Breaking: Obama vigorously defends drone policy that most of the public already supports

posted at 4:01 pm on May 23, 2013 by Allahpundit

Here’s the transcript. I defy you to tell me what the point of the speech is. The reaction among conservative twitterati is nearly unanimous: The speech is a distraction, designed to knock Scandalmania off the front page. I disagree, just because … there’s nothing here that’s distracting. He’s offering a robust defense of drone warfare to a public that already accepts it. The speech is really just an unusually exhaustive compendium of the foreign-policy establishment’s favorite counterterror bromides. Foreign Policy magazine has a Cliff’s Notes version of the four major takeaways, but none of them are actually major. He wants to close Gitmo, which we knew; he kinda likes the idea of independent oversight on drone strikes but maybe not too much, which we could have guessed; he wants to codify drone practices to make sure they’re used as narrowly as possible, but an Obama official couldn’t tell FP how that differs from the current policy; oh, and he thinks it’s time to stop thinking of this as a “boundless” global war on terror and start thinking in terms of discrete actions, which is semantic nonsense. No one, George Bush included, has done more to make the war on terror more “global” and “boundless” than The One. The whole story of his counterterror strategy from the beginning has been to extend operations to countries like Yemen and Libya and who knows where else special forces are now currently operating. His goal here, to the extent there was any goal at all, was to get the public to see him as someone who’s shrinking and narrowing the WoT when his actions indicate the opposite.

A few key passages. Here he is explaining that Pakistanis were enraged by having American boots on the ground during the Bin Laden raid, which is why we need to focus more on … drone strikes, which also enrage Pakistanis. Wait, what?

To put it another way, our operation in Pakistan against Osama bin Laden cannot be the norm. The risks in that case were immense; the likelihood of capture, although our preference, was remote given the certainty of resistance; the fact that we did not find ourselves confronted with civilian casualties, or embroiled in an extended firefight, was a testament to the meticulous planning and professionalism of our Special Forces – but also depended on some luck. And even then, the cost to our relationship with Pakistan – and the backlash among the Pakistani public over encroachment on their territory – was so severe that we are just now beginning to rebuild this important partnership.

It is in this context that the United States has taken lethal, targeted action against al Qaeda and its associated forces, including with remotely piloted aircraft commonly referred to as drones.

Here’s his response to Rand Paul’s filibuster:

This week, I authorized the declassification of this action, and the deaths of three other Americans in drone strikes, to facilitate transparency and debate on this issue, and to dismiss some of the more outlandish claims. For the record, I do not believe it would be constitutional for the government to target and kill any U.S. citizen – with a drone, or a shotgun – without due process. Nor should any President deploy armed drones over U.S. soil.

But when a U.S. citizen goes abroad to wage war against America – and is actively plotting to kill U.S. citizens; and when neither the United States, nor our partners are in a position to capture him before he carries out a plot – his citizenship should no more serve as a shield than a sniper shooting down on an innocent crowd should be protected from a swat team.

That’s who Anwar Awlaki was – he was continuously trying to kill people.

So there you go: No summary executions of American citizens unless you’re plotting terror and you can’t be captured, which is the same policy that was stated in the DOJ’s “white paper” on targeting Awlaki months ago. Nothing new here, unless you consider him ruling out drone strikes on U.S. soil as news. That was always implied by the white paper’s criteria that a target be beyond the reach of capture, though. If you’re on American soil, almost by definition you’re in a position to be captured. Also, note that Alwaki’s teenaged son, who was killed incidentally while in the presence of another jihadi who was being targeted, fits none of the above criteria. He wasn’t plotting and he certainly didn’t get due process. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, as many other drone victims have been, which is one of the main reasons Pakistanis aren’t any more pro-Predator than they are pro-military raid.

