Yay! Tax dollars for “prison poetry”

posted at 6:31 pm on May 19, 2013 by Jazz Shaw

And here you thought we were broke.

I know we’ve annoyed you with all sorts of scandal ridden, Sunday talk show posts today, so there’s a bit of a lighter, government incompetence story to share as we close out the weekend and prepare for QoTD. This one comes to us from long time Green Room author and – now – Liberty Unyielding denizen, Howard Portnoy. While the government wails about all of the money that that the mean Republicans made them cut out of the budget, leading to air towers closing, duck studies going unfunded and all manner of other things, Uncle Sam has still found enough spare change in his pocket to pay for one vital service.

Prison Poetry.

Thanks to sequestration, there is not enough money in the government coffers to keep “the people’s house” (aka the White House) open for tours. You’ll be pleased to know, however, that there’s plenty of money — $75,000 worth — for prison poetry.

According to CNSNews.com, a new website that features readings of poems written by current inmates was launched this week with the help of a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts.

Among the podcasts available to visitors of prisonpoetryworkshop.org are recitations of poems like “Ghetto Bastard,” “Fenced Jewels,” and “A Gangster’s Prayer.”

Click through for the full story. And since you’re such an inventive lot, feel free to submit your own prison poetry in the comments. Who knows? You might even qualify for a government grant!


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And since you’re such an inventive lot, feel free to submit your own prison poetry in the comments.

Obama lied..
People died..

Electrongod on May 19, 2013 at 6:35 PM

On top of the White House,
all covered with blow,
Obama is lying,
Hoping no one will know.

Athanasius on May 19, 2013 at 6:41 PM

C-I-L-L my landlord…

Roc on May 19, 2013 at 6:44 PM

OWS acts of excrement…
Irrelevant

Obama raised the deficit..
Irrelevant

Obama continues arrested development..
Irrelevant

Obama the non-intelligent..
Irrelevant

Electrongod on May 19, 2013 at 6:44 PM

Roses are red
Violets are blue.
Laws are irrelevant
So to all: F-You!

HotAirian on May 19, 2013 at 6:44 PM

Yes, but unfortunately the sequester required that this program be consolidated with cowboy poetry.

fitzfong on May 19, 2013 at 6:53 PM

i clutch my pearls, bixch –
i clutch my pearls.
i find my way to superman
by walking through the deadly men.

you clutch your pearls, bixch –
you clutch your pearls.
i’m going to find my boys again
move you aside like indians.

my heat was never warm, you know,
just a thing to walk with, so
like other jimmies in the ditch,
i packed my shorts with steely, bixch

but that’s all changed.

– Ha!

that’s all changed now.

– Ha!

– Ha!

that’s all changed.

– Ha!

that’s all changed now.

–Ha!

–Ha!

(repeat chorus)

^ And that’s a white boy’s poem. South-side.

*represent*

PS: If I’m not banned, I’d like to add that I prefer that these programs be funded privately.

Axe on May 19, 2013 at 6:54 PM

Any prison poetry from the YouTube producer guy?

Electrongod on May 19, 2013 at 6:56 PM

so much depends
upon

a dissembling
president

glazed with rain
water

beside the white-gloved
marine

Difficultas_Est_Imperium on May 19, 2013 at 6:56 PM

I’m Historical
Rhetorical
Magical and See…

No matter what

Ya’ll my B*tches and you won’t fire me – Il Duce

workingclass artist on May 19, 2013 at 6:56 PM

There once was a man from the government
His job was to see your money well spent
Though you meant ‘spent well’
He said ‘go to hell’
It all goes to those seeking rent.

Fenris on May 19, 2013 at 6:58 PM

Harry Reid’s still partial to cowboy poetry (and the accompanying festivals).

steebo77 on May 19, 2013 at 7:03 PM

Harry Reid also thinks that these prison poets don’t sound very clean or articulate.

steebo77 on May 19, 2013 at 7:05 PM

Thievery, robbery, hock
Holmes b chillin’ in da cell block
Sentenced wif twenty to do
Killah G will do only two
And den he will cop a new Glock

M240H on May 19, 2013 at 7:11 PM

PS: If I’m not banned, I’d like to add that I prefer that these programs be funded privately.

