Video: Third movie in terrible trilogy looks terrible

posted at 7:57 pm on March 8, 2013 by Allahpundit

To cleanse the palate, a snapshot of American decline. You all know my feelings on this; you also know that, no matter what I say, you’re going to see it anyway, maybe two or three times. (Per Wikipedia, the first two movies have grossed over a billion dollars worldwide. No typo.) So here’s the good news: They’re sticking strictly to the formula. They’re back in Vegas; the big three are there; Heather Graham is there; the stereotypical funny-talking Asian guy is there; they’ve even got the traditional wild-animal gag (the tiger in the first one, the monkey in the second, now the giraffe). I’ll give them the credit for aiming the trailer here directly at their target audience. Watch it, and if you don’t see the giraffe joke coming from a mile away, buy your ticket today. There’s no way you won’t enjoy the movie.

Speaking of terrible trilogies and lamentable sequel ideas, George Lucas kinda sorta confirmed to Business Week that his own big three will return for “Star Wars Episode VII.” You know my feelings about that too. Exit question via io9: Er, isn’t the big selling point of the new “Star Wars” movies supposed to be the fact that Lucas is no longer involved? If he’s liaising with Hamill, Fisher, and Ford, does that mean his role will be bigger than we think?


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I thought Heather Graham was the “big two” ?

viking01 on March 8, 2013 at 8:01 PM

Oh that poor giraffe!

Odysseus on March 8, 2013 at 8:01 PM

Then why blog about if whatever point you are making is meaningless.

guido911 on March 8, 2013 at 8:01 PM

ugharoo

must be a guy thing

cmsinaz on March 8, 2013 at 8:02 PM

Exit question via io9: Er, isn’t the big selling point of the new “Star Wars” movies supposed to be the fact that Lucas is no longer involved? If he’s liaising with Hamill, Fisher, and Ford, does that mean his role will be bigger than we think?

No, the big selling point is that he’s now an advisor, rather than sole authority. That means he’ll tell you about the universe, the races, the Jedi code, etc. He should still be expected to play a large role, but he’s not going to be the one determining the storyline or making the call regarding how a given shot should look.

Stoic Patriot on March 8, 2013 at 8:05 PM

So a real-world Hangover would be:

a) funnier
b) not as mind-numbing
c) involve less projectile vomiting

Ladysmith CulchaVulcha on March 8, 2013 at 8:07 PM

Just when you think you’re out, they drag you back in.

ZK on March 8, 2013 at 8:07 PM

Er, isn’t the big selling point of the new “Star Wars” movies supposed to be the fact that Lucas is no longer involved? If he’s liaising with Hamill, Fisher, and Ford, does that mean his role will be bigger than we think?

He’s just there for quality control. Someone has to make the script meets SW standards.

Curtiss on March 8, 2013 at 8:15 PM

Speaking of terrible trilogies and lamentable sequel ideas, George Lucas kinda sorta confirmed to Business Week that his own big three will return for “Star Wars Episode VII.” You know my feelings about that too. Exit question via io9: Er, isn’t the big selling point of the new “Star Wars” movies supposed to be the fact that Lucas is no longer involved?

Yeah, this is sort of the big screaming red alarm that was much more arresting to me but which no one else seems to have noticed in last few days, so kudos to io9.

Namely, that George Lucas is revealing these things and going out of his way to describe his role in the first person.

HitNRun on March 8, 2013 at 8:16 PM

The big three will make Star Wars seem like Star Wars again.

joejm65 on March 8, 2013 at 8:16 PM

Weren’t there 4 movies in this trilogy?

SparkPlug on March 8, 2013 at 8:24 PM

Better than movies that attempt to preach some lame socialist message to you.

Sherman1864 on March 8, 2013 at 8:24 PM

The big three will make Star Wars seem like Star Wars again.

joejm65 on March 8, 2013 at 8:16 PM

The ‘Big’ three – have you seen them all lately? Especially Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill. _Especially_ Mark Hamill. Mark, please – step away from the cheeseburgers.

Luke and Leia are going to be at a Fat Farm on Tatooine, while Han is at a retirement home for mercenaries.

Timothy S. Carlson on March 8, 2013 at 8:24 PM

We rented the first one because two of my co-workers said it was the funniest movie they have ever seen. Fool me once……you know the rest.

Cindy Munford on March 8, 2013 at 8:24 PM

The NeverEnding Las Vegas Story!!

canopfor on March 8, 2013 at 8:25 PM

JJ Abrams managed to included Leonard Nimoy without making it hokey. I’m sure he’ll be able to do it with Ford, Hamill and Fisher.

My guess is together they all have 5 minutes of screen time, tops.

But 40 minutes of lens flare! Bazinga!

Nethicus on March 8, 2013 at 8:25 PM

But…but I don’t wanna see my Star Wars peeps OLD. I want them all to have been hibernating in carbonite, then defrosted to swashbuckle again 35 years later. And put Ms. Fisher back in that bikini-harem thingy she wore as Jabba’s girlfriend! She’ll do it. Like her ma Debbie Reynolds, the woman’s a trooper (showbiz, not storm).