Finally, I suspect this bit is designed to give him a little cover if/when the public starts demanding to know why he hasn’t sent in troops to Libya to grab the five Benghazi suspects the feds have identified:

Where foreign governments cannot or will not effectively stop terrorism in their territory, the primary alternative to targeted, lethal action is the use of conventional military options. As I’ve said, even small Special Operations carry enormous risks. Conventional airpower or missiles are far less precise than drones, and likely to cause more civilian casualties and local outrage. And invasions of these territories lead us to be viewed as occupying armies; unleash a torrent of unintended consequences; are difficult to contain; and ultimately empower those who thrive on violent conflict. So it is false to assert that putting boots on the ground is less likely to result in civilian deaths, or to create enemies in the Muslim world. The result would be more U.S. deaths, more Blackhawks down, more confrontations with local populations, and an inevitable mission creep in support of such raids that could easily escalate into new wars…

To repeat, as a matter of policy, the preference of the United States is to capture terrorist suspects. When we do detain a suspect, we interrogate them. And if the suspect can be prosecuted, we decide whether to try him in a civilian court or a Military Commission. During the past decade, the vast majority of those detained by our military were captured on the battlefield. In Iraq, we turned over thousands of prisoners as we ended the war. In Afghanistan, we have transitioned detention facilities to the Afghans, as part of the process of restoring Afghan sovereignty. So we bring law of war detention to an end, and we are committed to prosecuting terrorists whenever we can.

You don’t want to drone the Benghazi five because we’re “committed to prosecuting terrorists whenever we can” and because the friendly-ish Libyan government might be able to help us capture them instead. On the other hand, capture is a verrrrry risky proposition. So for the moment we’re sitting tight and waiting while prosecutors build a case, a.k.a. while Obama figures out a way to proceed that’ll involve the least amount of risk.

Anyway, “distraction” over. If people are still talking about the speech six hours from now, I’ll be shocked. While we wait to find out, via Mediaite, here’s Code Pink making The One’s week even more unpleasant than it already was. To borrow a line made famous by his former pastor, in light of Obama’s history with the group, consider this a case of the chickens having come home to roost.


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Obama drones on.

Schadenfreude on May 23, 2013 at 4:04 PM

OT, the real voter suppression of 2012

This is what all the scandals s/b about.

Obama’s speech today…terrorism…a word he suppressed all along. He’s just diverting stupid minds.

Schadenfreude on May 23, 2013 at 4:05 PM

Hah, Drudge top/center “Obama to drone less”.

Schadenfreude on May 23, 2013 at 4:06 PM

I disagree, just because … there’s nothing here that’s distracting.

Yes, there is. The scandals right now would be best defused by decisive action. Obama doesn’t have the balls to take any of that kind of action, due likely to his complicity, so instead he shows strength and determination by standing up for something with which the larger public agrees with. Lazy, cheap politics that will probably resonate with a few LIVs.

MadisonConservative on May 23, 2013 at 4:07 PM

He killed Osama bin laden just in case you forgot

cmsinaz on May 23, 2013 at 4:07 PM

Obama’s muzzie brothers win, again.

Schadenfreude on May 23, 2013 at 4:07 PM

Since tomorrow is the Friday before a long Holiday weekend, expect a big ol’ document drop around 5 pm Eastern.

Stu Gotts on May 23, 2013 at 4:07 PM

At the end, Obama’s prompter had a line about the heckler.

TOTUS is a genius.

faraway on May 23, 2013 at 4:07 PM

Squirrel..!

d1carter on May 23, 2013 at 4:07 PM

Obama drones on.

Schadenfreude on May 23, 2013 at 4:04 PM

Close ‘er up. No need for further comments here.

Common Sense Floridian on May 23, 2013 at 4:08 PM

Those are some delicious chickens roosting there.

geojed on May 23, 2013 at 4:08 PM

This speech was awesome showed leadership
-lsm

cmsinaz on May 23, 2013 at 4:08 PM

Nincompoop.

LetsBfrank on May 23, 2013 at 4:09 PM

Yepper d1carter

cmsinaz on May 23, 2013 at 4:09 PM

A commenter in one of the other threads said that Barky read part of his response to the heckler from TOTUS. I’m not really seeing it. Anyone?

bofh on May 23, 2013 at 4:09 PM

“These are tough issues. And the suggestion that we can gloss over them is wrong”

He cracks me up. People fall for this stuff.

faraway on May 23, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Look everybody! I am so important! I do so know what’s going on! Except about all that stuff I didn’t, which is only a distraction from the important stuff like this that I do know about! – Barack Obama

NoDonkey on May 23, 2013 at 4:10 PM

How did this mental midget get elected?

tom daschle concerned on May 23, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Mam if you don’t shut up I’m going to order a drone strike right now.

tommer74 on May 23, 2013 at 4:10 PM

His advisors have just informed him that he’s been using drones to take out the enemy. Now he’s telling us.

