Hard-hitting scoop from ABC News: 50 ways to honor FLOTUS on her birthday

posted at 5:41 pm on January 17, 2014 by Allahpundit

I’m tempted to rip them for wasting precious bandwidth on such a trivial subject, even during a painfully slow news week, but it’s late Friday afternoon and I’ve run out of content and here we are, my friends. Here we are.

You will be tempted to respond, “They never would have done that for Laura Bush.” Resist. Do you really want semi-serious news outlets devoting more resources to feting America’s aristocracy, if only in the interest of equal time?

My favorite part, incidentally, is that they list “shop at Target” twice, once by itself at number 20 and again “with sunglasses on” at number 33. So slapdash was this slobberfest that they couldn’t be bothered to double-check that they actually had 50 discrete reasons to swoon over FLOTUS before publishing. Good work, ABC.

6. Call the president, “Barack”

7. Plant a garden

8. Buy a Jason Wu dress

9. Drink lots of water

10. Get bangs

11. Shop at J. Crew

12. Play with Portuguese Water Dogs

13. Grab a burger at Five Guys

14. Lend a hand at a homeless shelter or food pantry

15. Laugh out loud

I did in fact laugh out loud at one point today so consider the First Lady duly honored.

Maybe ABC simply felt obliged to keep pace with the New York Times and NBC, both of whom also paused to recognize FLOTUS’s 50th in glowing terms but treated the occasion as if it’s some sort of quasi-news event. ABC was too honest for that. No news treatment here; no, to do this “story” properly, they had to go full BuzzFeed on it with an endless listicle punctuated by shiny-object photos to hold the attention of the easily distracted. It’s almost a clever parody of fawning politicelebrity coverage and the formulaic “viral” format. Almost.

Exit question: How much worse can it get? See John Nolte’s post about what CNN has planned tonight for the answer.


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Comment pages: 1 2

Our media is just shameless.

The idolatry is sickening.

KMC1 on January 17, 2014 at 5:42 PM

C’mon, AllahP. Really. Save this for Jazz.

Jeddite on January 17, 2014 at 5:44 PM

My 50th is coming up in October, I expect the same treatment from ABC. Though to be fair, they can list the same one 50 times:

Send money to rbj.

rbj on January 17, 2014 at 5:44 PM

What number is watching Star Wars?

*wink*

Fallon on January 17, 2014 at 5:44 PM

She got all the “HONOR” she deserves when she took an extra couple weeks vacation on our dime.And she didn’t deserve that.

SMACKRUNNER on January 17, 2014 at 5:45 PM

IOU 5 rupees, AP.

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 5:46 PM

The comments on that article are gold though.

SirGawain on January 17, 2014 at 5:46 PM

Eating a wicker chair….

Axeman on January 17, 2014 at 5:47 PM

#51) Take a media tongue bath.

antipc on January 17, 2014 at 5:47 PM

10. Get banged?
Haven’t we been getting banged by her husband for the past five years????
Oh. Bangs.

51. Get your heads out of her butt media.

RovesChins on January 17, 2014 at 5:48 PM

I left the snark in the headlines thread, so for the benefit of my “friends and neighbors,” Happy Birthday, Mrs. Obama, and many happy returns of the day.

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 5:48 PM

I’ll be at Burger King

DarkCurrent on January 17, 2014 at 5:48 PM

I’d say these aren’t reporters or even “journalists”, they’re fans, but they’re beyond that.

They’re adoring, willing slaves.

It’s disgusting to watch.

When Barack the First makes his dictatorship official, they’ll be the first to go. They will probably go to the gulags still with stars in their eyes. “Oh, to suffer for displeasing The One! I’m so privileged.”

Gag.

theotherone on January 17, 2014 at 5:49 PM

YAK!

Is that it? Is it on the list? Did I hit one? I can’t tell… I had my eyes closed.

All hail the Queen of Avarice! Consort of Hubris. Wife of the Uxorious One.

