Real life: Hitchhiker with a hatchet saves woman from rampaging, murderous lunatic

posted at 9:01 pm on February 5, 2013 by Erika Johnsen

Well. In lieu of Allahpundit’s usual palate-cleanser, here’s an — er — unique offering that I’d call equal parts palate cleanser, semi-non sequitur, and odd yet empowering example of citizen justice.

The story seems to be that a homeless hitchhiker, Kai, had nabbed a ride from a man who suddenly went berserk, started yelling racist epithets and claiming he was Jesus, and then deliberately rammed his car into a utility worker. The man jumped out and full-body grabbed a woman who had rushed over to help — at which point Kai, armed only with his trusty hatchet, quickly acted to neutralize the assailant. Or, in his own words, “Smash, smash, smash!”

Warning: Much profanity, not even a little bit safe for work.

 

All’s well that ends well, I suppose: The assailant has been apprehended, the utility worker is on the mend, and Kai is a viral Internet hero of both citizen-activist and interviewee-extraordinaire fame.

A Pacific Gas & Electric worker rammed by a driver from Tacoma has a broken leg and will need to remain in Community Regional Medical Center for a couple of more days, officials say.

The 37-year-old worker, who has been with PG&E for five years, asked not to be identified. He was talking to family members and in good spirits Saturday, said Denny Boyles, PG&E spokesman.

“It’s not his belief that anyone should be angry with the driver,” Boyles said. “He just hopes the man gets the help he needs.”

Fresno County sheriff’s deputies arrested Jett Simmons McBride, 54, of Tacoma on suspicion of ramming his car into the worker. McBride was booked into the Fresno County Jail early Saturday on suspicion of attempted murder. His bail was set at $1 million.

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Comment pages: 1 2

Smash..Smash…Smash!!!

dude. Good on ya bro

ted c on February 5, 2013 at 9:06 PM

Not safe for HotGas? Not there? No link?

Paul-Cincy on February 5, 2013 at 9:06 PM

I wonder if Axe has a hatchet.

SparkPlug on February 5, 2013 at 9:07 PM

And the driver was kooky?!!!

OldEnglish on February 5, 2013 at 9:10 PM

Had he wielded a gun, Kai might have been charged with a crime…

Mohonri on February 5, 2013 at 9:10 PM

I knew a good fellow named Kai once.

Bmore on February 5, 2013 at 9:10 PM

Wow.

thebrokenrattle on February 5, 2013 at 9:11 PM

Hatchet ban eminent?

Bmore on February 5, 2013 at 9:12 PM

Best of luck songifying this, Gregory Brothers.

sulla on February 5, 2013 at 9:13 PM

@Spark Come on dude. You know that Axe won’t pass those universal background checks for his hatchet. ;-)

tommy71 on February 5, 2013 at 9:13 PM

“Knarly” No sh#t!

Scotsman on February 5, 2013 at 9:13 PM

It’s Antoine Dodson’s brother from another mother.

Walter Sobchak on February 5, 2013 at 9:14 PM

Libs will move to bar hatchets in 3 … 2… 1 …

hepcat on February 5, 2013 at 9:14 PM

hopefully karma or God or whatever brings some good fortune to this man, he deserves it

commodore on February 5, 2013 at 9:15 PM

Hatchet-control legislation introduced in 3…2…1…

joejm65 on February 5, 2013 at 9:16 PM

Can he run for governor of Ohio??

ex Dem from Miami on February 5, 2013 at 9:16 PM

Ban cars!

Rusty Allen on February 5, 2013 at 9:17 PM

Kai is a West Virginia guy.

myrenovations on February 5, 2013 at 9:18 PM

tommy71 on February 5, 2013 at 9:13 PM

Yes, a hatchet for Axe would be too much to grasp.

SparkPlug on February 5, 2013 at 9:18 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen, the next nominee for Defense Secretary.

sulla on February 5, 2013 at 9:19 PM

Maybe a bit of a weird dude, but by God he took care of business. Good for him. A visit with Daniel Tosh awaits, too, I’m sure…

Gingotts on February 5, 2013 at 9:20 PM

See….. who needs guns?
/

CW on February 5, 2013 at 9:21 PM

It’s California, where the surfer dude with only one name and a bloody hatchet is not the craziest guy in the story.

