Zero tolerance: Virginia school strikes blow for gun safety by suspending five-year-old for using a pencil or something

posted at 5:21 pm on May 7, 2013 by Allahpundit

Via Legal Insurrection. Per the clip, in the school’s defense, the kid’s clearly firing a pencil machine gun. If he had taken Biden’s advice and stuck with a shotgun instead of an assault pencil, he wouldn’t have to worry about people taking away his writing implements. His punishment: Two days’ suspension, plus a mandatory appearance as a child prop in the next Obama gun-control video. (Kidding, kidding.)

It starts in kindergarten with pencil guns, then in grade school they move up to water pistols, and before you know it they’re all grown up and ready to join the Corps to defend America.

“When I asked him about it, he said, ‘Well I was being a Marine and the other guy was being a bad guy,’” said Paul Marshall, the boy’s father. “It’s as simple as that.”

Christopher’s father was a Marine for many years. He thinks school leaders overreacted.

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

“Some children would consider it threatening, who are scared about shootings in schools or shootings in the community,” said Bradshaw. “Kids don’t think about ‘Cowboys and Indians’ anymore, they think about drive-by shootings and murders and everything they see on television news every day.”

My weapon of choice, for what it’s worth, is the Bic semi-automatic. One thing about this: Didn’t the principal know that the school would end up being ridiculed online? Given the attention to insane overreactions to pretend gunplay by six-year-olds, you would think administrators would pause before slapping a kid with a suspension for turning his donut into a Glock or whatever.

Boy who held pencil like gun suspended


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LOTS of military in this area (I’m in the next town over). You’d think they would be a bit more understanding.

Jeff Weimer on May 7, 2013 at 5:23 PM

So, even without a No. 2 machine gun, would just saying: pew! pew! pew! – result in mandatory suspension?

Blake on May 7, 2013 at 5:24 PM

Time for an army of lawyers with pencils and briefcases to to lay siege to the school and the school board.

The only way to stop this is to make wallets scream.

Bruno Strozek on May 7, 2013 at 5:24 PM

Is it me, or are things spinning waaaaay outta control?

tru2tx on May 7, 2013 at 5:24 PM

Somebody tell me how they teach American history without talking about guns?

Starting in Lexington and Concord, with the “Shot Heard ‘Round the World”?

BobMbx on May 7, 2013 at 5:25 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

Tar.

Feathers.

Pour encourager les autres

JohnGalt23 on May 7, 2013 at 5:26 PM

Should I tell them my bar eraser is a neutron bomb?

goatweed on May 7, 2013 at 5:27 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

This might be the dumbest official statement I’ve have heard.

“Kids don’t think about ‘Cowboys and Indians’ anymore, they think about drive-by shootings and murders and everything they see on television news every day.”

Though this gives the previous statement a run for its money.

midgeorgian on May 7, 2013 at 5:27 PM

My weapon of choice, for what it’s worth, is the Bic semi-automatic.

I prefer an old fashioned gentleman’s duel with a set of antique feather quills.

JetBoy on May 7, 2013 at 5:28 PM

My weapon of choice, for what it’s worth, is the Bic semi-automatic.

Psh. Here‘s a real man’s gun. The minigun of pens.

Fezzik on May 7, 2013 at 5:28 PM

the Bic semi-automatic.

Erasers make good grenades.

John the Libertarian on May 7, 2013 at 5:30 PM

Idiot

cmsinaz on May 7, 2013 at 5:30 PM

tru2tx on May 7, 2013 at 5:24 PM

No. Not you.

The LEFT has gone overboard in a major way and the lack of personal restraint and critical thinking skills has come home to roost.

thatsafactjack on May 7, 2013 at 5:31 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

This might be the dumbest official statement I’ve have heard.

Yeah, I’ll have to remember that next time I need a clean gun for a stickup at the local 7-11.

Fezzik on May 7, 2013 at 5:31 PM

I wonder what they would’ve done to a kid pretending to perform a late term abortion.

Mark1971 on May 7, 2013 at 5:31 PM

If I flick my Bic…

does that mean I brought a flamethrower to school?

