Are you ready for this one?

It’s predicted to snow maybe 5-8 inches in the capital tonight and tomorrow morning, and there’s a movement afoot to call if Snowquester. God, this place is the worst.

I wonder how many White House tours will be canceled in the face of this shocking amount of precipitation. Maybe it’ll be enough that we can save that money and transfer it to March, when the president’s specially designed Sequester Spite Cuts set in. Last time we had a crappily named snowstorm in the nation’s capital— Snowmageddon—the District of Columbia was effectively crippled for a week. And, yet, I seem to remember the rest of the country getting along pretty swimmingly during that time. Do you even remember when that snowstorm was? Did you feel a disturbance in the Force in December of 2009 and February of 2010? Probably not.

Sequester is the end of the world, but the heinously named Snowquester could shut down the federal government for a week, and the Washington Post will just run fun feature photos of lobbyists cross-country skiing on the Mall.

Snowquester is already leaving us unprepared for possible asteroid threats! (Update: Replaced the below Twitter link with one that works.)

Anyway, I warn you now, so you can prepare. Just as residents of the D.C. area empty the Trader Joe’s of staples like roasted red pepper hummus and kale, you must brace yourselves to be subjected to the melodramatic tweets and complaints of those who live in the seat of power.

But perhaps it will be a comfort unto you that those who dwell in D.C., capriciously wielding power far beyond their skills, by turns impotent and destructive but rarely helpful…they have a power company that does the same thing.