MikeA on February 5, 2013 at 9:22 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen, the next nominee for Defense Secretary.

sulla on February 5, 2013 at 9:19 PM

Looking more qulaified thatn the current nominee.

talkingpoints on February 5, 2013 at 9:22 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen, the next nominee for Defense Secretary.

sulla on February 5, 2013 at 9:19 PM

Nah, Kai’s too alert for Defense Secretary. Though the raging pedophile claiming he’s Christ could have a fair shot running for the Senate in New Jersey.

Gingotts on February 5, 2013 at 9:22 PM

LOL. Six minute video would be three minutes long if all the f-words were edited out.

Mark1971 on February 5, 2013 at 9:23 PM

Sarah Palin is to blame for this.

Rusty Allen on February 5, 2013 at 9:28 PM

Rusty Allen on February 5, 2013 at 9:28 PM

A little early evening fishing Rusty?

Bmore on February 5, 2013 at 9:29 PM

How do you wank after being hit numerous times with a hatchet? That is what Kai said happened while awaiting the arrival of the po-po.

arnold ziffel on February 5, 2013 at 9:30 PM

LOL. Six minute video would be three minutes long if all the f-words were edited out.

Mark1971 on February 5, 2013 at 9:23 PM

What is really bad is that they aren’t used to that kind of talk in Fresno.

arnold ziffel on February 5, 2013 at 9:31 PM

Sarah Palin is to blame for this.

Rusty Allen on February 5, 2013 at 9:28 PM

Yeah, she had a Molly Hatchet tune on her iPod.

John the Libertarian on February 5, 2013 at 9:32 PM

Apparently, Robert Menendez will need to watch his back when Kai hits DC on his soon to be found celebrity tour.

CTSherman on February 5, 2013 at 9:37 PM

Dude! Gnarly dude!

Sh!t man that was sooooo kewl man!! Dude!

Scrumpy on February 5, 2013 at 9:38 PM

It’s California, where the surfer dude with only one name and a bloody hatchet is not the craziest guy in the story.

MikeA on February 5, 2013 at 9:22 PM

Given its citizens, it’s a shock California even has its financial house in order.
/

Paul-Cincy on February 5, 2013 at 9:40 PM

Well. In lieu of Allahpundit’s usual palate-cleanser, here’s an — er — unique offering that I’d call equal parts palate cleanser, semi-non sequitur, and odd yet empowering example of citizen justice.

But that’s the recipe for palate cleanser!

The story seems to be that a homeless hitchhiker

O no

Kai

BWAHAHA

had nabbed a ride from a man who suddenly went berserk, started yelling racist epithets and claiming he was Jesus, and then deliberately rammed his car into a utility worker.

Wow. Needs to read up.

The man jumped out and full-body grabbed

“full-body grabbed”? Sweet! You totally made English your love-slave, and you were all like, “I can do what I whont,” and the language was all like, “yes mistress.”

a woman who had rushed over to help

Aw. That’s America, right there.

— at which point Kai, armed only with his trusty hatchet, quickly acted to neutralize the assailant. Or, in his own words, “Smash, smash, smash!”

OMG! WTH chainsaw massacre at the end!

Wow!

. . . I need a cigarette.

Axe on February 5, 2013 at 9:42 PM

Some find their chakra, others find their Kai.

(Just wished he’d killed the guy with the other end of the axe.)

TXUS on February 5, 2013 at 9:44 PM

And the driver was kooky?!!!

OldEnglish on February 5, 2013 at 9:10 PM

That’s what I was thinking! He hitch hikes with a hatchet. Yeah….

HotAirian on February 5, 2013 at 9:44 PM

No one needs an assault hatchet with a high capacity smash clip.

ghostwalker1 on February 5, 2013 at 9:45 PM

That’s what I was thinking! He hitch hikes with a hatchet. Yeah….

HotAirian on February 5, 2013 at 9:44 PM

That’s why I suspect that my father always advised not to pick up hitchhikers.

TXUS on February 5, 2013 at 9:47 PM

I guess a scissors was not available.

Fallon on February 5, 2013 at 9:48 PM

This could be straight out of a movie with the characters. Kai took care of biz though. Good job.