You right wingers haven’t learned anything this month.

LetsBfrank on May 23, 2013 at 4:11 PM

Were his handlers told not to remove Madea..? BTW, how did she get in the meeting..?

d1carter on May 23, 2013 at 4:11 PM

The lsm will carry the story thru tomorrow me thinks

cmsinaz on May 23, 2013 at 4:11 PM

I’m not really seeing it. Anyone?

bofh on May 23, 2013 at 4:09 PM

The Mediaite video above is incomplete.

He summed up the points at the end, and moved his from side to side reading TOTUS, without skipping a beat.

faraway on May 23, 2013 at 4:11 PM

Barack Obama – High Judge, Jury and Executioner.

VorDaj on May 23, 2013 at 4:11 PM

He’s a great reader, isn’t he? Swoon.

/HAL

either orr on May 23, 2013 at 4:12 PM

Did he really say

“Part of free speech is you listening “?

BobMbx on May 23, 2013 at 4:12 PM

How did this mental midget get elected?

tom daschle concerned on May 23, 2013 at 4:10 PM

All scandals of last year lead to his illegitimacy. He is a Thug in Chief.

Schadenfreude on May 23, 2013 at 4:12 PM

I defy you to tell me what the point of the speech is

This last week, even some of the lefties have been coming out expressing their disappointment in how his administration is handling things. Trying to pacify them and keep up support for midterm elections. How long has this speech been planned? Maybe those liberal reporters huddling in the west wing suggested he address it.

MississippiMom on May 23, 2013 at 4:14 PM

Barack Obama – High Judge, Jury and Executioner.

VorDaj on May 23, 2013 at 4:11 PM

Clint Eastwood!

Del Dolemonte on May 23, 2013 at 4:14 PM

Well apparently Obama is a Trekkie, and since the new movie sticks it to his drone program, he probably felt the need to defend himself to fellow Trekkies. BestI can come up with…

Jack_Burton on May 23, 2013 at 4:14 PM

“Let me be clear. I am giving a speech that has no substance or meaning, and am going to present both sides of the issues, because that is what I do. I look at both sides of an issue, study it meticulously, run it past Val and the boys, then my buds in the press in a closed door meeting, and then issue a sternly-worded letter.

In this particular instance, I have decided to issue a sternly-worded speech to show you how Presidential and above the fray I can be.

Plus it has been a couple of days since I have been talked about in a high and lofty manner, as all of this noise in the news has been taking away from my awesome-awesomeness, and I am not feeling enough praise and worship from my people.”

Tenwheeler on May 23, 2013 at 4:14 PM

I didn’t see the entire speech, did he mention the beheading in the streets of London..?

d1carter on May 23, 2013 at 4:14 PM

And even then, the cost to our relationship with Pakistan – and the backlash among the Pakistani public over encroachment on their territory – was so severe that we are just now beginning to rebuild this important partnership.

What TF ? Is Hussein telling us that pakis had always luved USA and because of that binLaden kill operation , they no longer luv us ?
Really ?
Pakis used to luv us ? When was that ?
Someone should tell Hussein that just because pakis luved him in the past, that didn’t mean they luved USA.

burrata on May 23, 2013 at 4:15 PM

Obama is either one of the Three Monkeys of Oblivion, along with Hillary and Holder, or one of the Three Stooges, or a tyrannical thug.

Pick your Obama.

Schadenfreude on May 23, 2013 at 4:15 PM

I sure hope it, (droning less), doesn’t screw up his golf game.

Rovin on May 23, 2013 at 4:15 PM

Trekkie? He wouldn’t even make a decent TRIBBLE!

Trekkies everywhere are outraged!

Tenwheeler on May 23, 2013 at 4:15 PM

Anyone else notice how he slipped in that little zinger, “el Qaeda is just a shell of its former self?” He throws stuff like that out just as the audience is starting to nod off and might miss it.

a capella on May 23, 2013 at 4:15 PM

Barack Obama – the talking ass.

