When my British friends come to visit, do you know what they ask to do?

diogenes on December 21, 2012 at 7:02 PM

Get drunk and get some hookers?

your gun culture is bewildering to other countries.

mags on December 20, 2012 at 6:55 AM

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When my British friends come to visit, do you know what they ask to do?

M240H on December 20, 2012 at 7:52 PM

As i write Her Majesty Armed Forces are penetrating my last form of defence-my moat.
She has demanded i be taken to the Tower of London to receive the same sentence as Ann Boylen

Will my new best friend here send me as many guns,rifles and ammo you can find.There must be some spare?

………………………………………………………..

It’s to late. The Queen has just parachuted out of a helicopter over my castle.

Psst…right now, as we post, black on black slavery still exists in Africa. But let’s not upset and confuse the dopey liberals with this either.

JackM on December 20, 2012 at 8:57 AM

Great points, Jack and Liam. If I may add to it, let’s not forget that Islam was – and remains – the world’s slave-traders, just as they have been for centuries. Muslims have been buying African (and other races’) slaves for centuries.

North American slavery covered at most two hundred years – the first slave laws based on color appeared in the 1660s, if memory serves and the Civil War ended slavery for all intents and purposes in 1865. Britain outlawed the Atlantic slave trade in 1807 and the US followed suit soon after. Yet Muslim slavery began in the mid-sixth century when they began their wars of destruction and has continued to this day. Slavery in Saudi Arabia, for example, was not officially outlawed until 1965 and it still exists, though for PR reasons they try to keep it quiet. Ask Filipinos who have gone there to work. and there have been a few cases here as well of Muslims having illegal slaves. There was a big court case a few years back regarding that very issue. And yet interestingly, while the descendants of North American slaves are easy to find, there appear to be no descendants of the millions of slaves brought into Muslim areas of control. Think about that for a moment or two. I’d say that as a nation, our record of slavery is far less deplorable than many others. In fact, of all the European-settled nations, the UK and the US did the most to stamp out world slavery. no other European, Asian or African nation lifted a finger.

The last Brit this mad about gun control on this side of the pond was King George III.

Wolf Howling on December 20, 2012 at 2:32 AM

.
Now that’s a great line. … : )

8…Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

mags on December 20, 2012 at 4:07 PM

I actually like vinegar on my “chips.” That’s one thing that really grew on me in my time over there, even though I thought it was gross at first. That and bangers and mash. Oh yeah, and mushy peas. Good stuff that one wouldn’t imagine is good stuff.

Still keeping my guns though. The vegetable peeler will have to be relegated to Plan Z.

England and America are two countries separated by the same language. George Bernard Shaw

mags on December 20, 2012 at 6:12 PM

Her Royal Highness just telephoned. She observed, rather dryly, that you are a poof, and then graciously apologized for your obtuse annoying of us. She also did mention an upcountry pheasant shoot set for this weekend and queried whether you would be available to be a brush beater … and if you would consider wearing some distinctive clothing.

England and America are two countries separated by the same language.
George Bernard Shaw

mags on December 20, 2012 at 6:12 PM

Perhaps Rosetta Stone will come out with English Englsih.

darwin on December 20, 2012 at 5:22 PM

England and America are two countries separated by the same language.
George Bernard Shaw

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Sweet. Suck it, other 49 56 states!

cptacek on December 20, 2012 at 5:41 PM

55. According to Obama, at some point, Hawai’i became part of Asia.

Got an email today from one of the union people asking for input for ideas about how to make our schools safer. I doubt she wants to know what I think.

Bob’s Kid on December 20, 2012 at 5:23 PM

If it involves arming school staff – tell her anyway – just for fun. I’ll bet her head explodes.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Sweet. Suck it, other 49 56 states!

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

mags on December 20, 2012 at 4:07 PM

Just because you’re stupid enough to let your politicians tax your fuel (that’s where your high prices come from if you didn’t know) doesn’t mean we are.

A guy names Oswald did it, Eurotard. It was in all the papers and history books. It takes a special talent to miss all that.

Alberta_Patriot on December 20, 2012 at 4:30 PM

OK,you missed the whole point,let me try again.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

A final thought -“ Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”.

JackM on December 20, 2012 at 4:18 PM

I can’t see Australia from the U.K?

You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

mags on December 20, 2012 at 4:07 PM

A guy names Oswald did it, Eurotard. It was in all the papers and history books. It takes a special talent to miss all that.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate elect a competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,
mags on December 20, 2012 at 4:07 PM

I’ll give you that one – with slight modifications applied, in light of our last 2 Presidential elections.

“For people who say they don’t care ,some seem very annoyed at bland observations.
Making my point that Americans shouldn’t be in charge of a vegetable
peeler.

mags on December 20, 2012″

Hey mags, are you telling us, someone in Austrailia has actually invented the vegetable peeler?

Ok, maybe, but vegetable peelers aren’t in widesspread use, or anything.

Right?

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron , will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. ).

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

“your gun culture is bewildering to other countries.

mags on December 20, 2012″

What’s bewildering to many americans is European culture.

Falsely stereotyped as civilized, Europe is in reality a seething cauldron of ethnic and religious hatred that boils over every thirty to fifty years in an apocalyptic orgy of bloodshed.

The average number of murders per year in Europe for the last hundred years is 325,000. The single worst year in the US was 24,700.

The scary thing is, Europe is boiling over again as we speak. the Nazi party has won its first electoral victories since the 1934 German elections this year. The economies of Greece, Spain, France and Italy are going under. The Eu is turning out to be a failure and is heading for a breakup. And new polls out of Europe show that between 20% and 40% (depending on the country) of Europeans beleive jews have too much power over the banking system (yep… Europe’s going there… AGAIN!).

The seeds are all there and they are starting to sprout. Give me an America with a shcool shooting every week and a Europe that stays quiet for 30 years and then freaks out and kills 5 million people and I’ll take America every time.

For people who say they don’t care ,some seem very annoyed at bland observations.
Making my point that Americans shouldn’t be in charge of a vegetable
peeler.

mags on December 20, 2012 at 2:50 PM

And of course, if not for the US and our “gun culture” saving your sorry @sses, the sheeple of the UK would currently be speaking German or Japanese as a primary language….

For people who say they don’t care ,some seem very annoyed at bland observations.
Making my point that Americans shouldn’t be in charge of a vegetable
peeler.

mags on December 20, 2012 at 2:50 PM

Perhaps the queen’s kneeling subjects should refrain from spouting self-righteous garbage in public – like good little sheeple.
The queen will let you know when you are allowed to voice an opinion.