Southernblogger on February 5, 2013 at 9:51 PM

“I don’t have any family. As far as anybody I grew up with, I’m already dead.”

bummer.

Axe on February 5, 2013 at 9:51 PM

Axe on February 5, 2013 at 9:42 PM

Outstanding sir—”English your love slave.” Excellent post all around. C’mon, you had help from Sparky Plug.

arnold ziffel on February 5, 2013 at 9:52 PM

“I don’t have any family. As far as anybody I grew up with, I’m already dead.”

bummer.

Axe on February 5, 2013 at 9:51 PM

If he comes a hundred miles south my knucklehead daughter will find him.

arnold ziffel on February 5, 2013 at 9:53 PM

How do you wank after being hit numerous times with a hatchet? That is what Kai said happened while awaiting the arrival of the po-po.

arnold ziffel on February 5, 2013 at 9:30 PM

You gotta be really, really horny.

If he comes a hundred miles south my knucklehead daughter will find him.

arnold ziffel on February 5, 2013 at 9:53 PM

ROTF

Axe on February 5, 2013 at 9:56 PM

This could be straight out of a movie with the characters. Kai took care of biz though. Good job.

Southernblogger on February 5, 2013 at 9:51 PM

Kato Kaelin’s long lost son?

TXUS on February 5, 2013 at 9:57 PM

Like the blogger on DListed said, remember him from “Fast Times at Richmond High” when the “My Favorite Martian” teacher tore up his class schedule?

Marcus on February 5, 2013 at 9:57 PM

God damn all the Rs in DC.

Schadenfreude on February 5, 2013 at 9:58 PM

Molly Hatchet,er wait,……..

canopfor on February 5, 2013 at 10:00 PM

2 1/2 hours before the last two threads showed up on my screen…after the Alaskan Princess thread?…and it still shows 10 comments?…what’s my problem here?
Techs?

KOOLAID2 on February 5, 2013 at 10:01 PM

Yeah, she had a Molly Hatchet tune on her iPod.

John the Libertarian on February 5, 2013 at 9:32 PM

John the Libertarian:Lol,ya beat me to it(Molley Hatchet)!:)

canopfor on February 5, 2013 at 10:02 PM

…our new Homeland Security Head?

KOOLAID2 on February 5, 2013 at 10:02 PM

KOOLAID2 on February 5, 2013 at 10:01 PM

I have to refresh 2 or 3 times to get new posts. Something weird is in the water…

Fallon on February 5, 2013 at 10:04 PM

I just got followed by the hatched guy on twitter after posting this story!

JPeterman on February 5, 2013 at 10:05 PM

still shows 10 comments?…what’s my problem here?
Techs?

KOOLAID2 on February 5, 2013 at 10:01 PM

…now it shows 48 comments on the same Pincess thread …and I have to refresh again and again to see thiss comment?

KOOLAID2 on February 5, 2013 at 10:06 PM

It’s not “Smash, smash, smash” It’s “Smash, smash, (pause) suh-mash!!

Cleombrotus on February 5, 2013 at 10:06 PM

this will be songified.

bictech on February 5, 2013 at 10:07 PM

This could be straight out of a movie with the characters. Kai took care of biz though. Good job.

Southernblogger on February 5, 2013 at 9:51 PM

Perhaps he’s a really kewl fan of LEXX?

OldEnglish on February 5, 2013 at 10:07 PM

I have to refresh 2 or 3 times to get new posts. Something weird is in the water…

Fallon on February 5, 2013 at 10:04 PM

…k!…so it’s not just me…last night the QOTD showed up close to 2 hours later than the time shown!

KOOLAID2 on February 5, 2013 at 10:08 PM

2 1/2 hours before the last two threads showed up on my screen…after the Alaskan Princess thread?…and it still shows 10 comments?…what’s my problem here?
Techs?

KOOLAID2 on February 5, 2013 at 10:01 PM

KOOLAID2:)
==========

The Sun…..(sarc)

EARTH-DIRECTED ERUPTION? Sunspot AR1667 has just unleashed a C9-class solar flare that might have hurled a CME toward Earth. Stay tuned for updates.

http://www.spaceweather.com/

canopfor on February 5, 2013 at 10:08 PM

…and I have to refresh again and again to see this comment?