Snowblind on May 7, 2013 at 5:32 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made a forward thrusting motion is used to stab someone,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

FIFY, there, pencil-neck.

iurockhead on May 7, 2013 at 5:32 PM

Via Legal Insurrection. Per the clip

HIT THE DECK!

Stoic Patriot on May 7, 2013 at 5:32 PM

John the Libertarian on May 7, 2013 at 5:30 PM

And don’t even get me started on the atrocities of thumb wrestling.

thatsafactjack on May 7, 2013 at 5:32 PM

Yeah, I’ll have to remember that next time I need a clean gun for a stickup at the local 7-11.

Fezzik on May 7, 2013 at 5:31 PM

Just go the Pop-Tart aisle…

JohnGalt23 on May 7, 2013 at 5:32 PM

I guess my childhood memories of playing (PC ALERT) Cowboys and Indians, complete with building forts to guard against the raiding indians – using six shooters and the ubiquitous (you’ll put yer eye out) Daisy Red Ryder BB Gun would be enough to give these morons apoplexy.

Fun times. Yeah, I’m old.

tru2tx on May 7, 2013 at 5:33 PM

Seriously, do kids not play cops and robbers anymore? We used to love that in the 90s. I’m not that old…am I?

Fezzik on May 7, 2013 at 5:33 PM

Next..
Boy gets a woody and is taken to the woodshed.

Electrongod on May 7, 2013 at 5:34 PM

Good thing it was a 2B instead of an HB. Those things have hard lead!

stvnscott on May 7, 2013 at 5:35 PM

Please, trolls, come in and defend more stupidity. You know you want to.

CurtZHP on May 7, 2013 at 5:35 PM

Hey, Bethanne: Bang, Bang.

davidk on May 7, 2013 at 5:36 PM

I think what will ultimately have to happen is either laws will need to be passed against these “zero tolerance” policies on a state-by-state basis, or else there will need to be a series of very large, very public mega-lawsuits against a series of schools which have pulled this crap to get it to stop.

Doomberg on May 7, 2013 at 5:36 PM

Suspension is almost too good for this pint-sized thugruffian. Exile the entire family from Virginia. #ZEROTOLERANCE

Jeddite on May 7, 2013 at 5:36 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

This idiot should be jailed. Seriously.

ThePrimordialOrderedPair on May 7, 2013 at 5:37 PM

Assault Pencil!!!!

iurockhead on May 7, 2013 at 5:38 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

WHAT THE F***!!!

A pencil is a weapon when you stab somebody with it – not when you point it. So… What now… My finger is a weapon if I point it and go pew pew?! What if I hold too finger close together and look at your head through them and say “I crush your head… Crush crush.” How about if I do that with two pencils?

This principal needs to be fired post haste along with a restraining order not to come within 50 feet of children ever again… Including his own.

Skywise on May 7, 2013 at 5:38 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

And what about a finger?

thatsafactjack on May 7, 2013 at 5:38 PM

The left wing inmates are truly in charge of the asylum. Where is the adult supervison?

iamsaved on May 7, 2013 at 5:38 PM

Awwww, the little tyke has on his Marine hat too. Very cute.

Fenris on May 7, 2013 at 5:39 PM

Seriously, do kids not play cops and robbers anymore? We used to love that in the 90s. I’m not that old…am I?

Fezzik on May 7, 2013 at 5:33 PM

When I was in elementary school in the late 90′s we played cops and robbers. Heck, we used sticks we found on the play ground as imaginary guns.

midgeorgian on May 7, 2013 at 5:39 PM

My weapon of choice, for what it’s worth, is the Bic semi-automatic

Actually they made great blow darts especially with technical pencil leads. :D

Skywise on May 7, 2013 at 5:40 PM

“Some children would consider it threatening, who are scared about shootings in schools or shootings in the community,” said Bradshaw.

Then teach them better, you freaking idiot.

