvation on March 31, 2014 at 9:53 AM

HumpBot Salvation on March 31, 2014 at 9:53 AM

We can’t all be as perceptive, insightful and sophisticated as you.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:55 AM

…or did he hold it?

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:43 AM

I think you answered your own question. ;-)

Recently, I had a conversation someone who had never contemplated the thought that maybe the faithful are not silly or delusional. Maybe, just maybe, something was missing inside of him, that precluded he could not have faith or believe in a higher power.

He had a very high opinion of himself and his scientific beliefs. He approached our conversation from the standpoint of, of course religion is silly and went from there. I stopped him with my question, wonder if it’s you? Many people have the ability to believe in God but you don’t. Maybe, you’re defective. Hey, we all have our flaws and faults.

I’ve often thought that of myself. I am very childlike in many of my beliefs and actions but I have a hard time with religion. Maybe, nothing is wrong with religion or the faithful, maybe I’m the one that is missing that ability to believe. This person I had the conversation with (who was an ardent atheist), stopped arguing with me and walked away a bit befuddled. He had obviously never considered the possibility that he could be the one with the problem.

You know I don’t really care about your cacti question, right? You will grasp at whatever you need to tell yourself to affirm that you are correct without ever contemplating that you might be wrong or missing something. Personally, I envy those who have unquestioning faith. I wish I had it but I don’t.

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 9:59 AM

It is interesting that if you do the math, Methuselah died in the year of the flood.

TexasDan on March 31, 2014 at 10:06 AM

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 9:59 AM

What magical bird is this that can go for 40 days without food or fresh water and not even poop which also just happens to visit the Sonoran desert?

I would say that something was very right with him for not “having faith in a higher power.” You can call lack of faith a defect if it makes you happy. I have been called worse (see above) every single day that I visit HA. As you can tell, it really bothers me.

I find the cactus question to be just one of the infinite problems with magical thinking. It closes minds and humanity can only grow, improve and live peacefully by the opening of our minds.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 10:07 AM

What is truth?”

~ Pontius Pilate to Jesus the Christ, recorded in John’s gospel, 18th chapter, 38th verse

Galtian on March 31, 2014 at 10:08 AM

Really?

Bmore on March 31, 2014 at 10:10 AM

John Nolte at Breitbart believes the film is artistically superior and well-acted, which makes it all the more wicked and irreligious.

In any case, I think it’s high time we made a movie perverting a Progressive belief system. What Progressive icon can we demolish? Marx? Darwin? The media?

rrpjr on March 31, 2014 at 10:12 AM

“I reject your reality ans substitute my own.” – Adam Savage

Good Lt on March 31, 2014 at 10:12 AM

In any case, I think it’s high time we made a movie perverting a Progressive belief system. What Progressive icon can we demolish? Marx? Darwin? The media?

rrpjr on March 31, 2014 at 10:12 AM

LOL

Good Lt on March 31, 2014 at 10:13 AM

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 9:59 AM

Thoughtful and appreciated.

rrpjr on March 31, 2014 at 10:14 AM

You can call lack of faith a defect if it makes you happy.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 10:07 AM

It doesn’t make me happy but it opens my mind to other possibilities, such as, (nature or nurture) some people do not have the ability to be open to faith. It’s not a judgment but you’re stuck on the word “magic”. Why?

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 10:15 AM

We can’t all be as perceptive, insightful and sophisticated as you.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:55 AM

And an even weaker response. Typical troll retort. But it is humorous to watch more pearl clutching from our libtard troll. Sad face.

We can’t all be ignorant pieces of shit, either. That’s why you’re you. You truly are a pathetic piece of shit. And I base that on your comment history as a whole and not this individual thread.

HumpBot Salvation on March 31, 2014 at 10:17 AM

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 10:15 AM

Magic is the opposite of knowledge and I believe knowledge to be good. Unlike the bible story of the garden I think that we should strive for knowledge.

Magic is the avoidance of an explanation. It is the label we put on something to feel better about our ignorance. It satisfies us and thus kills our appetite to seek answers. It deludes us in to thinking we know what we do not.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 10:22 AM

How many coconuts can a swallow carry? And for how long?

antisense on March 31, 2014 at 10:23 AM

I find the cactus question to be just one of the infinite problems with magical thinking. It closes minds and humanity can only grow, improve and live peacefully by the opening of our minds.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 10:07 AM

From one who thinks cacti and everything else in the universe magically appeared spontaneously from nothing. But one type of cactus could not possibly grow following a flood.