KOOLAID2 on February 5, 2013 at 10:06 PM

Weird, huh?

And,“Smash, smash, smash!”

What a great advertisement for the second season of Smash.

Fallon on February 5, 2013 at 10:11 PM

Wrong thread…oh, well…

Schadenfreude on February 5, 2013 at 10:10 PM

Schadenfreude on February 5, 2013 at 10:12 PM

OldEnglish on February 5, 2013 at 10:07 PM

OldEnglish:DownUnder,your in New Zealand,if I remember right,
heres a Head Up!:)
============================

Tsunami warning now includes New Zealand and Australia – @NWS_PTWC

7 mins ago from ptwc.weather.gov by editor

http://www.breakingnews.com/topic/earthquake-off-solomon-islands-february-2013

canopfor on February 5, 2013 at 10:13 PM

That right there deserves the DUDEheadline

scalleywag on February 5, 2013 at 10:15 PM

It’s not “Smash, smash, smash” It’s “Smash, smash, (pause) suh-mash!!“

Cleombrotus on February 5, 2013 at 10:06 PM

lol — it was. Erika should correct it. :)

Axe on February 5, 2013 at 10:16 PM

I guess we can all agree that the lesson here is to not pick up hitchhikers.

Axe on February 5, 2013 at 10:17 PM

…and I have to refresh again and again to see this comment?

KOOLAID2 on February 5, 2013 at 10:06 PM

KOOLAID2:

For the past month,the refresh thingy do-dad button,on any Hot Air page,is on a perpetual spinning.

So,I have to hit the button,wait,then post…..ugh!:)

canopfor on February 5, 2013 at 10:18 PM

Ok. Kai can now become a graphic novel superhero. He did thus before if you listen. Beat a man hurting a woman before this. Does he just appear when there is trouble?

So many possibilities! !

God bless him.

CrimsonFisted on February 5, 2013 at 10:19 PM

canopfor on February 5, 2013 at 10:13 PM

Gee, thanks, canopfor. :) Glad I settled in the Hills district of Sydney, Australia.

Kiwi?! I don’t even like sheep! :)

OldEnglish on February 5, 2013 at 10:20 PM

I swear he was saying Fluke thru the entire video.

docflash on February 5, 2013 at 10:22 PM

Bmore on February 5, 2013 at 9:29 PM

Indeed.

Rusty Allen on February 5, 2013 at 10:29 PM

canopfor on February 5, 2013 at 10:13 PM

Gee, thanks, canopfor. :) Glad I settled in the Hills district of Sydney, Australia.

Kiwi?! I don’t even like sheep! :)

OldEnglish on February 5, 2013 at 10:20 PM

OldEnglish:Lol,Kiwi,

Oops,sorry, Australia,I got it memorized now,well,heres New Zealand
just the same:)

Breaking News 15:39
There are reports that villages in the Solomon Islands have been destroyed by a tsunami following a major quake
Live Updates: South Pacific tsunami
updated 16:15

Published: 3:22PM Wednesday February 06, 2013 Source: ONE News

http://tvnz.co.nz/world-news/live-updates-south-pacific-tsunami-5335335
========

http://www.civildefence.govt.nz/

canopfor on February 5, 2013 at 10:30 PM

Alpha Kai Omega.

TXUS on February 5, 2013 at 10:40 PM

I think Kai may get on Letterman.

And he should.

eyesky on February 5, 2013 at 10:41 PM

Someone needs to see if Kai passed a universal background check for that hatchet.

katy on February 5, 2013 at 10:49 PM

Sweet Hitch Hiker

lynncgb on February 5, 2013 at 10:51 PM

It’s California, where the surfer dude with only one name and a bloody hatchet is not the craziest guy in the story.

MikeA on February 5, 2013 at 9:22 PM

Thread winner for sure.

SoRight on February 5, 2013 at 11:02 PM

One thing for sure–Kai likes the sheriff, but he hates the po-li-cee.

Christien on February 5, 2013 at 11:26 PM

A man protects those who need protecting.

Kai is a man.