Axe on May 7, 2013 at 5:40 PM

“Kids don’t think about ‘Cowboys and Indians’ anymore, they think about drive-by shootings and murders and everything they see on television news every day.”

This dolt can’t even think for herself. How the hell does she know what someone else is thinking??

CurtZHP on May 7, 2013 at 5:40 PM

And don’t even get me started on the atrocities of thumb wrestling.

thatsafactjack on May 7, 2013 at 5:32 PM

BWAHAHAHA

Axe on May 7, 2013 at 5:41 PM

Axe on May 7, 2013 at 5:40 PM

Their too busy teaching them TO be afraid. How many five year old kids watch the news or even know about school shootings unless an adult tells them about it?

thatsafactjack on May 7, 2013 at 5:41 PM

When I was in elementary school in the late 90′s we played cops and robbers. Heck, we used sticks we found on the play ground as imaginary guns.

midgeorgian on May 7, 2013 at 5:39 PM

We would dig up clumps of dirt and throw them, pretending they were grenades when they shattered.

El_Terrible on May 7, 2013 at 5:41 PM

This dolt can’t even think for herself. How the hell does she know what someone else is thinking??

CurtZHP on May 7, 2013 at 5:40 PM

How many five-year olds even watch TV news? I know when I was five I thought the news was boring.

midgeorgian on May 7, 2013 at 5:42 PM

So, even without a No. 2 machine gun, would just saying: pew! pew! pew! – result in mandatory suspension?

Blake on May 7, 2013 at 5:24 PM

Yes, the teacher would have decided that he was making fun of the way one of his classmates smells.

RickB on May 7, 2013 at 5:42 PM

This is why I support background checks for all school supplies.

Laura in Maryland on May 7, 2013 at 5:42 PM

Sorry… they’re.

Long day.

thatsafactjack on May 7, 2013 at 5:43 PM

Seriously, do kids not play cops and robbers anymore? We used to love that in the 90s. I’m not that old…am I?

Fezzik on May 7, 2013 at 5:33 PM

Nowadays, the kids play Police Union Representatives and Criminal Defense Attorneys. They team up to make a mockery of society. Of course, the game can’t be played without the correct skin distribution and faked exam grades so it’s just not even played in most places.

Cap guns are not even an afterthought …

ThePrimordialOrderedPair on May 7, 2013 at 5:43 PM

My weapon of choice, for what it’s worth, is the Bic semi-automatic.

Yes, the pen is mightier than the sword! Literally!

TexAz on May 7, 2013 at 5:43 PM

Oh, the card game WAR we all grew up playing has been renamed “Top-it”. No, I’m not kidding.

Laura in Maryland on May 7, 2013 at 5:44 PM

My weapon of choice, for what it’s worth, is the Bic semi-automatic

In middle school we would use BIC mechanical pencils and rubber bands to make them into spitball cannons and staple shooters.

El_Terrible on May 7, 2013 at 5:45 PM

Bloomberg is such a fool.

Schadenfreude on May 7, 2013 at 5:46 PM

Somebody tell me how they teach American history without talking about guns?

Starting in Lexington and Concord, with the “Shot Heard ‘Round the World”?

BobMbx on May 7, 2013 at 5:25 PM

That’s simple. They don’t teach about the Shot Heard Round the World anymore.

Seriously.

Washington Nearsider on May 7, 2013 at 5:47 PM

Oh, the card game WAR we all grew up playing has been renamed “Top-it”. No, I’m not kidding.

Laura in Maryland on May 7, 2013 at 5:44 PM

Well, after all, the playing card deck was designed by the French.

Fenris on May 7, 2013 at 5:49 PM

HOMESCHOOL!

This is why more and more parents are homeschooling their kids.

And they should.

ramrants on May 7, 2013 at 5:49 PM

Awwww, the little tyke has on his Marine hat too. Very cute.

Fenris on May 7, 2013 at 5:39 PM

It ain’t no HAT it is a cover my friend.

fourdeucer on May 7, 2013 at 5:50 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

Hard to make this stuff up. Funnier than the Python skit about what to do when you’re attacked by a man armed with a banana.

