Video: Every dumb superhero movie trailer ever

posted at 6:01 pm on August 5, 2013 by Allahpundit

To cleanse the palate, a rare example of a viral hit that doesn’t suffer from being overlong. The (brilliant) editor who made it intended it, it seems, as a loving pastiche, but I think it works better as parody. Nothing drives home how creatively stultified Hollywood’s become than sitting through six solid minutes of things blowing up in your face while actors in tights from a hundred different movies gaze heroically at the green screens before them. Force yourself to watch to the end; it’ll save you 70-80 bucks of thrill-seeking at the theater over the next year.

Given the colossal success of “The Avengers” in knitting different superhero strands together, I figure “Eterna” will end up being greenlit before the year is out.


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There is more creativity in a seven second Vines video than in Hollywood today…

And it’s free.

THAT is the problem.

Old business model……kind of like companies still producing a morning newspaper.

PappyD61 on August 5, 2013 at 6:08 PM

Vines is the new YouTube.

Google: Disco Grandma or Girl at a restaurant, Vines

For a culture that is already ADD ADHD ADHHHD, this is just what we need.

/

PappyD61 on August 5, 2013 at 6:11 PM

My 18 year old son’s deadpan comment about 3/4 of the way through: “This looks like a realy cool movie.”

IronDioPriest on August 5, 2013 at 6:14 PM

I didn’t see Yoda or any other jedis.

tommer74 on August 5, 2013 at 6:17 PM

Is Leonidas a “superhero” in the traditional sense, or was he included because of the comic book aspect of 300.

Bishop on August 5, 2013 at 6:20 PM

So, what? Are all atheist beta-males a buzz kill on all things awesome?

(O.k. some of those movies I can do without)

ThePrez on August 5, 2013 at 6:23 PM

I love the epic story, but I don’t need to see more than one or two movies a year. At the rate they’re churning them out I’ll never see them all.

Fenris on August 5, 2013 at 6:27 PM

I didn’t see Yoda or any other jedis.

tommer74 on August 5, 2013 at 6:17 PM

Thank God. Star Wars has long overstayed its welcome and I hope it dies a horrible death and is wiped out of mankind’s collective memory for all eternity (yes, I am aware of the irony of my saying this with this username).

Darth Executor on August 5, 2013 at 6:30 PM

epic

Grunt on August 5, 2013 at 6:39 PM

When every movie is ‘written in ALL CAPS’, then none of them are. Feh.

somewhatconcerned on August 5, 2013 at 6:42 PM

How many people has an epileptic shock because of the trailer?

Oil Can on August 5, 2013 at 6:42 PM

Not overly long? Says who?

Warner Todd Huston on August 5, 2013 at 6:53 PM

I can never figure out what parts of reality and every day life are supposed to be fabulously/mysteriously represented by the these guys in tights.

BL@KBIRD on August 5, 2013 at 6:57 PM

Instead of calling that a trailer they should sell it as “Next generic superhero movie with all the poorly-written, poorly-delivered dialogue cut out,” because that’s basically what it is. Truthfully when that’s been stripped away I’m surprised they got a full six minutes out of all those films combined.

alchemist19 on August 5, 2013 at 7:02 PM

Missing: “he IS the Kwisatz Haderach”

batterup on August 5, 2013 at 7:08 PM

Thank God. Star Wars has long overstayed its welcome and I hope it dies a horrible death and is wiped out of mankind’s collective memory for all eternity (yes, I am aware of the irony of my saying this with this username).

Darth Executor on August 5, 2013 at 6:30 PM

I will always be grateful to Star Wars for the character of Darth Vader because every time some liberal twit says that some group or other should be forced to toe the liberal line I can say, “You sound just like Darth Vader when he was talking to his girl about how people don’t make the right choices and telling her “someone should make them” not long before he goes and kills all the Jedi children.” Then I’ll say, “I bet you are pro-choice too.”

Lily on August 5, 2013 at 7:10 PM

man wouldn’t it be great if the kraken showed up on the Potomac?

unseen on August 5, 2013 at 7:14 PM

I liked it… :)

ellifint on August 5, 2013 at 7:21 PM

yeah this isn’t a superhero trailer. looks like its a “hero”. Got Narnia, airbender, 300, 2012 etc in it. And of course all the superheros.

unseen on August 5, 2013 at 7:21 PM

man wouldn’t it be great if the kraken showed up on the Potomac?

It did…they call it Obama.

b1jetmech on August 5, 2013 at 7:22 PM

There is more creativity in a seven second Vines video than in Hollywood today…

And it’s free.

THAT is the problem.

Old business model……kind of like companies still producing a morning newspaper.

PappyD61 on August 5, 2013 at 6:08 PM

But, but, but Hollywood won inclusion of its gross costs into the positive side of the GDP ledger (no, seriously, it did, to the tune of approximately $23 billion for 2007).

Steve Eggleston on August 5, 2013 at 7:22 PM

Not overly long? Says who?

Warner Todd Huston on August 5, 2013 at 6:53 PM

About 6 minutes, 11 seconds too long, to be exact (no small feat considering the video runs 6:10).

Steve Eggleston on August 5, 2013 at 7:23 PM

It did…they call it Obama.

b1jetmech on August 5, 2013 at 7:22 PM

Nah Obama is the papa smurf with a beard.

unseen on August 5, 2013 at 7:25 PM

Pretty nifty, but the sudden black screen that fades into the next scene got old after the fourth or fifth time.

Count to 10 on August 5, 2013 at 7:27 PM

hmmm couple movies in there I have no idea what they are. Think I might rewatch 300 epic movie.

unseen on August 5, 2013 at 7:27 PM

hmmm couple movies in there I have no idea what they are. Think I might rewatch 300 epic movie.

unseen on August 5, 2013 at 7:27 PM

Anybody know what that whole “one guy on a catwalk staring the flowing wall of fire” thing was from?