So very sad…

pannw on March 31, 2014 at 10:26 AM

Wherever there is devastation nature takes over again eventually. Look at Detroit.

crankyoldlady on March 31, 2014 at 10:27 AM

It doesn’t make me happy but it opens my mind to other possibilities, such as, (nature or nurture) some people do not have the ability to be open to faith. It’s not a judgment but you’re stuck on the word “magic”. Why?

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 10:15 AM

I know this was addressed to MJ, but I’ll take a stab at why we use the word ‘magic.’

Because what’s being alleged – the supernatural claims, that is – is no different than using ‘magic’ as an explanation for something.

Speaking things into existence with incantations is magic. Creating things out of nothing by speaking or ‘willing’ it into being is magic. Bad people can be redeemed vicariously through a human sacrifice in the Middle East thousands of years ago so that they’ll be whisked off to the sky somewhere is magic. Etc.

In what way are any of the supernatural claims different than saying “magic?” If the question is “how” were these things done, the answer is usually something like “because God can do anything because he’s God” or some variation of that.

But that tells you nothing about ‘how’ these things happen when we observe in this reality that we clearly cannot speak things into being, or raise dead people, or create people fully formed out of ribs and a clump of dirt, etc.

The answer that “God can do whatever he wants” and “magic” are, in substance, the same. The end result is the same.

Make sense?

Good Lt on March 31, 2014 at 10:27 AM

How many coconuts can a swallow carry? And for how long?

antisense on March 31, 2014 at 10:23 AM

African or European?

Good Lt on March 31, 2014 at 10:28 AM

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 10:22 AM

Hmmm, I always thought magic was reserved for entertainment purposes, you know, parlor tricks, smoke and mirrors.

Ignorance is the opposite of knowledge, not magic.

You have an avoidance of an explanation to religion. Try arguing from an opposing viewpoint and see if that helps expand your appetite to seek answers.

We will part here. I have too much to do today but I enjoy talking with people who never contemplate all possibilities, including the possibility that they themselves are wrong, and call it an “open mind”. The biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 10:31 AM

But Hugh Hewitt promised there wasn’t some environmental message in Noah…

gwelf on March 31, 2014 at 10:34 AM

Sure. If one believes in magic then magic can explain everything.
MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 9:40 AM

Not anything. Even someone who believes in magic wouldn’t buy that inert elements just magically combined into a living cell or that basic genetic material could magically mutate into incredibly complex biological orgainisms. That is definitely a bridge too far and takes the kook factor to 11.

tommyboy on March 31, 2014 at 10:35 AM

My wife wanted to see this, and even though she was hobbling on a broken ankle still wanted to go on opening night. I went with trepidation, shoulda read the Answers in Genesis review (warning?) that came out that day. Halfway through the movie I wanted to leave, but getting my wife together with the “knee skate” that our podiatrist friend got for her would have been too much hassle for her, she wouldn’t leave. We sat through the whole mess . . . and most of the credits until she felt comfortable getting up and possibly getting in people’s way.

A friend f mine calls films like this “pork on sale,” after the old joke about the stingyness of Jews. He’s a Messianic Jew, so I guess he can get away with the analogy, anyway his point is movie companies will make movies in order to draw in the “faith dollar,” not because they believe, but because they want to make a lot of money. This season it started with Son of God, now Noah, next is Heaven is Real. Usually these movies are theological messes, more spiritualism than anything else, yet people of faith attend them like crazy.

Not sure I would have given it a 2, Ed. Perhaps your rating system needs a 0 – “don’t patronize any film from the distribution company for a 3 month period.” Maybe they’ll get the message and start making smarter films.

Have a nice vacation!!

Sven Pook on March 31, 2014 at 10:36 AM

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 10:31 AM

Magic is ignorance by another name. Magic is a term used to describe that which cannot be explained. It perpetuates ignorance by quashing the desire to find answers.

I don’t know what you mean by an “avoidance of an explanation to religion”. I have stated that I avoid magical “explanations” for anything because they explain nothing. They only fool some in to thinking they know something that they do not.

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 10:36 AM

The Hebrew word “erets” doesn’t just mean planet, but rather earth/land/country.