Lo! She of many titles who’s greed devours the Earth.

thatsafactjack on January 17, 2014 at 5:49 PM

The comments at the dailymail were pretty brutal.

Hard to recognize without the bowcaster.

Murphy9 on January 17, 2014 at 5:49 PM

#52) Lobsterpalooza, growling and snapping allowed.

antipc on January 17, 2014 at 5:49 PM

Decorum and fear of being banned doesn’t allow me to say what I would really like to say…

sandee on January 17, 2014 at 5:51 PM

Exit question: How much worse can it get? See John Nolte’s post about what CNN has planned tonight for the answer.

I expect MSNBC to go the full North Korea.

rbj on January 17, 2014 at 5:51 PM

51) Visit Thikkiiana

Ditkaca on January 17, 2014 at 5:51 PM

I’m tempted to rip them for wasting precious bandwidth on such a trivial subject, even during a painfully slow news week, but it’s late Friday afternoon and I’ve run out of content and here we are, my friends. Here we are.
===

Tru dats.

canopfor on January 17, 2014 at 5:52 PM

What number is watching Star Wars?

*wink*

Fallon on January 17, 2014 at 5:44 PM

Heh

Key West Reader on January 17, 2014 at 5:52 PM

You will be tempted to respond, “They never would have done that for Laura Bush.” Resist.

Very curiously, that was one of the very first comments at the ABC link. But in the past couple of hours, ABC has magically scrubbed some of the comments in that part of the comment thread, because some of those comments referred to the Bushes as “murderers” and worse.

Classy and caring people, those Democrats! So much better than us mouth-breathers…

Del Dolemonte on January 17, 2014 at 5:52 PM

Now I really hate 5 guys burger .
Thanx a lot Mooch !

burrata on January 17, 2014 at 5:53 PM

who’s …whose…. sorry…

or maybe that’s Freudian..

Who is greed… whose greed….

Hmm.

thatsafactjack on January 17, 2014 at 5:53 PM

What number is watching Star Wars?

*wink*

Fallon on January 17, 2014 at 5:44 PM

51) Visit Thikkiiana

Ditkaca on January 17, 2014 at 5:51 PM

You guys…….

antipc on January 17, 2014 at 5:55 PM

51. Take a 24-day vacation at mostly taxpayer expense.

TarheelBen on January 17, 2014 at 5:55 PM

I`m surprised this hasn`t been made mandatory by now. You know, offering up an annual tribute the the King and Queen.

ThePrez on January 17, 2014 at 5:55 PM

Now I really hate 5 guys burger .
Thanx a lot Mooch !

burrata on January 17, 2014 at 5:53 PM

“3 Burgers, 2 lobster rolls, 4 bags of fries and a bib, please”.

/Drive thru

Key West Reader on January 17, 2014 at 5:56 PM

#50WaysToCelebrateMichelleObamasBirthday

#18: Count folks who successfully enrolled in ObamaCare. Drive with your other hand.

Opposite Day on January 17, 2014 at 5:56 PM

Murphy9 on January 17, 2014 at 5:53 PM

Gak! Sorry I looked…

sandee on January 17, 2014 at 5:56 PM

51. Not be proud of our country…or I guess we should be proud of our country now, right?

GOPRanknFile on January 17, 2014 at 5:56 PM

Watch Sanford And Son

Mark1971 on January 17, 2014 at 5:56 PM

Watch Sanford And Son

Mark1971 on January 17, 2014 at 5:56 PM

Jeffersons

/

Key West Reader on January 17, 2014 at 5:56 PM

MeanWhile,..Mama Obama says:

Michelle Obama says she won’t rule out Botox

By Helena Andrews
January 15 at 8:13 am
*************************

In a new interview with People magazine, Michelle Obama talks turning the big 5-0,

plastic surgery and what her life might look like in 2017.

