To cleanse the palate, I thought the sub-moronic “chink in the armor” fake controversy on Wednesday would be the low point of this week’s sensitivity chronicles, but wait until Seattle’s civil-rights officer gets done explaining to you the perils of using the term “brown bag” to describe a brown bag. Civil rights in Seattle must be in glorious shape if this is what they’re doing with their time now. The perfect ending to a long, dumb, slow (with one very notable exception) summer news cycle.

If you have only a few minutes, skip the video clip below and listen to the radio interview with the officer instead. Exit question: Why not start referring to citizens as “the documented” instead?