VorDaj on May 23, 2013 at 4:16 PM

The trolls are in re-ed at this hour.

Schadenfreude on May 23, 2013 at 4:16 PM

From Jim Hoft:

Oops. Unforced error.
Obama finally referred to the Fort Hood massacre today as “violent jihad” not “workplace violence.”

“Deranged or alienated individuals often US citizens or legal residents can do enormous damage. Particularly when inspired by larger notions of violent jihad. That pull towards extremism tends to have led to the shooting at Fort Hood and the bombing of the Boston Marathon.”

Albeit with some fancy parsing, the CIC finally admitted it. The DOD should award those Purple Hearts and full benefits to survivors.

INC on May 23, 2013 at 4:16 PM

Plus it has been a couple of days since I have been talked about in a high and lofty manner, as all of this noise in the news has been taking away from my awesome-awesomeness, and I am not feeling enough praise and worship from my people.”

Tenwheeler on May 23, 2013 at 4:14 PM

Its clear he absolutely despises anyone who doesn’t agree with him, or simply has something to say he doesn’t want to hear.

BobMbx on May 23, 2013 at 4:16 PM

Could we be seeing some sort of pattern developing with all these lonewolves killing innocent people..?

d1carter on May 23, 2013 at 4:17 PM

Allahpundit,

What’s the purpose of the speech?

To embarrass those Star Trek Into Darkness actors who said the movie was about Bush.

gwelf on May 23, 2013 at 4:18 PM

Any reporter that has to set through that horrible voice of that lying forked snake bho should get hazard pay! I can not stand to listen to him for 10 seconds!

Wonder how many times ‘I’ was used?
L

letget on May 23, 2013 at 4:19 PM

Tenwheeler,
I agree 100 percent!

Jack_Burton on May 23, 2013 at 4:19 PM

Could we be seeing some sort of pattern developing with all these lonewolves killing innocent people..?

d1carter on May 23, 2013 at 4:17 PM

Y’mean when they also yell the same two word phrase while committing an atrocity?

a capella on May 23, 2013 at 4:20 PM

BREAKING:

Julia is real!

This is not going to go over well at the Obama dinner table tonight.

BobMbx on May 23, 2013 at 4:21 PM

I defy you to tell me what the point of the speech is

He wants his worshippers to believe that he is working , in between his partying and golfing ?
I mean, isn’t he getting ready to vacay on our dime AGAIN ?
I’m sure them fluffers in the media are convinced about the back breaking work Hussein has been putting in , after this speech !

burrata on May 23, 2013 at 4:21 PM

I’m thinking at first that this speech was in response to Rand Paul’s Epic Filibuster. But this cannot be, because that happen over two months ago! Did it really take him two months to come up with a response?

BigGator5 on May 23, 2013 at 4:22 PM

He knows nothing about Benghazi, IRS, media surveillance……

d1carter on May 23, 2013 at 4:22 PM

Maybe there is about to be a “drone scandal” and he is getting out in front of it? It will all make sense later?

Kristamatic on May 23, 2013 at 4:22 PM

Gateway Pundit thinks the only good takeaway is this:

Obama Calls Fort Hood: “Violent Jihad” not “Workplace Violence” During Drone Speech

http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2013/05/oops-obama-calls-fort-hood-violent-jihad-not-workplace-violence-during-drone-speech-video/

Fallon on May 23, 2013 at 4:22 PM

So, about the IRS….

MTF on May 23, 2013 at 4:23 PM

INC on May 23, 2013 at 4:16 PM

Oopsie! Aw, durnit, INC. I must learn to refresh. Glad it was you, lol…

Fallon on May 23, 2013 at 4:24 PM

An insufferable ass is an insufferable ass, of course, of course
And no one can talk sense to an insufferable ass, of course
And especially, of course, if the insufferable ass is the famous Barack Obama
Go right to the source and ask the insufferable ass
He’ll give you the answer that deceivers will endorse
He’s always on a dissemblers course
Talk to Barack Obama

Barack Obama just yakkity yaks a streak and wastes your time of day
Does any sane person even believe anymore a single thing he has to say?
An insufferable ass is an insufferable ass, of course, of course
And this one’ll talk in prevaricating circles til his voice is hoarse
You never heard of a talking insufferable ass?
Well, listen to this
He is Barack Obama!