“I will be in my early fifties when I leave here and I have so much more that I should do,” Mrs. Obama said of leaving the White House after her husband’s second term. “I don’t have the right to just sit on my talents or blessings.”

The former lawyer and hospital executive added that “the sky is the limit” on what she plans to take on post-1600 Penn. (Our colleague Krissah Thompson also has a smart take on the milestone here.)

When asked which women in their 70s and 80s she most admired, the first lady gave a shout out to 80-year-old actress Cicely Tyson, who starred in Broadway’s “The Trip to Bountiful” last year and 76-year-old actress Jane Fonda. But don’t worry, Mrs. Obama didn’t forget her own mother, 76-year-old Marian Robinson.(More…………..)
================================================

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/reliable-source/wp/2014/01/15/michelle-obama-says-shell-wont-rule-out-botox/

canopfor on January 17, 2014 at 5:57 PM

What number is watching Star Wars?

*wink*

Fallon on January 17, 2014 at 5:44 PM

mmmmmmmmm…..cookeeeee
:D

burrata on January 17, 2014 at 5:57 PM

All offerings must be left at the Alter of Michelle by Midnight tonight. You must back away from the Alter, bowing ever 3 steps. Never turn your back to the Alter of Michelle.

portlandon on January 17, 2014 at 5:57 PM

Tell her to F off, 50 times!

Delsa on January 17, 2014 at 5:59 PM

I turn 50 this year too.

My number one is not on this list-

Raise your kids to be decent human beings.

Happy Nomad on January 17, 2014 at 6:00 PM

portlandon on January 17, 2014 at 5:57 PM

Dammit! I left mine at the altar.

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 6:01 PM

Never turn your back to the Alter of Michelle.

portlandon on January 17, 2014 at 5:57 PM

Yup. Cuz “nom nom nom”

Key West Reader on January 17, 2014 at 6:01 PM

Some good ones in the headlines thread

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 6:03 PM

The North Korean propagandists have nothing on our “media”.

Vigilante on January 17, 2014 at 6:03 PM

Hire William Ayers to babysit your children.

Mark1971 on January 17, 2014 at 6:03 PM

52. Throw a birthday party, but tell the guests to eat before they arrive.
Because socialists are stingy with their OWN money.

RovesChins on January 17, 2014 at 6:03 PM

51. Not be proud of our country…or I guess we should be proud of our country now, right?

GOPRanknFile on January 17, 2014 at 5:56 PM

I no longer recognize the US. It has become European socialism being run by a Kenyan dictator with financing from China.

Happy Nomad on January 17, 2014 at 6:05 PM

Obama got her a pen and a phone.

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 6:06 PM

Her parents, Charlie McCarthy and Aunt Ester, must be so proud of their little princess and her #%$’n pea.

onomo on January 17, 2014 at 6:06 PM

13. Grab a burger at Five Guys

Huh!?

ted c on January 17, 2014 at 6:06 PM

burrata on January 17, 2014 at 6:06 PM

Mine eyes!

The goggles!

They do not work!

Murphy9 on January 17, 2014 at 6:08 PM

53. Take a trip to Spain at taxpayers expense ($467,000)

sadatoni on January 17, 2014 at 6:08 PM

53. Stop shaving.

RovesChins on January 17, 2014 at 6:10 PM

I’ll be at Burger King

DarkCurrent on January 17, 2014 at 5:48 PM

A few rodeo burgers sounds good right about now…

JohnGalt23 on January 17, 2014 at 6:10 PM

51. Plant a toxic garden outside the walls of your vermin filled house. Don’t harvest it.

Murphy9 on January 17, 2014 at 6:10 PM

54. Hire a huge staff.

RovesChins on January 17, 2014 at 6:12 PM

Oops, I found a classy Dem comment re. Laura Bush at the ABC link that they forgot to delete…

I believe her daughters were the ones flying around the world on the taxpayers dime, partying, drinking expensive vodka out of the bottle and were nicknamed the “Tarty Party Twins.”