Erich66 on May 7, 2013 at 5:50 PM

HIT THE DECK!

Stoic Patriot on May 7, 2013 at 5:32 PM

All this violent war imagery is making me flip out! I’m terrified of cannon and people hitting things. AP, ban-hammer Stoic Patriot!

O NO! Now I’m thinking of being hammered! AND LOOK AT MY VIOLENT NICK! Now I’m afraid of being thwacked into parts! AP! I demand Axe be banned so I don’t have to look at myself!

– I refuse to comment until I’m banned.

thatsafactjack on May 7, 2013 at 5:41 PM

Nailed it.

They’re too busy teaching them to be afraid to have time to teach them why they shouldn’t be.

Axe on May 7, 2013 at 5:50 PM

True story:

When my daughter was in public school, she got marched down to the principal’s office because she allegedly pointed a pencil at another student in a threatening manner. What really happened was that she was working on the assignment, and the girl next to her apparently didn’t like the way she was doing it. (Why the girl wasn’t minding her own business is anyone’s guess.) The girl told my daughter she was going to tell the teacher. My daughter pointed at her with the hand that happened to be holding the pencil and said, “You better not!”

The principal actually sat there with a straight face and told me how the other little girl literally had a look of terror on her face when she told the teacher, and then, to demonstrate how my daughter brandished this lethal weapon, commenced to mimic a downward stabbing motion. Think “Psycho.”

After some rather direct questioning by me, she had to admit that no one had actually seen my daughter do any such thing.

We started home schooling the following year.

CurtZHP on May 7, 2013 at 5:50 PM

Suffolk, eh? I have a hunch this won’t go well with the locals.

22044 on May 7, 2013 at 5:50 PM

This is why I support background checks for all school supplies.

Laura in Maryland on May 7, 2013 at 5:42 PM

:lol:

Gives new meaning to “I’m gonna fill you full of lead” as well.

JetBoy on May 7, 2013 at 5:51 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

I am encouraged by the bravery of educators in these trying times. To think, they would risk life and limb to stand up for the safety of their charges by confronting armed madchildren intent on killing what they perceive to be ‘bad guys.’ Of course, we all know who the ‘bad guys’ are to people like that…their fellow students!

Oh, and the obligatory ‘or something.’

James on May 7, 2013 at 5:52 PM

Time for an army of lawyers with pencils and briefcases to to lay siege to the school and the school board.

The only way to stop this is to make wallets scream.

Bruno Strozek on May 7, 2013 at 5:24 PM

That’s how this “zero tolerance” nonsense got started in the first place — fear of litigation in our lawsuit-crazed society. Sending in the lawyers again will only make things worse. Guaranteed.

AngusMc on May 7, 2013 at 5:53 PM

I think it is past time that the good parents of the Suffolk Public Schools start a “School Voucher” petition…

… It should pass in a land slide.

Seven Percent Solution on May 7, 2013 at 5:53 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

God help us.

Shump on May 7, 2013 at 5:54 PM

Progressive Control Dream come true.

2016 headline……

HHS SEC’Y Satania announced new Waste detectors will be implanted in three year olds in National Pre-K programs next month. . The detectors will eliminate the need for individual decision making regarding the need to expel waste. The sensor will trigger a negative pulse to the body that will alert the child to the need to seek waste expulsion (in the gender neutral bathrooms)……

Laugh now, cry later.

PappyD61 on May 7, 2013 at 5:56 PM

Awwww, the little tyke has on his Marine hat too. Very cute.

Fenris on May 7, 2013 at 5:39 PM

It ain’t no HAT it is a cover my friend.

fourdeucer on May 7, 2013 at 5:50 PM

Ya ya, I know, I was in the Navy years ago. There’s the right way, the Navy way, and My Way.

Fenris on May 7, 2013 at 5:56 PM

In middle school we would use BIC mechanical pencils and rubber bands to make them into spitball cannons and staple shooters.

El_Terrible on May 7, 2013 at 5:45 PM

Paper hornets with tacks.

And yes, I was taking notes all through the Exorcist.