Cheshire Cat on May 23, 2013 at 4:25 PM

The speech is a distraction, designed to knock Scandalmania off the front page. I disagree, just because … there’s nothing here that’s distracting.

Of course there isn’t … yet. Tomorrow, which is Friday, there might be since it is document/news dump day. This weekend there might be or even early next week.

These pronouncements aren’t always a defense of something from the past. Sometimes there are a prepping for the future.

I’d be asking myself what he plans to do that will actually be a distraction that, while being very controversial (controversial enough to knock the scandals off radar for a few weeks) will also be an action that will garner him positive pubic opinion.

Killing all five Libyan terrorists in drone strikes?

Taking out Assad with one?

Dusty on May 23, 2013 at 4:25 PM

You don’t want to drone the Benghazi five because we’re “committed to prosecuting terrorists whenever we can” and because the friendly-ish Libyan government might be able to help us capture them instead.

That friendly-ish Libyan government doesn’t have Tripoli secure. How are they going to get terrorists in Benghazi?

I think the point of the speech was to portray himself as a clueless incompetent.

rbj on May 23, 2013 at 4:27 PM

Fallon on May 23, 2013 at 4:22 PM

I wonder if he was on the teleprompter when he said that or had wandered off into those dangerous extemporaneous bushes again.

a capella on May 23, 2013 at 4:27 PM

A drone’s got to know its limitations.

de rigueur on May 23, 2013 at 4:28 PM

Obama’s drone policy is one of the few things he has done well

gerrym51 on May 23, 2013 at 4:30 PM

Albeit with some fancy parsing, the CIC finally admitted it. The DOD should award those Purple Hearts and full benefits to survivors.

INC on May 23, 2013 at 4:16 PM

Absolutely! The handling of that has been, like so much else from this administration, abominable. In a just universe (heh) that would be right up there with Banghazi demanding a thorough investigation of the disgraceful behavior of those that are supposed to be in charge.

bofh on May 23, 2013 at 4:30 PM

O believes his community is disorganized so – speech! It’s muscle memory.

LetsBfrank on May 23, 2013 at 4:31 PM

I listened and laughed repeatedly. He truly is as Paul Ryan said, a pyromaniac in field of strawmen! It was PATHETIC!! He didn’t say anything!

Getting heckled from the left was comedy gold for me!! Finally a principled anti-war heckler!!

JAM on May 23, 2013 at 4:32 PM

This just an attempt to distract the public and his media water carriers from #Scanalpalooza.

jawkneemusic on May 23, 2013 at 4:33 PM

Maybe Fabozz pissed him off yesterday. Just to be clear…

It’s grimly amusing to think that Obama has more legal power to execute Lerner with a drone strike than he has to fire her from her government job.

Fabozz on May 22, 2013 at 4:54 PM

txhsmom on May 23, 2013 at 4:33 PM

I think the point of the speech was to portray himself as a clueless incompetent.

rbj on May 23, 2013 at 4:27 PM

STATEGERY!!!

txhsmom on May 23, 2013 at 4:35 PM

Couldn’t the same standards used to justify targeting Awlaki be used to justify taking out Bill Ayers? Or Andrew Breitbart? Oops, I forgot they already got him.

I understand Awlaki was not actually plotting terror attacks, but was more a spiritual mentor of those who were. If this is the case, then his killing is really “the shot heard round the world” in the growing police state silent war our elites are waging against us.

See how the standards for drone-killings have shifted from targeting those who are actively engaged in carrying out attacks on the battlefield on foreign soil, to those who are merely allegedly plotting attacks. Rand Paul himself, conceded that drones could have been used to take out Dzhokar Tsarnaev during the manhunt for him. So now, merely being accused of having taken part in terrorist acts is enough to get one killed. Pretty soon, being accused of engaging in any activity that could threaten the interests or stability of the state will be enough to justify the targeted assassinations of American citizens.