Ladysmith CulchaVulcha on March 8, 2013 at 8:28 PM

You should see the scene where Darth Vader and Han Solo get into a light saber fight over pudding and poli-grip at the retirement home cafeteria….

viking01 on March 8, 2013 at 8:30 PM

I lol’d.

God help me.

Nessuno on March 8, 2013 at 8:33 PM

Zach Galifianakis coming out as an insipid lefty spoiled the series for me. I can’t even watch the trailer.

Theworldisnotenough on March 8, 2013 at 8:36 PM

You should see the scene where Darth Vader and Han Solo get into a light saber fight over pudding and poli-grip at the retirement home cafeteria….

viking01 on March 8, 2013 at 8:30 PM

Funniest thing I have read all day

Theworldisnotenough on March 8, 2013 at 8:37 PM

Well AP,I re-watched the trailer again,and yup,the bridge too low for the Giraffe is going to unleash hoards of nude female PETA
Protesters against this film I bet!!
(sarc)

canopfor on March 8, 2013 at 8:39 PM

So they’re going to try to top Rapist Karaoke?

how?

A Jerry Sandusky puppet show?

trubble on March 8, 2013 at 8:41 PM

Star Warts

SparkPlug on March 8, 2013 at 8:42 PM

I admit i liked the first two and i’m probably going to like this one, yes, i’ll be seeing it in teh theater.

clearbluesky on March 8, 2013 at 8:46 PM

I’m glad they’re at least attempting something different plotwise with Hangover III, but that teaser was awful.

As for the new SW Trilogy, I was under the impression Lucas would just be a creative consultant by name only just like Gene Roddenberry from Wrath of Khan onward after he was essentially fired by Paramount following The Motionless Picture.

Doughboy on March 8, 2013 at 8:55 PM

Can someone tell me how seeing an old Indiana Jones helped the franchise? Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher are old, but worse, fat. I don’t begrudge them that. But their Star Wars characters are so memorable for what they were in the original movies. Why would anyone want to see those vibrant and young characters in the condition they’re in now???

Dongemaharu on March 8, 2013 at 9:01 PM

I heard Han Solo is getting a new star ship. The ‘Metamucil Falcon’.

trigon on March 8, 2013 at 9:09 PM

I heard Han Solo is getting a new star ship. The ‘Metamucil Falcon’.

trigon on March 8, 2013 at 9:09 PM

I heard he tries to evade the Empire by leaving the turn signal on.

trubble on March 8, 2013 at 9:14 PM

I heard he tries to evade the Empire by leaving the turn signal on.

trubble on March 8, 2013 at 9:14 PM

Han is captured because he stops for a yard sale.

And – what about Chewie? He must have male-chewbacca-pattern baldness by now. He probably just lays under the porch of the retirement home and licks himself.

Timothy S. Carlson on March 8, 2013 at 9:29 PM

I heard he tries to evade the Empire by leaving the turn signal on.

trubble on March 8, 2013 at 9:14 PM

I’m not ready for a Han Solo who’s biggest line in the movie is “Pull my finger”.

Timothy S. Carlson on March 8, 2013 at 9:31 PM

I heard he tries to evade the Empire by leaving the turn signal on.

trubble on March 8, 2013 at 9:14 PM

And he is captured when he pulls over for a yard sale.

Timothy S. Carlson on March 8, 2013 at 9:33 PM

Academy Award nominee Bradley Cooper

He. He. He.

steebo77 on March 8, 2013 at 9:39 PM

And he is captured when he pulls over for a yard sale.

Timothy S. Carlson on March 8, 2013 at 9:33 PM

But earlier in the day he met Dan Rather at the dog track who then forges the release papers making Han’s escape possible.

viking01 on March 8, 2013 at 9:41 PM

Imagine the banter!

Leia: You scruffy looking nerf herder!

Han: Eh stuff it, Your Lardship.

Ladysmith CulchaVulcha on March 8, 2013 at 9:49 PM

I heard Han Solo is getting a new star ship. The ‘Metamucil Falcon’.

trigon on March 8, 2013 at 9:09 PM

I misread that as star hip.

Russ86 on March 8, 2013 at 9:59 PM

Never seen any of the Hangover movies. Guess I’m off the hook for feeling guilty about missing this one.

Maybe Lucas will pull a Stan Lee and just get a cameo shot somewhere in each film.

dissent555 on March 8, 2013 at 10:03 PM

Mark, please – step away from the cheeseburgers.

Use The Force Treadmill Luke.

soundingboard on March 8, 2013 at 10:07 PM

I enjoyed the first one and when I heard it was going to be a trilogy I kinda looked forward to seeing the second yet cringed at what I thought was more likely. The high point of the second film was right in the beginning, and at least it got a real laugh out of me; seeing all the pictures taken from the first hanging in Allan’s room after knowing they were meant to be destroyed. After that it was all downhill for that movie, it could have been amazing if they strayed from the formula a bit (or made it a lot darker at the end with an actual character death) but they didn’t. So I’m certain this third one will be more of the same with the exception that now that Zach Galifanakis has gained additional celebrity status since then will go the whole Jim Carrey extra gross-out / extreme humor route. He wasn’t exactly subtle in the first movie but it also wasn’t so in your face blatantly trying to steal the spotlight as it was in the following movie.

