Glorious socialist paradise stations troops at toilet-paper factory for some reason

posted at 9:21 pm on September 23, 2013 by Erika Johnsen

Since the currency and price controls inherent in governmental central planning are widely acknowledged as the most righteously excellent system for the efficient and socially just allocation of resources, I’m simply at a loss as to why basic goods and foodstuffs have been mysteriously and increasingly vanishing from the shelves in Venezuela — but since the Venezuelan regime of President Nicholas Maduro evidently feels the need to involve state force in the oversight of the production and distribution of these basic goods, we probably shouldn’t question his method. Via Reuters:

A Venezuelan state agency on Friday ordered the temporary takeover of a factory that produces toilet paper in what it called an effort to ensure consistent supplies after embarrassing shortages earlier this year.

A national agency called Sundecop, which enforces price controls, said in a statement it would occupy one of the factories belonging to paper producer Manpa for 15 days, adding that National Guard troops would “safeguard” the facility.

“The action in the producer of toilet paper, sanitary napkins and disposable diapers responds to the state’s obligation to ensure a steady supply of basic goods for the people,” Sundecop said, adding it had observed “the violation of the right” to access such products.

If you’re looking for the source of the deliberate and nefarious forces clearly driving this peskily persistent shortage problem of Venezuela’s, don’t you dare suggest that the government itself might possibly have something to do with it, via CNN:

Businesses and the political opposition say the shortages stem from ill-conceived government policies such as price controls on basic goods and tight restrictions on foreign currency. These moves make it so many producers can’t even break even, they say.

But the government has said private companies aren’t doing their part, accusing them of hoarding their products in hopes of selling it later at a higher price.

They’ve also suggested the problem is tied to a broader conspiracy.

“There is no deficiency in production,” Commerce Minister Alejandro Fleming said in May according to ATV, “but an excessive demand generating purchases by a nervous population because of a media campaign.”

Shadowy media smear campaigns, hostile and imperialistic foreign powers, conspiratorial political opponents, and lazy and greedy businessmen not pulling their weight: The list of the not-at-all-systemically-economic problems plaguing Venezuela’s otherwise perfect top-down socialist bureaucracy that just won’t die.


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If you outlaw toilet paper … then only outlaws will have toilet paper?

/working on a slogan … not there yet

Paul-Cincy on September 23, 2013 at 9:26 PM

Exactly what are the troops supposed to be doing there? Holding guns to the heads of factory workers until they turn out more rolls?

Socratease on September 23, 2013 at 9:28 PM

This is what old newspapers and magazines were for. I guess they’ll have to use their hands.

/winning the future
/forward!

Paul-Cincy on September 23, 2013 at 9:28 PM

Hey little girl, want some candy toilet paper?

TXUS on September 23, 2013 at 9:38 PM

Shadowy media smear campaigns, hostile and imperialistic foreign powers, conspiratorial political opponents, and lazy and greedy businessmen not pulling their weight: The list of the not-at-all-systemically-economic problems plaguing Venezuela’s otherwise perfect top-down socialist bureaucracy that just won’t die.

Since they’re BFFs with the Iranians, they should just blame it on all those owls, eagles and sparrows that have been trained as aerial spies.

Oh, and let’s not forget the ninja squirrel saboteurs.

clear ether

eon

eon on September 23, 2013 at 9:40 PM

Sherl Crow sitting on an ack-ack soon?

wolly4321 on September 23, 2013 at 9:42 PM

…how is Sean Penn going to wipe his as$?

KOOLAID2 on September 23, 2013 at 9:42 PM

Chicago Public Schools Also Are Facing a Toilet Paper Shortage:

http://dailycaller.com/2013/09/23/venezuela-chicago-public-schools-face-toilet-paper-shortages/

bw222 on September 23, 2013 at 9:43 PM

All we are saying, is give (1) peace a chance.

wolly4321 on September 23, 2013 at 9:43 PM

First shortages, then mass killings.

Socialism, the Workers’ Paradise!

PattyJ on September 23, 2013 at 9:48 PM

Glorious socialist paradise stations troops at toilet-paper factory for some reason

I fear the day is coming where we will have no room to make fun of Venezuela.

Dr. ZhivBlago on September 23, 2013 at 9:48 PM

I believe every actress and female singer in America struggle through with just one square per session. Something special about these white latinos?

BL@KBIRD on September 23, 2013 at 9:51 PM

Shadowy media smear campaigns, hostile and imperialistic foreign powers, conspiratorial political opponents, and lazy and greedy businessmen not pulling their weight: The list of the not-at-all-systemically-economic problems plaguing Venezuela’s otherwise perfect top-down socialist bureaucracy that just won’t die.

That could describe our current administration.

cozmo on September 23, 2013 at 9:53 PM

Why that’s odd. Last time I was at the store they had numerous choices and some was even on sale, of which I hauled out my trusty credit card and went home with multiple packages.

Maybe they had a sale too?

kim roy on September 23, 2013 at 9:53 PM

Old Skool: The Tea Party.

New Skool: The Toilet Party.

Bishop on September 23, 2013 at 10:01 PM

Socialism causes dingleberrys.

wolly4321 on September 23, 2013 at 10:02 PM

But yeah, you can have my toilet paper when you pry it from my…well you know.