It’s obvious that our ruling class is not seeking these new powers to keep us or them safe from Islamic terrorists; they don’t fear Islamic terrorists, if they did they’d stop importing them.

They fear us, and these new powers will ultimately be used against us.

sartana on May 23, 2013 at 4:35 PM

Here’s where President Obama is going with this shut down of Guitmo reincarnation.

What does Obama know? He knows what all Americans know and what all of our allies know. He knows, despite what he preaches, terrorism will never end, never go away. It’s called terrorism for a reason.

So he grimaces, pauses, and announces “It’s time for congress to finally shut down Guitmo”. He points out he wanted to shut it down in 2009, but congress stifled his efforts. He’s setting the table for what is inevitable. Because he also knows this – congress isn’t going to let him shut it down.

Then, weeks from now, months from now, when that next terrorist attack comes on our soil he can say “See what happens when congress doesn’t heed my advice? Because of the republicans, because they kept Guitmo open, because they taunt the terrorists by doing so, the terrorists have risen up in anger and attacked us”. Damn congress, should have listened to President Harvard Brainiac.

Obama is calculating and pure evil. And dumb enough to believe the war on terror is over.

fogw on May 23, 2013 at 4:35 PM

Crap!

STRATEGERY!!!

txhsmom on May 23, 2013 at 4:35 PM

Obama’s speeches remind me of Seinfeld.

A show about nothing.

fogw on May 23, 2013 at 4:39 PM

I listened and laughed repeatedly. He truly is as Paul Ryan said, a pyromaniac in field of strawmen! It was PATHETIC!! He didn’t say anything!

JAM on May 23, 2013 at 4:32 PM

Such individuals who lack ulterior motive have traditionally been referred to in layman’s terms simply as a variation of a pyromaniac. Most such maniacs lack conscious motivation although they are fully aware of the acts they are failing to stop or they themselves are committing. Typically they will feel intense pleasure, gratification, or relief when causing destruction or when witnessing or participating in the aftermath. Motivation is also classified as pathological and non-pathological. Some research suggests that feeling such joy at horrific situations is pathological. Other research suggests that some motivation for this comes from rational thought. Taking joy in horrific situations for envisioned gains in political power and/or the concealment of the imposition of devious plans are examples of supposed rational decision making.

I must say history has repeatedly and harshly proven that elevating such a profoundly disturbed man to the highest office in any country is never a good idea. Unfortunately it is a lesson that must be learned first hand in every nation and some of those nations survive and some do not

Sigmund on May 23, 2013 at 4:42 PM

Obama’s speeches remind me of Seinfeld.

A show about nothing.

fogw on May 23, 2013 at 4:39 PM

But they’re both popular.

RickB on May 23, 2013 at 4:42 PM

So there you go: No summary executions of American citizens unless you’re plotting terror and you can’t be captured, which is the same policy that was stated in the DOJ’s “white paper” on targeting Awlaki months ago.

In other words, like a lazy high school student, he copied his work from an earlier assignment, submitted it, and then ran outside for an early recess to play with his friends.

This guy is such a clown…..

UltimateBob on May 23, 2013 at 4:44 PM

I know what you’re thinking. “Is he involved in six scandals or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a MK 44 Teleprompter, the most powerful speechifying device in the world, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

BobMbx on May 23, 2013 at 4:49 PM

Did they break into normal programming for this? He is such an obnoxious pest. My folks tell me he’s headed to Oklahoma to get in the way a photo shoot.

txhsmom on May 23, 2013 at 4:52 PM

He killed Osama bin laden just in case you forgot

cmsinaz on May 23, 2013 at 4:07 PM

Yes, but he didn’t build SEAL Team Six.

PersonFromPorlock on May 23, 2013 at 4:55 PM

This just an attempt to distract the public and his media water carriers from #Scanalpalooza.

jawkneemusic on May 23, 2013 at 4:33 PM

Via Ace :

Obama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy Orgy
WASHINGTON—Standing before members of the White House Press Corps Wednesday afternoon as aides lowered a bunch of grapes into his mouth, President Obama encouraged everyone gathered in the West Wing briefing room to abandon their inhibitions and revel in a wild, drunken orgy.