Count to 10 on August 5, 2013 at 7:31 PM

Anybody know what that whole “one guy on a catwalk staring the flowing wall of fire” thing was from?

Count to 10 on August 5, 2013 at 7:31 PM

one of these I guess.

05:24:20 Avatar
05:26:05 To the Wonder
05:27:03 The Tree of Life
05:28:10 Knowing
05:31:08 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
05:34:06 Sunshine

unseen on August 5, 2013 at 7:48 PM

Anybody know what that whole “one guy on a catwalk staring the flowing wall of fire” thing was from?

Count to 10 on August 5, 2013 at 7:31 PM

Sunshine. Not bad, saw it a couple weeks ago.

ZenDraken on August 5, 2013 at 7:53 PM

Count to 10 on August 5, 2013 at 7:31 PM

looks like this one

Sunshine:

Sunshine is a 2007 British science fiction adventure thriller film directed by Danny Boyle. The film was adapted from a screenplay written by Alex Garland about the crew of a spacecraft on a dangerous mission to the Sun.

unseen on August 5, 2013 at 7:53 PM

I guess I am alone, This is monotonous KRAPP. The same over and over. “Next movie let’s giv’em more of the same, that’ll sell! What? Dialogue? Nah.”

Has anyone bought a soundtrack album since The Godfather? Just overloud subwoofer fare.

FOWG1 on August 5, 2013 at 7:58 PM

Has anyone bought a soundtrack album since The Godfather? Just overloud subwoofer fare.

FOWG1 on August 5, 2013 at 7:58 PM

Last one I bought was We were soldiers. Great soundtrack.

unseen on August 5, 2013 at 7:59 PM

man wouldn’t it be great if the kraken showed up on the Potomac?

unseen on August 5, 2013 at 7:14 PM

The kraken, released

Anti-Control on August 5, 2013 at 8:50 PM

Has anyone bought a soundtrack album since The Godfather? Just overloud subwoofer fare.

FOWG1 on August 5, 2013 at 7:58 PM

Somebody I know calls SF movie scores “pseudo-Wagner”. Too loud, too overwrought, and way too long. And that’s not including James Horner doing the same damn score over and over again. (Practically every score he does is a re-orch of Battle Beyond The Stars .) I grant you, The Rocketeer was different-and probably the best thing he ever did.

Personally, I mainly listen to Bernard Herrmann and Ennio Morricone in the soundtrack department. Plus some Leith Stevens and Russell Garcia. The Time Machine is worth more than all the Star Wars scores put together.

cheers

eon

eon on August 5, 2013 at 9:40 PM

I can never figure out what parts of reality and every day life are supposed to be fabulously/mysteriously represented by the these guys in tights.

BL@KBIRD on August 5, 2013 at 6:57 PM

I don’t know- maybe this?;

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/news/gay-narcissistic-and-kinky–batman-as-you-always-suspected-him-to-be-8745560.html?printService=print

As a heterosexual male, I appreciate super-women in skintight costumes. I’ve always been rather disappointed that the movies have never gotten the Black Widow exactly right, or Catwoman even close. (And let’s not even talk about Batgirl.)

As for super-men…. ehh. They should take a tip from Don Pendleton’s Mack Bolan; lose the tights and the capes, go for camo or basic black.

And for crying out loud, get a firearm and learn to use it. The Widow is about the most sensible “super-hero” in movies or comics.

PS to the Punisher; lose the skull T-shirt, already. And the “teeth” on the belt just look dumb. Other than that, you’re doing OK.

cheers

eon

eon on August 5, 2013 at 9:53 PM

I was looking for John Creasy from “Man on Fire.”

flataffect on August 5, 2013 at 10:08 PM

DUDE…!!!

Seven Percent Solution on August 5, 2013 at 11:14 PM

I didn’t see Yoda

tommer74 on August 5, 2013 at 6:17 PM

I think I found him in a different movie (NSFW).

Shy Guy on August 5, 2013 at 11:31 PM

Pretty awesome I must say

sadsushi on August 5, 2013 at 11:37 PM

I liked it…..but really 6 minutes?

I’d rather have the 7 second version. :-)

PappyD61 on August 5, 2013 at 11:39 PM

Halle Berry….Catwoman?

Purrrrrrrrrrfect!

PappyD61 on August 5, 2013 at 11:40 PM

I with ya AP. Hollywood is total formulaic, blindingly artificial dreck. I wouldn’t watch a Hollywood movie if your paid ME the $12 or whatever a ticket costs.

Movies are just a crap format of visual media. Way, way too short for interesting character developments, interaction, and plot building. And too long for tidy storytelling.

Shows are such a superior medium its ridiculous that the morons even still consume movies at all. Since everybody seems familiar with it by now, just imagine how shttey a Game of Thrones movie adaptation would be. Point made.

Daikokuco on August 5, 2013 at 11:53 PM

Has anyone bought a soundtrack album since The Godfather? Just overloud subwoofer fare.

FOWG1 on August 5, 2013 at 7:58 PM

I’ve been collecting up the Lord of the Rings soundtracks.

And I’d like to pick up the Tron soundtrack at some point or another.

On the other hand, I mostly listen to them when I’m doing paper pushing, and so bored that I need music to keep me awake.

Voyager on August 6, 2013 at 3:48 AM

Well, that was fun. Sorry there wasn’t more LOTR in there, but the close-up of Thranduil was great. Now it is that Nick Cage gets so much screen time in this?

IdrilofGondolin on August 6, 2013 at 9:50 AM

Is Jennifer Aniston in it?

SomeCallMeJohn on August 7, 2013 at 8:23 AM