Video: Hollywood remaking “Carrie” for some reason

posted at 8:01 pm on April 5, 2013 by Allahpundit

To cleanse the palate, a depressing reminder that it pays to be derivative. It makes zero creative sense but all the financial sense in the world to remake “Carrie” — possibly every 15 years from now on, to squeeze some easy cash from a new generation of teens who haven’t seen the original and are looking for a scare. Between that audience and the adults who remember DePalma’s film as seminal horror and are curious to see what modern filmmakers have done with it, it’s basically a money tree. But what’s different here? It looks almost like a shot-for-shot remake of the Sissy Spacek version albeit more generic in every way. The only thing about it that might conceivably improve upon the original is Julianne Moore as Carrie’s mother, but Piper Laurie was already fantastic in that role. Who wants to pay 15 bucks to see if Moore can pull off fantastic-plus-one? Lots of people, I guess, or else this wouldn’t have been made.

Note that the trailer runs through the movie’s entire plot, up to and including the pig’s-blood cataclysm. Not even a pretense of suspense about what the audience is in for.

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Hollywood is on autopilot.

ThePrez on April 5, 2013 at 8:03 PM

The only thing about it that might conceivably improve upon the original is Julianne Moore as Carrie’s mother

The most jaw dropping thing I’ve read here since Boss Malkin opened the doors.

Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie’s performances can’t be improved. Maybe you’d like to see Alec Baldwin as Vito Corleone.

Marcus on April 5, 2013 at 8:04 PM

lame

rob verdi on April 5, 2013 at 8:04 PM

I jumped at the ending of Carrie. Not to be repeated.

rbj on April 5, 2013 at 8:04 PM

Oh, thank goodness. I expected another gay marriage thread, but at least it’s something important like ‘Carrie’ – you know, not like the new Obama budget firing the first ‘take away your IRA’ salvo or anything meaningful. Phew.

Midas on April 5, 2013 at 8:06 PM

See Chloe Moretz in “Let Me In”. Bright acting future for this girl.

IronDioPriest on April 5, 2013 at 8:08 PM

Seldom does anything original come out of hollywood any longer.

sadatoni on April 5, 2013 at 8:09 PM

*puzzled* Just what was wrong with the original? The book was better, but it always is. *shrug* The original movie wasn’t that bad.

sage0925 on April 5, 2013 at 8:10 PM

Do a remake!

In 3D!

With Sensurround!

And less acting skill!

And worse directing!

Then make a sequel that is worse!

This is the Hollywood formula.

It is why there will, in the near future, no longer BE a Hollywood.

ajacksonian on April 5, 2013 at 8:11 PM

‘Cause they’re lazy and selfish. It really is that simple.

S. D. on April 5, 2013 at 8:11 PM

It will be very profitable.

Curtiss on April 5, 2013 at 8:12 PM

i’ll be there. if only to see Julianne Moore get it good!

GhoulAid on April 5, 2013 at 8:13 PM

Oh God!
PLEASE let me play Carrie at the White House Correspondents Dinner

WryTrvllr on April 5, 2013 at 8:13 PM

I’m not a movie-goer now, and I wasn’t into the horror genre too much when I did see movies, but I loved this film as a kid and this is just flat-out wrong. Some films shouldn’t be messed with. Carrie is one of them. Remaking this film, more than anything else, shows a lack of respect for greatness. Shame on Hollywood – again.

joejm65 on April 5, 2013 at 8:14 PM

Ohh, I am sooo sorry

WryTrvllr on April 5, 2013 at 8:15 PM

Video: Hollywood remaking “Carrie” for some reason

To cash in. A new TV series this week, “Hannibal”. There’s a new Sherlock Holmes series. Double Indemnity is turned into a play. Crass cashing in.

No way can you match up with Sissy Spacek and the brand new freshness of that movie. It will be like the remake of “Psycho” with Anne Heche.

Paul-Cincy on April 5, 2013 at 8:16 PM

but at least it’s something important like ‘Carrie’ – you know, not like the new Obama budget firing the first ‘take away your IRA’ salvo or anything meaningful. Phew.

Midas on April 5, 2013 at 8:06 PM

Allah was weak
Allah was weak
Allah was weak

Marcus on April 5, 2013 at 8:16 PM

even though we know what happens, it irks me that they show so much this early. all you have to do is show a shaking bucket of blood on top of a beam above carrie and her prom date right now. i need to be in advertising or something.

GhoulAid on April 5, 2013 at 8:17 PM

Will the locker room shower scene be available in high def Blu-ray?

philw1776 on April 5, 2013 at 8:17 PM

The only thing about it that might conceivably improve upon the original is Julianne Moore as Carrie’s mother

You mean the bony bi*ch who rendered Sarah Palin into a shrill caricature then boasted about it?

rrpjr on April 5, 2013 at 8:17 PM

The only thing about it that might conceivably improve upon the original is Julianne Moore as Carrie’s mother

You mean the bony bi*ch who rendered Sarah Palin into a shrill caricature then boasted about it?

rrpjr on April 5, 2013 at 8:17 PM

i’ll be there. if only to see Julianne Moore get it good!