Sources confirmed Obama, who had initially called the press conference to discuss the progress on an infrastructure development bill, suddenly requested everyone in the room strip off their clothing and strongly urged NBC’s Chuck Todd and CNN’s Jessica Yellin to kick the festivities off by engaging in oral sex in front of the podium.

“This afternoon I will discuss how the new water resource development bill could affect S. 601, but first, I think we should all give in to the basest of our primal urges and drink thirstily from the cup of lust,” said Obama, as the juice of the grapes he was eating ran down his chin and White House staffers placed a wreath of leaves onto his head. “This is a day of excess! So now, release yourselves from your attire and surrender your body and mind to the pleasures of the vita carnalis, and to the sheer majesty of the human flesh.”

Throughout the course of the lascivious ceremony, sources also reported seeing a fully nude White House press secretary Jay Carney prancing between the writhing, sweat-soaked nude bodies sprawled across the room while playing a pan flute and vigorously tugging his erect penis.

“Are we not but beasts, each and every one of us?” Obama roared, as a line of young White House interns frantically playing drums filed into the room followed by servants carrying large trays loaded with slow-roasted boars, cooked turkeys, salted fish, and one large goat on a spit. “Death may visit us all by nightfall, thus do not concern yourself with the petty, ephemeral nature of existence and instead embrace pure pleasure!”

The Onion knows stuff !!

burrata on May 23, 2013 at 4:57 PM

Yes, but he didn’t build SEAL Team Six.

PersonFromPorlock on May 23, 2013 at 4:55 PM

Yes, but he told the taaaleeeebon about them and then got an imam to spit on them while they were in coffins

burrata on May 23, 2013 at 5:01 PM

McCain is worse than “fundamentally flawed” in the political sense. There has always been something very wrong with his character, which is one of extreme “me-first-and-only” self-entitlement. He was wrongfully admitted to the Naval Academy with bad grades ahead of more qualified applicants because his daddy and granddaddy were admirals. Rules that apply to ordinary people don’t apply to him. He thumbed his nose at Annapolis because he couldn’t be kicked out or flunked out, because he was JOHN MCCAIN, son and grandson of ADMIRALS. He ignored orders and crashed planes, because he couldn’t be disciplined as the son and grandson of admirals. He ditched the wife who stood by him, when he wanted a rich blonde chick young enough to be his daughter, who could finance his political ambition.

He was caught taking bribes to his wife from the Keating 5, so tried to cover his tracks by imposing the McCain-Feingold nonsense on everyone else (laws only apply to everyone else, not to JOHN MCCAIN). He entertained a blonde lobbyist in ways that worried his staff, and improperly pressured the FCC for her in exchange for …., because he is JOHN MCCAIN!!!!!!. He yelled obscenities at other senators who questioned ramming his McCain-Kennedy amnesty through the Senate in the dead of night without debate, and screamed he knew more about it than anyone else – because he is JOHN MCCAIN, a legend in his own mind !!!!!! He has had secret no press allowed meetings to praise Mexico as our dearest friend and closest neighbor, calling enforcement of the laws “Rhetoric”.

As president, McCain, like the man he helped elect. Barack Obama, would have tried to rule by fiat and would make Hugo Chavez look like George Washington. Like the Alice in Wonderland Queen of Hearts, if any GOP congresscritter disagreed with him “OFF WITH HER HEAD- I’m JOHN MCCAIN, KING OF THE UNIVERSE!!!” There has always been something consistently very wrong with McCain’s character. Through it all, this lying unreliable self-aggrandizing megalomaniac poses as a “straight talker”, and is so sick, he probably believes it himself, because he is JOHN MCCAIN !!!!!!!!!!!!, son and grandson of ADMIRALS.

RasThavas on May 23, 2013 at 5:04 PM

RasThavas on May 23, 2013 at 5:04 PM

Someone who reads that carefully might get the idea that you don’t think much of John McCain.

BobMbx on May 23, 2013 at 5:13 PM

Obama’s speech was a big dump about…making his muzzie brothers shine. What a charlatan is president of the US, so close to 9/11/01.

Americans, in the majority, are truly blindly stupid.