WestTexasBirdDog on February 5, 2013 at 11:27 PM

♫♪ Kai’s a lumberjack, He’s okay,

Works all night…sleeps all day…

Takes his hatchet hiking,

in case nuts think they’re God. ♪♫

What we need for Speaker of the House!

viking01 on February 5, 2013 at 11:43 PM

A good heart.

blackgriffin on February 6, 2013 at 12:40 AM

Kai=Hawaiian for salt water. He isn’t Hawaiian or from here. And in spite of his good instincts, seems addled himself.
Kai, calm down, try to think clearly, you have a relative that wants you home.

pat on February 6, 2013 at 1:25 AM

High Kai-rate.

di butler on February 6, 2013 at 1:58 AM

Are you kidding me? All these comments, and not one “Hulk smash!!” reference??

BillH on February 6, 2013 at 2:17 AM

It’s Antoine Dodson’s brother from another mother.

Walter Sobchak on February 5, 2013 at 9:14 PM

Can hardly wait for the Autotune … smash, smash, suh-mash!

jix on February 6, 2013 at 3:29 AM

It’s California, where the surfer dude with only one name and a bloody hatchet is not the craziest guy in the story.

MikeA on February 5, 2013 at 9:22 PM

LOL

itsnotaboutme on February 6, 2013 at 4:38 AM

Seldom have I found in one individual the weird combination of characteristics that makes me shake my head at him and at the same time admire him.

Cleombrotus on February 6, 2013 at 6:23 AM

Seldom have I found in one individual the weird combination of characteristics that makes me shake my head at him and at the same time admire him.

Cleombrotus on February 6, 2013 at 6:23 AM

That was EXACTLY my reaction. I have no doubt he is a messed up individual, but he still largely has an intact moral radar.

sharrukin on February 6, 2013 at 6:29 AM

He looks like the love child of Spicolli and Carrot Top.

Scott P on February 6, 2013 at 6:41 AM

sharrukin on February 6, 2013 at 6:29 AM

Yeah. Moral radar. that’s it.

What he said about “if I could go back in time” pretty much summed his moral radar up for me.

Cleombrotus on February 6, 2013 at 7:11 AM

In truth, a very strange story.
On the one hand, you have a seemingly “normal” person going about his day as he may every day. On the other hand, you have a seemingly very strange outcast wanderer.
At first glance, which would you consider to be a threat or problem ?

When confronted with the monster that the “normal” person was, the wanderer was able to get through the “Fog of Kai” and step up to be the “normal” hero.

Just very strange that their paths crossed.

Jabberwock on February 6, 2013 at 8:23 AM

In the words of ICE T: You better axe somebody.

CorporatePiggy on February 6, 2013 at 8:29 AM

Kai didn’t know if he was a surfie or a homie. But it doesn’t matter if he kept someone from getting hurt.

mr.blacksheep on February 6, 2013 at 8:58 AM

It reminds me of when Jeff Spicoli foiled that robber with the pot of hot coffee. Good for Kai!

Dork B. on February 6, 2013 at 9:08 AM

It’s California, where the surfer dude with only one name and a bloody hatchet is not the craziest guy in the story.

MikeA on February 5, 2013 at 9:22 PM

That had me laughing out loud.

Until I read:

Axe on February 5, 2013 at 9:42 PM

Then I nearly fell out of my chair.

Seldom have I found in one individual the weird combination of characteristics that makes me shake my head at him and at the same time admire him.

Cleombrotus on February 6, 2013 at 6:23 AM

Which puts him head and shoulders above a bunch of the trolls around here.

GWB on February 6, 2013 at 9:51 AM

I like the guy. If only all hippies were like him…

elfman on February 6, 2013 at 10:17 AM

Best of luck songifying this, Gregory Brothers.

sulla on February 5, 2013 at 9:13 PM

you know they’re working on it as we post. lol

Seldom have I found in one individual the weird combination of characteristics that makes me shake my head at him and at the same time admire him.

Cleombrotus on February 6, 2013 at 6:23 AM

He had me at the first little soliloquy about the value of each individual. Hippie for sure, but seems like he has a good heart. He certainly was brave to help that woman instead of running…

Eviva on February 6, 2013 at 10:24 AM

I thought the “tomahawk” was declared raaaccciiisssttt!

Blake on February 6, 2013 at 11:00 AM

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