BobMbx on May 7, 2013 at 5:56 PM

I guess my childhood memories of playing (PC ALERT) Cowboys and Indians, complete with building forts to guard against the raiding indians – using six shooters and the ubiquitous (you’ll put yer eye out) Daisy Red Ryder BB Gun would be enough to give these morons apoplexy.

Fun times. Yeah, I’m old.

tru2tx on May 7, 2013 at 5:33 PM

No you ain’t. Me and my brother along with a dozen or so friends used to have BB gun wars and actually shoot each other with them (head shots not alowed). I am unable to imagine what would happen to any kid trying that today. Plus between all of the neighborhood kids, we had every weapon imaginable in the GI Joe world.

Johnnyreb on May 7, 2013 at 5:56 PM

True story:

When my daughter was in public school, she got marched down to the principal’s office because she allegedly pointed a pencil at another student in a threatening manner. What really happened was that she was working on the assignment, and the girl next to her apparently didn’t like the way she was doing it. (Why the girl wasn’t minding her own business is anyone’s guess.) The girl told my daughter she was going to tell the teacher. My daughter pointed at her with the hand that happened to be holding the pencil and said, “You better not!”

The principal actually sat there with a straight face and told me how the other little girl literally had a look of terror on her face when she told the teacher, and then, to demonstrate how my daughter brandished this lethal weapon, commenced to mimic a downward stabbing motion. Think “Psycho.”

After some rather direct questioning by me, she had to admit that no one had actually seen my daughter do any such thing.

We started home schooling the following year.

CurtZHP on May 7, 2013 at 5:50 PM

See. That’s what I’m talking about. I know of more and more people who have decided to homeschool their kid(s) because of the stupid things schools subject the students to.

ramrants on May 7, 2013 at 5:57 PM

“A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made,” said Bethanne Bradshaw, a spokesperson for Suffolk Public Schools…

What do you expect from a person who majored in “gluing macaroni to poster-board?”

Education majors should by definition not be training the next generation. They are not smart enough.

tetriskid on May 7, 2013 at 5:57 PM

Bloomberg is such a fool.

Schadenfreude on May 7, 2013 at 5:46 PM

.
You’re giving Mayor Bloomberg credit for ‘meaning well’, and that’s nonsense.

He’s no fool, he’s a WOLF. He wants “control”, and every new regulation is calculated towards that end.

listens2glenn on May 7, 2013 at 5:57 PM

This Dad should tell the school to take their two-day suspension and shove it up their pencil sharpener.

The solution is homeschooling. Works great. Wife and I did it when things got out of control in our elementary school.

A fire breathing pit bull of an attorney might be a good idea, also.

turfmann on May 7, 2013 at 5:58 PM

No you ain’t. Me and my brother along with a dozen or so friends used to have BB gun wars and actually shoot each other with them (head shots not alowed). I am unable to imagine what would happen to any kid trying that today. Plus between all of the neighborhood kids, we had every weapon imaginable in the GI Joe world.

Johnnyreb on May 7, 2013 at 5:56 PM

Oh lord….I had completely forgotten about the bb gun fights. Although, paintballing is a lot more fun.

BobMbx on May 7, 2013 at 5:58 PM

The idea (which comes out of fine schools of edumacation and the department of edumacation) is to teach kids that guns are scary and toxic, and anyone who defies that (or even tries to modify the narrative) will be punished and ostracized severely.
If you grew up in that education system, you’d be scared to even think or talk about guns, much less touch one or own one. You wouldn’t want to be around people who have anything to do with guns either (zealots! fundamentalists! wingnuts!).
In the final analysis, the libs/proggies are making a conscious bet that kids who grow up terrified of guns and their users will make the best non-thinking army of anti-gunners.
And, they’re probably right.

Marcola on May 7, 2013 at 5:59 PM

When I was in grade school, I stuck the kid sitting in front of me with the sharp point of a compass. Boy did he let out a shout. Didn’t draw blood, and didn’t get in trouble. Times have changed, for the worse.

birdwatcher on May 7, 2013 at 6:00 PM

My weapon of choice, for what it’s worth, is the Bic semi-automatic.