Schadenfreude on May 23, 2013 at 5:15 PM

drone(n): A male bee that is characteristically stingless, performs no work, and produces no honey.

Hey!
Obama IS a drone!

mrt721 on May 23, 2013 at 5:18 PM

BobMbx on May 23, 2013 at 4:49 PM

Nice.

de rigueur on May 23, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Did he mention the first Gulf war or, perhaps more tellingly, the Ft Hood shooting?

I don’t think he listed a that as recent terrorism, did he? He certsinly didn’t mention the Ft Hood or Arkansas shootings as reasons they droned al-awaki.

MayBee on May 23, 2013 at 5:23 PM

The “heckler” was obviously a plant, as she was mic’ed. That was amusing enough, but made moreso when later – reading from his teleprompter – the boy king made reference to her.

She probably usually spends her days on the blog-trolls payroll.

GGMac on May 23, 2013 at 5:33 PM

Did he really say

“Part of free speech is you listening “?

BobMbx on May 23, 2013 at 4:12 PM

Yes, he did.

“Ma’am, let me finish. Let me finish ma’am,” said Obama. “This is part of free speech is you being able to speak but also you listening. And me being able to speak. All right?”

Del Dolemonte on May 23, 2013 at 5:37 PM

The “heckler” was obviously a plant, as she was mic’ed. That was amusing enough, but made moreso when later – reading from his teleprompter – the boy king made reference to her.

She probably usually spends her days on the blog-trolls payroll.

GGMac on May 23, 2013 at 5:33 PM

That was Code Pink’s Madea Benjamin. She got in with a press pass using a fake name, “Susan Benjamin”.

Del Dolemonte on May 23, 2013 at 5:39 PM

Breaking HOLDER OK’D SEIZURE OF FOX REPORTER EMAILS

Conservative4ev on May 23, 2013 at 5:54 PM

T speech was a squirrel , it wont work

Conservative4ev on May 23, 2013 at 5:56 PM

She probably usually spends her days on the blog-trolls payroll.

GGMac on May 23, 2013 at 5:33 PM

HAL was there?

VegasRick on May 23, 2013 at 6:04 PM

Oh, and I figured out the reason for the speech, he is trying to bore us all to death.

VegasRick on May 23, 2013 at 6:06 PM

PersonFromPorlock on May 23, 2013 at 4:55 PM

:)

cmsinaz on May 23, 2013 at 6:31 PM

In other news today, President Obama says that he APPROVES of the fact that water is WET! Film at eleven!

GarandFan on May 23, 2013 at 6:46 PM

Okay, I have to take extreme exception to this:

Conventional airpower or missiles are far less precise than drones, and likely to cause more civilian casualties and local outrage.

First of all, smart munitions are smart munitions, and are equally accurate whether launched from a manned combat aircraft or unmanned aerial vehicle. So throw the first half of his statement right into the trash bin.

As for the second half, I still think that a flight of F15s or f18s flying over Benghazi at 200 feet altitude on full afterburner would have dispersed the attack instantly.

This is known as “projection of force.” It screams to the enemy, “We are here, and we can kill you if we want to, so stop what you are doing – NOW.” It accomplishes this without actually killing anybody – those involved or not.

Our great military Commander in Chief is apparently too ignorant to know this, as he thinks his only option is to have a nearly invisible aerial presence and then drop missiles on people heads that kill everybody around them without notice or warning.

There are other options, sir.

JohnD13 on May 23, 2013 at 6:59 PM

Does anyone really want this president in charge of an American ‘Kill’ list? He already has a 300+ body count, to include 1 American, thanks to Fast & Furious…he added 4 more when he handed over our Ambassador & sacrificed 3 others in Benghazi. He sacrificed the victims of Ft Hood at the ‘PC’ alter of Islamic Extremist appeasement, & has used the DOJ, HHS, IRS, ATF, & FBI to stalk, snoop, smear, tax, torture, & strip Americans of their rights. I’m all for striking deserved traitors … but THIS guy is the one who has been declaring Conservatives, the TEA party, anyone promoting the Constitution, anyone complaining about how the country is being run, Jewish groups, & reporters are the ‘Enemy’!

easyt65 on May 24, 2013 at 1:18 AM