GhoulAid on April 5, 2013 at 8:13 PM

GhoulAid on April 5, 2013 at 8:22 PM

They made a remake in 2002.

RickB on April 5, 2013 at 8:25 PM

I jumped at the ending of Carrie. Not to be repeated.

rbj on April 5, 2013 at 8:04 PM

My buddy and I saw it in the theater when ‘Carrie’ was first released. We were in the back row with our feet up on the seats in front of us. The ending scared us both to the point where we both straightened our legs and broke the seats.

Anyone remember the remakes of ‘Psycho’ and ‘Rollerball’? Yeah, I think this film will probably join them in history.

Timothy S. Carlson on April 5, 2013 at 8:30 PM

I don’t see this improving on the original. That was back when DePalma was at the top of his game. Although a lot of his films at the time were blatant Hitchcock ripoffs. Chloe Moretz is gonna be a big star though.

Doughboy on April 5, 2013 at 8:37 PM

THE MOM IS A CHRISTIAN PSYCHO!!

Perfect. Does she have a tea party membership card? Does she have a picture of Wayne LaPierre on the wall? Does the family car have a Palin bumpersticker on it?

#FAILFAILFAIL.

PappyD61 on April 5, 2013 at 8:46 PM

Wow, can it really be 37 years ago? One of those movies you remember which theater you saw it in and with who.

Marcus on April 5, 2013 at 8:57 PM

Note that the trailer runs through the movie’s entire plot, up to and including the pig’s-blood cataclysm. Not even a pretense of suspense about what the audience is in for.

Most likely the producers have no idea what the story is, but man, check out the special effects….much better than the original.

/sarc

BobMbx on April 5, 2013 at 9:07 PM

I jumped at the ending of Carrie. Not to be repeated.

rbj on April 5, 2013 at 8:04 PM

Saw Alien at a midnight showing. Bad mistake. Four or five of America’s bravest sailors, running to the car at 0300.

BobMbx on April 5, 2013 at 9:09 PM

I thought they already remade this.

…oh wait, that was a sequel in 1999 (it’s been that long since the sequel? It’s been THAT long since the original!).

Daemonocracy on April 5, 2013 at 9:10 PM

Saw Alien at a midnight showing. Bad mistake. Four or five of America’s bravest sailors, running to the car at 0300.

BobMbx on April 5, 2013 at 9:09 PM

Skipped school to see Alien.

Well worth it! One of the best gothic horror flicks ever put into the space venue. That was worth seeing in a theater, first day, first run… I was amazed at how few people were there…

ajacksonian on April 5, 2013 at 9:15 PM

Oh, thank goodness. I expected another gay marriage thread, but at least it’s something important like ‘Carrie’ – you know, not like the new Obama budget firing the first ‘take away your IRA’ salvo or anything meaningful. Phew.

Midas on April 5, 2013 at 8:06 PM

Thanks for the palate un-cleanser, you crank. It’s a shame that the hoodlums that bound you to a pole, pinned your eyes open and made you read this post still left you with the one hand free for the keyboard. Or were they taking dictation?

TexasDan on April 5, 2013 at 9:29 PM

The only thing about it that might conceivably improve upon the original is Julianne Moore as Carrie’s mother, but Piper Laurie was already fantastic in that role. Who wants to pay 15 bucks to see if Moore can pull off fantastic-plus-one?

Actually, the casting (along with the retelling) is what makes this just so much more kee-rap to avoid. This will always be Sissy Spacek’s role. And if you wanna watch a nice little lesser-known movie with her (and Monte Marham & Susan Oliver & even Slim Pickens) this is a pleasant diversion. And it won’t cost you a cent at YouTube:

Ginger in the Morning – (1974)

With today’s movies you can gauge the suck-factor by how much of the preview consists of loud pounding drums. But I guess that’s suppose to excite potential moviegoers – or at least those under 13.

whatcat on April 5, 2013 at 9:40 PM

I guess every movie has already been made…

affenhauer on April 5, 2013 at 9:57 PM

Maybe if this remake doesn’t work they could try a new remake next year. Like they do with Superman and spider man and the Hulk.

JellyToast on April 5, 2013 at 10:04 PM

To Nexcrapx two weeks after opening; I wouldn’t see this garbage with your eyes.

Bishop on April 5, 2013 at 10:08 PM

It can’t be as bad as Oogieloves

Greek Fire on April 5, 2013 at 10:09 PM

This makes perfect sense from a Hollywood dickhead angle: re-make Carrie and more importantly her psycho mother into a Sarah Palin tea party type.