They turned a fun movie into a pointless trilogy, ultimately robbing the enjoyment experienced the first go around to come up with two additional and forgettable movies. But yeah, I’ll see it once just because… though more likely than not waiting for it to come out on dvd to rent cheaply.

Ukiah on March 8, 2013 at 10:12 PM

Use The Force Treadmill Luke.

soundingboard on March 8, 2013 at 10:07 PM

Half of the CGI budget will be used just on Mark Hamill alone.

Timothy S. Carlson on March 8, 2013 at 10:27 PM

C’mon, you HAVE to turn the brain off for a movie like this. It’s OK to do it for a couple of hours. It’s stress relief.

As far as stress relief movies go, I like the Hangover series. You know that it’s going to be stupid and juvenile. You know that all of the jokes are NSFW. You know the plotline is going to be corny and stupid. You know that it is going to offend a few, and make many more laugh. You are going to sit right next to a low information voter in the theater, and he’s wearing an Obama-worship t-shirt, and for a brief time you two are going to be peas in a pod…

The only way this movie is a FAIL is if it’s not funny.

KevinB on March 8, 2013 at 10:30 PM

And he is captured when he pulls over for a yard sale.

Timothy S. Carlson on March 8, 2013 at 9:33 PM

Yard Wars!

22044 on March 8, 2013 at 11:01 PM

the stereotypical funny-talking Asian guy is there

Yeah, but what about the stereotypical white-guys-who-talk-like-white-guys? Or is it only stereotypical when non-white guys talk like non-white guys?

xblade on March 9, 2013 at 12:53 AM

I like giraffes.
If the movie prominently features a giraffe, I just might go see it.

justltl on March 9, 2013 at 7:09 AM

Watch it, and if you don’t see the giraffe joke coming from a mile away, buy your ticket today. There’s no way you won’t enjoy the movie.

*opens and closes mouth a couple of times to protest, but then just buys his ticket in shame*

BigGator5 on March 9, 2013 at 7:58 AM

Are the new SW movies the revived Republic?

I thought they were supposed to be when the three mains were older……and had kids and grandkids.

And who will be the Sith?

PappyD61 on March 9, 2013 at 8:41 AM

Sith????

McCain?

Jeb Bush?

PappyD61 on March 9, 2013 at 8:42 AM

Here is what has me scratching my head.

Bradley Cooper pretty much hit solid-gold footing with his performance in Silver Linings Playbook, and is now being sought out for more major screen roles, some of which could nail him some more award nominations, maybe even score a couple wins in the process.

So what the hell is he doing being associated with this barf bag series, and why the hell the need to do a Part 3, when they should have stopped after Part 1?

I don’t get it! I just don’t!

pilamaye on March 9, 2013 at 8:50 AM

So what the hell is he doing being associated with this barf bag series, and why the hell the need to do a Part 3, when they should have stopped after Part 1?

Answer to first question: because of the contract he signed when he wasn’t so ‘solid-gold’. Obviously something in the contract requires him to do sequels.

Answer to second question: because they think they can milk more money out of this stinker. And they probably will.

Timothy S. Carlson on March 9, 2013 at 9:47 AM

Are the new SW movies the revived Republic?

I thought they were supposed to be when the three mains were older……and had kids and grandkids.

And who will be the Sith?

PappyD61 on March 9, 2013 at 8:41 AM

There are plenty of books about the time after Jedi. They can pick from any of them for the story. Plus you don’t need a Sith involved since the Grand Moff’s can just take over their star systems and beyond. They still have star destroyers everywhere.

That said, they’ll probably create a new Sith like they did with the Darth Maul and co. group. They’ll claim it has something to do with ‘balance.’ There must be good and evil for the world to exist. Yada yada.

As for this movie, the preview looks like garbage. I enjoyed the first movie even though it loses everything in replay value. The second movie was terrible. Doubt I’ll see this one on anything other than cable.

njrob on March 9, 2013 at 10:33 AM

Damn I must be getting old, I’ve never even heard of this movie the Hangover, there’s a trilogy?? I need to stop worrying about the radical Islamists and get out more I guess.

saus on March 9, 2013 at 11:01 AM

I also have not even heard of these stupid movies. I have, however, heard of a hangover. And really, why would anyone want to watch a movie about that?

TeaTrekkie on March 9, 2013 at 1:16 PM

totally renting this

southernms on March 9, 2013 at 10:17 PM

“Couldn’t find a parking place, but here’s four bucks.”

Classic.

NoPain on March 10, 2013 at 10:57 AM

A country that re-elects 93 percent incumbents would love these flicks.
Dummies.

losarkos on March 13, 2013 at 11:01 AM