Bishop on September 23, 2013 at 10:02 PM

I fear the day is coming where we will have no room to make fun of Venezuela.

Dr. ZhivBlago on September 23, 2013 at 9:48 PM

Excellent observation, seriously. We are but one roll of TP away from VZ. First, they will go after two-ply sheets, then after we go to one-ply, they’ll limit the number of sheets per wipe. Then, they’ll say that we need to wipe every other time with corn cobs, which they’ll call “natural cleansing.” After that, they’ll require us to use a hose, calling it a “flexible bidet”, but then limit the hose diameter and squirt time.

This is called “taking control by taking control of the asses”.

TXUS on September 23, 2013 at 10:06 PM

They should go french and install butt showers. What are they called ? Bedouits or something?

I wouldn’t know.

Worst case scenario, I head to the woods. Find a leaf.

wolly4321 on September 23, 2013 at 10:10 PM

At least in the Ladies room couldn’t they just put one of those electric hand dryers lower on the wall with the nozzle turned up?

countrybumpkin on September 23, 2013 at 10:12 PM

TXUS on September 23, 2013 at 10:06 PM

If that wasn’t so close to the truth, it would be hilariously funny.

Barred on September 23, 2013 at 10:14 PM

If only they had oil.

/

mankai on September 23, 2013 at 10:20 PM

We should send $4 billion.

wolly4321 on September 23, 2013 at 10:32 PM

The new toilet-paper manufacturers: “Raw materials? What are these raw materials? AAh, take them over too!”

slickwillie2001 on September 23, 2013 at 10:39 PM

Occupoopers were not available for on-the-air, play-by-play analysis.

Yoop on September 23, 2013 at 10:47 PM

Oh, when you said ‘glorious socialist paradise’ … I thought you meant here.

Axion on September 23, 2013 at 11:39 PM

WIth all the laughs and guffaws at the One Wipe Charlie question, I’ll bet those in Venezuela wish they had access to this capitalist offering: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FOae1V1-Xg

Shaughnessy on September 23, 2013 at 11:46 PM

This story is only skid deep.

ExpressoBold on September 23, 2013 at 11:51 PM

Occupational hazard when living in a third world sh*thole.

Mr. Whipple is finally happy as no one is squeezing the Charman.
. . There is no Charman.

Bubba Redneck on September 24, 2013 at 12:03 AM

“There is no deficiency in production,” Commerce Minister Alejandro Fleming said in May according to ATV, “but an excessive demand generating purchases by a nervous population because of a media campaign.”

Oh $hit!

trigon on September 24, 2013 at 12:21 AM

They’ve also suggested the problem is tied to a broader conspiracy.

Holy $hit!

trigon on September 24, 2013 at 12:22 AM

A Venezuelan state agency on Friday ordered the temporary takeover of a factory that produces toilet paper in what it called an effort to ensure consistent supplies after embarrassing shortages earlier this year.

No $hit, Sherlock!

trigon on September 24, 2013 at 12:23 AM

Worst case scenario, I head to the woods. Find a leaf.

wolly4321 on September 23, 2013 at 10:10 PM

Do you know what poison ivy looks like? If not you’d better take a crash course in plant identification.

Oldnuke on September 24, 2013 at 12:46 AM

The great writer Francois Rabelais wrote a chapter on which is the best thing to wipe with. He concluded a goose neck was best.

birdwatcher on September 24, 2013 at 7:08 AM

Stranded, Stranded on the toilet bowl!
What do you do when you’re stranded, and you don’t have a roll?
Well to prove you’re a man you must wipe it with your hand.

birdwatcher on September 24, 2013 at 7:13 AM

Never use the phrase “smear campaign” in a news story about toilet paper. Just sayin’.

DarthBrooks on September 24, 2013 at 8:08 AM

The people are converging on the TP factory so they can get loads of the cheap and abundant item (made available by the glorious revolution) that they can use in their daily celebrations of the easy life that Socialist policies always bring with them.

I can’t imagine any other possible explanation.

mankai on September 24, 2013 at 8:30 AM

Sean Penn backed this caricature of a country. Move down there Sean Penn and show solidarity to Venezuelans, after all you contributed to the debacle.

latina on September 24, 2013 at 9:23 AM

Old Skool: The Tea Party.

New Skool: The Toilet Party.

Bishop on September 23, 2013 at 10:01 PM

But they’re both TP.

GWB on September 24, 2013 at 9:37 AM

And, I think the government is probably right – it’s not a problem of supply, but of demand. Because the government is full of … well, you know.

GWB on September 24, 2013 at 9:39 AM

Do the toilet factory workers belong to a union? In such a wonderful socialist paradise you would think they would have to be.

Do the Venezuelan union leaders act like American union leaders? If so, I am just waiting for the union to call a strike. When the government throws the lot of them in jail, we can see just how phony union centered socialism is.

bartbeast on September 24, 2013 at 10:23 AM

We should do a donation drive and ship them as many Krugman columns as we can find.

JeremiahJohnson on September 24, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Remind me not to shake hands with a Venezuelan.

Hill60 on September 24, 2013 at 10:56 AM

Do your part; start paying illegal immigrant day laborers with TP.

BobMbx on September 24, 2013 at 1:47 PM