Axe on May 19, 2013 at 6:54 PM

I could give a rat phuck, long as is ain’t my $ or tax dallah’s.
I prefer they stay on prison TP.

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:13 PM

I love jailhouse poetry.

Its the best, bar none.

get it? Bar none.

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:14 PM

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Gimme my money b!tch
Or I will kill you.

rbj on May 19, 2013 at 7:15 PM

The departmental of corrections fixes typos in Prison poetry.

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:15 PM

I love jailhouse poetry.

Its the best, bar none.

get it? Bar none.

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:14 PM

You get 20 years hard time in the Punitentiary.

tom daschle concerned on May 19, 2013 at 7:16 PM

Is it a crime to plagiarize Prison poetry?

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:16 PM

How appropriate that this happens under President Obamandias, King of Kings.

Look on his works, ye mighty, and despair….

Good Solid B-Plus on May 19, 2013 at 7:16 PM

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:14 PM

You get 20 years hard time in the Punitentiary.

tom daschle concerned on May 19, 2013 at 7:16 PM

Haha. Now that’s a good one. (:

h/t.

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:17 PM

We the people are making reservations
for the IRS agents that turned on our nation.
The GRAYBAR Hotel has room for them all,
where they can Haiku Obama all day long!

centre on May 19, 2013 at 7:18 PM

A friend of mine started this publication. Criminal Class Press.

tom daschle concerned on May 19, 2013 at 7:19 PM

Arrest Harry Reid and put him behind bars where he belongs.

Then you can combine cowboy and prison poetry and reap the savings of eliminating redundancy.

Happy Nomad on May 19, 2013 at 7:20 PM

How much time does one get for non-Premeditated word-slaugher?

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:22 PM

PS: If I’m not banned, I’d like to add that I prefer that these programs be funded privately.

Axe on May 19, 2013 at 6:54 PM

Totally agree with that.

workingclass artist on May 19, 2013 at 7:22 PM

get it? Bar none.

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:14 PM

No, please expand.

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:22 PM

On a serious note, the WaPo recently had a story about a UVA professor using Russian literature- the works of Fyodor Dostoyevsky- to change the viewpoints of juvenile criminals. He holds the classes with a combination of offenders and UVA students (who probably are mostly among the 1% when it comes to knowing anything about real life).

You throw out the ideas in Dostoyevesky and you get different ideas about things like what really is a criminal act when the discussion is among a bunch of privileged college students and convicted offenders of the same age. At the very least, it’s an interesting experiment.

Happy Nomad on May 19, 2013 at 7:27 PM

Western, to balance the thug:

The man in the bunk above me
Keeps looking down and smiling sweeeeet,
Keeps rubbing on his neck and shoulders,
Keeps mentioning his achy feeeeeet,

Keeps offering me an extra biscuit,
Keeps holding on a little too loooong,
Keeps working out his lower body,
Keeps tellin’ me he’s gonna get strooong.

O, Mama! I —–

I never wanted a boyfriend,
Never wanted a cigar ring!
I never wanted a ceremony
Overseen by reverend G –

All I wanted was a pack of cigarettes,
And to pay for them handsomely!
If only I could just go back
And get myself Tequila free-eee . . .

Tequila free-eee . . .

(second verse)

Axe on May 19, 2013 at 7:29 PM

“Images” by Tyrone Green

Best prison poetry ever.

arik1969 on May 19, 2013 at 7:31 PM

I Get A Kick Paupering You

My story of the money they sent,
Is practically all of it is totally spent
The exception I know on The Hill
When plebes are reading the mainstream news,
Fighting vainly to stop the spews,
And I suddenly turn and see another pork bill

I get no kick from liquidity
Mere spending bills do not give me the thrills,
So tell me why should it be true
That I get a kick paupering you?

Fenris on May 19, 2013 at 7:36 PM

No, please expand.

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:22 PM

Prisoners are behind bars. Ok you tricked me. So I get a free kiss.

xoxox

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:37 PM

get it? Bar none.

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:14 PM

No, please expand.

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:22 PM

SparkPlug will expand the answer with a long sentence on your cell phone.

rbj on May 19, 2013 at 7:38 PM

No one will build a statue for this would-be emperor. Some would like to banish him to the desert, though.