And another classy High-Intelligence Democrat soon introduces Sarah Palin to the mix…

Maybe we can feature her slaughtering deer out of a helicopter.

To be fair, the vast majority of the ABC comments are calling them out for this thinly-disguised propaganda piece.

Del Dolemonte on January 17, 2014 at 6:13 PM

54. Food-police your fellow citizens despite having a wide-screen ‘caboose’.

annoyinglittletwerp on January 17, 2014 at 6:13 PM

Put a 100-pillows in the butt-side of your dress, then run around screaming, “I am da Queen of America!”

albill on January 17, 2014 at 6:16 PM

Crochet a 5′ by 7′ Gadsden flag with thread from Hobby Lobby?

WryTrvllr on January 17, 2014 at 6:17 PM

Have your husband date guys on the sly.

albill on January 17, 2014 at 6:17 PM

52. Put a big scowl on your face and whip Barry with a large pocketbook.

TarheelBen on January 17, 2014 at 6:17 PM

Mine eyes!

The goggles!

They do not work!

Murphy9 on January 17, 2014 at 6:08 PM

itchy itchy
:O

burrata on January 17, 2014 at 6:18 PM

Tell your husband he looks better in your dresses than you do.

albill on January 17, 2014 at 6:18 PM

Bring the Olympic Games to Chicago.

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 6:19 PM

When Oprah comes on TV lick the screen….

albill on January 17, 2014 at 6:19 PM

Oops, I found a classy Dem comment re. Laura Bush at the ABC link that they forgot to delete…

I believe her daughters were the ones flying around the world on the taxpayers dime, partying, drinking expensive vodka out of the bottle and were nicknamed the “Tarty Party Twins.”

And another classy High-Intelligence Democrat soon introduces Sarah Palin to the mix…

Maybe we can feature her slaughtering deer out of a helicopter.

To be fair, the vast majority of the ABC comments are calling them out for this thinly-disguised propaganda piece.

Del Dolemonte on January 17, 2014 at 6:13 PM

Liberals just don’t see the irony. One, the media would NEVER do such a puff piece for Laura Bush. And, two, the media bagged on the Bush twins while demanding that the Obama girls be left alone.
I’m waiting for libsfreecheese to come and call us all racists.

RovesChins on January 17, 2014 at 6:19 PM

Wear $540 sneaks to a food bank.

antipc on January 17, 2014 at 6:19 PM

I wonder what glowing tribute they have planned for Sarah Palin’s 50th birthday next month.

aunursa on January 17, 2014 at 6:21 PM

http://www.examiner.com/article/top-ten-unflattering-michelle-obama-photos

Murphy9 on January 17, 2014 at 5:53 PM

Murphy9: Distrubing:0

canopfor on January 17, 2014 at 6:21 PM

Happy Birthday, Mohammed Ali, “The Second Greatest.”

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 6:21 PM

Get into college only because your basketball star brother threatens to leave the team if they don’t let you in.

albill on January 17, 2014 at 6:23 PM

Tell everyone that their obese while stuffing your face with lobster and Wagyu Beef, paid for by them.

kingsjester on January 17, 2014 at 6:23 PM

Get a $500,000+ job created for you just because your husband is a Senator…

albill on January 17, 2014 at 6:24 PM

they’re

kingsjester on January 17, 2014 at 6:24 PM

Hang out with terrorists and racist preachers…

albill on January 17, 2014 at 6:24 PM

Get a $350,000 fake job at the hospital.

RovesChins on January 17, 2014 at 6:24 PM

Get a $500,000+ job created for you just because your husband is a Senator…

albill on January 17, 2014 at 6:24 PM

Prove your worth by dumping the poor patients.