Do they come with high-capacity cartridges?

Rich H on May 7, 2013 at 6:01 PM

My weapon of choice, for what it’s worth, is the Bic semi-automatic.

I prefer the Gatling pen

BobMbx on May 7, 2013 at 6:03 PM

With all the stuff we did when I was a kid in school, we’d probably all still be on suspension.

I’m not a parent, so this is probably easy for me to say, but, I’d have my kid out of there permanently. I’d make it clear that I’d be informing the state about it so they could remove the funding for my kid from that school immediately.

trigon on May 7, 2013 at 6:04 PM

… Plus between all of the neighborhood kids, we had every weapon imaginable in the GI Joe world.

Johnnyreb on May 7, 2013 at 5:56 PM

Not to mention firecrackers. The poor GI Joes never had a chance.

Fenris on May 7, 2013 at 6:04 PM

Suffolk, VA: World’s Largest Peanut Market.
.
Deer season is noisy down there. All those peanut fields, ya know.

ExpressoBold on May 7, 2013 at 6:04 PM

I branded Robert Kindle in civics class with a heated up pocket knife.

If Robert and i ever cross paths, I deserve the right cross he should deliver.

davidk on May 7, 2013 at 6:05 PM

My friends and I used to set off stink bombs at school. Think that would classify as chemical weapons today?

Mark1971 on May 7, 2013 at 6:06 PM

When I was in grade school, I stuck the kid sitting in front of me with the sharp point of a compass. Boy did he let out a shout. Didn’t draw blood, and didn’t get in trouble. Times have changed, for the worse.

birdwatcher on May 7, 2013 at 6:00 PM

No kidding! You’d be doing hard time today.

CurtZHP on May 7, 2013 at 6:06 PM

Folks, it is time to exit the U.S. public education system. It is broken beyond repair. The statists are firmly in control. It will not get better, it will get worse. Do not allow them to continue warping your children.

kpguru on May 7, 2013 at 6:07 PM

Not to mention firecrackers. The poor GI Joes never had a chance.

Fenris on May 7, 2013 at 6:04 PM

Now, just imagine all the money you incinerated in the back yard with those Joes.

And I had them all, with the Jeep and the bazooka that could launch a AA battery about 30 feet.

BobMbx on May 7, 2013 at 6:07 PM

That’s how this “zero tolerance” nonsense got started in the first place — fear of litigation in our lawsuit-crazed society. Sending in the lawyers again will only make things worse. Guaranteed.

AngusMc on May 7, 2013 at 5:53 PM

Actually, I think it’s more like fear of the parents of snot-nosed little miscreants who never learned how to behave. They just don’t want to be bothered explaining to little Johnny’s stupid parents why he, the class bully with the bad grades and even worse personal skills, got in trouble for bringing a knife to school while Timmy, the Cub Scout with straight A’s and a good attitude to match, didn’t.

CurtZHP on May 7, 2013 at 6:10 PM

I branded Robert Kindle in civics class with a heated up pocket knife.

If Robert and i ever cross paths, I deserve the right cross he should deliver.

davidk on May 7, 2013 at 6:05 PM

And I’m white. Robert is black.

davidk on May 7, 2013 at 6:10 PM

If you grew up in that education system, you’d be scared to even think or talk about guns, much less touch one or own one. You wouldn’t want to be around people who have anything to do with guns either (zealots! fundamentalists! wingnuts!).
In the final analysis, the libs/proggies are making a conscious bet that kids who grow up terrified of guns and their users will make the best non-thinking army of anti-gunners.
And, they’re probably right.

Marcola on May 7, 2013 at 5:59 PM

Which is exactly the reaction they want – not only should you not ever want to handle a gun, but if faced with one you should promptly vomit and pee and poop your pants.
Once society has been reduced to that level, no worries for criminals or the gubmint jackboots that come to round everyone up for re-education camp.

dentarthurdent on May 7, 2013 at 6:12 PM

If he wants to get back in the school’s good graces I suggest he use his imagination and play the role of a heroic pharmacist dispensing plan B to his underage classmates. Or he could play the role of distinguished professor and kind and just parent, Bill Ayers.