The flood may well have been local, not global.

sharrukin on March 31, 2014 at 10:39 AM

Not anything. Even someone who believes in magic wouldn’t buy that inert elements just magically combined into a living cell or that basic genetic material could magically mutate into incredibly complex biological orgainisms. That is definitely a bridge too far and takes the kook factor to 11.

tommyboy on March 31, 2014 at 10:35 AM

The vast majority of scientists across all disciplines do not accept magic as an explanation of how life formed or how species evolved over time.

You could have just typed “God did it all using his magic” as your ‘explanation’ and saved the pixels.

Good Lt on March 31, 2014 at 10:40 AM

. I went with trepidation, shoulda read the Answers in Genesis review (warning?) that came out that day.

Ah, Ken Hamm and Co.

The purveyors of the important “Adam and Eve existed in the Garden with dinosaurs and penguins” theory of life’s diversity.

Good Lt on March 31, 2014 at 10:42 AM

A 2.5 hour movie isnt an accurate telling of a 6000+ year old story that covers 3 chapters in the old testament? who knew. its a joke people are getting angry over Noah

bball3212 on March 31, 2014 at 8:50 AM

I agree. In my opinion the whole thing set out to insult and piss off people that believe in the Bible and to give the anti-human crowd a major woody. Noah is the ultimate “one with Gaia” dude who understands the evil human plague and the need for it to be removed. He and a select few who are also “one with Gaia” get to be saved because they also understand. It’s an anti-human/environmentalist’s wet dream. No pun intended. That said, I think it does have one excellent thing going on in it. Crow doesn’t sing.

Dr. Frank Enstine on March 31, 2014 at 10:42 AM

I’d rather have oral surgery than see this.

Lucky me, I’m doing just that.

nobar on March 31, 2014 at 10:43 AM

pannw on March 31, 2014 at 10:26 AM
tommyboy on March 31, 2014 at 10:35 AM

This is why I have stopped trying to argue about science with creationists. I have yet to encounter one is capable of honesty.

My answer to you is simple. Even if one were to disprove evolution (which is as firmly entrenched as fact as just about any other branch of scientific knowledge) the alternative will not be “magic” or “gawdidit”. The scientific explanation for the origin of species would be, “I don’t know.”

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 10:43 AM

Sven Pook on March 31, 2014 at 10:36 AM

I’m interested in what Msr. Sven Pook thought.

Cindy Munford on March 31, 2014 at 10:45 AM

I am going out on a limb and predicts that the movie does not end with the Creator saying “Everything that lives and moves about will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.”

Laurence on March 31, 2014 at 10:47 AM

The Hebrew word “erets” doesn’t just mean planet, but rather earth/land/country.

The flood may well have been local, not global.

sharrukin on March 31, 2014 at 10:39 AM

Add to that the evidence that other ancient cultures outside the middle east (China, for example, or Egypt, which had large Nile floods every year) had no record of a ‘global flood’ that was supposed to wipe them all out, and you get a picture of what may have inspired the tale.

Perhaps there was a particularly freakish rain spell one year, and in a region that doesn’t get much rain, that can cause a lot of flash flooding. For ancient peoples who thought that comets were signs of doom and that the sun revolved around the Earth, it makes sense that they’d try to contextualize a freak natural disaster as a religious tale of god’s anger.

The tale is then told through generations (still thousands of years before science), and then – seemingly magically – it becomes ‘fact’ to some people.

Good Lt on March 31, 2014 at 10:47 AM

MJBrutus on March 31, 2014 at 10:43 AM

Why do people who believe in evolution twist the world into a pretzel to save bait fish and crickets and whatever? And why do they spew crap about global warming/climate change? At least admit that your side has not covered themselves in glory when in comes to proving they are correct. There is a whole lot of “magic” going on by the the supposed educated.

Cindy Munford on March 31, 2014 at 10:48 AM

We will part here. I have too much to do today but I enjoy talking with people who never contemplate all possibilities, including the possibility that they themselves are wrong, and call it an “open mind”. The biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

Fallon on March 31, 2014 at 10:31 AM

If it helps, you’re talking with a liberal pretending to be a republican. Just another POS who preaches tolerance and including everybody under the tent while mocking the faith of others.

HumpBot Salvation on March 31, 2014 at 10:51 AM

I’d rather have oral surgery than see this.

Lucky me, I’m doing just that.

nobar on March 31, 2014 at 10:43 AM

I am the only one who finds going to the dentist oddly calming?

antisense on March 31, 2014 at 10:51 AM

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