Happy Nomad on January 17, 2014 at 6:25 PM

More famous January 17th birthdays

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 6:25 PM

burrata on January 17, 2014 at 6:18 PM

Stop it!!!!!!!!!1111 O_o

Murphy9 on January 17, 2014 at 6:25 PM

5 Guys?!? Is that part of her crusade to make school lunches healthy for the hoi polloi?

KS Rex on January 17, 2014 at 6:26 PM

6. Call the president, “Barack”

She more often calls him “my husband” with overtones so creepy they put Boris Karloff to shame.

Paul-Cincy on January 17, 2014 at 6:26 PM

Watch Sanford And Son

Mark1971 on January 17, 2014 at 5:56 PM

She played Aunt Esther, didn’t she?

Oh, #51–Get fitted for a new orange triangle for her a**.

BuckeyeSam on January 17, 2014 at 6:27 PM

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 6:25 PM

Funniest thing about your link- The Mooch is listed as “political wife.” Somehow I don’t think that is the way the shaved Yeti views herself.

Happy Nomad on January 17, 2014 at 6:27 PM

Go to Star Trek convention and sign autographs posing as Lt. Worf.

Rio Linda Refugee on January 17, 2014 at 6:27 PM

5 Guys?!? Is that part of her crusade to make school lunches healthy for the hoi polloi?

KS Rex on January 17, 2014 at 6:26 PM

That’s Barack’s official burger joint in DC.

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 6:28 PM

51.

Pretend your not a Socialist

52.

Agitation and Crock Stirring, in your Community
can be as much fun, as preparing your food while
cooking!

canopfor on January 17, 2014 at 6:29 PM

Save this for Jazz.

Jeddite on January 17, 2014 at 5:44 PM

.
Oh… believe you me, he’ll be up for the “official” celebration tomorrow. Count on it.

ExpressoBold on January 17, 2014 at 6:29 PM

Attend a royal wedding.

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 6:30 PM

Don’t be proud to be an American until your husband is elected President…

albill on January 17, 2014 at 6:30 PM

I wonder what glowing tribute they have planned for Sarah Palin’s 50th birthday next month.

aunursa on January 17, 2014 at 6:21 PM

A commenter at the ABC link brought that up. I’ll spare you the Low-IQ “replies”…

Del Dolemonte on January 17, 2014 at 6:32 PM

If there were ever a troll-free thread….

CurtZHP on January 17, 2014 at 6:32 PM

57. Tell Moochelle that she can relax, because after all, it’ll be another 7 years before her age matches the number of states in our republic… right?

CyberCipher on January 17, 2014 at 6:32 PM

I like “Shop at Target”–in light of the GARGANTUAN hack over the holidays.

Just give all your info to healthcare.gov hackers, too.

Christien on January 17, 2014 at 6:33 PM

What number is watching Star Wars?

*wink*

Fallon on January 17, 2014 at 5:44 PM

.
World Wide WQ^QKies unite! Q^Q

ExpressoBold on January 17, 2014 at 6:34 PM

CyberCipher on January 17, 2014 at 6:32 PM

It’s already passed her IQ. :)

kingsjester on January 17, 2014 at 6:34 PM

Sing:

♫Well we’re moooving on uuuuuuuppppp… to the East Side
to a deluxe taxpayer pad and Scah Foace Won in da skyaye
Moooochelle moooovin’ on uuuuuuuppppp
we finally got a piece of he pie- ah-ah-ahy-ah♫

while juggling a lobster in Spain wearing olive drab military fatigues and $500 sneakers.

viking01 on January 17, 2014 at 6:34 PM

53.

Think about Womans Rights, but, for Woman of the Left only!

54.

When Cooking Ham, Don’t put LipStick on your pig before
cooking,however, to make the meal more appatizing, use a
lighter shade of red, as a visual enhancement, when it hits
the table!

canopfor on January 17, 2014 at 6:34 PM

Stop it!!!!!!!!!1111 O_o

Murphy9 on January 17, 2014 at 6:25 PM

okydoky

burrata on January 17, 2014 at 6:34 PM

Where’s Paul Simon when you need him?

Kraken on January 17, 2014 at 6:35 PM

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