Buy Danish on May 7, 2013 at 6:13 PM

I prefer the Gatling pen

BobMbx on May 7, 2013 at 6:03 PM

http://image.rakuten.co.jp/kyotobunguya/cabinet/bic/img40111570.jpg

lol — no one miss his link.

Axe on May 7, 2013 at 6:13 PM

My weapon of choice, for what it’s worth, is the Bic semi-automatic.

Yep. Pencils are really for losers who are never quite sure what they want to write or who they want to shoot. Real men use pens.

ThePrimordialOrderedPair on May 7, 2013 at 6:14 PM

“Kids don’t think about ‘Cowboys and Indians’ anymore, they think about drive-by shootings and murders and everything they see on television news every day.”

I think we all know who to blame for that.

Lily on May 7, 2013 at 6:14 PM

punishment: Two days’ suspension, plus a mandatory appearance as a child prop in the next Obama gun-control video. (Kidding, kidding.)

Punishment?? I am gonna send my kid to school with a pack of sharp No.2s. It’s trout season, don’t ya know.

WryTrvllr on May 7, 2013 at 6:15 PM

My friends and I used to set off stink bombs at school. Think that would classify as chemical weapons today?

Mark1971 on May 7, 2013 at 6:06 PM

lol. My friends stink bombed a few classrooms.

El_Terrible on May 7, 2013 at 6:15 PM

So, when I was in 8th grade and this cute little blond who sat behind me and kept poking me in the back with her pencil to get my attention (we did end up dating for awhile) – was actually trying to KILL me! I should have known it wasn’t just immature flirting – Now I understand her going to the dances with me was just a coverup for her failed attempted murder!!!

dentarthurdent on May 7, 2013 at 6:17 PM

Next thing you know, a student will be carried off campus in handcuffs for saying, “Pew Research Institute.”

dkmonroe on May 7, 2013 at 6:17 PM

This is what zero-tolerance evangelical, culture-nannies begat. This is an extension of the misguided drug/culture war. Deal with it. As long as GOP is beholden to extremism it will bite us in the arse.

Dems don’t care. There is no point complaining in their general direction.

Capitalist Hog on May 7, 2013 at 6:18 PM

Call in the school shrinks before the kids fall apart.
This may be a bit insensitive considering Newtown but there is George Carlin piece about the wussification of kids and bringing in psychologists every time a kid breaks a fingernail.
He joked that whe he was in school and a kid or two were killed they went right on with their math lessons……”35 kids minus 2 kids = 33 kids!”
I’d hate to be a kid and fart and worry I was going to get suspended for ruining the ozone layer!
I agree with a few posters here…a few lawsuits would stop this nonsense.
Oh Wait! Felony Stupidity isn’t a crime!

Art on May 7, 2013 at 6:18 PM

Which is exactly the reaction they want – not only should you not ever want to handle a gun, but if faced with one you should promptly vomit and pee and poop your pants.

dentarthurdent on May 7, 2013 at 6:12 PM

No, no, no. That’s what you do to stop someone from raping you. I think you’re supposed to just pass out if you see a gun.

ThePrimordialOrderedPair on May 7, 2013 at 6:18 PM

Progressive control Dream come true….

2015 headline

HHS Secretary Darwin Demonseed announced today the creation of a National Home schoolers registry. The Secretary said the database will allow monitoring to make sure students are receiving proper nutrition during the day. Parents who fail to register will not be allowed to have their children sit for various Common Core based college testing. The database will be funded by an additional revenue enhancement program on textbooks sold to home schooled students (similar to the 9.5% on Internet transactions now in place).

Laugh now, cry later.

PappyD61 on May 7, 2013 at 6:19 PM

Call in the school shrinks before the kids fall apart.

alarmists

Capitalist Hog on May 7, 2013 at 6:20 PM

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