I’not P.B. Shelley, but I approve this message.

M240H on May 19, 2013 at 7:43 PM

SparkPlug will expand the answer with a long sentence on your cell phone.

rbj on May 19, 2013 at 7:38 PM

haha..sure..
snark?
I know nothing about him.
He could have an orange fro and 1 tooth for all I know.

Free? Nothing is free! ;)

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:43 PM

SP call me-
3270309..for a good time call!

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:47 PM

I will dog in my dog crate with the bars and read you some poetry-fo free.

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:48 PM

SP call me-

3270309..for a good time call!

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:47 PM

God. I can’t even get mine to send me a picture. :)

Axe on May 19, 2013 at 7:50 PM

. . . dang it, I’m not even supposed to be here. Jazz cheated with a poetry thread.

Axe on May 19, 2013 at 7:51 PM

lol@axe

Jazz Shaw..all Shaw Shank like.
$ for some redemtion-YO- No.

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:51 PM

Axe..you didnt catch the # and tune.

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:54 PM

Axe..you didnt catch the # and tune.

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:54 PM

I was playing. :)

Axe on May 19, 2013 at 7:55 PM

Coy, eh?

YW Jazz..we gave it a shot.
You got over 10 coms.

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:57 PM

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 7:43 PM

Wrong. I have orange teeth and 1 long hair kinked into a fro.

/just kidding.

(:

btw, here is looking at you kid,

https://www.google.com/search?q=belinda+carlisle&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=ZWeZUc6GGajfiAKg_IDoBA&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1846&bih=995

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:59 PM

Every fker on deathrow writes poetry. Their groupies even try to sell their crap for them.

Blake on May 19, 2013 at 8:01 PM

SparkPlug on May 19, 2013 at 7:59 PM

lolz..
Kid? :D~~

Oh boy..she is doing better then me.
Must be poetry.

bazil9 on May 19, 2013 at 8:05 PM

Embassy attacked
What difference does it make now?
You’ll see in Sixteen

kooly on May 19, 2013 at 8:12 PM

C-I-L-L my landlord…

Roc on May 19, 2013 at 6:44 PM

Tyronne Green, is dat you?

Laura in Maryland on May 19, 2013 at 8:26 PM

More on the American penile system…

http://www.hulu.com/#!watch/4168

Yeah, I spelled it dat way.

Laura in Maryland on May 19, 2013 at 8:28 PM

I wish sleazy Eric Holder best of luck in the next Prison Poetry contest.

viking01 on May 19, 2013 at 8:42 PM

“i dun rong
i wuz cot
now in prizn
til i rot”

mrt721 on May 19, 2013 at 9:40 PM

New to prison, I have such a lowly rank
Know your place or you could take a shank
I thought I’d get plaudits
When I ordered Tea-Party audits.
For this, I have Obama to thank.

“Little Timmy” Geitner.

PatMac on May 19, 2013 at 10:08 PM

I wish sleazy Eric Holder best of luck in the next Prison Poetry contest.

You are far more generous than I. I wish for him the worst.

hawkeye54 on May 19, 2013 at 11:02 PM

Obama’s cellblock book of lite verse should be a howl.

I, Beeyatch

One-eyed Looey likes me
He tells me every night.
The toilet gurgles quietly
As I do, full of fright.

There is another prisoner
Who whispers of his shame.
His first name it is Eric.
A Holder of my blame
.”

profitsbeard on May 19, 2013 at 11:29 PM

so much depends
upon

a dissembling
president

glazed with rain
water

beside the white-gloved
marine

Difficultas_Est_Imperium on May 19, 2013 at 6:56 PM

If the Media and country could grasp the full cultural import this bit of profound poetic understatement, Obama would be thrown out of office tomorrow.

Sublime, DEI, just sublime.

A bow in your direction.

profitsbeard on May 19, 2013 at 11:35 PM

A bow in your direction.

profitsbeard on May 19, 2013 at 11:35 PM

Thanks PB! Wish I could take full credit, but I modified William Carlos Williams’ original work.

Difficultas_Est_Imperium on May 20, 2013 at 1:38 AM

Now if only we had some bagpipes to play during the recitals…

Speechlesstx on May 20, 2013 at 9:44 AM