If I’m an angry Obama-loving flaming lib in a Hollywood production studio office (is there any other kind?), I am running to the phone to get this project started with Julianne Moore or Tina Fey in the role of the religious nutter would-be murderess mom, and Lena Dunham in the Carrie role.

Pure box office poison in red states but if you’re an Obama kneepad-wearing Hollywood vecchione, this story idea is Popcorn City.

Sacramento on April 5, 2013 at 10:55 PM

i’ll be there. if only to see Julianne Moore get it good!

GhoulAid on April 5, 2013 at 8:13 PM

Don’t pay for it. If you look around, you’ll be able to find someone “sharing the wealth”. It will be a cam-rip, but if you must.

Or wait until it hits Netflix or a sale used DVD.

kim roy on April 5, 2013 at 11:05 PM

See Chloe Moretz in “Let Me In”. Bright acting future for this girl.
IronDioPriest on April 5, 2013 at 8:08 PM

she is awesome in everything she’s done.

homesickamerican on April 6, 2013 at 1:00 AM

They should have had Sissy Spacek play the mother.

Dr. Frank Enstine on April 6, 2013 at 7:55 AM

They’re all going to laugh at you!

BigGator5 on April 6, 2013 at 8:23 AM

They already remade it twice, at least twice, for cable, the choice of Moore is to ‘Weaponize’ it,

narciso on April 6, 2013 at 9:10 AM

They do not have anything else to do. When Zombie movies pass as adult entertainment, you gotta do something.

kemojr on April 6, 2013 at 9:33 AM

Saw this trailer yesterday before Evil Dead. ( a bloody good-time remake that does nothing but prove that a chainsaw can be your best friend, and do stay until after the credits) and couldn’t believe it. It even shows a car trying to run Carrie down and smashing into an invisible force field two feet before it hits her. This film will last all of a day and a half in the theaters, then silently slink away.

Xyz22 on April 6, 2013 at 9:44 AM

Hollywood seems to be to busy with their noses in political causes to do anything requiring creativity. Just keep rehashing the same old movies. It does give me an idea on how they could save SNL from the trash heap. The show was great for years, but has sucked for the last 10 or so. Maybe they should remake Samurai Baker, Land Shark, Emily Litella, Coneheads, etc.

Russ in OR on April 6, 2013 at 9:51 AM

The last time I wanted to go to the movies was when AJ Abrams rebooted Star Trek. Once the excitement wore off, I realized how much that movie sucked. Abrams drained everything that made the original (and even all the subsequent series) good and turned it into a lame action movie with more plot holes than a moth-eaten bed sheet. I haven’t been back to the theater since.

I never even see anything advertised I want to see.

A Carrie remake? Seriously?
Who the hell goes to see this crap?

DRayRaven on April 6, 2013 at 10:21 AM

Variety claims all of Sissy’s movies will be remade and all will star Jessica Chastain. ‘Prime Cut’ remake will suck.

BHO Jonestown on April 6, 2013 at 10:54 AM

Hollywood has been losing its creativity at about the same pace as political correctness has been gaining its ascendancy. Cause? Effect? Confluence? Correlation?

Liberals destroy everything that they touch. Every. D**n. Thing.

ss396 on April 6, 2013 at 11:50 AM

THE MOM IS A CHRISTIAN PSYCHO!!

Perfect. Does she have a tea party membership card? Does she have a picture of Wayne LaPierre on the wall? Does the family car have a Palin bumpersticker on it?

#FAILFAILFAIL.

PappyD61 on April 5, 2013 at 8:46 PM

That’s what I was thinking when I heard about this. And it is probably why they are remaking it. I mean, why else do it?

In this one, the mom will probably own a gun and use and display it carelessly; Carrie will probably experiment with lesbianism and the mom will explode violently on her for it; and her mom will probably thump Carrie on the head a number of times with the Bible.

Sterling Holobyte on April 6, 2013 at 5:17 PM

The last time I wanted to go to the movies was when AJ Abrams rebooted Star Trek. Once the excitement wore off, I realized how much that movie sucked. Abrams drained everything that made the original (and even all the subsequent series) good and turned it into a lame action movie with more plot holes than a moth-eaten bed sheet. I haven’t been back to the theater since.

I never even see anything advertised I want to see.

A Carrie remake? Seriously?
Who the hell goes to see this crap?

DRayRaven on April 6, 2013 at 10:21 AM

I love Star Trek, and I never saw this movie, and I never intend to. Once I saw the promos with Spock getting it on with Uhura I knew it would be junk.

Sterling Holobyte on April 6, 2013 at 5:24 PM

I love Star Trek, and I never saw this movie, and I never intend to.

I actually enjoyed the movie; at the same time, I don’t really consider it a “Star Trek” movie. If the producers wanted something new and fresh, they could have jumped ahead about 100 years.

eaglescout_1998 on April 7, 2013 at 7:55 AM